Elements of Ruin (Hijinks Harem Book 2)

by C. M. Stunich

  “Ah, I guess?” I chewed at my lip. “Well, are Warden and Dustin on their way then? Because if we are winging it”—I tried really hard not to make a dragon joke right there—“we could really use the backup.”

  “Yeah, they just texted back a couple of minutes ago,” George said, rubbing a hand over that strong chin of his. “They should be here in about ten.”

  “Okay, so … we wait until they're here, so that we're evenly matched with Bio Dad?” I checked and the guys all nodded. “And then … what? We're trying to kill them? Because I'm not one hundred percent sure how I feel about killing the biological parents I've never really met.” Our lack of relationship did stem from them trying to murder me and my husbands, but still. If they were dead, then I'd never actually have a chance at a relationship, right? I didn't even know the moms' fucking names.

  “Maybe,” George hedged, seemingly noticing my discomfort. He stepped close and put a hand on my lower back, rubbing my spine in soothing circles. “Or maybe we just incapacitate them? Perhaps if we can separate them all from one another then COCS can detain them and put them in prison? COCS does have access to cells specifically designed to hold elementals.”

  “Or we could just kill them all,” Billy suggested again, and I bit my lower lip.

  “I thought you said Joan was sending her COCS shafts … I mean soldiers down here earlier?” I asked Reg and he shrugged.

  “I thought she was, too? Either they're going the incognito route or they're just taking their sweet ass time getting here. Wankers.” Reg scowled down at the crowd on the dance floor below us, like he was looking for his dads.

  “Okay, well there's that at least,” I pondered. “So let's just start by trying not to get killed while we wait for COCS' help. That sounds like a pretty sweet plan to me.” Also, that plan seemed to involve the least amount of work on my part, which I liked.

  My guys all nodded their agreement, like this was a sound plan. It was not. But it was the best we had on short notice, so it'd have to do.

  “Ten minutes until Warden and Dustin arrive, huh?” I looked around the room we were in and spotted a makeshift bar set up out of milk crates down at the far end. “Well, fuck it. Let's get some drinks then.”

  Okay, yeah sure. I drank too much. So, what? At least I wasn't a meth addict or something. There were certainly worse vices to be had.

  Shane headed over to the grotesque creature serving drinks and returned with a tray full of neon glowing shot glasses, handing out one to each of us.

  “Um, I'm not usually one to question my alcohol, but what the hell is this, Shane?” I peered at the liquid suspiciously, and sure enough it really was glowing. Like it was radioactive or something.

  “Ah,” Shane hedged. “You don't really want to know. It's a common shot for supernaturals on a night out though. Alcohol takes longer to get us drunk than humans, so we tend to stick with this sort of thing instead, or else we'd just be spending way too much money on human liquor.”

  “Okay, makes sense.” I had been noticing that I wasn't getting anywhere near as tipsy as I used to, lately. “But I still want to know what it is.”

  “We'll tell you after you shot it, Firebug.” Billy grinned a wicked grin and threw the glowing blue drink back in one gulp.

  “That bad, huh?” I muttered, intending it to be rhetorical, but Reg snickered.

  “Yup, that bad,” he agreed, shooting his own drink and putting the glass back in Shane's tray.

  “Cheers, honey doll.” Shane clinked glasses with me, and with a deep breath, I slammed the mystery drink down.

  Instantly, my mouth felt like it was on fire, with a line of burning lava making its way down my throat and into my belly where it suddenly turned to ice. Swallowing a couple of times, to make sure I wasn't going to vomit it all back up again, I belched loudly and a puff of ice-cold breath steamed in front of me.

  “Okay,” I groaned. “What the fuck was it?”

  “Pixie spit,” George informed me, not looking in the least bit grossed out by what he'd just said, or drunk, for that matter.

  I squinted at him for a moment. “I could have sworn you just said pixie spit, but that can't be right.”

  “I did,” he confirmed, and my stomach lurched.

  “You'll be fine, ST,” Reg grinned. “Like Shane said, it’s a common version of alcohol in the supernatural world. You'll get used to it. Now let’s go snag that booth so we can sit for a bit while we wait for those other fucking dickwads to show up.”

