Elements of Ruin (Hijinks Harem Book 2)

by C. M. Stunich

  Oh … dear.

  “Well, now, that's just plain rude,” Baron said with a sniff, glancing at his Dom. The faerie's queen pastel pink hair curled past her shoulders, framing her pale face, flared nostrils, and tight lips. She looked to be about this close to tearing Dustin's Wavin pipe right off his pelvis. “Honey? Should I shower them in CUM?”

  “You have the balls to argue with me?!” the queen asked, rising from her throne in a gown that was disturbingly similar to mine … except that it was, you know, see-through. Completely and utterly see-through. Hey, I guess I knew the fae queen waxed though, so that was nice?

  “Aye, clearly I do,” Dustin said, grabbing his junk in his hand. I didn't want to admit but that cocky move seriously turned me on. “I'm the true heir to the Metallics clan, yeah? I don't take shit from anyone.”

  “You will submit remuneration in the form of a cashier's check or money order or I will cut the balls and dicks off every single one of your men and make an ottoman out of them,” the queen snarled, turning her attention to me.

  Well, that was fair, seeing as I was the only woman in my little elemental group and therefore, the most intelligent. Oops, was that sexist? Oh well, men had centuries of crap to make up for anyway. And besides, I had this icy, creeping chill at the base of my spine that I was going to have to live the rest of my life with the toilet seats up … I mean six husbands?! Six of them?!

  “Let's just talk this—” I started, but Dustin was already stepping forward and smirking.

  “I'd like to bloody see you try, Tinker Bell,” he said, and then he was shifting into his dragon form and tearing across the grass toward the throne.

  Great.

  I take back what I said—Siobhan could have this motherfucker. He was too much trouble.

  Several guards—well, I assumed they were guards because they had weapons, but they were mostly dude from the orgy we'd walked in on so I could've been wrong about their chosen professions—moved to intercept the metal elemental.

  He barreled right through them, his sleek, muscular body a flash of gold as he crashed into the dildo throne and sent cocks flying everywhere.

  The queen dodged his attack with little effort, spreading pink, black, and white wings wide—I had to admit that were actually fairly pretty—and yanked Baron along with her.

  “CUM is going to drown you for this!” Baron screamed, and I chuckled, even as I was shifting into dragon form, finding myself flanked on either side by two of my soul mates, also in their reptilian elemental shapes.

  One was clearly Shane, but the other … Warden?

  The dragon running next to me was solid black with shimmering scales and tiny bolts of lightning tracing across his skin, promising an electrifying touch for anyone that got too close. Playfully, he bumped my shoulder as we ran and I felt my skin tingle in the most pleasant way. Guess I was immune to his shocking powers, huh?

  Dustin snatched a guard in his jaws, shook their body with a violence usually reserved for alligators and chicken legs (take a New Orleans airboat trip sometime and you'll see what I mean), and spat them back out in a bloody heap.

  Oh dear.

  “What's going to happen now?” I asked Shane, but he just snarled and knocked a man aside with his tail, blocking me off from the fae queen who was slowly approaching, her face a red mask of lividity.

  I had the feeling we were not going to be invited back to the Seelie Court anytime soon.

  “You elemental cunt,” she roared—and why was I getting blamed for my … for Dustin's actions again?—“I'm going to fucking kill you and your entire worthless cock garden.”

  “Cock garden?” I chirped, a split second before the fae queen flapped her wings in my direction, and a gush of magic came hurtling toward me. I couldn't see it, but I could sure as hell feel it, a blast of scalding air that singed my nose hairs—well, would've singed my nose hairs if I hadn't been in dragon form and actually had any—right off my face.

  I knew instinctively that if it hit Shane, who was currently standing between me and the fae queen, that he'd need more than Dwayne's help to recover from his injuries. I tried to remember that feeling of rage that Dusty had inspired in me during our sparring session and drew on it, yanking spiritual energy from anyone around me that wasn't one of my many, many soul mates.

