Zach: Found out Mary was having a drink with her.
Me: Invited yourself?
Ryan: Yep
Me: Who else is there?
It looks like the Poison Apple by the bar signs behind her.
Alex: Me
Dylan: Me
Zach: Mary, Kelsey and Alyssa
Sean: Be there as soon as I’m off
Shit!
Me: How long have you been with her?
Dylan: Ten minutes, maybe.
Was this Bethany’s idea or Mary’s? Did Bethany know? She didn’t look real thrilled. Was it a surprise?
Me: Did she know she was meeting you guys?
Zach: That would be a no, but we couldn’t let the opportunity go.
Me: Yes, you could have.
Ryan: What’s the big deal?
What is the big deal? I did plan on introducing her when I got back, if that is what she wanted and if there was still something there. Except, I’m not there to make sure they don’t say anything that they shouldn’t. Of course, they wouldn’t talk about Baxter or the past, but they could still tell embarrassing stories.
Instead of answering Ryan, I text Bethany.
Me: Sorry you were ambushed
Bethany: It’s okay.
Me: Don’t let them give you are hard time.
Bethany: I won’t. What’s going on?
In my text to the guys, I only needed to give a few details because they know my history with the band and the real reason I’m here. Bethany doesn’t know any of that and I’m not ready to tell her everything yet. Yet, it’s not like I can tell her nothing since I’m pretty sure the guys have said something.
Me: Band broke up.
Bethany: Grey?
Me: Yep
Bethany: What are you going to do?
Me: Head to Portland while they go to LA
Bethany: You don’t want to go with them?
Me: Nope
Bethany: Why
Me: They will be meeting with producers. I don’t want that.
Bethany: You don’t?
Maybe she wants me to, or maybe she doesn’t get why I wouldn’t want to.
Me: It’s not what I want
Not even close, but I haven’t told her enough for her to understand.
Me: I’ll do Portland on my own if they’ll take me solo.
Bethany: I prefer you solo
Me: Only five more days and we can be solo together.
Bethany: Looking forward to it.
Me: Enjoy your night. Call me later if you want, or text, whatever.
Bethany: I will. I doubt I’m going to hang out here long anyway.
Me: Why?
Bethany: They are your friends. We only share Mary.
If Sean shows up and then the girls, it could be overwhelming.
Me: I just wish I was there to run interference. They can be a bit much.
Bethany: Sure you don’t mind?
I mind a hell of a lot but there isn’t much I can do about it.
Me: Nah, but if it’s too much, text and I’ll tell them to back off.
Bethany: Miss you.
Me: You too.
They are all looking at me when I put the phone down.
“He did it again. Dumped us for you,” Zach says.
My face heats. “I’m sure that’s not it.” Are they going to resent me now?
Their phones ding, so it has to be from Christian.
Zach laughs. “He just told us to be nice.” Then he looks at Ryan. “We are always nice, aren’t we?”
Alyssa snorts. “Interpret that to be not to give her a hard time, like you were just starting to do.”
“There’s no fun in that,” Zach argues.
“I’m pretty sure he wants Bethany around when he gets back.” She points a long, stir spoon at him. “Don’t mess it up and run her off.”
My face heats even more and I take a gulp of the sweet wine.
“I’d never do that.” Then Zach takes a seat next to me. “So, tell me all about yourself, Bethany.”
I just stare at him. I don’t know him at all and am not going to blurt out anything.
“She’s a nursing student like me,” Mary answers.
“She’s going to continue school,” Kelsey chimes in and brings him up to date on what little I’ve said about myself.
“Nurse is good.” Zach nods. “Almost doctor is even better.”
“That’s not what a physician’s assistant is,” I argue.
“Close enough.” He grins. “Does this mean you and Christian play doctor?”
Ryan slaps upside the back of Zach’s head. Something Gibbs would do on NCIS and it makes me laugh.
“That, you will never know.” Though I do plan on giving Christian’s balls a thorough examination when he returns.
