by RuPaul
Dedication
To all you sweet, sensitive souls out there in the world—
look for the light in the world, in people, in places,
in art and music. Light will lift you up.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Foreword by Jane Fonda
Introduction
GuRu
Become Your Own GuRu
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
About the Publisher
Foreword
by Jane Fonda
I was so honored when my friend RuPaul Charles asked me to write a few words for his new book, GuRu, which you now have in your hands. Like you, I have witnessed all the beauty and power that is RuPaul. But I have been lucky enough to experience this in person—most recently when Ru asked me to present him with his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame earlier this year. That was a very special day—for both of us. RuPaul reminded me that seeing me as Barbarella on the cover of Life magazine had been an early inspiration for him. I was touched, as one always is when you hear that you’ve inspired someone. But it is truly wonderful when the person you inspired is someone who has inspired so many themselves.
RuPaul has touched millions in his three decades in the public eye. He has done this by being who he really is, but finding the best and most powerful version of that person was a journey. In this book, RuPaul presents parts of his journey in words and photographs. Here he tells you what he thinks about his craft, his past, his loved ones, his team, meditation, and how to work through darkness and find the light. With depth, intelligence, and always humor, RuPaul shares the gift of himself in the pages of this book, just as he does on the set of his groundbreaking show, on his podcast, and in all of his work and life. As I said in my introduction of him at the Hollywood Walk of Fame, his star should be three times larger than the rest. I say that because I truly believe that RuPaul’s heart and his accomplishments are three times larger than almost anyone’s I know. It is a pleasure to know him, and GuRu is a pleasure to read. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do.
Introduction
everybody say love
Welcome to the house of Mama Ru, my beautiful child. Here, we will explore the path of the seeker. The one who dares to feel more, to experience more, and to fearlessly love more. Together, we will uncover ancient sacred “realness” that is tried, tested, and found true. I will share everything I’ve learned from the journey thus far; my only wish is that you pass the knowledge along to the next traveler, even if that traveler is me. GuRu is a collection of mantras, sayings, and touchstones that I’ve used throughout this surreal daydream of a life to remind me of who I really am. I am a shapeshifter whose only mission is to experience humanity. It’s as simple as that, but as questions arise, the need to go deeper beckons. I continue to walk through my fears, superstitions, and self-imposed limitations, some with more trepidation than others, but still I keep on walking. Think of GuRu as an additional GPS to be used in support of your own built-in navigation system. How does “drag” factor into all of this? Well, I’m sure you’ve heard me say, “You’re born naked and the rest is drag.” In truth, you are not your clothes, you are not your profession, you are not your religion. You are an extension of the consciousness that guides the universe, for which there is no name because it cannot be defined. That’s why all the superficial things you list as your identity are in reality your “drag.” Years ago, when I heard someone say “we are all God in drag,” I knew it to be the true at my core.
Just know that by stepping through this door, a lot of things you thought to be “real” will be challenged. Basically, prepare for your mind to be blown. Not to worry though, kiddo. This is the new normal for the seeker. Budget in plenty of occasions for the death and rebirth of ideas and concepts.
Drag is the highest form of being, of showing our best selves to the world.
But we have to learn how to love ourselves, and there are a lot of you out there who need some lessons on how to do just that. I say “love yourself” all the time, but knowing how to go about it can be a mystery. Now, listen to me. It’s still an ongoing process for me. The key is to remember to keep yourself up and to keep on walking. Don’t worry about what lies ahead, or if you’re being judged by other people. Use the frequency as your guide.
I’m a living witness to the revelation that once you get rid of all the negativity in your world, everything and everyone that might be blocking you, you will live in the light. Inside of us all is great power, creativity, and beauty. Your saboteurs may have all that same creativity and power, too, and they may trick you into believing that you aren’t worth your value. But when I look out at the world, when I meet my fans, what I see is pure love and gorgeousness. So, what I hope that GuRu will do for you is help you see your own love and gorgeousness, too, and shut out the negativity and naysayers once and for all.
When I was a kid my mother and father divorced, and my father was supposed to come and pick my sisters and me up on the weekends. There we would be, my sisters and I, sitting on that porch waiting for him. And he would not show up. We were the most beautiful kids you’d ever want to see. We really were gorgeous. And all of my time in therapy in the years since then were spent making peace with that moment when my father didn’t appear, when he left us sitting there on that porch waiting for him. Time and time again I have recreated that victimhood in my life, in love, in all kinds of storylines that made me feel the way I felt as an abandoned child. For years, I built my identity around that little boy who was left behind. I didn’t treat myself very kindly, either, because if I was a boy who could be left behind, then why love myself, or honor my body like a temple? I had to learn to let go of that boy so I could start to love.