  I chucked the gob of spirit magic back at the queen with just my mind; I didn't even have to mime throwing it … which, actually, was kind of sad because I liked the idea of doing cool looking hand motions to lob magic.

  “Duckie, no!” Grams screamed, but it was too late. Why the fuck she couldn't have shown up two seconds earlier and warned me in advance, I wasn't sure but … as soon as my magic met the queen's, the entire stadium was rocked with a massive fucking explosion.

  Shane, Warden, and I were thrown back, so hard that we slammed into the edge of the old amphitheater’s seating area and crumpled to the floor. The breath was knocked out of me and even in dragon form, I could tell I was going to feel this shit in the morning.

  “CUM is oozing in and out of the holes!” Reg screamed and, like, I knew the moment was totally serious and everything, but I felt like he had to have done that one on purpose. Succubi and incubi were pouring in through the entrances, but that metaphor felt like a bit of a stretch to me, like some overworked writer was sitting at their desk trying way too damn hard to be funny.

  Struggling to my feet, I nudged first Shane and then Warden with my aubergine head, and was beyond fucking relieved to see they were okay. They both groaned and Warden said something about warthogs and witches—have no clue what that slang was supposed to be—as they found their feet.

  “Dustin needs help,” George said, jogging over to us, also in dragon form. In fact, when I flicked my gaze over and found the metal, fire, and water elementals surrounded by demons, I realized they were all in dragon form. First time as a full family of shifters, all in dragon form together and instead of being able to enjoy it, we were drowning in CUM.

  Heh.

  See, I didn't have to work hard to make that joke funny.

  “Dustin, Reg, and Billy looks like,” I said to George, but even as I said it, I saw Dustin shift back into human form and drop to his knees at the feet of a beautiful … and seriously familiar succubus.

  It was … fucking Siobhan.

  What the cocksucking clitoris cake? I wondered, channelling my inner Warden.

  My first thought was that my bestie was here undercover, trying to help a bitch out and all. But then, she moved forward and captured Dustin's face between her hands, leaning down to kiss him.

  I think Billy and Reg were as shocked as I was because they made no move to stop her.

  “This is probably how they caught him in the first place,” Warden said, his breathing heavy as he watched the scene with horror. “Used his addiction against him.”

  “But … Siobhan,” I said, blinking as I tried to make sense of what I was seeing. Clearly, there was a puzzle piece missing from this picture. I'd seen Dustin at the auction, and he didn't look all that excited to be sold as a piece of meat. Yet right now, he was gazing up at the succubus with rapturous glee.

  This wasn’t accidental; it was purposeful.

  But Siobhan had said she hadn't slept with Dustin because he was addicted to succubus magic and yet, here she was, using that same magic to charm him. What the fuck was going on? Maybe he didn't have an addiction at all … maybe it was intentional, what she was doing to him?

  That would explain why he hadn't felt it at the auction, that rapturous need that was currently showing in his face. Because it wasn't him; it was her. She was using her magic on purpose to enthrall him.

  Still didn't explain why they'd never slept together … or if she was lying about that, too?

  But why?

  Please tell me this is all in my head, I thought as I took off toward the cluster of winged demons, and please tell me this is all a show Siobhan's putting on for my benefit.

  Because
if my winged bestie wasn't here to save me … then what was she doing?

  All five of us slowly melted back into our human forms and I took a couple of steps closer to the stunning red haired sex demon.

  “Siobhan?” I called out to my frenemy, still not totally sure which side of the coin she was on. “What's going on, babe? I thought you were staying with Britt and Aldrich until this all got sorted out?”

  “Oh, please,” she sneered at me, still holding my new husband's face between her palms, “Morgs, you're not actually as dumb as you look. I know you've figured this out, somewhere in the back of your mind.”

  “But, you're my best friend,” I protested in a small voice.

  “Don't be pathetic, you know full well I just played you and won. Now, not only am I going to suck the magic out of your husbands and become the new CUM Head, but I am then going to turn over a fully marked spirit elemental to the Auction House.” She cocked her beautiful head, blinking her clear green eyes at me like she actually felt sorry for me.

