“Bethany?”
I blink. “Sorry. I’m just surprised to see you.” Did he hear me puking in the bathroom? That isn’t something I want to explain right now.
“Are you okay? You are kind of pale and you ducked out of your graduation?”
No, I’m not okay. I’m pregnant with your child and am suffering from morning sickness even though it’s three in the afternoon. “The heat got to me and I haven’t really eaten today.” Neither of those is a lie. In fact, since I woke up my stomach has been in knots for fear that this is exactly what would happen since Mary told me everyone was coming to graduation. I was scared to death that I’d have to face Christian because I wasn’t ready. I’m still not, but here he is.
The side of his mouth tips. “You were eating during graduation.”
Crap, I was hoping nobody could tell. “Grabbed some crackers on the way in because I knew I needed something in my stomach.”
He nods. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
“Mary tells me that you are going to be working with her in the ER.”
What else has Mary told you, I want to ask, but I don’t. “Yep. I have a week off and then start on the graveyard shift.”
He makes a face.
“Really, thirds aren’t bad and I get to sleep all day.” Except who the hell am I going to find to babysit overnight and how am I going to ever sleep when I’ll have a child who is awake when I’d need to sleep?
It’s just one more problem I need to figure out about motherhood. Except, by then, Christian will know and despite what our relationship may be, I don’t doubt that he will step up and help. It’s just getting past the awkwardness of how we are going to deal with it that we have to get through. Except, I’m not up to dealing with it today, and I do have a few more weeks until I have to.
“What are you doing after graduation?”
“Going home.” I shrug.
“Come with us?”
I shake my head. “That’s not a good idea. Go have your celebration with Kelsey and Mary.”
“And Nina,” he adds.
It takes a minute for me to remember. Nina is Dylan’s younger sister and she graduated from high school last night. “Big party planned?”
“Just a big dinner. Alyssa has to work tonight, Zach has to perform and Nina has to work, so it’s just dinner.”
Mary told me that Zach is a female impersonator, but I’ve never seen him all decked out to perform.
“What about a date?”
I blink at him.
Christian takes a step forward. “Go out with me tonight. After the dinner and all that. Just the two of us.”
“Why?”
“Because, I want to start over.”
“Is that even possible?”
“I need a do-over, Bethany. I really do.”
“Why?”
“Because I need you.”
He words hang heavy between us.
“You didn’t before.”
“I did. I was afraid.”
His dark eyes hold mine and my heart begins to melt. I am too fucking vulnerable around him.
The doors to the auditorium open and the graduates start coming out. Mary spots us, waves and pushes her way through the crowed.
“We can’t talk here,” he says.
“No.”
“I’m picking you up at seven.”
“What if I have plans?” I can’t just let him waltz back into my life and start making decisions when I don’t know if he’s going to shut me down in a heartbeat if things get tough.
“Cancel them. I’ll be at your place at seven.”
Before I can answer, Mary is there and grabbing me in a hug. “We are done!”
I laugh because it does feel good to have school over and at least one pressure off me.
“Smile,” someone calls and Mary turns me and before I know it, Ryan is snapping photos of us. This is so not what I wanted.
“Kelsey, get in there too.”
In a blink, Kelsey is on the other side of me and we are grinning at the camera. I allow myself a moment to enjoy, to be included, but not even a crystal ball will tell me if that will hold for the future.
“Where’s Nina?” Dylan calls.
“I’m here,” she grumbles.
“Get in with them.”
“Haven’t you taken enough pictures?” she argues.
“Not with all four graduates.”
All four of us—as if I do belong. That may not always be, but I do have one comfort, if anything, my child will have a huge family that loves him or her. I glance at the faces of those who have been with Christian since high school, and know, in my heart, that this baby will know more love than it can begin to imagine.
Tears spike my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away.
“You okay?” Mary asks in a whisper.
“Just emotions.” I pull away from her, Kelsey and Nina. “Gotta go.” Then I slip through the crowd and disappear, my heart heavy and my throat clogged with tears. In the end, Christian might not be mine, but at least I know my baby will be okay.
42
I’ve waited six weeks to spend time with Bethany, but it feels like a lifetime. I’ve missed her more than I thought it possible to miss another human being and as much as I keep telling myself that what we had was short and new, and that we didn’t really get the chance to explore what is us, it hasn’t changed the feelings in my gut, heart and head. They are all just as strong as they were. I fell fast and hard for Bethany that weekend and haven’t recovered. Now, I just need to prove myself and win her back, if that is even possible.
After taking a deep breath, I push the buzzer at her building. A second later she answers. “Be down in a sec.”
So, she isn’t letting me come up. That’s probably a good thing. All I’ve wanted was to have her alone and I’m afraid that I’ll forget to talk and tell her everything I need to if we are in the loft. Instead, I’ll be thinking about holding and kissing her. That cannot happen. Not yet at least, because I am starting over and doing this right.
Bethany rounds the corner and gives me a smile. My pounding heart calms somewhat as I smile back. I’ve got to make this work and I can’t fuck up again.
