by RuPaul
Shine,
baby,
shine!
Even as a kid, I had no problem walking in high heels. It just came naturally to me. But here’s a bit of advice for those of you who are not so lucky:
If you’re going to a wedding, or some other long, drawn-out event and you aren’t used to wearing high heels, it’s important to remember that closed toes and closed heel pumps are not your friend. Your best bet is a pair of slide-in mules that have an expandable vinyl strap at the low vamp.
I made my entrance in the film To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar, feet first, so I decided to wear a pair of six-inch sandals that had several straps crisscrossing my feet. It only took an hour of standing around, take after take, for those straps to feel like razor blades. Now, when you see the movie, you’ll realize that my feet aren’t showing because they used a close-up shot. I’d worn those shoes for nothing. Oh, well, I was new to moviemaking.
ALWAYS WEAR HIGH HEELS, BECAUSE FLATS ARE FOR QUITTERS.
Why put off till tomorrow what you could do today? And I’m talking about the big-ticket items in life here. Live your life in the now, because you get to a certain age and you realize, “Wow, that was fast.”
If you stay ready, you ain’t got to get ready.
This outfit was designed and constructed by Bob Mackie. He made it for my Las Vegas show at the Sahara Hotel in 1995. He made all the outfits for that show. I grew up watching The Carol Burnett Show and Sonny and Cher on TV. So I worshipped at the feet of their costume designer, Bob Mackie. He was clearly influenced by the MGM musicals because his clothes speak to all that color and all that grandeur. I love this outfit. Coincidentally, I was wearing it the first time I met Cher.
Just because you dreamt it doesn’t make it any less real.
My advice is to keep the actual wedding ceremony very small. Go down to City Hall with a handful of people—your parents or closest relatives or even just the two of you. Maybe have the ceremony in your living room with a handful of people. And then, on a separate day, have a great big blowout reception with food and dancing. I think what messes people up is trying to combine the two on the same day. Save yourself the headache of combining two locations and two attitudes into one day.
Keep an open heart.
We often play small, so as not to threaten other people. We don’t want to intimidate them by our brightness, but the truth is, you do them and yourself a disservice by dimming what you’ve been given—your intelligence, your light. Those are your gifts.
QUICK REMINDER:
Don’t dumb down. Own your greatness.
Everyone knows about the diminishments of growing older, but no one talks about the expanding strengths. Paired with intellect, your intuition grows increasingly stronger and more on point. Even better is the ability to decipher your sense of knowing. You become a master of reading the room.
How tall?
With hair, heels, and attitude, I’m through the motherf%kin’ roof.
All of the artists, performers, and wannabes who had flocked to New York City in my generation had all come to fulfill the Warhol fantasy. We came to claim our fifteen minutes of fame and live like the bohemian rock stars we’d read about in the magazines. I love the Warhol experience. I love the concept of taking a found image and morphing it into another image that speaks to another level of consciousness. Drag really is all about dipping into pop culture and then reshaping it into something else. And the Warhol experience is really all about that, too. The Warhol Superstars were a bunch of dreamers from the middle of nowhere who came to New York, changed their names, dyed their hair, and became the fabulous concoctions of their own imaginations. And isn’t that what we are all doing anyway? Living the dream. If you can dream it, you can be it.
The biggest obstacles I’ve ever faced were my own self-imposed limitations.
MAY THE FIERCE BE WITH YOU.
Young people need mentors and curators. The myths of humankind passed along to the next generations. I was lucky enough to have that. People ten years older who showed me the films of Fellini, Antonioni, and Visconti. They gave me the books of Truman Capote and Tennessee Williams, and retold the stories of rebels past.
I barely speak English, but I’m fluent in throwing shade.
I’ve always been aware that I’m a blessed person. Growing up without a dime to my name, I knew I always had magic. The ability to turn any situation into something special. So if I lost everything tomorrow, I know I’d be just fine. Because here’s the thing—having money and fame only enhances what you already are. If you’re an asshole before you make money or get famous, you’ll be an even bigger asshole after you get rich and famous.
MOST PEOPLE’S IDEA OF WEALTH RELIES SOLELY ON HOW OTHER PEOPLE SEE THEM.
In most of America, we have massive superstores where you can do everything from buying food, medicine, fresh flowers, and electrical appliances to getting your clothes dry cleaned, all in one location. In New York City, it’s very different. You usually have to visit a specific store for each item. Personal relationships are the same way. One person cannot be all things to you like one-stop shopping at a massive superstore. No one wants that kind of pressure or responsibility, and it puts great strain on a relationship. Georges is the great love of my life and my favorite person ever, and he would say the same of me, but we both recognize and acknowledge additional interests outside the universe of two.
“The secret to a happy marriage is separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms.”
