Family Portraits

by JoAnn Aitken

  “Happy day to you too, Little Angel,” he greeted Gabriel.

  “Mommy! Where’s my supper?” he demanded cheerfully. Molly bustled about, and the somber tone lightened. He patted Finn’s shoulder and pulled up a chair next to him.

  “I’m as hungry as a tiger, Daddy!” The children howled with laughter.

  “Sing us a song, Uncle Din,” one of them said.

  “You know I can’t eat and sing at the same time,” Din sat with knife and fork in hand as Molly brought him a heaping plate.

  “Why don’t you kids sing a nice song for our guest of honor?”

  "Frosty the Snowman," suggested Mary Francis, and everyone enthusiastically joined in.

  Theresa smiled, and Finn and Molly looked at each other down the table. Dennis was their shining light in a very sad world.

  Later, Din took Sharon home. They sat cozily in the living room, enjoying a drink while he told her some more about his project. “I’m very proud of you, Dennis,” Sharon said. "I’m also proud of the way you came home tonight and cheered everyone up. It was pretty deadly before you got there.

  “I’d really like to show you just exactly how impressed I am with you generally speaking. Would you care to come upstairs with me?”

  “Are you trying to make this the best night of my entire life,” he asked.

  “I certainly hope so,” and she slid over to his side of the couch. “You are a very special man,” she said and gave him the most serious kiss they had shared.

  Upstairs, Sharon left him in the bedroom while she went into the washroom.

  Dennis was so nervous that he undressed quickly, lay down on the bed, and pulled the covers over his head.

  Sharon returned to the bedroom and asked, somewhat incredulously as she got into bed, “Are you playing peek-a-boo with me?” She leaned on her elbow and pulled the bedspread down to reveal his eyes.

  “No,” he said in a small voice. “I’m just kind of scared.”

  “Scared,” she asked. “Scared of what?”

  “Scared of pressuring you or upsetting you or misunderstanding you,” he replied. “I’m sorry, Sharona. Gordie always says I’m just a big girl.”

  “Well,” said Sharon, “I suggest you consider where you are right now and where Mr. Know-it-all is.” She pulled the covers down further and kissed him tenderly.

  Dennis didn’t feel scared anymore. And it really was the best night of his entire life.

  January 2, 2002

  Finn couldn’t sleep. Not wanting to disturb Molly, he put on his robe and went downstairs. At the bottom, he heard a little sound. He turned on the lower hall light and looked into the living room.

  Theresa was curled up in his easy chair, wearing his sweater, and holding her baby. She was weeping very quietly. Another knife to his loving heart.

  He sat on the ottoman and said, “Sweetheart. Talk to me.”

  “I don’t want to leave you, Finn,” she eventually said. “Gordie’s gone, and now I have to leave you.”

  Tomorrow was the day that she and the kids would be moving to Katherine’s house. She had a lovely spacious apartment ready for them, and she and Sharon were excited to have Theresa there. They hoped that being away from the house where she had lived with Gordie and all the other reminders would be a positive step.

  “You know that we are nearby and that you can come here any time you want for as long as you want. Think how nice it will be to be with Sharon and Kathy.”

  Theresa nodded tentatively.

  “And you have to look at it another way: Kathy and Eddie have sacrificed a great deal for you. In spite of that, Kathy blames herself for what happened with Gordie. She talked to me about it at Christmas. She said that she was supposed to keep you from harm, but she wasn’t able to do that.”

  “She tried to get me to leave Gordie and come to live with her,” Theresa said. “But I wouldn’t. She tried really hard. I thought that as long as I left the children with you and Molly most of the time he was around, I could handle him on my own.”

  Finn held back and said only, “That didn’t work out very well, did it?”

  Theresa shook her head. She was starting to cry again.

  “Please do this for me, sweetheart,” he proposed. “Give it a chance at Kathy’s. I think you owe her that. If you are unhappy, you know you can come home here. But please try, for me?”

  “I’d do anything for you, Finn. You are my true father.”