I like to think of my body as my vehicle, my human machine. At this point, I have put a lot of miles on my vehicle. And sometimes, the wheel likes to turn a little bit to the left when it’s raining. Your body knows when there’s a storm a-brewing, when the vehicle needs a tune-up, and you can take that concept and apply it to every aspect of your life.
When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is stretch, because I’m getting older and this body needs to be stretched. But after that, I get down on my knees and I pray. I pray every single morning. My prayer is very simple, but it is very powerful. It goes like this:
“Dear God [that’s what I say, and you can use whatever you choose], Thank you. I ask that you guide my thoughts, my feelings, and my perceptions. I willingly give you all of my resentments.”
The act of prayer provides the human machine a method for rigging the system. We can’t see ourselves, really, and spiritual practices help us remember that something else is running this whole thing. Prayer, getting down on your knees and deactivating that ego, is acknowledging that there’s a presence greater than myself. It circumvents the whole system and allows for a special intervention between me and something bigger. The ego is completely silent when I am bowing down. After I pray, I meditate. Meditation is like watching a river flowing while you are sitting on the bank. The water is your consciousness. You can watch your thoughts pass by without judgment, allowing your body to become a transmitter, a channeling system. It doesn’t matter how long you do it—two minutes, thirty seconds, twenty minutes—the practice turns your body into a transmitter for a signal that magic can happen.
The acts of meditation and of prayer are the practices that help me reset the machine, shut down the ego, and love myself.
If I had stayed in the mentality of that little boy who was left behind on that porch, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t be doing the things I do, creating the art and living the life I have. I wouldn’t have found the love I have w
ith my husband, Georges, because I would still be so blocked that I would be getting in my own way constantly. We all have angels around us who want to help, but because we have free will they cannot intervene unless we say three little words: “Please help me.” You just have to be brave enough and self-aware enough and love yourself enough to ask. Clear out the blockage that keeps you playing small, keeps you listening to the negative stories in your head, keeps you in the darkness, and move forward into the light. You have the power to move on if you’re willing to let go of the limited perception you have of yourself. You are God’s gift to this world and you are the manifestation of the power that created the whole universe.
The universe always has stage directions for you if you’re open, if you clear a place for it. With GuRu, I challenge each of you to do a diagnostic test on your human machine. Take an objective view and ask, “Where are the places I am stuck?” Use this book as a tool along your journey to discovering that it is no accident that you are here to experience life and humanity, and that is the joy of life. I realized that I didn’t come to this planet in this beautiful body to live this beautiful life to be asleep during the whole process. I have become a seeker, and I know all of you are seekers, too. Find the life you want. Find all that life has to offer. Hopefully, what you find here will inspire you, entertain you, and remind you not to take yourself, or anything for that matter, too seriously. That is what loving yourself is.
Oh, and remember, Mama Ru loves you.
Every twenty-eight years, Saturn returns to the same position where it was at your birth and presents you with challenges. My first Saturn return was horrific, humiliating, and soul-crushing, but very valuable, because when it was over, I realized I had developed an emotional musculature that was tough as steel. I had learned to dig my feet into the ground as the storm passed over me. And in the end, I had real strength and fortitude, and truly understood my own personal resilience. Now, twenty-eight years later, Saturn returns again. Though less traumatic, this time it’s about clearing up unfinished business. Now I’m willing to be emotionally naked, and feel confident in the power that comes from just being me. I feel unafraid to reveal myself, a new level of me. It was exhausting making sure other people were okay with me. Chile, ain’t nobody got time for that! If my outlook and ambition are intimidating to people, so be it. In the past, drag has stealthily allowed my true self to fly under the radar. Revealing all of the unfiltered parts of me is where I am now.
Happiness is wanting what you already have.
Getting ready to go onstage or in front of the cameras is like preparing for battle. When I get all dolled up to film Drag Race, I’ll take six hours. I could do it in two hours, but it’s important for me to make it a deliberately sacred, drawn-out ritual. I have separate rooms for costumes, hair, makeup, and lounging, and even a room for podcasting. The people who help me get ready—“the magic team”—are all filled with the same creative warrior spirit. We know the world is watching, so we want to give them something special. I thrive in a creative atmosphere. That’s why if one of us is not 100 percent, we all have to pitch in and lift the other one up. When I’m alone, I’ve learned to replenish that energy through prayer, meditation, and stillness. Being fully present in the moment will also get you energy.
IF YOU WANT TO BE INVITED TO THE PARTY, YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING TO BRING.
Seeing myself transformed is such a trip. I’ve never gotten used to seeing myself in drag. Or out of drag for that matter. I’ve always felt like The Boy Who Fell to Earth and landed in this body. I want to do as much as I can with this body while I have it. It’s all about honoring this beautiful, gorgeous gift, painting it and decorating it. Why not put on your best every day? Put your best foot forward. Even if it’s just for yourself, even if it is for a trip to the grocery store or to the dry cleaners—why not put on your best?