“Hey,” she says as she comes out.
“Hey.” I grin, so fucking happy to see her and relieved that she’s with me.
“Where are we going?”
“That is a surprise.” I grin even bigger and escort her to the car I called. No subway tonight.
Unlike the first time we shared a car, there is plenty of room in the backseat for both of us to sit without touching. I want to touch. Hell, I want to pull her close and have her head against my heart again, where she belongs, but not yet.
“How have you been feeling?” she asks.
“Good. The surgery and radiation took more out of me than I ever anticipated, but I’m finally beginning to feel good again.”
“That’s great. Mary assured me that there were no complications and everything went as it should have.”
Does that mean she asked about me?
“I didn’t ask,” Bethany says after a minute. “It wasn’t my place, but Mary still gave me reports.”
I wish she had been asking, but I thought Mary didn’t want to be the go-between. Maybe she’s been secretly working on my side.
“There is still some recovery. It’s only been six weeks, and I get tired, but I’m way ahead of where I was a month ago.”
“It was a major surgery and radiation. It’s not something you can bounce back after in a few weeks. Your body needs to heal.”
I don’t want to talk about me or the surgery, or have just a general conversation. “I thought your parents were coming to your graduation.”
Then she explains how her dad was injured, had surgery and is at home recovering.
“Are you going to go home?” I hold my breath.
“I wanted to since I have a week before I report to work, but they want me to just remain here
and relax. Enjoy myself before I do the adult thing.” She laughs, but there is little humor.
“Sorry about your dad and I hope he’s going to be okay.”
“He will be. If I thought he wasn’t, I would have been on the first plane after my last class. It wasn’t like I had to be at the ceremony to graduate.
The car pulls up to the newsstand. “It’s time you met my other family.”
Her blue eyes go wide and then she slowly smiles. “I’d like that.”
After Christian helps me out of the car he takes my hand and leads me to the newsstand. Maybe he wants to buy something because there is nobody here except some guy at the counter. This stand is a little bigger than others around New York, in that it goes deep, and not wide, taking up the sidewalk.
Christian nods to the guy like he knows him and keeps going to the back wall. That’s when I hear the click. “Have a good night,” the guy says just as Christian pulls on a handle and opens a hidden door.
“Where are we going?”
“To Bee Bee’s.”
I look around. Whatever this is, it’s well-lit behind the newsstand with a rather larger foyer and then stairs leading down.
“Didn’t I mention that Bee Bee’s is a Speakeasy?”
“You’re kidding me?” I knew there were some in New York, left over from prohibition, or popped up just to embrace the idea of the hidden clubs for the short time that alcohol was illegal, but I’d never been to one.
“Nope. This place has been here since the 1920’s and the owner saw no need to change anything even after he could sell alcohol again.” We start going down the stairs. “With the exception of adding in modern conveniences and things like that, the place really hasn’t changed all that much. At least from what I can tell from the old pictures.”
I bite my lip in excitement when we finally reach the bottom step. I thought maybe drinks, with only Christian drinking and me thinking up a reasonable excuse why I’m not having a glass of wine. I didn’t expect him to bring me to Bee Bee’s, the place where he fell in love with music.
He ushers me inside and it’s like I stepped back in time. Dark with several square tables that seat only four, covered in white tablecloths and a candle in the middle of each. To the right is a long bar of dark wood and bottles of probably every alcohol imaginable. Along the perimeter are small booths, far more intimate for sitting and watching than the tables. At the far end is a slightly raised stage with various instruments waiting to be played. In front of it, a small dancefloor. The only thing missing from what I also thought a jazz/blues club would have from back in the day, is the heavy smoke. Of course, it’s been years since people have been able to smoke inside, but I can imagine the haze that must have hung here decades ago.
“Are the guys playing tonight?” Christian asks the bartender.
“They’re starting up at eight.”
Christian nods and leads me to a small booth. Part of me wishes he’d take a table, but a booth is a bit more private, which is good and bad.
A waitress, wearing a flapper dress with her hair in a short, tight bob stops at the table. “Good to see you, Christian. It’s been a long time.” Then she looks at me, the curiosity in her green eyes.
“Too long,” he says. “Mind letting the guys know I’m here?”
“Sure thing. What can I get you while you wait?”
He orders a beer.
“Orange juice.”
He gives me a questioning look as the waitress walks away.
“My stomach was weird earlier, so I don’t want to chance anything.”
“Do you want to leave? Are you still sick?”
“I’m good.” I assure him. And, as long as my hormones don’t kick in and mess with my stomach, I will remain good. “This place is really something.”
“Yeah, it is.” He grins.
As the waitress returns with our drinks an older man comes out.
“Christian,” he calls as he holds out his arms.
Christian is on his feet in a moment and engulfed. My heart swells when I see the obvious love in the guy’s face for Christian. Just another reminder that there will be love in my child’s life, even if he or she has two separate households.
“And, who is this?” he gestures to me.
“Bethany.” Christian’s voice is almost a caress when he says my name. “She’s special, Louie.”
