All That Glitters

by Danielle Steel

  “Do you want to stay with me? Plenty of room,” she texted back, and he responded that he was staying at a hotel, which was close to where he had several meetings lined up. She said she would love to have dinner with him. He was arriving the following week, and she was going to tell him then about her coming to New York for three months.

  She was busy with Leslie on their New York project until he arrived, and she picked him up at the commercial hotel where he was staying. She thought he looked unusually serious and was probably tired. She took him to one of her favorite Italian restaurants where they could talk.

  He waited until they had ordered dinner and a glass of wine for each of them before he dropped the bomb. They hadn’t spoken as much recently, he was busy, and she had a feeling that his life wasn’t running smoothly, or he was overwhelmed. He seemed stressed whenever they talked, his texts were short, and they never FaceTimed anymore. She assumed that broadening his business had him swamped. She wondered too if Tamar was still depressed. He looked at Coco after a sip of wine. “We’re getting a divorce.” There had been no hint of it till now. She was stunned.

  “You’re what? Are you kidding? When did that happen? How did I miss that? Are you in love with someone else?” She assumed that it was his decision, not Tamar’s.

  “No, I’m not. Tamar is leaving me. She said she was too young and didn’t know what she was doing when we got married. She thinks I’m too liberal. I’m not Orthodox enough. She says she feels suffocated by our life. She can’t deal with the kids and doesn’t want to. She wants to work, after law school. And it all falls to me. She thinks I robbed her of her youth,” when in fact she had impacted his immeasurably, and cut it short. “She wants to go to law school. She’s been saying it for a while, about law school, not the divorce. That’s new. My mother will have a stroke. Sabra and Liam are getting a divorce too. He cheated on her with his secretary. My whole family appears to be falling apart, except for the two religious fanatics, who seem divinely happy. My sister, the nun, and my brother, the rabbi. The rest of us are a mess.” He looked depressed when he said it and she smiled.

  “Holy shit. What happened?”

  “Sabra and Liam don’t get along, and he’s cheated on her before. They fight all the time. They’re a nightmare to be around. And Tamar has had some kind of epiphany, which doesn’t include me. We tried counseling, which I didn’t want to tell you. It just got worse.” He didn’t look heartbroken over it; he looked shocked. And Coco was even more so.

  “Do you think she has someone else?” It seemed so unlike her. But he was busy, working to support a family of six.

  “She’s been going to a different synagogue. I suppose she could be in love with the rabbi, or someone there. She doesn’t think I’m religious enough for her. And I’m not. I wanted to go to a Reform temple, not the strict Orthodox synagogues she prefers. This is going to kill my mother,” he said mournfully. He viewed his mother as fragile, which she was not.

  “Your mother is a strong woman, she’ll be fine.” She had no doubt of that. “What about you? How are you?”

  “I’m shocked. I never thought she’d do this. I know she’s been unhappy and depressed since the baby. But not to this extent. She told me a week ago she wants out. I wanted to tell you when I saw you.”

  “Can you work out some kind of decent arrangement for the kids?” Coco asked him. They were still so young.

  “We’re trying. I think the last baby put her over the edge. It almost did me in too. He’s colicky, he cries all the time. I suggested a nanny, not a divorce. She wants both.” He looked hurt and she felt sorry for him. “If you want to make it work, you can. She doesn’t want to. She just wants out. It will be complicated with four kids and her in law school, and I’m busy.”

  “Just like that? With four kids? No warning? No negotiation?”

  “Not that I know of. She says she warned me, but she didn’t. Or I didn’t hear it. I feel like such a failure.” He had tears in his eyes.

  “It’s not you, Sam. She’s been a mouse since you met her. And now she turns into a lion.” Tamar was twenty-eight, and coming into her own. She suddenly wanted independence and freedom, and everything she’d missed.