Never pass up an opportunity to wear a fancy outfit, even if you’re the only one who appreciates it.
I bow down to anyone who will wear a false eyelash between the hours of 9 A.M. and 5 P.M. I bow at their feet, because it is a true commitment to Glamazon. And of course, extra points for lower lashes.
Glamazon defined.
I am truly an introvert masquerading as an extrovert. The Scorpio in me can be very intense for most people. Drag has allowed me to lighten up. The same way that most people express another side of themselves when they dress up for Halloween. In between shots, I like to conserve my energy and just save it all for when the cameras are rolling.
#ASKYOURSELF:
WHO AM I, REALLY?
To the human eye, proportions are everything. Most people don’t realize just how much they react to proportions. I love nudging proportions. I have very long legs, a short torso, and a short neck. You’ll notice that I don’t put a lot of jewelry around my neck. I like to keep the neck area open and unobstructed so as to elongate it. You’ll also see that I take many photos with my mouth open. To get the right proportion for my face. If I wear my hair flat, there is still height at the crown of the head, which elongates everything above the shoulders. It’s all about nudging those proportions to get it right, based on how the human eye perceives silhouettes.
You must be willing to see yourself from outside yourself.
Throughout my career, I’ve relied on a handful of people who have always had my best interests at heart. People whom I love and trust. And who can offer me a unique perspective that I can’t always see on my own. Finding those people is not easy, especially in show business. The people in this photo are those people for me. The man driving this golf cart is someone I met in 1985 in Times Square at a music convention. I was wearing football shoulder pads, a loincloth, and a mohawk. Someone introduced us and in that moment, everything I dreamed was achievable in my career, I saw reflected in his eyes. I could see that he was looking at a superstar. Needless to say, I’ve been working with Randy Barbato ever since. Stick with the ones who have vision. The ones who can not only dream it, but can also make it happen. Stick with the winners, baby.
THE UNIVERSE HAS YOUR STAGE DIRECTION. #PAYATTENTION
From childhood I always felt very unique, yet I could sense that to most people I was invisible. They didn’t know which box to put me in, so I think it was easier to just see past me. Back then, in gay male culture, if you didn’t fit into any of the porn-informed stereotypes, you were seen as a eunuch whose sole purpose was to serve as an accessory. It wasn’t until I got into drag for the first time that people really started to take notice. That first time, and every time since, it felt like Clark Kent turning into Superman. I felt powerful. I felt that people could finally see that I was a force to be reckoned with.
Doing drag doesn’t change who you are, it actually reveals who you are.
When in doubt, go for a three-quarter pose at the camera. It’s an angle that captures the best of the cheekbones, the chin line, and a long neck. A three-quarter pose generally suits most people.
YOU’RE BORN NAKED AND THE REST IS SHADING AND CONTOURING.
I’ve always thought of Halloween as amateur night. Just one day to dress up? REALLY? My philosophy has always been: Why not dress up every day? Even as a kid, I rejected the concept of Halloween for that reason. I loved the candy, but hated the idea of just one sanctioned day for “dressing up.” As an adult, I dress up every day . . . except on Halloween.
Don’t let the weight of the world flatten your weave.
Wow, is that really me? I’ve never quite gotten used to seeing myself in the mirror, in drag or out of drag. The question “Who am I?” always creates a deafening silence in the soul. I believe the depth of that silence is the answer. Where do you begin and end? Who are you? What are you? I still feel like The Boy Who Fell to Earth, fell into this body, and is experiencing humanity, having fun with it.
DON’T BE AFRAID OF YOUR POWER.
I’ve been shunned by whites for being black, by blacks for being gay, and by gays for being fem. The real tee? The ego need
s to feel superior over others. The art of shapeshifting also includes reading the energy in the room. Protect yourself from ignorance and keep out of harm’s way. And know that the hurtful things people say have everything to do with them and not you. It is simply an outward projection of their own self-loathing. Bless them. And by all means, don’t let your ego co-opt the situation or get involved. Part of your job as a businessperson and diplomat is to get what you need and to not take it too personally.
There’s a certain detachment sensitive people must maintain to endure the harsh realities of this world.
Things aren’t always as they seem. There are different levels of consciousness. Different vibrations. Drag reminds us that the divisions we create to make sense of what is real and not real are all but our own little superficial illusions. Go with it and get out of the habit of trying to make sense of it all. Practice just being.
A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE.
SASHAY ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.
My waist is ridiculously cinched and the butt is padded beyond recognition. All of this is because when wearing a traditionally men’s garment in “ladykins” drag, one must overfeminize the body in order to keep the slacks from looking too butch. I mean, come on! A man wearing pants is gonna look totally butch unless you pad that booty to high heaven!