  “If it's any consolation, Morgs, I won't kill your men. To do that would be to kill you too, and you're much too valuable intact. No, I'll just play with them, like a cat playing with a rat, slowly tearing its intestines from its little furry stomach and trailing them all around the room …” Her eyes had glassed over and she almost seemed to be getting turned on by her own metaphor.

  Or maybe that was just because of Dustin's hands creeping up her legs to her ass, then grasping her cheeks.

  Betrayal stung in my throat, like I'd just drunk Drano instead of wine when half asleep and searching for a bottle of Merlot under the sink.

  How could she do this to me? We were best friends! We even had matching best friend necklaces! You don't just throw away a best-friend-necklace-friendship like it was a used tampon or something!

  “Quit fucking around and take them!” Siobhan commanded her CUM Army, and the winged beasts began circling closer. I, of course, used the word beasts ironically because for a pile of CUM they were awfully attractive.

  “Get Dustin,” I ordered Warden. “It's time to kick some ass and take some names.”

  The five of us—Dustin excluded as he gazed adoringly up at my former bestie—burst into our dragon forms once more and savagely began ripping our way through the advancing stream of CUM.

  Hurt and betrayal burned through me, making me stronger and more bloodthirsty than ever before. Siobhan wanted to be a cat playing with a mouse? Well I was a motherfucking dragon, bitch. And dragons ate cats for breakfast.

  Heh. Or at least I hoped dragons ate pussy for breakfast. Nothing better than waking up to some enthusiastic cunnilingus.

  My husbands and I blasted our way through the CUM, and before long we had them on the ropes, falling back the way they'd come.

  “Get Dustin!” I screamed again, seeing Siobhan leading him by the hand like a docile toddler through one of the many faery entrances of the amphitheater, and then who knew where they'd end up? Those faery gates could take you anywhere in the world, so long as there was a reciprocal gate in your intended location.

  In a rare display of quick thinking on my part, I snatched up one of the rolling rainbow dildos from what remained of Francesca's throne and hurled it at the slutty demon's head.

  My aim had certainly improved recently, because the dildo smacked her straight in the face, knocking her back a couple of steps and causing her to drop Dustin's hand.

  The second he was released, he blinked and looked confused, but there was no damn time for confused. Warden swooped past him with energy dragon grace, grabbing him up in his scaly paws and diving through the faery gate to hopefully return to our Podunk little town in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere New York.

  “You bitch,” Siobhan spat, glaring at me with a look that could kill. It would have intimidated me too, if she didn't have the distinctive red outline of a dick and balls across her face. Instead, I just burst out laughing, 'cause she was giving new meaning to dickhead and that was downright funny.

  She gave an enraged shriek and stomped her foot before disappearing through the faery gate herself. To go where? Who knew. Hopefully to hell, but trusting my luck, these gates didn't go that far.

  “Come on, ST,” Reg panted. “Let's go before the faeries revolt!”

  Taking his dragon paw in mine, I let him drag me through the gate and the two of us popped out on the other side, panting and shaking and at least on my part, wondering what the fuck had just gone down in there.

  Surely now I might be allowed to sleep? It wasn't everyday your bestie totally tried to sell you out and then you got to smack her with a twelve inch rainbow dick.

  Talk about a dick move.

  My house was still not safe, what with the broken wards and the brownie living next door, so wearily I dragged my ballerina butt up the grand staircase of Joan's mansion in the direction of the boys' huge ass bed.

  I'd barely spoken a word the whole way home, my mind at odds with itself on what I needed more. Sleep, or sex? Oh, don't judge. I'd just been stabbed in the back by one of my oldest friends and I really felt like a nice, vigorous orgy might be just what I needed to clear the shit out of my sewer-like brain right now.

  Not to mention, it might help validate things with Dustin. I'd been so undecided on what was going on between him and Siobhan, that I'd been unconsciously pushing him away. But I was done pushing. I wanted to pull.

  And when I say pull, I mean pull that big beautiful penis of his right off his pelvis for that goddamn stunt.