  "And you are my daughter. I think it’s important for all of us to try to face the future. And I would never say no if you need to come back.

  “Come on now. Let me carry Gabriel, and we’ll go back upstairs.”

  At her door, he gave her the baby and kissed them both. “Things will look brighter in the morning’s light, darlin’.”

  Life at Katherine’s was very different. She owned a huge old house that could easily have been made into six apartments, but she had a small one-bedroom for Sharon and a big two-bedroom for Theresa. The ground floor comprised her office, a large living and dining room, suitable for entertaining, and a top-of-the-line kitchen. On the second floor was a huge master bedroom and bath for her and Eddie.

  There were numerous other rooms for use as bedrooms, lounges, and storage areas.

  There was a large wrap-around veranda and a three-car garage. The only thing lacking was a backyard. There was a small patio area and a garden house. Nowhere for the children to play outside.

  It was winter when Theresa and the children moved in, a very cold winter, so no backyard wasn’t really a hardship although Molly and M-G had loved the deck and yard at the senior Gallaghers’. Even on the coldest day, they would spend a little time outside before coming in for hot chocolate.

  Molly’s new school was nearby, and she was in Grade One. M-G who was three and a half spent half-days at a day care at the same school. Theresa walked them over and back each day. Gabriel bundled up in his stroller. She enjoyed the fresh air.

  Otherwise, she was lonely and bored. There was nothing to do. Katherine had a housekeeper come in three days a week and someone did the laundry twice a week. Kathy worked projects as she chose, and spent as much time in Vancouver with Eddie as his schedule would permit. Sharon was intent on learning everything about medicine and was recognized as a jewel of capability and flexibility.

  She was moved from department to department, sometimes working shifts. That meant that the children had to be quiet, and it was the quiet that got to Theresa.

  But the worst times were when Eddie was there or Dennis stayed with Sharon. Theresa lay awake those nights, yearning for Gordie, remembering his arms around her. She had managed to block out the bad parts and only thought of the deep love they had shared. There was no word from him, and she wondered if she would ever see him again.

  In the summer, she and the children went to Maple Lane. It was better for the kids, playing outside with the dogs and cats, swimming in the pool, and getting together with their cousins, Billy’s boys. For Theresa, it was actually worse. Her grandmother’s unhappiness was contagious.

  Emma kept quietly to herself. She was sweet and loving, but Theresa wasn’t able to connect with her.

  In August of the second summer at Maple Lane, Billy took her to dinner. He asked her to come to live at his house. It would be lots of fun because Kim and his sons were there a great deal of the time. Theresa and Kim went way back, and it would be good for Theresa to have a friend…besides him.

  Katherine knew that the arrangement at her house wasn’t making Theresa happy, and she gladly agreed to the switch. It was made before September when the children would start school. The only sad part was the distance to Finn and Molly’s. Billy said not to worry about that, for Christ’s sake; that’s why cars were invented.

  Billy’s house was homey, but it could use a woman’s touch. Kim didn’t have time, what with her business and her own home. The boys were able to spend more time at their father’s now that an adult was around during the day. They
loved their cousins, Alex having a slight crush on Molly, always giving her the last cookie and pushing her on the swing. Liam found that to be kind of creepy, although he could see that Molly was pretty and really nice.

  M-G thought Billy was the greatest next to Finn. He always wanted to go everywhere with him, and he liked to listen to Billy talk about the ins and outs of the landscaping business. He said, and he didn’t talk much, “I want to work with you when I grow up, Billy.” Billy loved the children although they had come from Gordie, whom he considered to be his arch-enemy.

  Of course, Gabriel was everyone’s darling, and, in an odd way, everything revolved around him.

  Theresa was happy. She kept house and cooked and baked. She would walk with Gabriel in his stroller over to visit Barbara and Emma, often inviting them to dinner.

  It was a real home. Although it was never discussed, Theresa wondered about Billy’s relationship with Kim. They were exceptionally tight and always put up a united front for their children. Sometimes in the late evening, Billy would say that he was going to talk to Kim about some matter, and he wouldn’t come home until three or four. Theresa was left to draw her own conclusions, and she wondered if Kim resented her. It didn’t seem that way.

