“Was Sarah hurt?” Grace asked
“She injured her knee and can’t walk. She also has a concussion.” He rose to his feet.
Grace grabbed his hand. “I’m so thankful you were not badly injured for I dearly love you, brother. Please, don’t leave Hope Springs.”
He was badly injured, but not all wounds were as visible as his black eye. “My mind is made up. Atlee and Moses, I forgive you for the harm you have done me. I must go and pack. I don’t need any help. I’d like to be alone for a while.”
He walked up the stairs, leaving stunned silence behind him.
* * *
Sarah used the crutches the doctor had given her to make her way into her house. Her aunt and uncle had taken the children home the day before. Inside, Vernon was pacing the floor. The moment he saw her, he rushed to her, took her by the shoulders and kissed both her cheeks. “Praise God for His mercy.”
“How is Alma?”
“She was a wreck, but once the children arrived, she went straight back to bed as the doctor had ordered. She is reading them a story now.”
The front door opened and Grace Beachy walked in. Her eyes were puffy from crying. She threw her arms around Sarah. “I’m so sorry for the pain my family caused you.”
“It’s all right. I’m glad you are back.” She was happy to see her friend. It meant she wouldn’t have to work in the shop with Levi any more. Things could get back to normal.
Levi would soon realize he didn’t love her. They could be friends again. Tears stung her eyes at the thought.
“Sarah, Levi is leaving Hope Springs. He’s moving away,” Grace said between sniffles.
Sarah’s heart dropped to her feet. “What?”
“He told us he is leaving town for good. His bus leaves at four o’clock the day after Christmas. We’ve tried to talk him out of it, but he won’t be swayed. What are we going to do without him?”
“Where is he? I can’t let him do this.”
“He’s in the shop.”
Her brother said, “Shouldn’t you be lying down? The doctor said to rest that knee.”
“I will. After I’ve spoken with Levi.”
He couldn’t leave. How would she repair the damage she had done to their friendship if he moved away? He had to stay. She couldn’t bear it if he left.
She hobbled across the street on her crutches, pulled open the door and went in. He was standing in front of the workbench sorting his tools. He didn’t glance up. “What do you want, Sarah?”
He must have seen her crossing the street.
“Grace tells me you’re leaving.” She still couldn’t believe it.
“I am.” He didn’t look at her.
Why wouldn’t he look at her?
Tears gathered in her eyes, but she blinked them back. “Are you really going to Colorado?”
He carefully wrapped his tools in a length of canvas. “Ja.”
She didn’t want him to go. She needed him. Her life would go back to being empty with nothing but work to fill the lonely hours if he were gone.
You mean so much to me, Levi. Please turn around and look at me.
He didn’t. Suddenly, the truth sank in. She had lost him. Her fear had robbed them both of a chance at happiness. A tear slipped down her cheek. “I hope you’ll be happy there.”
He threw down his tools and raised his face to heaven. There was such sorrow in his expression. “How can I be happy if I’m not near you?”
“Then why are you leaving?”
He turned to face her. The pain in his eyes cut her like a knife. “Not so very long ago, I told myself that I could be content if you loved me just a fraction of the way you loved Jonas. But I was fooling myself, Sarah. I’m a selfish man. If you cannot love me every bit as much or more than you loved Jonas, then I must go. I can’t be satisfied watching you through the window anymore. I love you, but if you don’t love me, leaving is all that is left.”
“I care for you, Levi. You know that.”
“But do you love me?”
How could she make him understand? “I want to.”
He closed his eyes and turn away. She couldn’t let him go. “I want to love you, but I’m afraid, Levi.”
He turned back to her. “What is it you fear? Surely you know I would never hurt you.”
“I’m afraid you’ll die,” she whispered the words, as if saying them aloud would give them power. She covered her face with her hands.
“What do you mean?”
“Everyone I love dies. You and the children were almost killed because of me.” She tried to leave but stumbled on her crutches. He caught her and held her in his arms.
“Oh, Sarah.” His voice softened. “The wreck wasn’t your fault. My brothers rigged the wheel to come off.”
She tried to turn her face away from him. “How it happened doesn’t matter.”
“You’re right. I’m going to die. We are all going to die, Sarah. Not loving someone won’t prevent that.”
“It’s all I can do. You have to be safe.”
“You can’t keep me safe any more than you can take the moon out of the sky. All you can do is make living bearable for me. Sarah, one day of knowing your love would make my entire life worthwhile, no matter how short or how long.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Don’t speak the truth? How can you ask me to lie? I love you, Sarah. How many times must I say it? God planted this love in my heart. He allowed it to grow into something strong and enduring. It will not die even after I’m laid in my grave. I will love you through eternity, as God is my witness, I will.”
She broke down and sobbed.
* * *
Levi couldn’t bear the sight of her tears any longer. He gathered her into his arms and held her tight. Her hands grasped his coat as if she were afraid to let go.
