He struggled to his feet. “Time to go.”
Merle refused to get up. “I can’t go on. I’m tired. I want my daed to come get me.”
“Great,” Levi muttered as he sank to his knee again. He couldn’t carry Sarah and drag the children, too.
“They are scared, Levi. Talk to them. Take their minds off what they have to do.” Sarah’s voice was weaker. He worried about the blow to her head. How serious was it?
He said, “Merle, I heard you’re quite a fisherman. Is that true?”
“Ja,” came the small reply.
Levi rose to his feet and hefted Sarah to a more comfortable position. “What’s the biggest fish you’ve caught?”
“I caught a four-pound bass at our pond.” Merle’s voice grew stronger. “It was a whopper.”
Levi cocked his head to the side and said in mock disbelief, “Four pounds? Nee, not a little fella like you.”
Merle rose to his feet. “I’m stronger than I look.”
Levi hid a grin. “I believe you. Girls, what about you?” He started walking. The children moved close to his side.
Rosanna said, “I caught a six-pound blue cat down at the river.”
“Are you sure it was a blue catfish and not a channel cat? Merle, did you see it?”
“It was a blue cat all right.”
“Some channel cats can look blue.” Levi kept a slow pace, even though his mind screamed at him to hurry for Sarah’s sake.
Merle said, “Channel cats have spots on their sides.”
Levi asked, “Did it have spots, Rosanna?”
“Not a one.”
Phoebe said, “I caught a pumpkin seed.”
“You did?” Levi pretended to be impressed.
Merle looked up at Levi. “It wasn’t very big.”
“But it was real pretty,” Phoebe insisted.
Levi said, “I reckon it was. I think pumpkin seeds are about the prettiest fish around. What about you, Rosanna?”
“I saw a goldfish in a store once. It was beautiful. It had a long tail that looked like a ribbon.”
“You don’t say?”
“I saw it, too.” Merle jumped in to support her claim.
Phoebe said, “I’m cold. Can we stop now?”
“Not yet, Phoebe. We still have a little ways to go.”
“How far?” she demanded.
“Look up ahead. I see a light in the window. Do you see it?”
Phoebe said, “I don’t see anything.”
“I do,” Levi insisted. It was an exaggeration on his part. He couldn’t see more than twenty yards through the snow, but he knew a light was shining in the darkness, waiting to guide them to safety.
“Is it a Christmas candle?” Rosanna asked.
He smiled down at her. “That’s right. It’s a Christmas candle in your aunt’s window. It’s meant to remind all of us that Christ is the light of the world.”
Merle said, “Christmas is God’s birthday.”
“It’s His son’s birthday. We did a play about the birth of Jesus for our school program,” Rosanna told them.
Levi’s aching arms couldn’t hold Sarah any longer. He said, “Let’s rest a moment.”
He dropped to one knee again. Please, Lord, give me the strength I need.
“I’m so sorry this happened. I can stay here while you go on.” Sarah’s voice was weak, her words slurred together.
He redoubled his resolve and struggled to his feet. “I was just giving the kids a break. Rosanna, tell us about your play while we walk.”
Phoebe said, “I was one of the angels.”
Sarah’s arm slipped from around his neck. “Stay with me, Sarah. Did you hear? Phoebe was an angel in her school play.”
“I know.” Relief flooded him at the sound of Sarah’s voice.
“Who did you play, Rosanna?” she asked.
“I played the innkeeper’s wife.”
Merle said, “I’d be Joseph if I was old enough to go to school.”
“You will be old enough one day, Merle.” Levi squinted to see ahead of them. Was it his imagination? No, there was a light.
“Are we there yet?” Phoebe asked.
“We are. This is the lane and up ahead is your Aunt Emma’s house. Can you see it?”
“I see it.” Rosanna’s voice brimmed with relief.
“Me, too.” Merle dropped his loop and ran ahead.
When Levi and the girls arrived, Emma and her husband were at the door. Emma quickly stripped the wet coats from the children and wrapped them in quilts while her husband helped Levi carry Sarah to the sofa.
When she was safely surround by her family, Levi said, “She needs a doctor. She hit her head pretty hard. May I use your buggy?”
Abe patted Levi’s shoulder. “You get out of that wet coat and warm up, son. I’ll fetch the doctor.”
Levi gave his coat to Emma and sank into Abe’s chair.
“Levi?” Sarah called his name and raised her hand. He was on his knees beside her in an instant.
He took her cold hand in his. “What, Sarah?”
“I’ve never heard you talk so much in all the years I’ve known you. You were wonderful. You saved us all.”
“Rest, Sarah. I’ll be right here if you need me.”
“I never doubted it for a moment.” She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. Levi closed his eyes, too, and gave thanks to God for sparing the life of the woman he loved.
* * *
Sunlight was streaming through the window when Sarah opened her eyes. The room in which she lay was vaguely familiar. A sharp headache pounded behind her eyes. Slowly, the events of the previous night came back to her and she realized she was in her aunt’s home.