—BETTE DAVIS
The character I created called Starrbooty was conceived over thirty years ago. Born of my love for the early 1970s genre of film called Blaxploitation, Starrbooty is strong, compassionate, vulnerable, kind, and powerful. I love stories of people who, against all odds, triumph in an unjust world while looking fabulous and kicking serious ass.
AS DRAG QUEENS, IT’S OUR JOB TO MOCK THE HYPOCRISY, MEDIOCRITY, AND ABSURDITY OF SOCIETY.
Before I hit “the big time,” I spent my time hanging out with a lot of dreamers. Creative people who would fantasize about what it might be like once the world recognized their unique talent. And talented they were! But most of them didn’t have the stamina or the “stickwithitness” it takes to withstand the rejection and humiliation of putting yourself out there to be judged and traded on the open market. Looking back, I guess I didn’t know what I was in for either, but in my mind I had no other choice. I was in it for the long haul. After eleven years of “the hard yards” I finally got my big break. I had “made it,” but no one warned me that the really hard work was yet to come. The biggest challenge is to maintain it and to stay interested in doing the work. It’s very easy to become disillusioned with the business, and hurt by how fickle the audience is. Yes, a support team is essential, but you must also be self-motivated. As I write this, I’m filming Drag Race, recording an album, and developing several other film and TV projects. Exhausted? Damn right, I’m exhausted! But there’s a reason I’ve been the top bitch in the game for more than twenty-five years. Remember, the best time to get a new job is when you already have one.
You’re actually stronger than you allow yourself to be.
The bad news is that your inner saboteur never goes away. The good news is that it can be managed. I make peace with the destructive part of myself everyday that I live and breathe. I’ve learned to recognize the timbre of its voice. I know what it wants and how insidious it can be. Through much despair, I’ve learned that my best defense is to keep the playing field even, and maintain a balance by nurturing my higher Self. I get down on my knees and pray to disarm my Ego. When I physically kneel down to acknowledge a Higher Power, my Ego involuntarily submits. In truth, it really doesn’t matter what you pray to. Just the act of doing it is enough for it to work. I also meditate by focusing on my breathing. That level of stillness creates open spaces in my consciousness for inspiration. I exercise, walk, bike, hike, dance, and eat food that is healthy and alive. All of these
things counteract the heaviness of my saboteur, which wants to pull me down to the depths of despair and helplessness. I hear the voice of my darkness, and I say thanks for sharing, lover, but I’m going to do the opposite of what you’re saying.
YOU OVERCOME THE
“DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL”
BY PERSEVERING.
#LOOKBUTDONTSTARE
I always straighten up the house before our housekeeper comes. I want to put things away in a place where I can find them again. If I’m in a hotel, I don’t want the person cleaning up after me to find a mess. If I’m in a limo, I will tell the driver that I’ll get my own door. It’s important for me to be self-sufficient. Twenty years ago, my therapist suggested that this was because I have an issue with being beholden. She was right, I don’t want to be obligated to anyone. I’d rather just do for myself. And she told me that the gift you can give to other people is allowing them to give you something. That blew my mind. Wow! That was a game changer.
Willingly release the hurt. Don’t let the heartache define you.
Transformation, adaptability, alchemy, and the re-creating of self are the words I live by. Birth and death and rebirth are constant themes in life. Staying flexible, both figuratively and literally, is what being vital is all about. Seeing myself from outside of myself helps. My morning meditation helps with that. We are all constantly changing, but few are willing to embrace those changes. The crucifixion at the end of the first act is meaningless without the resurrection in the second act.
When the going gets tough, the tough reinvent themselves.
Humans are the only species who will deny their animal nature. We are animals and we are sexual beings. We have the ability to reproduce at puberty, yet we keep young people from the information they need to make wise sexual decisions. Knowledge is power. Defend your children by giving them the power of knowledge.
TO UNDERSTAND HUMANS, YOU MUST STUDY THEM AS A SPECIES OF ANIMAL.
I was taught to always make a good first impression because you’ll never get a second chance. It all starts with the handshake. Anytime someone shakes my hand and does it half-heartedly, I correct them. By correcting them I’m saying you may not be engaged, but I certainly am.
A weak handshake coupled with no eye contact says the person is not present, not engaged, and not trustworthy.
Money is a means to get things done, but if you don’t evolve your relationship to abundance, you will always be poor. That’s why you hear about lottery winners who are broke five years later, because their relationship to abundance hasn’t been remapped. A lot of people believe they don’t deserve abundance, and the funny thing about abundance is that the more you have, the more you get. It’s the law of attraction. And most people don’t understand that concept.
Some people are so poor, all they have is money.
