Christian will be home tonight, but I haven’t said anything to him yet. His plane is supposed to get in late so I probably won’t see him until tomorrow. He didn’t exactly say when, just that he’d see me when he got to New York. There is no way I was going to tell him while he was gone. With Grey breaking up, him having to perform solo, and looking for Scarlett, the last thing he needed on his mind was the possibility that I might be pregnant. Besides, it’s not like he could do anything about it from Portland and a few days isn’t going to make a difference.
Now that he’s going to be home, do I say something before or after I have a result?
After! If it’s negative, why mention it at all?
But what if it’s positive?
Oh God, what am I going to do if it’s positive? I can kiss the rest of school goodbye. But at least I’ll have my nursing degree and should make enough so I don’t have to move back home.
Mom and Dad would just love that!
Actually, they probably would, regardless of the circumstances. I’d be home and they’d have a grandchild.
Except, it wouldn’t be just mine and I’m pretty sure Christian is going to want to be a part of the child’s life, if there is one.
The timing sucks, but it isn’t like I just slept with him and never spoke with him again, so he does have a right to know and be a part of the decision-making process.
“Stop it!” Just because I’m late does not mean I’m pregnant. I am panicking for no reason.
I should just take the test and get it over with.
Except, it’s like six at night and the research I’ve done says that the first pee in the morning is the best.
Do I wait until tomorrow morning?
Do I want the most accurate results?
If I took one now and it was negative, would I be satisfied?
I already know the answer. It’s the reason I bought four tests, to make sure, hoping I don’t have to use them because I’d rather have to reach for the tampons than a stick.
I wouldn’t believe any result tonight, unless it was positive, and I don’t want to go to bed knowing for certain because then I’d have to make a decision.
After turning off the light in the bathroom, I go back to the living room and sink down on the couch.
I can’t even have a glass of wine to calm my nerves. Not until I know for certain that I’m not pregnant.
What am I going to do if I am?
I always hoped I’d never have to consider all of my options. Too often I’ve sat at the clinic with a college student in tears as they try to determine what to do about a surprise pregnancy. Some have it and eventually leave school or try and balance both. Others have terminated because they just couldn’t have and raise a child.
I never wanted to be in that position because every choice and decision is agonizing.
Who am I fooling? I may pretend to examine all options, but I’d have the baby and raise it the best way I knew how. I just hope I’m not because I’m so not ready to be a parent.
But is anyone, ever, really ready? I knew plenty of people who thought they were, only to realize there is so much they didn’t know.
When my phone dings I nearly jump off the couch, then grab it.
Christian: Want to let me in?
Let him in?
Me: Where are you?
Christian: Right outside
Me: My building?
Christian: Where else would I be?
My heart feels like it’s going to pound right out of my chest.
Me: On a plane.
Why is he here now?
Christian: Took an earlier flight. Are you going to let me in or should I go home?
I want to tell him to go home. He can’t see me right now. He can’t know anything. Not until I pee on that damn stick, which I can’t do until tomorrow.
But, I really need to feel his arms around me right now.
Christian: Do you want me to go home?
I hit the button to unlock the doors.
31
I wasn’t certain Bethany was going to let me in and started questioning if I should have come here straight from the airport without warning. Sean has the rest of my things and will take them back to the brownstone. It was good to see one of my best friends but I wanted to see Bethany too.
Maybe I’m being a bit presumptuous by stopping by without warning but I wanted to see her before I saw my roommates.
The door finally buzzes and I grab the handle. I was beginning to wonder if she’d buzz at all since it seemed to take forever after the text.
Does she have someone else up there?
I just assumed she wouldn’t. Not that we discussed being exclusive or anything but she also hadn’t been with anyone since high school so I kind of just assumed she’d be alone. I hope I’m not making a big mistake. Hopefully, she’ll forgive me when I give her my latest purchase.
She opens the door immediately after my knock and I hold out the package.
“I thought I’d deliver this myself.”
She smiles and holds her arms out.
Now that’s the greeting I was hoping for.
I pull her close and kick the door closed behind me then bend and kiss her.
Damn, it feels like home when I’m with her. A different kind of home than when I’m with the guys, but just as right.
She’s holding on so tight, not that I mind, I missed her too, but she’s tense.
I break the kiss and pull back.
“You okay?”
“Sure,” she brightens. “I’m just surprised you’re here. I didn’t think you got in until later and then I figured you’d go home.”
“Nope. Missed you too much.”
She just smiles and shakes her head. “Well come in and tell me about your trip.” She takes my hand and leads me to the living area.
“Want a beer, wine, water, food?”
“Just you.”
She sinks down on the couch and I hand her the package.
Bethany tears it open and laughs. “I cannot believe you kept buying me fabric.”