Zach isn’t a bad guy and I kind of get a good feeling off of him. The same for the others. These are Christian’s friends, from high school. At least I know the guys and Alyssa knows him from high school, so they can’t be bad.
“So, Christian’s going solo in Portland,” Ryan shakes his head. “He’s got to be pissed.”
“Can they just break a contract like that,” I finally ask. “I assume they have a contract. Christian never really said.”
“Yep. For the entire thing.”
“But they are only skipping out of Portland?” I don’t understand why they can’t wait a day or two.
“They have three nights there,” Alex shakes his head. “I hope they take him as a soloist.”
“What a waste if he’s stuck there and can’t play,” I grumble.
Alyssa turns away and the guys grab their beers and drink and Kelsey grabs a menu.
What the hell is going on?
Maybe it’s just a coincidence that they are suddenly weird.
“How about some garlic cheese bread,” Kelsey says.
“Nachos,” Mary orders then looks at me.
I’m not exactly hungry. “Nothing for me.”
Alyssa grabs some bowls and scoops out some of the fresh made popcorn and puts them on the bar in front of me and the guys. “No drinking on an empty stomach.”
It’s not a bad idea. I really haven’t eaten since lunch, not that the wine is having any effect on me, but if I have another, I’ll need to eat something more than popcorn.
The door opens again and I check my watch. It’s not quite five but soon this place will be filling up.
“He was afraid those jackasses would do this,” the guy calls and Alyssa pours another beer.
Sean, the last of the roommates has arrived.
He stops and pins me with a look. Then nods.
Okay? Approval? Disapproval? Doesn’t really care?
“Did he tell you want happened?” he asks me.
“No more than anyone else.” I look around. “At least I don’t think so.”
“Well, he’ll have Portland. That’s all that matters.”
What the hell is so important about Portland? I want to ask, but I have a gut feeling that I won’t get an answer.
“Then he’ll be home and won’t need to tour again.” Alyssa slides the beer in front of Sean.
I finish my wine and excuse myself and go to the bathroom. I like the group, at least I think I do, but there is something odd happening too.
The voices drift to me as I’m coming out of the bathroom and I stop when I hear Christian’s name. I really shouldn’t eavesdrop, but I want to know what is going on. What am I missing?
“My heart nearly stopped when Bethany mentioned Baxter,” Alyssa says.
“Christian told her about Baxter,” one of the guys asks in alarm.
What is the big deal, unless Christian lied about the school, but why would he?
“All he said was that it was a boarding school for artists,” Kelsey assures them. “The truth, but not the whole truth.”
What the fuck is the whole truth?
“Even if he doesn’t play, at least he’ll be able to look for Scarlett.” I h
ear Dylan say.
Scarlett? She’s a person? I just thought it was the name of a tour.
“He’s got to find her,” Alyssa says.
“But we need to watch what we say around Bethany,” Kelsey adds.
There’s silence and I wait.
“He only gave her limited information on Baxter,” she adds.
“Plus, Bethany said it would be a waste if he was stuck there, meaning not being able to play, which means, I don’t think Bethany knows about Scarlett,” Alyssa says.
“And why we can’t say anything. He’s the one who has to come clean,” one of the guys says.
Come clean about what? Scarlett? Baxter?
“He’s got to find her. He’ll be pissed if he goes all that way, dealing with the shit he’s gone through, and can’t bring her back.”
“What if he goes all that way and she doesn’t want to come back?” someone asks.
“He’ll convince her.”
“If he can find her.”
“Say he finds her but she doesn’t want to come back. Do you think he would stay?”
My stomach sinks.
“That depends, I think,” one of the guys says.
I should have known this was too good to be true. Was Christian just hedging his bets with me, in case he didn’t find Scarlett? If he was going to go after her why the hell did he fuck me the weekend before he left?
Were the fabric and texts to keep me interested just in case things didn’t work out with Scarlett?