  Reg ushered us over to a freshly vacated booth made from old car seats and bits of trash, and ordered us another round of—shudder—pixie spit shots while we waited. Thankfully, there wasn't time for a third round before the two sexy as sin elementals showed up, with both my besties in tow.

  “Warden,” I greeted him quietly, trying to meet his gaze and failing as he looked anywhere but at me. “Thanks for coming to help.”

  “You know I've always got your back, girlfriend,” Britt smirked, clambering over me to sit in the booth. “Not really sure why she came, other than to make you feel guilty for fucking her boyfriend.”

  “He's not my boyfriend,” Siobhan snapped, glaring at Britt with a look that could kill. “I came in an official capacity. I need to tell you: CUM won’t budge; it's sticking hard.”

  “Um …” I squinted at her, waiting for elaboration on what sounded just straight up dirty, but I was sure meant something more sinister.

  “I mean, they're not involved in whatever's going on tonight.” She looked relieved which was good, right? I'd been pretty sure CUM was on Daniel's side, so it was just one less thing to worry about.

  “Also, we have news from COCS,” Warden informed us from behind clenched teeth. “They've given an official kill order for Daniel and his sept; they don't think it's even possible to detain them permanently.”

  “Oh shit.” I cocked my head, trying to ignore the slight sinking feeling in my gut. I mean, I wanted them to stop trying to kill me and mine. But did I really want them dead? I supposed I didn't have much choice in the matter. “I guess that's good then? We can leave and let them deal with it?”

  Warden glared at Billy before replying. “Normally, yes. But someone has pissed off Joan by refusing a sept wedding, so they want us to handle it ourselves. The COCS Heads—namely Joan herself—think it'll be good for our relationship to perform a couple of executions together.”

  My forehead dropped to the table and I banged it a couple of times. “So, we're alone in this then? All because COCS are wankers and CUM is sticky?”

  “Essentially, yes,” Dustin answered, snagging a glowing blue shot from a tray that some unsuspecting troll was carrying past, and downed it in one gulp. “Ah, that's good shite, that.” He wiped his mouth off on the back of his hand and growled menacingly at the troll who had been about to object.

  “Fucking gods, you're an asshole,” I muttered, eyeing up the huge Irishman with what was intended as disgust, but probably came out as lust. I hadn't forgotten about that show he had promised me with Warden. If only I hadn't fucked it all up by calling him Max.

  “I have a plan,” Billy announced, and everyone turned their attention to him. “We need to separate Daniel and his harem from the rest of these unsuspecting idiots. The last thing we need is to end up in trouble with troll royalty as well.”

  Shane grunted. “Agreed. We still haven't dealt with Francesca, and we all know she must be madder than a wet hen right now.”

  “Ugh, why do we care if the trolls crack the shits with us?” I rolled my eyes. “They don't seem so scary.” There was a deafening silence around the table as everyone stared at me in shock and disbelief.

  “We're going to pretend you didn't just say that, sugar,” Shane murmured quietly, sliding his hand over my knee and squeezing. “The trolls ... well, darlin', let's just say if we got those fuckers up our asses, they'd give Daniel and the Many Moms a run for their money. We'd best take care not to piss those fuckers off. Go ahead, Bill
y.”

  “Anyway,” Billy gave me a look before continuing. “Did you guys not see how many fucking other quints, sexts, and septs are down there? There's a reason Daniel wanted them gathered all in once place. I say we use Arizona as bait to lure them into another section of the sewers, away from all the partiers, and then collapse the tunnel between the two sections. That way, whatever the hell they're planning to do with the rest of the elemental dumbasses in here, they won't be able to pull it off. If we do that, Joan'll send COCS inside the tunnel, especially if things get tight.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him because he had to have just said that on purpose.

  “Especially if Reg calls her and whines,” Warden added under his breath and Reg growled low in his throat.

  “Um, that sounds ridiculously simple, dude.” I frowned. “They have all the same magic as us; it'll never work.”

  “Where there's a will, there's a way, Firebug.” Billy winked at me, like that fucking explained anything, and slid out of the booth. “Come on.”