She tried to sit up but the effort was too much. It made her knee hurt insanely. She grimaced and lay back. Memories of their horrid mishap flashed through her mind. Levi and the children had come so close to death. Once again, the ones she loved had been made to suffer. She folded her hands and bowed her head.
Thank You, Lord, for sparing Levi and the children. Please, God, I won’t love him if only you’ll keep him safe. I’ll be happy for him and Leah, I promise. Have pity on me. Don’t make me endure another loss.
“Are you awake, child?” her aunt asked from the door.
Sarah opened her eyes. “I am. How are the children?”
“Their cuts and scrapes have all been tended. They are fine, but Merle seems to be particularly upset. He says he won’t go back inside a buggy.”
“The poor child. And Levi? He was so sick only a week ago.” Only bad things had happened to him since her feelings for him had begun to change. She couldn’t cause him more pain. She wouldn’t.
“Levi seems fine for a man who didn’t get a wink of sleep for worrying about you. He did put away a good breakfast this morning. That’s always a sign a man is feeling well. He wants to see you when you’re awake. Shall I send him in now?”
Could she face him without revealing her love? Somehow, she had to. “I will see him.”
Her aunt went out. The door opened again and Levi peeked in. “How are you?”
“Oh, look at your poor face. You have a black eye.” It was all her fault. If he had gone straight to Leah’s home, none of this would have happened. Why did everyone she love end up getting hurt?
“I’ve had worse than this.” He dismissed her concern.
He might pretend it didn’t bother him, but Sarah knew better. It must hurt as much as her knee. How had he found the strength to carry her so far?
Don’t think about how much you want to be held in his arms again.
She stared at the quilt pattern on the bed. “What happened last night?”
“W
e lost a wheel and tipped over in the worst possible spot. But we are all alive to tell the tale. God was merciful.”
God had shown mercy last night, but what about next time? She couldn’t bear the thought of losing Levi. It would be painful to see him happy with Leah, but she could live with that if he was safe.
He moved closer and pulled a chair to the side of her bed. Her heart started beating like crazy.
He took her hand and gazed into her eyes. “I’m so thankful you are safe, Sarah. Last night, when I came to in the buggy and couldn’t find you, I thought I would never have the chance to tell you this. I love you, Sarah.”
Her eyes flew open wide. “No, you don’t.”
“I know my own heart. I do love you. What I don’t know is how you feel.”
Terrified. Wonderful. Sad. If only I could love you in return, but I don’t dare. My heart is breaking, but you can never know that.
She looked out the window. “You’re simply feeling guilty about the accident. You don’t love me. You are in love with Leah.”
“Leah? Why would you think that?”
She looked at him and saw astonishment written on his face. “I saw you kiss her.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know who you saw kissing Leah, but it surely wasn’t me.”
Had she been mistaken? No, she had seen Leah in his arms. “The day you sold her a new buggy, I saw you holding her in the shop. She was in your arms. You were about to kiss her. And that’s fine. She is a wonderful woman.”
“She had a cinder in her eye. I was trying to get it out. I wasn’t going to kiss her. The thought never crossed my mind. It is you I wish to kiss, Sarah Wyse. If you can love me even half as much as you loved Jonas, I will spend my life trying to make you happy. Say that you will marry me.”
Sarah froze. She couldn’t draw a breath. Here was what she had longed for and what she feared. For a few wonderful seconds she thought that happiness could be hers again, but she forced that dream out of her heart. He’d almost been killed last night. As much as she wanted to return his love, she knew what she had to do.
She closed her eyes. She couldn’t love him. If she did, he might be the next to die. Dying herself would be easier than losing him.
Please, Lord. Don’t do this to me. Levi needs a woman who will love him without doubt and without fear. I’m not brave enough.
She turned her face away. “I don’t love you, Levi.”
The moment the words left her lips she knew they were a lie. She did love him. With all her heart.
Silence hung thick in the air. He let go of her hand. She heard his chair scrape back. What had she done?
At the sound of the door opening, she looked to him. “Levi?”
He paused without looking back.
“We can still be friends, can’t we? Like it was before?” Oh, how she needed to have him near. It wasn’t enough, but it was something.
He left the room without answering. When he closed the door, she burst into tears.
She was still sobbing when her aunt came in a short time later. Murmuring, “There, there.” Emma gathered her close and held her until her tears finally ran dry.
Emma put a hand under Sarah’s chin and lifted her face. “You refused him?”
Sarah sniffed. “How did you know? Did he say something?”
“Nothing needed to be said. I could tell from the way the light died in his eyes that you sent him away. I thought...I hoped that you had found love again, Sarah. I’m rarely mistaken about these things. Do you love him?”
She couldn’t utter the lie a second time. “Yes.”
“Then why send Levi away?”
“God has shown me His plan for me. He took Jonas from me. He took my sister and my parents. I must live alone. It is His will.”
“Nonsense!” Her aunt scowled at her.
“What if I accepted Levi and he died, too? You don’t understand.” Sarah was too tired to explain herself.
Emma said, “I understand fear. I understand regret. I understand that it is hard to trust that God knows best. Yes, you have suffered great losses, Sarah. No one can deny that, but to think God wants you to spend your life without love is to say that He doesn’t love you. Surely you believe in God’s love.”