Life is hard. There is no way to sugarcoat that cold, hard fact. Modern parents who’ve been extensively self-analyzed have taken it upon themselves to right the perceived wrongs of their childhood by making the world “baby-safe” for their children. That usually results in churning out a bunch of entitled little snot-nose brats who have no concept of truth or consequence. It’s much more difficult to be the diligent voice thinking critically for your child. Children need boundaries. They want boundaries. I believe what keeps this dialogue from happening is the parent’s own narcissism. Imagine a world where children are taught real processing tools, and where people wouldn’t have the need to visit their internal struggle on other people. Handle your shit, ladykins!
The struggle
is real, henny!
Peek-a-Ru,
I See U.
I like to press the proverbial Google Earth button from time to time to instantly change my perspective when shit done got too heavy. I will press that button to refresh my emotional state so I can see the whole landscape and go, “Oh, I’m focused on this one small thing over here? The truth is, that’s not that important.” Having that Google Earth button any time you feel flustered is always a great way to “refresh.”
QUICK REMINDER:
Don’t take life too seriously.
Sometimes I reboot my emotional system by listening to songs that make me cry real hard.
When you find success, sometimes you have to leave old friends behind. And sometimes you have to leave family members behind. It’s sad and heartbreaking, but it must be done. You cannot bring everybody with you, because some will resent you and drag you down to a level that makes them feel more comfortable. Whether your success is money, fame, or weight loss, keep an eye out for people who feel threatened by your ascension. If they can evolve, there’s a place for them. If not, then goodbye. Ever hear the phrase “It’s lonely at the top”?
Ultimately, the fight for success is a battle with yourself.
I love dancing. I have always loved to dance. It’s the way the human spirit gets aroused. The beat of dance music emulates the heartbeat, and we intuitively move to it and get lost in it, and losing yourself opens you up to greater possibilities. I’m so disappointed in these modern times that there aren’t enough places to dance. I’d rather boogie than try to fit in. If other people can’t get with the boogie, I have no time for them.
J’adore la musique et je vis pour danser!
METAPHOR: THERE IS NO FREE LUNCH. YOU’LL PAY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL OR AT THE END, BUT TRUST ME, YOU WILL PAY.
Shine, baby, shine for you. It is about self-preservation. It is the law of nature. It is about investing time in yourself and making sure you have enough love, that you’ve allotted love for yourself by taking the time to be kind to yourself and having some gratitude for this beautiful gift you’ve been given that is life. Being kind to myself is my gift to the world.
If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?
I feel at my core that I am a teacher. I am here to be a conduit. I know how to make magic. I have the ability to help people cross over to their greatness and realize their potential. My presence in the pop landscape has allowed people to see themselves as their superhero. Drag for me has always been my superhero costume. I feel powerful in drag. I think other people see that and believe they can do the same thing.
Ego loves identity.
Drag mocks identity.
Ego hates drag.
Painting the house won’t fix a shaky foundation. Your foundation must be built on something solid, and that solid foundation is love—not the romantic rom-com, fairy tale love, but the frequency that runs through and connects each of us. You must clear a path within yourself for that frequency to live in you and so that your body can communicate that to the world. That is your job.
Ultimately, it’s about the love you give and the love you allow yourself to receive. Everything else fades away.
THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS.
I never set out to become a role model or a trailblazer. My mission was simply to explore life and clear a path within myself to allow the frequency to move through me. Busting through fear has been a constant challenge. Finding places in my consciousness where I feel stuck or unwilling to change is a real downer, but not insurmountable. I can also learn from the experience of others. I’ve learned a lot about life from the mistakes of people I admire. Strangely, that first relationship with my parents is still a touchstone for heartbreak. I know that’s true for most people.
The ego perceives us as separate from one another, but we are not. We are one thing.
I am so proud of DragCon. People from all over the world who love Drag Race can communicate on social media, but there is nothing like meeting your tribe in person. Something magical happens in your consciousness on an emotional, visceral level that is undeniable. DragCon facilitates a conversation between the past and the future. There is no guidebook for the seeker on the road less traveled, but DragCon is a good place to start. It’s a celebration of the tenacity of the human spirit.
Now it can be told!
“EVERY MAN HAS
INSIDE HIMSELF A PARASITIC BEING WHO IS ACTING NOT AT ALL TO HIS ADVANTAGE.”
—WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS
I realize that no one has been crueler to me than I have been to myself. The most dangerous place on earth is inside my head. I laugh because otherwise I would cry. I have to give myself a break. This is also true for people who are unkind to other people—you have to realize that the unkindness that those people are projecting outwardly at innocent people is just a fraction of what they’re doing to themselves.
How much are you willing to leave behind in order to lighten your load?
EMOTIONALLY WE ARE STILL A VERY PRIMITIVE CULTURE.
I have love for all the sweet sensitive souls. We transcend all labels, descriptions, and limitations. We are everything and nothing at all.