  Everyone followed him, like they actually understood what the hell was going on, and I looked at them in confusion.

  “Billy, wait!” I scrambled out of the booth and caught up with him on the way down to the dance floor below. Up at the front of the room, there was a DJ who was just rocking out hard to his own EDM tunes, hands in the air, and jumping around like a maniac. Through the crowd, I could just make out Daniel who was now butt to butt twerking with one of his wives, his saggy bra cups flapping away like spaniel ears.

  Billy snagged hold of my hand, and tugged me along behind him as he wove through the crowds, while the rest of our sept, along with Siobhan and Britt, seemed to split up and disappear into the swarms of supernatural dancers.

  “Hello, Dad,” Billy announced, coming to a stop in front of Daniel's twerk-fest. “Or should I say, Dad-in-law? I wanted to introduce myself as one of the men fucking your daughter.”

  “Whoa, Billy,” I muttered under my breath, and he squeezed my hand reassuringly so I knew this was all a part of this genius master plan he had in mind.

  “You!” one of the bio moms hissed, pointing a stabbing sort of finger in my direction. Her policeman's hat was slightly askew on her blonde hair and there was sweat dripping from her forehead. I guess twerking really took it out of her, huh?

  “Darling.” Daniel grinned, like a hungry shark. “How nice of you to show up to my party. I was starting to wonder if your invitation had been lost in the mail.”

  “Um.” I tugged at Billy's hand, but he seemed frozen to the spot. “Your party?”

  Okay, probably not the best response I'd ever come up with, but given the circumstances … I tried tugging at Billy's hand again but he didn't budge, instead watching as the trolls stopped dancing, and vacated the room in a flash. Uh-oh.

  “Ah shit,” I swore, peeling Billy's frozen fingers from mine to free my hand.

  “Shit, indeed,” Daniel smirked, almost lasciviously. “Ladies, if you would?”

  Around me, six bio moms began crowding in, and I panicked. Acting on instinct, I threw all of my new magic out at them and the whole damn room went up in one massive explosion of power.

  Billy and I were thrown back against the far wall, the curved stone of the sewer hard enough to crack my back and knock the air out of me. Lightning flickered across the thin surface of the water beneath us while the metal sewer grates in the ceiling crashed to the ground and went spinning like tops, knocking over several other people I hadn't noticed before in the crush of trolls.

  People who … weren't affected by the bouncing lightning bolts or the small tsunami waves, the wild vines of plants exploding from the walls, or the gusts of violent wind. Fire plumbed up from the torches and candles that'd been lit around the room for ambience, licking up the walls with flickering orange, yellow, and red fingers.

  Elementals.

  'None of them are single though, so boo.'

  The sewer troll's words echoed in my head and suddenly, it all just clicked.

  “Billy,” I said, grabbing his arm as he struggled to his feet and ended up pulling me right along with him. “This is a trap.”

  “No shit, Sherlock,” he said, wrinkling his nose at the filthy sewer water that we were now soaked in. “Your asshole sperm donor just said that.

  “But,” I started, paused, swallowed hard, “look.” I flung my hand out to indicate the very confused and upset looking elementals in the room. There were maybe ten girls, and like … fifty plus dudes. So, a bunch of completed quints, sexts, and septs basically, all gathered together in one place. It was a disaster waiting to happen. “Daniel's trying to drain them all,” I sputtered, but it was too late—my cross-dressing father and twerking bio moms had retreated to the archway at the end of the tunnel, a rusted metal grate sliding into place as my metal elemental mother used her magic to move it.

  I had no idea where Dustin had gone, but … now that he'd marked me properly (i.e. fucked my brains out with elemental chanting and shit), I should have access to his powers, right?

  Using a dramatic sweep of my hand (because let's be honest, I really did need those lessons with my horrible MIL), I sent the metal grate flying off its hinges and into my bio parents. Deep, deep down I was like, really fucking upset about the way things were going. I mean, I'd just found out that I was adopted, that I had this really weird heritage that I knew nothing about, and yet … there was no chance for me to get to know my bio parents.

  Killing them would be so simple, erasing them from my life, taking the easy way out.