Or, is he just a player?
“I’ll take another wine, Alyssa,” Mary says. “Be back in a second.”
I duck back into the bathroom and rush to the sink and turn on the water
She stops when she comes in and looks at me. Our eyes meet in the mirror.
“You okay?”
Not at all.
“You look really pale.”
That is my opening “Not feeling well all of a sudden.” I splash water on my hot face then grab a paper towel.
Mary comes forward. “Need me to get you home?”
“No.” I shake my head “I’ll be good. But, I think I’ll go.”
“I’ll walk with you to the subway at least, okay?”
This illness isn’t really fake, because I am sick to my stomach. Actually, I feel as if I’ve been kicked in the gut, and I’m a little shaky. “Thanks.”
28
Last night, after we were done playing, the guys and I started to divide the equipment. They wanted it all and I wanted none of it. We each own our own instruments, but shared in the cost of sound equipment, mics and everything else we need to perform. After arguing about value and depreciation, we finally set a price so that they could pay me my portion. Then I made them find an ATM because I wasn’t letting them take anything until I got paid and I sure as hell wasn’t going to accept a promise that they’d take care of it once they were back in New York. Those guys are skipping out of a contract to play three gigs in Portland so I sure as hell don’t trust their promise to pay me.
With a pocket full of cash, I’m on a train headed to Portland, with only my horns and suitcase. After the guys left, I went out and found a trunk that would hold all of my instrument cases because I couldn’t carry them all and my luggage. Now that trunk is stashed on the train and it’s just me and my phone.
My very quiet phone.
I’m worried about Bethany. She didn’t return any texts or calls last night, and she didn’t send a single text saying that she needed rescuing, but I had hoped I’d hear from her.
She hasn’t responded today so I finally contacted Dylan to make sure my friends didn’t do anything to scare her off. Not that they would intentionally, but everything is still so fucking new. That’s when he told me that Bethany got sick last night.
Why the hell did they let her leave the bar alone?
At least Mary walked her to the subway, but one of the guys should have made sure she made it to her apartment okay.
What if something happened? What if she was sicker than they realized? What if she’s in a fucking hospital bed right now and nobody knows about it?
Me: Would you ask Mary to go check on Bethany?
Dylan: Why?
Me: She hasn’t answered my phone calls or texts
Dylan: She’s probably sleeping
Me: You’re probably right. But if I don’t hear from her tomorrow, check on her
Dylan: Isn’t there anyone else?
Me: Family lives in Kentucky and I don’t know who her other friends are.
Dylan: We’ll stop by later if Mary can’t reach her
I knew that as soon as I mentioned her not having family close Dylan would promise to check. He’d want someone watching out for his sisters if he wasn’t close, which he hasn’t been for years. Not until he got Nina back and he still hasn’t seen his youngest sister in twelve years.
Me: Thanks.
I stare out the window and try to enjoy the scenery. This is pretty country. But, I’d enjoy it more if I knew Bethany was okay.
I ignored his call and his texts, and I should respond, but each time I start to type something, I stop.
The truth is, I wasn’t feeling well when I left the Poison Apple. However, it had nothing to do with a virus, just a sickening dread. Since, I’ve just been trying to figure things out. First of all, it’s not like I have a hold on Christian. It was one weekend of great conversation and incredible sex. He wants to see me when he gets back and he’s been sending me fabric. However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone or many someones in his life, like Scarlett.
But, if he finds her and brings her home, will that be the end of me?
What if he finds her, brings her home, and wants us both?
What if he finds her and decides to stay in Portland?
“Ugh! I’m so not good at this dating stuff.” I glance around my apartment then stare back at the phone, trying to decide what to say.
It is way too soon for any serious feelings, but they are there anyway. But, how much can I really care about a guy I hardly know anything about?
My heart is smitten, my gut is trying to tell me that he might just be the guy and my head is screaming, “Slow the fuck down!”