  It wasn’t that way. Kim loved Billy a lot, but it wasn’t in a particularly romantic way. They were best friends, and he was the father of her children. She was practically twenty years older than him and had told him repeatedly that she didn’t want to hold him back.

  She knew that he was in love with Theresa, or at least thought he was, but she had seen enough of life to know that thwarted relationships can become obsessions over the years, no longer having anything to do with reality. She also knew that Theresa belonged to Gordie. Nobody knew what Gordie would be like when he was released from prison, and Kim hoped that Theresa’s love for him wouldn’t become one of those obsessions.

  In 2003, after Barbara’s Christmas Open House, Billy and Theresa were wrapping presents and placing them under the tree. Alex and Liam were at home with Kim, the others asleep upstairs. Five hyper children on Christmas Eve was too much to ask of anyone.

  When they were finished, Billy lit the tree lights and said, “How’s about a shot of Bushmill’s?” Theresa wasn’t much of a drinker; she had spent too much time being pregnant and nursing.

  “Should I?” she asked hesitantly.

  “Certainly. You’ve got to honor your Irish heritage,” he said, pouring two shots.

  “My Irish heritage,” she laughed, “I don’t have an Irish bone in my body!”

  “Not anymore,” said Billy who had already had a few drinks.

  “Billy, you’re awful,” Theresa blushed, but she giggled and drank the shot. He quickly filled her glass again, and they toasted once more. They set down their glasses.

  “I love you, Teri,” he said, taking her by her shoulders and kissing her with his heart on his lips. Her head was spinning, and she clung to him. No one had loved her for so long.

  Afterward, she cried and cried. Billy was dismayed. “I’m sorry, darlin’,” he said. “I should never have done that.”

  “It was my fault too, Billy,” she sobbed. “Do you want me to leave your house?”

  That was the last thing Billy wanted. He hadn’t given up hope. “Of course not,” he said. “Let’s just put this in the file folder with everything before 1995, okay?”

  And it was okay. The incident just seemed to go up in a puff of smoke, and life continued on in the same pleasant vein. In 2004, Molly was eight years old, M-G was six, and Gabriel was a lovable and precocious three, “almost four” as he liked to describe it.

  Billy’s landscaping business continued to grow, and Kim became more and more successful. She hired more staff and cut back on her own schedule. She wanted to enjoy her children before they went away to school. The time passed by so quickly.

  But it was not so quickly for Theresa who lived for the day she would see Gordie again. She knew that Dennis was in regular touch with him, but she refused to put him on the spot by asking questions. Gordie would come for her when he came for her.

  Whenever the family all got together, Billy would be sulky and ill-tempered afterwards. Being around the Gallaghers and seeing how Theresa was one of them invariably put him into a jealous snit. After Gabriel and Molly’s joint birthday party at Barbara’s in February 2005, where he had had too much to drink, he came home to further indulge himself.

  The children were in bed, and he was sitting at the table. Theresa passed by and stopped to straighten the place mats. “Why are you still wearing that?” he demanded, meaning her wedding ring.

  “Because I’m married,” she replied.

  “Married to the guy who beat the fuck out of you and almost killed Gabriel. You’re supposed to be my wife, Theresa Campbell,” he slammed down his glass and stood up.

  Theresa was frightened and moved toward the phone. He grabbed her wrist. “Don’t,” he said. “Don’t.” They stood looking at each other for a long minute. He loosened his grip. “You know I could never hurt you,” and he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it.

  He turned and left the house, and she heard him drive away.

  She was very alarmed by what had happened. She didn’t feel that she had the strength to deal with any more. She believed that she would have to take the children and go back to Kathy’s.

  The long night passed, and Billy didn’t come home. Theresa assumed he had gone to Kim’s, and she would deal with him the next day. She decided during the sleepless hours that she would try to work things out with him because she didn’t want anyone to know what had happened between them.