  “She wants me to have custody, and she’ll have visitation. So she’s walking out on the kids too.” Coco was floored and would never have seen it coming. Not Tamar. “The irony is that I felt like I was drowning for a long time. We started having babies so quickly, which was what she wanted, and our families expected of us. She’s so adamant about anything religious, and she’s never been interested in the world or the community until now. I almost had an affair two years ago, with a girl who worked for me. I fired her so I didn’t do anything stupid. And now Tamar wants out. I’m not happy either, but I’m not walking out on her, or complaining about her religious convictions. I don’t blame her that we got married. I got pushed into it by my parents, but I’ve lived up to my side of the deal. We have nothing in common, and nothing to talk about. I love my kids, but I’m always running between them and my work, and trying to keep her happy. She complains all the time. And my mother expects me to keep my father’s business alive to honor him. What he created is antiquated and should be shut down. It made sense when he set it up, but now it doesn’t. It supported all of us, but it was a different time and he was a different man. He thought small. He was always afraid to do anything big. I’m much more interested in the investment side of the business, not the accounting, which was our bread and butter, but it’s stale now. There’s no magic or creativity to it.” He was trapped between the world he grew up in, and what he wanted to do himself, grow wings and fly. And Tamar and his mother were holding him back. After burdening him with four children by the age of thirty, now she wanted out. It seemed so unfair. “At least you followed your dreams. I never have,” he said. “And what am I going to do as a divorced man with four kids?” He looked woebegone, and Coco touched his hand.

  “You’ll manage and do it well.” He was the best husband she knew, the best father, son, and friend. He covered all the bases, and had for years, with no one’s help. He thought the same of her. They had both managed in hard circumstances, with no support from their partners. Even Ian, who was a kind man, was not there when she needed him. Once Bethanie got sick, he had run away and she had to face it alone. He was still hiding in Marrakesh with his books and his dog, afraid to live. At least she had taken chances, even if she made mistakes and got hurt. The wounds healed. And she knew Sam’s would too.

  “I don’t understand people,” Sam said, “how when things get tough, they just walk away, instead of putting some effort into it.” Walking away wasn’t his style or hers. But Sam had a lot on his back now, especially if he had to shoulder Tamar’s responsibilities and his own. “Maybe she’ll come to her senses, but I don’t think so.”

  “Even if she does,” Coco said bravely, honest with him as she always tried to be, “then you’re stuck in a marriage you never wanted, with a woman I’m not sure you ever loved. You said you loved her, but you married her out of duty and respect for your parents, and for her. You can’t stay with someone for fifty years out of respect.”

  “My parents did,” he said.

  “They loved each other too. My mother always said not to play by other people’s rules and to think outside the box. I took it too far, and tried to win the unwinnable with impossible people. I knew Ian was damaged, even though I didn’t realize how extreme it was. And the warning signs were there with Nigel, but I closed my eyes. I knew he wanted a glamorous life and had no money. I just didn’t see or didn’t want to see that he was after mine, and every piece of ass that walked past him. And I knew Ed was married. There are a million men like him out there, cheating on their wives. It’s the oldest story in the world.”

  “You were young then,” Sam said with a forgiving smile.

  “I still knew, but I can’t afford
to be stupid anymore, or blind. You were right, I get dazzled every time. There’s no substance there. It’s all sparkle with nothing behind it. Even now, I just spent six months playing with a sweet boy fresh out of kindergarten. I need to get serious about my life too. I should sell my house here. It’s too big and it makes no sense. It used to remind me of Nigel, now it reminds me of Ian. I need something that’s mine. And my parents’ apartment is depressing. I have to let go of that too. Growing up is hard,” she said, and he smiled.