  But … I didn't think I'd ever tell anyone this—I was having trouble even admitting it to myself—but I wanted them in prison so that maybe … I could actually get to know them? Or at least talk to them? Or was I seriously fucked in the head?

  “Get the fuck out of here!” I screamed at the other elementals, but let's face it—nobody was listening to me. The room was full of wild magic and confused and drunk dancers looking around like they were just upset the party had stopped.

  “Firebug,” Billy said cautiously, grabbing my arm and pointing at the roof of the building. Strange, scaled creatures crawled into the sewer from outside, scaling the walls as easily as Britt strolled the aisles at Victoria's Secret, smooth and easy and with interest. The way they looked down at us … it was like when my bestie's eyes locked onto a perfect little lacy push-up bra.

  Hungrily.

  Gold symbols flared to life on the ceiling, one by one, until there were was a ring at one end of the tunnel. When I turned around to search for another escape route, I saw an identical one on the opposite side.

  Like they were boxing us in …

  “Billy,” I said as the air heated up—and not from the flame magic I'd accidentally unleashed. No, this was an uncomfortable, aching warmth that made me feel like I was being baked in an oven.

  “They're trying to drain us,” Billy said, his face going pale, scrubbing his hand over the charcoal gray stubble on his chin. “All of us. Ari, we need to get the fuck out of here.”

  “No shit,” I whispered, but I was actually scared, watching the weird things coming down the walls toward us. “What are those?” I asked as Billy put an arm around my waist and pulled me close, surveying the room with his orange-brown eyes for the rest of our group. There were maybe eighty to a hundred people in this room and yet, I couldn't find a single one of my soul mates or besties.

  What the hell?

  “They separated us,” I said, realizing that those metal grates and those … glowing runes or whatever the fuck they were supposed to be were keeping us apart from our soul mates. Closing my eyes, I flicked my mental fingers against the silver threads that tied us together. It was interesting, seeing Dustin and Warden as connected and tied to me as the other guys. Magic flowed between us, both a blessing and a curse.

  Billy was the only one who registered as being anywhere near me. The others … were not in this section of the tunnels. How had we gotten separated so quic
kly?!

  My eyes flicked open as the first one of the scaled lizard things landed on the floor next to me.

  “Basilisk,” Billy said, yanking a pair of sunglasses from his leather jacket and shoving them onto my face. “Try not to look into their eyes,” he told me as he yanked me toward a metal ladder on the right side of the giant sewer tunnel. It led up to a cement walkway that ran along both sides. From up here, we had a much better vantage point of what was going on around us.

  “What are the basilisks for?” I asked as I studied the spellwork on the walls. It reminded me of the runes the boys had drawn on my skin during the marking rituals. Elemental magic then. God, I really did fucking need those lessons with Joan.

  If we made it out of here alive, I vowed to grin and bear my annoying new mother-in-law. Fuck, I'd deal with her bitchy attitude with a smile if it meant I could walk away from this nightmare with my boys and besties.

  “To paralyze us,” Billy said, looking up at the open sewer grate above our heads, “and then drain us while we're frozen in place. A lot easier to suck the life from a statue than a person that's fighting back.”

  As I watched, he shifted into his dragon form, this fluid curve of fire and teeth and claws, a nice long tail with black spikes swished with irritation.

  “Climb on,” he said, and I didn't hesitate for even a second, grabbing onto the fiery mohawk of his mane and swinging myself up. It was meant to be graceful and cool, mid combat and all, but I tripped and nearly fell over the edge of the railing to the filthy sewer water covered cement floor below.

  Billy rescued me at the last second, wrapping his tail around my waist and plopping me on his back, his skin black and scaled, but crackling with heat and fire. I'm sure the whole world would be shocked to know that I liked the searing feeling of William Brenton between my thighs. Even in dragon form, it was kind of hot.

  He took off and snaked through the air toward the sewer grate, coming up short and spinning us away at the last moment. As he turned on a dime and flung us toward the floor, I felt it, this skimming of strange warmth against my skin. And once again, it wasn't like Billy's at all. It was … weird and uncomfortable, like the unwanted hand of a stranger tracing my body.