The Demon in Me

by Michelle Rowen

  “I knew you didn’t hate me,” he said. “I knew I’m the only one you want to kiss.”

  Hate him? How could she hate somebody who made her feel like this? She wanted him inside of her. And she wasn’t referring to being possessed.

  Her alarm clock buzzed.

  That’s strange, she thought. I can hear my alarm clock, but I’m still dreaming?

  Darrak slid his hand down between her legs and she let out a soft gasp, pressing herself closer against his touch. She wanted more of him. So much—

  Wait a minute.

  Her eyes snapped open.

  This wasn’t a dream, was it? she thought suddenly with a sinking feeling. I’m totally and completely awake.

  And there’s a demon in my bed.

  Again.

  “Darrak—”

  “Yes?”

  “Get off me.”

  “But—”

  “Get off me right now.”

  He immediately removed both his lips and his hands from her body and rolled over onto his side. She glared at the demon who’d taken form again.

  “You grabbed me,” he said. “Don’t even give me that accusatory look.”

  “I grabbed you,” she repeated skeptically. Her face felt very warm.

  “You made it very clear yesterday morning, okay? I took form when I had fully regained my energy a few minutes ago. I even conjured clothes to protect your fragile PG worldview. See? I’m dressed. Well, I was until you ripped my shirt off. I was about to get up and make some coffee when you reached over and started molesting me.” His lips twitched. “Not that I’m complaining, of course. I’m just trying to tell it like it is.”

  Her face grew warmer. She was sure she was red as a… well, a something really red and on fire. “I thought I was dreaming.”

  He looked pleased at that. “Dreaming about making out with me? I think I approve.”

  She cleared her throat. “Actually, I was dreaming about Ben.”

  That was enough to wipe the amusement off his face. “I see. You dream about golden boy a lot?”

  “Constantly and obsessively.”

  “Well, I’m very sorry to have disturbed your private fantasy time.”

  She was surprised that the mere mention of golden boy… er, Ben, was enough to distract Darrak. She’d have to remember she had that weapon at her disposal.

  The only problem was she hadn’t been dreaming about Ben. She’d known all too well exactly who she’d been orally exploring.

  She swallowed. Maybe that wasn’t the best terminology for her to use, even if it was just in her head.

  But it didn’t change anything. She’d been kissing Darrak. Willingly. And she’d wanted to do a whole lot more than that. Whether she’d thought it was a dream or not, it was very disturbing considering how much she wanted him out of her life—since if he stayed she was going to die. Talk about a bucket of cold water thrown on her libido. Willfully groping him seemed contrary to that position.

  It was a Lust thing. Capital L. That’s all. Since it was one of the Deadly Sins it seemed demonically appropriate.

  “You should get ready,” Darrak said. “If we’re going to follow your client’s hubby we need to leave in fifteen minutes. Cheaters like early starts to their days.”

  “Is that something you’re an expert on? Unfaithful men?”

  “You’d be surprised just how many things I’m an expert on.” His voice didn’t hold a whole lot of friendliness at the moment. Which was fine with her. It made it much easier to concentrate on something other than the sight of his mouthwateringly perfect bare chest as he pulled his black shirt back on.

  Snap the hell out of it, she commanded herself. Nothing happened. You got off lucky.

  Getting off was also a bad turn of phrase at the moment.

  Luckily she wouldn’t have to think about it. They were going to follow Richard Morgan to see who his mistress was. Or even if he had a mistress. Eden would take some pictures to show his wife the proof. And then Eden planned on following the girlfriend and finding out if she was up to no good.

  She wondered if Fay had been serious when she said she’d be taken back home and possibly killed for abandoning her fairy ways for the love of a human. What kind of fairies were these, anyhow?

  Scary fairies.

  Unlike yesterday, this morning when Eden had gotten showered and dressed, received a knowing look from Leena in cat form—which she ignored—and was ready to leave, she didn’t try to sneak onto the elevator without Darrak. He accompanied her, although he was quiet. He sat silently on the passenger side of her car as she drove to a Starbucks, the one Fay said Richard always picked up coffee from each morning, and parked outside.

  It was strange. Darrak was so different than Ben in more than the obvious ways. Ben made her nervous. But when she was with Darrak she felt like she could speak her mind. Easily. In fact, she’d been more open and honest with him than she’d been with… well, anyone. Probably ever. And that was all kinds of pathetic.

  One of the many reasons why she wanted him gone.

  Although, after seeing the real her, warts and all, it would surprise her if he’d even consider sticking around after their situation had been taken care of.

  Which was good. She didn’t like what she’d seen of the supernatural world so far. She was more than ready to get back to her blissful ignorance.

  Also, she didn’t want any obligations. Even working with Andy was beginning to have that permanent feel to it. Especially since it was doubtful that he’d be able to buy out her half—or rather, 49 percent—any time soon.

  But if she wanted to sell so damn bad, why had she felt ill at the prospect of him claiming bankruptcy yesterday?

  Because she would have lost money. That’s all it was.