  In the morning, however, he did not return. She didn’t want to call Kim’s, so she waited and worried.

  Billy had indeed spent the night at Kim’s. She had managed to get him to stop drinking and calm down. Over coffee the next day, he said he had to go and talk to Dennis. He had to find out when Gordie was expected to be released.

  He drove into Hamilton and found Dennis sweeping the light overnight snowfall from his parents’ sidewalk and deck. They sat together in Billy’s truck, and Billy came straight to the point.

  “It’s not right for me to ask you this,” he told Din, “but I have to know when Gordie will be coming back. Do you know? Will you tell me?”

  Dennis did know but had promised that he would not share that information with anyone. However, Billy was obviously very upset. Din knew that he was in love with Theresa and recognized that the wait for Gordie’s unspecified return must be hell. It touched his well-known soft heart, something that Billy had hoped for.

  “All I know,” Dennis said slowly, “is that Gordie has done very well and will not be detained the full six years. He will be released sometime this year, maybe summer or fall.”

  Summer or fall. Billy put his head down on the steering wheel.

  “I’m sorry, Billy. But it is better that you know it’s coming rather than just have him show up at your door one day.”

  “Has he said he wants Theresa back?” Billy asked.

  “He doesn’t talk about her at all,” Dennis replied truthfully. “I think the subject is too painful for him. But I know how much he loved her before he got messed up, so I would definitely think so.”

  “Din, you’re a friend, and I thank you,” Billy shook his hand. “I really must be getting back now.”

  Billy drove to Dunnville on autopilot. In no time at all, Theresa would be gone. Forever.

  When he got home, he said to Theresa, who was very anxious, “I’m sorry, Teri. It won’t happen again,” and he went into his office and closed the door.

  A black cloud hung over the house for the next several weeks. Billy didn’t talk at all. He stayed in his office or in his bedroom with the door shut. He did come to the table for supper, but the atmosphere was so dark that it affected the children.

  Sensitive Molly would burst into tears for no obvious reason. Gabriel reverted to being a four-year-old and alw
ays wanted to sit on his mother’s lap. A few times, Theresa saw Alex and Liam holding hands. It was hard to know what M-G was thinking; he had always been taciturn.

  Most nights, Kim came to dinner too to support Theresa. Other than picking up the boys or dropping them off, Billy didn’t visit her.

  At the end of March, it was the children’s March Break. Theresa bundled everyone up and went to Katherine’s. Kim took Alex and Liam to Victoria where she had friends. Billy was alone.

  When they returned, he had painted the interior of the house. He must have worked day and night, and it looked great. He had placed flowers in the dining room, living room, and Theresa and Molly’s bedroom. When he and Theresa were alone, he said only, “Let’s move forward.” She agreed, and the tension lifted.

  April was the start of Billy’s busy season, and that helped tremendously. However, Theresa never completely relaxed. Life was not the same.

  June 2005

  Theresa kissed her children and, after some motherly fussing, waved goodbye as the van pulled out of the driveway. Billy and Kim were so good to take the kids for a day at a water park in celebration of M-G’s birthday. And it was nice to have a day to herself.

  She did a load of laundry and hung it out to dry. As she pinned up the last sheet, she felt a presence behind her. She turned and saw Gordie approaching. She flew over the grass into his arms.

  He was shaking, and she could feel his heart pounding. “Forgive me. Please forgive me,” he whispered. “Please say you’ll take me back.”

  “I never let you go,” she said.

  Later, Gordie told her that he had been in touch with his cousin Seamus O’Connor in Nova Scotia. Gordie had lived with the O’Connor family for five years before he met Theresa when he returned to Hamilton in 1995.

  Seamus owned a service center and had offered Gordie a job as a mechanic. Gordie was going there to make a new start and wanted Theresa to come with him. She said that she would never be without him again and agreed to leave the next day.

  The hard part was what to do about the children. The really hard part was going to be her confrontation with Billy that evening. Gordie wanted to stand with her when that happened, but she said that she had to face him alone. Gordie would stay in a motel nearby and come to the house in the morning.