Listen to my head. That’s what I’ve got do. Ignore my gut and put the skids on my heart and take this slow.
What I really want to do is ask Christian who Scarlett is and what she means to him. But, it’s kind of too soon for that. On the other hand, if I ask and he says that it’s someone he’s been in love with, or whatever, then I can move on and not look back. I don’t want to be with a guy who is with someone else, or is only with me because he can’t have who he really wants.
If he just wanted to have dinner or see a movie, I’d probably be fine with that, but I don’t want to be having sex with a guy who is having sex with other people too. I don’t care how much that isn’t a big deal anymore, it is for me. Maybe if I would have had a lot more sex since Kelly, I’d feel different. Hell, maybe if I had had any sex after Kelly, I’d feel differently, but since I didn’t, and there’s been only Christian and Kelly, I don’t want to share.
Irrational, I know. Unrealistic in this day and age--most definitely, but I can’t help it. Until I know exactly who Scarlett is to Christian, there isn’t going to be any sex or feeling of balls and boobs.
But, how the hell do I ask without coming off as a half-crazed, clingy girlfriend when I’m not even a girlfriend?
My phone lights and when I see the message from Christian, my stomach tightens.
Christian: How ya feeling?
I can’t keep ignoring him.
Me: Better. Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you.
Christian: It’s all good. What was wrong?
I turned into a possessive girlfriend after having sex with you and I don’t want you to find this Scarlett chick.
Me: Not really sure.
Okay, my first lie to Christian, but if I tell him the truth, I’ll never see h
im again and until I know who Scarlett is, I don’t want to burn possible bridges of seeing him when he gets back.
Christian: At least you’re better. That’s all that matters.
Me: Guess so.
Christian: How is the quilt coming along?
Me: Great, but you don’t have to keep sending me fabric.
A package from Seattle arrived today.
Christian: Do you have all of your colors so you can start sewing?
Me: Not yet. Still have some holes.
Christian: Then I’ll keep sending.
I just shake my head. What guy sends fabric? It still blows my mind and just adds to my confusion. If Scarlett is so important, why is he sending me fabric? I know they are bolt ends, but it still isn’t cheap, and he has to be going out of his way to find quilt stores.
Me: Why?
Christian: Because I want you to finish it so we can do naughty things under it.
My face starts to burn, even though I’m alone and he can’t see me, I’m still embarrassed.
Except, we aren’t going to be doing any naughty things if he’s doing naughty things with Scarlett, or anyone else, too.
Me: How is the tour going? Things tense with the rest of the band?
29
I’d rather talk about the naughty things I plan on doing under the quilt, but Bethany shut down that conversation.
In a way, she’s innocent. She blushes like no girl I’ve ever met, won’t send pictures and the only time we’ve discussed body parts it was almost clinical. If we hadn’t had great sex, I’d almost think she was a virgin. Not that there is anything wrong with that of course, nor do I have any experience being around or with a virgin, I’m just assuming this is what one would be like.
Me: Still pissed. They left for LA today and I just got to my hotel in Portland.
Bethany: I’m kind of surprised you don’t want to meet producers.
I already told her it’s not my thing. Is she going to understand that I don’t want that? Is she going to push like the other guys in the band?
Bethany: I mean, a guy with your talent would usually jump at the chance.
She’s right.
Me: Most would. Just not me.
Bethany: Okay
I know my reasons and even if I hadn’t been out here on tour, and we were still back in New York and the opportunity came up, I still wouldn’t fly to LA. The guys know why I’m not skipping out of Portland, but I’m not sure they even know that I’d still not go to LA. Even though I don’t normally bother explaining to anyone why I do or don’t do anything, I do want to explain to Bethany. She’s right, musicians would kill for an opportunity to meet with record producers and she probably thinks I have a screw loose for passing up this opportunity
Shake, Rattle and Roll: The Baxter Boys #4 (The Baxter Boys ~ Rattled) Page 16