Sleepless Nights
Page 18
As he changed into first, Sarah looked at the strong but gentle hand on the gear lever and then at the forceful profile of the man beside her. She gave a sigh of contentment and settled back in her seat to enjoy the rest of this wonderful day and look forward to the night
EPILOGUE
THREE months later, on the afternoon before their wedding, Neal drove her out of London to the village where they would live when they returned from their honeymoon.
Although their future home was called Fig Tree Cottage, it was actually a row of cottages which had been knocked into one low, rambling house. Since they had bought it, it had been rearranged yet again and was now two separate dwellings, one for them and one for Sarah’s mother and a live-in carer, a kind and capable woman who had been found by Neal’s mother.
The plan was that Neal and Sarah would live at his flat in London during the week, spending weekends in the country. That way they would be in close touch with her mother but not so close as to cause any friction.
This afternoon they were taking some wedding presents to the cottage. Although it was going to be a simple ceremony, there would be a lot of people present because Neal had numerous friends who would have been offended at being excluded.
During the drive down, Sarah remembered that she hadn’t read Neal’s latest column in today’s issue of The Journal. It was lying on the back seat. She reached behind her for it, then searched the awkwardly large pages until she spotted his photograph and by-line. She folded the paper into a convenient size and started to read. Neal was playing a tape but had all his attention on the road because it was raining heavily. But tomorrow evening they would be flying to a Caribbean island, Anguilla, which the newspaper’s travel editor had assured them was still unspoiled by mass tourism.
The column began with a piece about dealing with nose bleeds, went on to discuss remedies for fungal nail infections and ended with some comments on ways of dealing with infertility. It was this last section that activated the one last doubt still lurking in Sarah’s mind.
She didn’t read the rest of the paper but replaced it on the back seat and sat deep in thought. Without her noticing, both the music and the rain stopped. She only became aware of this when Neal said, ‘You’re very quiet, darling. Are you died?’
There had been a lot to do in recent weeks, but it hadn’t tired her. She had never felt more alive and energetic.
‘No... I feel fine,’ she said, trying to shrug off her secret anxiety, but not entirely succeeding.
‘Something’s the matter... tell me.’
The longer they were together, the more quickly he sensed what was going on in her mind. This particular concern was one they had already talked about, Neal being adamant that he wouldn’t let her take the chance of having a baby, both for her own sake and also that of the child. As a doctor he knew the risks. That some women older than Sarah had had no problems didn’t alter his view.
‘You’re not still worrying about the baby business, are you?’ he asked.
‘I can’t help it,’ she admitted. ‘I’m sure you’d feel the same if the situation were reversed... if I were still in my thirties and you were unable to give me a child.’
‘I’d take it for granted that, if you told me you loved me, you meant it. Nothing else mattered. I’d also assume you were mature enough to know that no one is entitled to anything. Compared with a lot of people around the world, we’re damn lucky if we have a few good things in our lives. It’s childish and selfish to expect everything.’
‘I know that, but still—’
‘Listen to me, Sarah. I want you...only you. For all I know I may be infertile. But if I am, and even if you were younger, I wouldn’t expect it to worry you. It may not be long before Matthew falls in love and fathers some children. Meanwhile we have my sisters’ brood around. So put this out of your mind and concentrate on all we have going for us. It’s a lot.’
The firmness, almost sternness, of his tone finally convinced her. She saw what a burden it would be for him if she went on fretting and worrying about something that couldn’t be altered.
‘You’re right,’ she said, in a positive tone. ‘Believe me, I know how lucky I am.’
‘How lucky we both are,’ he corrected.
Sarah had given a great deal of thought to her wedding outfit. Eventually she had chosen a very simple ankle-length cream silk suit and a cream straw picture hat with the front of the brim swept back so that it wouldn’t get in the way when the moment came for their first married kiss.
She walked up the aisle of the small London church near where the Kennedys lived on the arm of her son, with Neal’s eldest niece walking sedately behind them, thrilled at this opportunity to be a bridesmaid, being the only one among her schoolfriends who hadn’t played this role before.
The Kennedy guests were occupying both sides of the aisle because there were many of them and not many Anderson guests. Naomi, to her own and Sarah’s surprise, was accompanied by Royce Baring. They had both thought that weddings were occasions he would prefer to avoid.
Sarah’s wish, as she smiled at them on her way to where Neal was waiting for her, was that one day Naomi would feel as happy and secure as she herself was feeling.
‘You look gorgeous, Mum,’ Matthew had told her, in the vestibule of the church.
He was looking very good himself, in a new suit bought on the strength of a job on a trade magazine that Neal had engineered for him.
Never having known what it was like to have someone ready and willing to take all her problems onto his much broader shoulders, Sarah still wasn’t used to being lavished with tender loving care.
At the chancel steps, she removed her hand from her son’s arm and Matthew stepped aside to make way for his soon-to-be stepfather. Sarah looked up into the smiling grey eyes of the man she loved.
She was on the threshold of a future that, a few months ago, she wouldn’t have believed was possible. Since her meeting with Neal, there had been many sleepless nights; some spent in his arms, some alone, racked by worries and uncertainties.
Tonight would be another sleepless night because they were crossing the Atlantic on a flight that didn’t take off till late in the evening. Perhaps they would doze a little. Perhaps they would talk. They had so much to talk about, so much still to discover.
Together they faced the parson who was going to marry them. But, in their hearts, all the vows had already been made.
ISBN: 9781472068033
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
© Anne Weals 2013
First Published in Great Britain in 2013
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