“The lady in the first store said I couldn’t go wrong, even if none of the fabric worked.”
Bethany’s smile softens. “She’s right.” The she blinks at me. “Unless it was all black.”
“At the second shop the lady said I was a keeper, so you need to remember that.”
Bethany chuckles. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“At the last shop, where I got these, the lady said it was romantic.”
I am kind of proud of myself. I don’t know if any of these colors will work, but Bethany does appreciate getting the fabric.
She sets it aside and takes my hand. “I’m glad you’re home.”
“Me too.” I kiss her again. What I really want to do is haul her up to that bed and sink deep, but sitting here is nice too.
“Did you have plans tonight?” Something else I probably should have asked before barging in.
“Nope.”
“Good, because I want to spend time with you.”
“I’d like that.”
Something is off with Bethany, but I can’t put my finger on it. I think she is glad to see me, but she’s kind of tense too. It’s like I can feel it rolling off her.
“Is anything wrong?”
Her eyes widen slightly before she quickly shakes her head. “I’m good. You just took me by surprise.”
I want to believe her and maybe it is just the surprise, but until she loosens up a bit, we aren’t going up to the loft.
“Let’s see if any of the colors work.”
“Seriously?” She laughs. “You want to check the quilt colors now?”
“I just carried these remnants nearly three thousand miles. Of course I want to know if they work.” And maybe when she’s working with the fabric she’ll relax and tell me what’s really on her mind.
“Fine!” She gets up from the couch and takes the package and then spreads the fabric out. While s
he’s doing that, I head to the bathroom, switch on the light and am stopped in my tracks.
Well, at least I know why she’s tense. Or I assume the tests on the counter have a lot to do with it.
“Bethany?”
“Yeah,” she calls.
“How late are you?”
Shit!
How could I have forgotten the tests were on the bathroom counter? I’d planned on hiding them before he came over.
Christian comes around the corner and looks at me.
“How late?” he asks again.
I’m going to be sick. We only had that weekend, and then two weeks of texts and phone calls. A guy like Christian, who is only twenty-three, does not want to suddenly be saddled with a child.
He frowns and there is concern in his dark eyes as he comes forward. “Are you about to have a panic attack?”
I’ve been on the verge of one all day. “I’m sorry,” I blurt out.
“Sorry? It’s not your fault the condom broke.”
“But I knew the pill was at 50% and shouldn’t have risked it, even if I thought I was safe.”
“Like one of those morning after pills?” There is a slight edge to his tone.
Wouldn’t he have rather I did that? “I was going to ask a doctor at the hospital, but then we got busy, and by the time I remembered, it would have been too late to do that anyway.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
I blink up at Christian. Is he serious? “Most guys would have wanted me to.”
“Not me.” He pulls me close and I rest my head against his chest.
At least he doesn’t hate me, which was my deepest fear.
“I put it off because I knew I couldn’t,” I finally admit. “I know that a lot of women prefer the morning after pill because they will never know if unprotected sex may have created a baby, but I’d always wonder, and then second guess myself if I did the right thing.”
He rubs his hands up and down my back. It’s so comforting and I’m so glad he isn’t pissed. Of course we don’t have an answer yet and maybe the reality of the situation hasn’t sunk in.
“How late?” he asks again.
“Six days.”
“And that’s not normal?”
“When I’m not on the pill nothing is regular and the reason I am on it. I don’t know what to think right now.”
He leans back and looks down at me. His eyes are warm and caring, and I pray they always look at me that way.
“I take it you haven’t taken the test yet, though you could take it four times over,” he teases.
“I was too afraid.”
“I’m here now. Nothing to be afraid of.” He says it in a way that he can protect me from all monsters. Not that a potential pregnancy is a monster, but he’s so comforting and understanding about all of this that I almost want to cry.
“I planned on doing it tomorrow morning.”
“Why wait?”
“More accurate result.”
He gives a nod. “Then, you’ll take the test tomorrow and I will be here with you.”
“You’re not freaked out by this?”
Christian chuckles. “Not at all. It’s kind of been in the back of my mind anyway. You warned me about the percentage of the pill, and the condom did break.”
I blow out a sigh and finally start to relax. He doesn’t seem to hate me yet, but we don’t have a result either.
“When were you going to tell me?”
“I wasn’t sure if I was going to say anything if it was negative. If it was positive, well, I don’t know, to tell you the truth. I was kind of afraid. It isn’t like we’ve been dating for months or anything. It was a weekend.”
Christian pulls me close again. “Oh, Bethany, we still have a lot to learn about each other.”
Clearly because he isn’t reacting at all like I expected.
“Let’s get some sleep. In the morning you’ll do the test, and then we’ll figure out what to do next, depending on the result.”
Like I’m going to be able to sleep. “Isn’t it kind of early to go to sleep?”