  “Are you stupid?” I asked, as soon as we'd all been checked over by Dwayne who I'd learned was still cool as he was a member of the Unseelie Court rather than the Seelie Court. Also, I didn't think I was being clear even in my own thoughts—as pull meant castrate so did cool mean still a perv but allowed to heal my husbands.

  I declined medical attention from the creepy faerie.

  “What did you just do?” I asked again when Dustin just scowled at me and turned away, his green eyes flashing with a searing sense of hurt and betrayal. This whole Siobhan as a bad guy thing … it really was happening, wasn't it? “What does this mean now, you attacking the Seelie Court.”

  “It means we're in deep-shit with CUM,” Reg started, ticking things off his long fingers, “our relationship with COCS is going to be hard …” He paused and chuckled at that one for a moment before continuing. “And … dude, your friend is a bitch.”

  “What are the repercussions for him starting crap in a faerie court?” I asked, pointing a finger at Dustin and hoping either Shane or George would have something useful to tell me. Warden was just sitting on the edge of the bed with Dusty, staring at him like he felt sorry for him rather than was angry.

  But seriously?

  Come on, I can't have been the only one who was pissed off.

  “Blossom,” George said, looking at me with sympathy and rubbing at the tree of life tattoo on his bulging bicep. “We're not making a lot of friends as a sept.”

  “No shit?” I asked and George pursed his lips slightly and raised a brow.

  “What I mean, is, we need to find a way to get some allies in this community. Otherwise … we'll never get plumbing contracts with the local supernaturals.”

  “Is that a … joke?!” I asked and George gave me a bit of a sympathetic half-smile.

  “It is … but it's also true. Do you think you can convince Britt to get us an invite to visit the local wolf pack? It wouldn't hurt to have a few allies who think what Dustin did today makes him heroic.”

  “You hear that, lucky charms?” Dustin asked me, standing up from the bed and giving me serious attitude. He loomed over me, but I just crossed my arms over my chest and glared back at him.

  “A man using his height to intimidate a woman is a sexist and barbaric move that inherently implies that he's offering up some sort of physical threat in a world where we pride ourselves on being above of and smarter than animals. But how can that be if I piss you off and your first response i
s to lord over me like some kind of … ranga.”

  Dustin raised his eyebrows.

  “Aye, so bleeding funny, little leprechaun.”

  A ranga … meant both an orangutan and a person with red-hair in Aussie slang. I was killing the puns today

  “You got good points, but your feckin' chin-wagging just never stops, does it? No wonder you had to be gagged to be fucked.”

  “Whoa, bro,” Billy said, slamming the drawer on a nearby dresser and turning to give Dustin a narrow-eyed glare. “Talk about my wife like that again and I'll kick your fucking ass back to Ireland.”

  “No worries,” Dustin said, swiping his palms down the front of his shirt, “because I wasn't planning on staying anyway. Told ya I'd go to court with you, that I'd mark your arse, but I'm done. Thanks for a good time anyhow.”

  He started toward the door, but I moved around in front of him and blocked the way.

  “Alright, move it, you little gobshite.”

  “What happened with Siobhan out there today?”

  “What happened?!” he asked, like I was daft as fuck. “You saw what happened with yer own damn peepers; she's been … fucking enthralling me.” He glanced away sharply, his jaw tight, and I wondered if he was more upset than he was letting on, being used like that. Well, when I say like that, I'm only hedging because I have no idea what the fuck just happened.

  I still wasn't entirely convinced that Siobhan wasn't putting on a show.

  Did that make me naive? Or just too trustworthy? Or how about we put a positive spin on it and say hopeful?”

  “I got duped, too,” I snapped back, still not entirely sure how to process the fact that a relationship I'd had for years might've all been a lie. “But why would she do that? How would starting to date you months ago have anything to do with me? She can't have known I was an elemental when she befriended me because of Gram's magic so …”

  Speaking of Gram … I hadn't seen her since she'd popped up way too late to do shit in the fae court. Where she was now, I had no idea, but I could've used a quick chat, maybe a few explanations, some questions answered.