  They had been leading grown-up lives for a long time and taken on adult responsibilities while they were still children. “I’m coming to New York for three months, by the way. We have a new investor, who wants to set up an office there. I’m going to get him started. Maybe I’ll put my parents’ apartment on the market when I’m there. I’d like to keep the house in the Hamptons though, and take Bethanie there in the summer. I guess I need to figure out my life too.” It felt like she was starting from scratch after Ian, the interlude with Jimmy in Paris, and Bethanie getting sick. She’d gotten her degree, now what? And she hadn’t been serious about her business either, from the distance in the past year. Fortunately, Leslie had been there to run it and did it well. “I’m almost thirty, I feel like I need to act like an adult.” He smiled again.

  “You’ve had a lot of curveballs thrown at you,” he said generously. “Your parents dying, Bethanie’s leukemia, bad men. All things considered, you’ve handled it pretty well. And I am thirty, and my life is a mess.”

  “That’s not your fault either. And it’s not a mess. You got married too young, and married the wrong woman. Maybe you need a little more flash in your life, and I need a little less…until the next dazzler comes along and sweeps me off my feet.” But they both knew she wasn’t an innocent anymore. She hadn’t fallen for Dr. Jeff Armstrong’s game, no matter how seductive, handsome, and successful he was. His being married had stopped her cold, and he was one of the biggest narcissists she’d ever met. He had cured Bethanie, though, which was all she wanted from him. Bethanie had been checked regularly by the team of doctors that he had referred her to in Paris, and she was still healthy and free of the disease. She was cured, which was all that mattered to Coco.

  “I have a couple of interesting clients here, for investments,” Sam said. “I’d like to cultivate a few more. Right now, they are mostly Americans living here. If you know of any prospects here, please let me know.”

  “I’ll think about it. And I’ll see you in New York soon,” she said, as they got up from dinner and left the restaurant. “What are you going to do about Tamar?” she asked.

  “Wait and see what she does. She said she was going to see a lawyer when I left, to try and work out some kind of separation agreement. She took the LSATs, she wants to start law school in January, if she gets in. She’d like to specialize in tax law, which actually would have fit with what I do, but I don’t think we’re going to be running a business together,” he said ruefully, “just sharing our kids, although they’ll live with me most of the time. They’re young to have divorced parents and a split living situation,” he said with regret.

  “Maybe it’s easier that way,” she said, trying to encourage him, “when they’re younger.”

  “I was thinking about moving the family to the suburbs, but I won’t if I’m going to be single. I’d rather be in the city.”

  “You’re going to have fun, Sam.” He was still younger than most men getting married for the first time. Being divorced at thirty-one, which he would be soon, wasn’t a death sentence. He had taken a five-year detour into marriage, and it hadn’t worked out. He still had a long life to live, and time to meet the right woman. And he loved his children and was devoted to them.

  “At least I’ll see you while you’re in New York.” She was looking forward to it too.

  She dropped him off at his hotel, he hugged her and got out of the car. “Thank you for cheering me up.”

  “You do it for me all the time.” She smiled at him. He always had. And so had she. It was so damn hard being a grown-up, at any age.

  * * *

  —

  Coco and Bethanie attended Leslie’s wedding. Bethanie was the flower girl and Coco the maid of honor. And as soon as Leslie returned from her honeymoon, they flew to New York.

  They spent the first weekend in Southampton enjoying the hot weather. Bethanie loved it and so did Coco. She freshened up some things in the house, and moved them around, which made the house feel like hers, not her parents’. They went for long walks on the beach, built sand castles, collected shells, and put them on a table to dry. Sam came out for the day with his children. Tamar wasn’t with him. She had seen a lawyer, and he had hired one. They were working on a separation agreement, but were still living in the apartment together. He said it was very tense, and she had applied to law school at NYU and Columbia, after doing well on the LSATs, which didn’t surprise him. She was boring, but bright, and had been a good student in college.

  Their children played in the sand, while he and Coco watched them. He had brought a babysitter to help with the baby and the others. Bethanie and Nathan were best friends, until they fought over a shovel, and Bethanie hit him with a bucket and Coco had to scold her and remind her to be nice.

  “It starts early,” Sam said with a grin.