  Money that hadn’t really been hers in the first place. Her mother was the one who’d won half the agency. Other than her name on a piece of paper, Eden had no claim to the business, or really any right to be there.

  And then there was Ben.

  When she’d first caught a glimpse of the cop, she’d never thought she would have a chance with him. It seemed safe to admire him from afar. Now things were different. So what happened if there was something between them? Not saying that he’d ever ask her out again, but what if he did? And what if she accepted?

  There were a lot of big what-ifs in her life at the moment.

  Another one was what if she didn’t solve the Darrak problem and in a year she died because of him?

  That one took up a lot of space in the what-if pile.

  Her life sucked, but she didn’t want it to end anytime soon.

  See? That was a specific goal. She knew what she wanted and she knew what it took to get it. A chance at a happy and fulfilling future was dependent on her saying hasta la vista to Darrak as soon as humanly possible.

  No matter how easy it was to talk to him. Or how much she’d liked kissing him. Or how her unconscious self seemed to have extremely impure thoughts when it came to the demon.

  None of that mattered.

  Being possessed by Darrak would eventually kill her.

  She didn’t want to die.

  He had to go. Simple as that.

  THIRTEEN

  “There he is,” Darrak said after a moment.

  Eden glanced down at the picture Fay had given her, and yes, that was Richard Morgan walking into the coffee shop. Right on time for his double espresso.

  “So what should we do?” she asked.

  “You’re the fake private investigator in this car. Not me.”

  “Andy said to write down what he does and take pictures.”

  “Then that’s exactly what you should do.” Darrak leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. “Have you thought about getting your license?”

  “No.” She held the camera up and snapped a shot of the back of Richard’s head.

  “Just no? Not a maybe?”

  “I don’t want to do this sort of thing on a regular ba
sis. This is an exception to the rule.”

  “You sure have a lot of rules. You should think about breaking them sometime. You’d probably be a lot happier.”

  “I’m happy.”

  He eyed her sideways. “Sure you are.”

  “I’m ecstatic about life. I’m surprised it doesn’t show.”

  “What do you want to do with your life?” he asked.

  “Like a career?”

  “Sure.”

  She shrugged a shoulder. “I considered flipping houses for a while but the economy’s not so great anymore. Plus, my credit isn’t fantastic either. So that’s out.”

  “Flipping houses. I can’t think of a career that has less permanence to it than buying a house, spending weeks making it better, and then selling it and moving onto something else. Is that really what you want?”

  She tried not to glower at his appraisal of her career suggestion. “Maybe I’m not looking for any permanent responsibilities. I’m just like my mother that way.”

  “Your mother was a bit flaky?”

  “You have no idea.”

  “You know what you need?”

  That earned him a full-on wary glance. “What do I need?”

  His lips curved. “Oh, you need a lot of things. But the first thing that comes to mind is passion.”

  Her cheeks heated. “Yeah, and let me guess. You’re willing to provide it?”

  His expression didn’t change. “I’m not just talking sex. I’m talking meaning in your life. You need to figure out what you’re passionate about and pursue that. You know, your dreams and hopes. Things that make life worth living.”

  “Is this self-help advice from a demon?”

  “Guilty as charged.”

  “My life is fine just the way it is.”

  His smile faded. “I don’t know that much about you, but I can tell by just looking in your eyes that you’ve been hurt in the past by people you’ve let into your life. You’re very guarded. You don’t let your hair down—”

  “My hair’s down right now.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  Darrak’s gaze felt like it was burning a hole right though her. She didn’t like how perceptive he was. How it seemed like he knew her without her even offering up anything about herself. She didn’t want him to know her. Frankly, she didn’t want anyone to know her.

  Great. She was even more screwed up than she even thought she was.

  “So you’re saying I need some sort of permanent, passionate outlet. Like a job I’m really into?” She snapped another photo just so she felt like she was doing something constructive.

  “I think you might be good at this investigation thing,” he said.

  “That makes one of us.”

  “Not just the nitty-gritty details of surveillance and writing stuff down. I’m talking about helping people. The ones that come to you desperate and in need. That seems to be something that might suit you.”

  “I do tend to attract desperate, needy people. I’m like a magnet for losers. They recognize me as one of their own.”

  “I meant more that you’re compassionate and seem to have a natural tendency to want to help people.” He shook his head. “Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.”

  They went quiet again, but Eden’s brain was working, turning over what Darrak said. He was right. She did need something in her life to make everything worthwhile. To give her a reason to wake up in the morning. Was it working with Andy at a low-end detective agency? Had fate handed her this opportunity and she wasn’t taking advantage of it?

  The universe did work in mysterious and somewhat annoying ways.

  And if she applied the law of attraction to her life at the moment it would mean she’d attracted the job at Triple-A, as well as bringing Darrak into her life.

  Maybe, down deep—way deep—there was something there she could learn and grow from and find a new path toward her bright, shiny future.

  Or… not. Probably not.