He leans down and puts his forehead against mine. “We should go to bed.” He winks. “Later we’ll sleep.”
My body heats and nipples tighten. “I really haven’t welcomed you home properly.”
“No you haven’t,” he scolds playfully. “Besides, you promised to examine my balls.”
“I showed you how to examine your own balls, remember.”
“Yes, but it’s not as fun and you promised.” He grabs my hand and leads me up the stairs to the loft. “Now get naked woman so we can do some examining.”
32
Bethany could be pregnant with my kid. I want to shout and jump with excitement, and I would if she wasn’t so petrified by the idea.
At least it explains the tension I sensed when I first walked in, but was she afraid of the results or my reaction more?
Hell, it could be a combination because most guys would be on edge too. But, most guys aren’t me.
Bethany just stands by the bed when we get to her room.
“Clothes?”
“Nope.”
My stomach sinks. Is she going to cut off the sex until she knows if she is pregnant or not? “You don’t want to have sex?” Maybe she’s too uptight and nervous about what she may perceive as impending doom. I kind of get that she might not be in the mood, all things considered.
“If I am going to do a proper exam, I can’t be unclothed.”
I frown. “Are you getting clinical on me?”
“You want an examination, so I’m going to give you one.” She’s being all serious, but the corner of her mouth twitches just slightly. Bethany is going to have fun with me and I’m going to let her.
“Now, you get naked.”
“Do you have an embarrassing gown for me to put on? Like the ones that open in the back and let your butt hangs out?”
“Why would I need that? I’d only have to push it up to expose your balls.”
“Good point.”
Quickly I strip off all of my clothes. My dick is already hard. “What now?”
“On the bed.”
I comply, stretching out, and naked as the day I was born.
Bethany comes around to my side of the bed, studying me.
I expect her to grab my dick, or fondle my balls, but instead, she places her hands against my neck and starts feeling around with her fingers. “What are you doing?”
“Giving you a thorough examination,” she answers.
“I thought you were just going to examine my balls.”
She shakes her head and tisks. “All of you, Christian. I’m going to examine every single inch.”
My cock gets harder. Is this what playing doctor is like?
She skims her hands down my arms and through my fingers. It’s not so much of an examination as it is sensual caresses.
Then she fans her hands over my chest, teasing my nipples, then skims her fingers down my abdomen.
My dick jumps in anticipation as she nears.
Except, she avoids my cock and runs her hands down my thighs before moving between my legs and caressing the insides as she moves closer to my ball sack.
“You’re killing me, you know.”
“Am I?” her blue eyes twinkle with mischief. “Then maybe I should get to the heart of the matter.”
“You’re the nurse.”
With that, she grabs my cock and gently massages it. I’m going to come before she ever touches my balls.
“Very nice,” she says right before she bends and takes me in her mouth.
My hips about come off the bed.
This is not what I was expecting, but she’ll get no argument from me.
As Bethany’s hot mouth is around my dick, her fingers start fondling my balls. Gently, but I can tell she is examining them by the way the tips of her fingers are pressing. Just like she showed me at the booth at the health fair. It’s the oddest sensation and nobody
has ever touched my balls like that before. Not that I can concentrate all that well because of what her mouth and wicked tongue are doing to my dick.
For a moment she pauses and goes back.
Her tongue stops and her mouth opens.
Her fingers go back over where she’s been, a couple of times.
Then she switches to the other side and her tongue and mouth begin to work their magic again.
I blow out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. For a minute there I was afraid she really did find something.
After her examination, Bethany gives her full attention to my dick. As my cock swells and balls draw up, I’m not sure if I should warn her, but she stays and takes it all in until I’m drained.
With a sigh she sits up and then lays down next to me.
Except her eyes aren’t smiling and the tension is back.
Of course, I did nothing to relieve her stress, which I should see to, as soon as I’m recovered.
Damn, she is one talented lady.
Just when I didn’t think this day could suck more than it already did, I find a lump. The whole time I’ve talked about examining Christian’s balls, I never really expected to find anything. Nobody really does, but examinations are important and this is exactly why
It’s small, so small that I almost didn’t notice it. However, the size doesn’t matter. The fact that it’s there is a concern.
“You okay?”
How can I even answer that? I may be pregnant and I found a small lump in your right testicle. Things are fucking peachy!
“Bethany?”
Now he’s getting worried.
Well, he should be, but I just can’t say the words.
Christian sits up.
“What is wrong?”
I take a deep breath. “I found a lump.”
He stills. “This isn’t a game, is it?”
I look into his eyes. “I would never joke about this. Never.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “Lay down and give me your hand.”
Shake, Rattle and Roll: The Baxter Boys #4 (The Baxter Boys ~ Rattled) Page 18