  They made lunch for the kids and ate the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that were left over. It was simple and fun.

  “How’s your investor?” Sam was curious about him.

  “He’s a really nice guy. He was a real estate agent, and loved what we were doing when a friend told him about it. He’s gay, and his partner is a decorator. It’s a great setup for them. They’re married and have two adorable adopted little girls. Only one of them is the investor, but they’re both really nice guys. They already have a great roster of potential clients, mostly corporations bringing people to New York from other cities, or internationally. That’s where we really shine.” Leslie had done most of the work for the past year when Coco was away, but before that they had both put a lot of effort into building the business, and Coco had invested the most money. It had really paid off for both of them.

  They’d given Sam’s children an early dinner. He gave the baby a bottle, and knew they’d sleep most of the way home.

  “I had a really nice day. I’m glad you’re keeping this house. It reminds me of when we were kids.”

  “Me too.” She smiled nostalgically. “It reminds me of my parents mostly. They loved it here. They were so great together. Why can’t we find people like that?”

  “They weren’t complicated,” Sam answered her. “Most people today seem to be. There are too many options and choices and wounded people running around. Like Ian, although he was an extreme case, and fame makes it all harder.” She nodded. He was right, except that Tamar wasn’t complicated. He just hadn’t loved her enough to marry her, or at all. She had always been a mistake.

  “My parents were always perfectly clear about how much they loved each other. That never changed. It just got better,” Coco said with admiration, wishing she could find a situation like theirs. “They believed in each other.”

  “We make odd decisions, and pick difficult people. Anything is acceptable now. You have to get it right in the beginning. I don’t think you can take an impossible situation and make it work, no matter how hard you try. None of your choices were the right ones, no matter how appealing they seemed at the time,” Sam said to her. “And neither was mine. It was never right with Tamar and I knew it, and it wasn’t that appealing, except to my parents. I should have followed my instincts. Instead, I tried to do the noble thing.” She nodded. He was right about that too. He was a smart and a good man and he was going to be fine, Coco was sure of it. Women were going to be crawling all over him when he was free, although the four kids might scare them at first, but he was a great dad, and a good husband,
or had tried to be.

  He left the house in Southampton with a wave, after he hugged her, while Coco and Bethanie stood in the driveway waving back. They had had a wonderful day.

  On Sunday, Coco and Bethanie drove into the city. Monday morning she left Bethanie with Theresa, met with Evan, their investor, and got to work. The storefront office they had in SoHo was great looking, and Jack, his partner, had done wonders with it, to make it inviting. They worked hard, and she liked the staff they had hired. It suited their image, and the style of the brand. They were bright young people with lots of enthusiasm and energy and were going to be a credit to Leslie and Coco’s business. Evan and Jack were going to visit them in London in December, and bring the crew so the staff of the two offices could meet, and get to know each other, to make things run more smoothly.

  It was a long week. They were officially going to be open in seven weeks. She wanted to go to the Hamptons again that weekend but it was pouring rain on Friday, so she didn’t. It was after seven when she got home, and Sam called her as she walked in the door. He sounded grim.

  “Can I come over?”

  “Sure. Something wrong? You sound pissed.” She looked in the fridge after they hung up, there wasn’t much there, but she could make him a salad if he was starving.

  He arrived twenty minutes later, and he looked livid when he took off his dripping raincoat, and followed her into the den, which was her favorite room. The living room was beautiful but always felt too fancy. Her parents had loved the den too.

  “What happened?” she asked him. He looked furious.

  “You were right. My mother heard it from a friend at shul. Tamar’s been having an affair with the rabbi of the other synagogue I told you about. I love that when religious men, leaders of the community, go around sleeping with other men’s wives. It’s no better than priests having affairs. Apparently, it’s been going on for eight or nine months, ever since the baby. Supposedly, she went to him for counseling about our marriage, and they fell in love. He’s fifty-five and a widower, with no kids, and she’s only twenty-eight.”