  Richard Morgan left the coffee shop and headed to work. Eden took a few more pictures, then followed at a fair distance until they got to his accounting office at the intersection of King and Bay. She parked and they waited.

  For a long time.

  Hours went by.

  “This is boring,” Darrak said while he taste-tested the food Eden had grabbed on the corner for their lunch. “I take it back. Maybe there isn’t anything to be passionate about when it comes to investigation work. And this hot dog is disgusting. Do humans actually consider this food? It’s no peanut butter or chocolate donut, that’s for sure.”

  “I suppose I could march right up to him and ask if he’s having an affair.”

  “That would be the direct approach.”

  “So you can’t do any demon thing and probe his mind? Force him to tell the truth? Grow horns and a tail and scare it out of him?”

  “Horns and a tail?” Darrak said dryly.

  She shrugged. “I’ve seen pictures of demons before.”

  “Sounds more like a devil.”

  She fished in her purse for more change for the parking meter. “The ones with the pointy genitalia.”

  “See, I knew you were paying attention. There will be a pop quiz later.”

  She studied Darrak for a moment. He looked a bit on edge. “You didn’t answer my question about the horns and a tail, though. You just diverted it.”

  “Did I do that?”

  “Yes.”

  He gazed out of the window at the cement and glass sky-scrapers that surrounded them. “I can’t believe we’ve been sitting here for so long. Talk about hell on earth.”

  His refusal to answer her question was starting to trouble her.

  “You mentioned that Fay used some sort of a, what did you call it, a glamour? To hide her fairy appearance and look more human.”

  “I did say that, didn’t I? Well, fairies don’t look much different than humans. Just a little bit scarier.”

  “You never really answered me before.” She swallowed. “But, is that what you do, too? Is this what you normally look like or is this a glamour so you won’t scare me?”

  He turned to look at her and she studied his now-familiar handsome face, his square jaw and lips she had been exploring up close and personal only a couple hours ago. His dark hair, slightly messy and slightly too long. His ice blue eyes that she’d seen shine with good humor or burn with anger or pain. It was hard to remember that he actually was a demon, and sometimes she had to admit that she forgot.

  But she did remember her first impression of his physical appearance when he’d taken form. That it was too perfect, too appealing, to be real. That it was some sort of a trap to lure her closer so he could devour her whole.

  She shivered.

  “There are some things about me,” Darrak began, a bit tentatively, “that it is best you don’t know.”

  The fear that had disappeared toward the demon came slithering back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He looked at her sharply. “I tell you that there are things about me you shouldn’t know, and you still want to know?”

  “I’m curious.” And terrified, she amended internally.

  “Don’t be. This is who I am, Eden. The man you see in front of you. Nothing more, nothing less.”

  “You’re a demon, not a man. Men don’t turn into black smoke at sunset and have to possess people in order to survive. Men aren’t afraid of draining others of too much energy.”

  “And a full demon wouldn’t care who he drained.”

  “So if you’re not a full demon, then what are you?”

  His face was blank of expression, but his brows had drawn together as if he was concentrating very hard. “I wish I knew. Three hundred years of living inside of humans… it’s changed me, Eden.”

  She was about to ask how it had changed him when his eyes narrowed as he looked out the windshield. “Your cheater is on the move.”

  Richard left through the front doors of his o
ffice building at just after two o’clock. She shifted into drive and followed his car as he seemed to go through a list of chores. Drugstore, liquor store, even the library.

  She tried very hard not to think about what Darrak had said. Or rather, what he hadn’t said. She almost wished he’d lied—said he wasn’t using any kind of glamour. But he hadn’t said that. And what did that mean? Did he look different underneath his handsome exterior? More demonic? More scary and dangerous? Not somebody she could feel relaxed about sitting in a car with for more than a second?

  She gripped the steering wheel. She really didn’t know who Darrak was at all. All she knew was what he’d told her. She was going on faith alone. Faith in a demon who’d been cursed to lose his former body—whatever it had looked like then—over three centuries ago by a black witch.

  Which sounded completely insane when she actually thought about it.

  “Relax,” he said, noting her tense form. “Nothing’s changed. I’m not going to hurt you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “No, of course not. You’re too weak.” She cleared her throat. “But if you weren’t, then maybe I’d be in trouble.”

  “I could have taken way more energy from you yesterday. Or even when you were sleeping and dreaming about your golden boy. But I didn’t.”

  “You said you might not be able to stop.”

  “But I did stop. I’m not saying it was easy, but I did. We might not get along that well, but I mean you no harm. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me so far.”

  Eden pulled the car to the side of the road as Richard stopped in front of another Starbucks. “I haven’t done anything.”

  “Sure you have. You’ve accepted something into your life that would make a whole hell of a lot of humans run for the hills screaming. You didn’t know any of this was real until just a couple days ago. And you’ve handled it so well. You’re very strong.”

  “Is that the impression I’m giving you?” she said. “Because I’m shaking like a leaf on the inside.”

  “Can I do anything to make you feel more comfortable with me again?”