“Of course I do.”
“He loves you beyond all understanding.”
“I know that.”
“So you say, but do you truly believe it?”
Did she? Or did she doubt God’s love? Was that why it was so hard to trust that He would bring love back into her life?
She shook her head. “I’m tired, Aenti. I’d like to try and sleep now.”
She wanted to close her eyes and let the darkness swallow her. She didn’t want to think, didn’t want to feel.
“Very well.” Emma rose from the side of the bed.
At the door, she turned back to Sarah. “If you don’t believe God wishes you to be happy, why has Levi stayed beside you all these years? Think about that. Don’t let fear rule your heart and ruin your life. Give it to God.”
After her aunt was gone, Sarah turned gingerly to her side. Outside the window, the snow was still falling. She hated the snow.
Why had Levi stayed? Was that part of God’s plan for them? If only she could believe it.
Chapter Fifteen
Levi stepped down from Adrian Lapp’s buggy. “Thanks for the lift.”
“Not a problem. I’m happy to help. Mamm said they would bring the children back later this afternoon. Dr. White wants Sarah to rest her leg another day before trying to come home. He won’t have any trouble keeping her and Alma in bed. There will be a half dozen women here to help take care of them by tomorrow night.”
“That’s good.” The mere mention of Sarah’s name sent a stab of pain though Levi’s chest so sharp that he wanted to look and see if he was bleeding. She didn’t love him. Not even a little.
He walked into his house and stopped in surprise. Grace stood at the kitchen sink peeling potatoes. She turned to smile at him and shrieked, “Levi! What happened to you?”
He heard his brothers pounding down the stairs. Moses said, “It must have been a hot date. You were gone all...night.” He stopped dead in his tracks and his voice trailed away at the sight of Levi’s face. Atlee bumped into him from behind.
Grace sped into action. “Sit down, Levi. Let me get some ice for you. Do you need to see a doctor?”
Could Dr. White reach inside him and put his shattered heart back together? If so, he’d go for treatment in a minute. “It’s only a black eye, Grace. I didn’t think you’d be home for another week.”
“I learned what I needed to know so I came home. What happened to you?” she asked again as she gathered ice cubes from the freezer. The twins had come to stand on either side of him but they were surprisingly quiet.
“The left front wheel of the buggy came off when I was going around the hill out on Paint Road. The buggy swerved off the road, flipped over and rolled down the hill. I got off lucky. Sarah and the kids were banged up pretty good.”
“Sarah and the kids were with you? Why? What were you doing on Paint Road?” Atlee demanded. His face had turned ashen.
Levi sat down and accepted the towel full of ice that Grace handed him. “I was going to drop them off at Emma Lapp’s place so the children could stay there until their parents were well. The buggy is a complete loss.”
Atlee went to look out the window. “What about Dotty? Where is she?”
“Jonathan Dresher came and got her with his horse ambulance. He’s going to try to save her, but her front left leg is messed up pretty good. She’ll never pull a buggy again.”
“No!” Atlee grasped his hair with both hands.
Moses hadn’t said a word. He sat down beside Levi
. “How bad were the children hurt?”
“Rosanna’s pretty face will have a jagged scar across her chin. She was badly bruised. Phoebe has bruises galore and two dislocated fingers on her hand.” He shuddered when he thought about his crude fix for her.
“What about Merle?” Moses asked quietly.
Levi shook his head. “A few bumps and bruises on the outside, but he started screaming bloody murder when we tried to put him inside a closed buggy. Finally, we gave up. Ben Lapp is bringing him home in his courting buggy. Merle won’t get into anything else.”
Moses folded his arms on the table and laid his head on them. “We did it. We rigged the wheel to come off.”
Levi placed a hand on his brother’s head. “I know. This morning, I went back for our horse. I found the axel nut on the roadway where the wheel dropped off. I saw at once it was the one for the wrong wheel.”
Moses looked up with tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Levi. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”
“Why did you do it?”
Atlee said, “We didn’t want you to court Leah Belier. We thought if you stood her up for a date she might get mad and not go out with you anymore. The road to her place is long and flat. We thought the wheel would just drop off and you’d have to walk home.”
An amazed bark of laughter broke from Levi. He shook his head. “That was a really stupid reason made all the more idiotic by the fact that I’m not courting Leah Belier.”
“But you’ve been taking her for rides in your buggy. You’ve never taken a woman riding before.”
“I was helping a friend. I’m not sure either of you would understand that.”
He looked at Grace. “You are free to marry the man of your choice. Choose wisely, little sister.”
He glanced at his brothers. “You boys have a decision to make. I’m moving to Colorado. I’ll be leaving the day after Christmas.”
“You don’t mean that.” Grace stared at him in shock.
“What about us?” the twins demanded.
Levi sighed. “You may come with me, or you may stay here. If you stay here and run the repair shop, you will have to negotiate a new contract with Sarah. She is well within her rights to refuse you.”
Patricia Davids Christmas Brides of Amish Country: An Amish ChristmasThe Christmas QuiltA Hope Springs Christmas Page 54