“I knew that already because she’s the first person you’ve ever brought around.”
My face heats.
Louie turns to the waitress. “Tell the guys to get out here and that Christian brought a lovely young lady with him.”
“Looks like you are about to meet the guys.” Christian winks at me.
“Now I know what’s been taking up all of your time and why you haven’t been around in at least two months.” Louie laughs.
I don’t correct him. It’s up to Christian to tell him what was really going on, but I’m surprised he hadn’t told Louie before now.
“I wish it was because of Bethany.” He pushes his fingers through his hair. Then he tells Louie about the testicular cancer and that he is recovered. The man was shocked, then chastised Christian for not saying anything before now, then chastised Christian for always keeping things in and then leaned in. “But you are okay now, right?”
The worry in the old man’s eyes pulls on my heart.
“I’m good. I promise.
“But, does everything still work?” He asks even quieter.
I swear, Christian’s face could go up in flames by how red it just turned.
“Yes. Everything works.”
“The radiation didn’t hurt the chance of future children?” Louie asks. “I know how important a family and children are to you, so I hope that is okay too.”
“They were very careful when they did the radiation so the other one was protected. But, if there are problems, I’ve left a donation with the sperm bank. I might not get children the old-fashioned and fun way, but they’d still be from me.”
I had no idea that he set sperm aside. Of course, it’s the smart thing to do in his situation. Then guilt settles because I haven’t told him that he will have at least one child who was conceived in the old-fashioned way, and not by artificial insemination.
“Good.” Louie nods.
Other guys come from the back and Christian introduces me. “Johnny, he plays keyboards.”
If I remember, Johnny is also the attorney who helped Christian get out of jail. “Roy, Mick, Miles and Davey.” He says, then brings two younger guys up. “This is Junior,” he says about the tall guy with short dark hair, short dark beard and deep brown eyes. “He’s Johnny’s grandson and now plays in his place.”
Christian’s eyebrows raise.
Junior holds out his hand to shake Christian’s. “John or Tripp even. My dad was Junior and these guys keep forgetting that.”
I cover my mouth so they don’t see my smile. I went to school with kids who were called Junior and they hated it.
“Tripp?” Christians asks.
“The third,” he explains like Christian should have figured it out.
“Of course,” he laughs. “John or Tripp but not Junior?”
“Please no.” Then John/Tripp shoots a look to the older guys. I can tell they aren’t going to stop calling him Junior.
“Getting too old for this kid,” Johnny says as if by way of explanation.
“And this is Oliver, Mick’s grandson, who now plays in his place.”
“I’m old too.” Mick laughs.
Then Louie turns to Christian. “I’m also getting too old for this.” His eyes bore into Christian’s.
“It’s time to start the set,” Miles says and the guys head to the stage. All of them except Johnny and Mick. They were still standing there looking at us.
Christian slowly smiles. “Why don’t we take a table so we can sit together?”
The two men grin, but lead us to one of the back tables. “We can talk better wit
hout all of that noise up front.”
“That’s music, Mick.”
“I’ve heard it enough,” he brushes the concern off.
“But Bethany never has,” Christian points out.
“She’ll still hear from back here.”
Christian just rolls his eyes and then puts a hand at the small of my back as we follow the other two.
My skin heats beneath his palm and my stomach flips. It happens every time Christian touches me, but I can’t allow myself to be affected by him right now. We’ve got a long way to go before I fall again.
The place is filling up by the time we get to our table. “Is it always like this?”
“It will be standing room only within an hour,” Johnny says and holds out a chair for me.
43
I wanted Bethany to meet Louie and the guys, not be ambushed by them. So much for the quiet, conversation I had planned on us having in that intimate booth.
“Louie told us what happened on that tour you took and how the others ran out on a gig for the shot at a recording deal.” Johnny says.
“Did they ever get it?” Mick asks.
The waitress returns to the table and the guys order bourbon.
“I have no idea if they got a deal or not. Haven’t talked to them and I don’t plan on it.”
“They weren’t good for you. It was great at first, playing around campus, but you’re better than them.”
I’m not, but I know better than to argue with these two.
“Are you playing anywhere or with anyone else?” Johnny asks.
I glance at Bethany. “Nope, haven’t really had time.”
She gives me a small smile. “I had plans on getting something set up or trying to decide what to do when I got back from Portland, but other things took over.
Mick narrows his eyes on Bethany, as does Johnny. They blame her, I can see it in their faces.
“It’s not what you think?”
“It’s not?” Johnny comes back. “You haven’t been around in over two months and now you bring a girl here when you never have. I think we know exactly why.”
They are blaming her and I need to fix that right now. “I got sick.”
Their eyes shift to mine and again I’m talking about the cancer, when I don’t want to talk about it at all. I want to forget about it, even for one night, but I can’t let these guys think Bethany had anything to do with my not playing or coming around. I need them to like her.
Shake, Rattle and Roll: The Baxter Boys #4 (The Baxter Boys ~ Rattled) Page 25