“Don’t cry, liebschen. Please, don’t cry so.”
She pressed her face into his neck and he cupped the back of her head to keep her close.
“Did you know that Jonas made me promise to watch over you until you remarried?”
She shook her head, but didn’t speak.
“He did. Two days before he died, he made me promise to see you happily wed before I left town. He knew I wanted to go west. You know what else I think he knew? I think he knew that I was in love with you years before I knew it myself.”
“Really?” She drew back to look up at him.
“I believe that.”
“He was always thinking of others. I loved that about him.”
“I love him, too, you know.”
“Maybe he hoped I would eventually see the fine man hidden behind the shy boy who could barely speak to me.”
Levi shook his head. “We are a sad pair, you and I. I was afraid to speak for fear of looking the fool. You’re afraid to love because it may bring you more loss. Neither one of us trusted God enough to lay our fears at His feet and ask what He wished of us. I found my voice because of you, Sarah.”
“You found it because you wanted to help the children. You’re right about one thing. I need to give over my burden and trust in His mercy. I’m just not sure I can.”
“Yes, you can. Close your eyes and feel His love. I feel it and it gives me comfort.”
“Levi, when did you know you loved me?”
He sighed. “I knew it the day you gave me a haircut. You could have plucked out my hairs one by one and I would have endured it without a peep. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I wanted your touch.”
“But what if in a few months or a few years you discover Leah or Sally is the woman God wants for you?”
“You’re right. I should test my feelings.” He smiled at her and then lowered his face and kissed her.
> * * *
Swept away in the glorious sensation of his lips on her, of his body pressed against hers, Sarah gave herself over to delight. She never wanted it to end. She wanted Levi to hold her forever and she wasn’t afraid. This was so right. Her doubts slipped away as she gave her fear over to God.
Levi drew back a few seconds later. Her mind was still spinning. “Shall we test this some more?” he asked.
She nodded and lifted her face to his. The second kiss was every bit as wonderful as the first. More wonderful, because she knew what was coming.
When he drew away again, he was as breathless as she was. “Tell me now that you don’t love me.”
He kissed her again before she could answer. When he drew away, she raised her arms to pull his head down to her and buried her fingers in his curls. Her crutches fell away, but she didn’t need them. Levi was holding her up.
He placed a kiss on her forehead. “Say it, Sarah.”
He placed another kiss on her eye. “Say it.”
He nuzzled her cheek with his mouth a fraction of an inch from her wanting lips. “Say it, Sarah. I need to hear it.”
“I love you, Levi Beachy.”
“I knew you did.”
A great weight lifted from her heart and she knew this was part of God’s plan for her life. She smiled at Levi. He bent toward her and she raised her face for his kiss.
A long time later, she sighed and snuggled against him. He asked, “Are you cold?”
“Not a bit. I could stay here for hours.”
“Your family will be missing you soon.”
“I know, but can’t we stay a little longer?” She never wanted this closeness to end. How blessed she was to have this second chance to love and be loved.
He looked over his shoulder. “I’m afraid we’re about to be interrupted. My brothers are coming this way.”
She took a step back and gave a small cry of pain.
He grasped her to keep her from falling and held her close. “Is it your knee?”
She nodded. “I reckon I’ve been up on it too long.”
He wrapped his arm around her waist. “Lean on me. I will help you back to your house, unless I need to carry you.”
She kept her face pressed against his shoulder. Breathlessly, she said, “I think you had better carry me.”
He swung her up into his arms. “This is getting to be a habit.”
She nuzzled his neck. “It’s a habit I quite enjoy.”
Levi stared into her eyes so full of love for him. “Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.”
Sadness filled her eyes briefly, but it faded as she looked up at him. “I know.”
“You haven’t asked me what sort of gift I might like.”
“Let me guess, a new rod and reel?”
“Not even close. All I want is your answer to a very important question, but I want it today, before Christmas. Will you marry me, Sarah Wyse?”
She bit her lip, then nodded. “I will.”
He swung her around as joy pushed aside the last doubt from his heart. When she shrieked, he stopped and kissed her again. “Thank you. That is truly the best Christmas gift I have ever received.”
“How soon are we moving to Colorado?” she asked with a grin.
He looked at her in surprise. “Just like that you’re willing to go to Colorado? To leave all your friends and family? It might be years before we can come back for a visit.”
“I know it will not be an easy thing, but I want you to follow your dream. You follow it. I will follow you.”
“The decision is that simple for you?”
“I reckon it’s as simple as can be. I want you to rise each morning and see God’s glory in the mountains from our front porch.”
He no longer needed to run away from the woman he couldn’t have. “I’ve changed my mind about that.”
“Really? Why?”
“Because God, in His goodness, has delivered to me something more beautiful than the highest mountains. I won’t even have to walk out on my porch to see it. My beautiful wife, my best Christmas gift, will be lying beside me in our bed each morning when I open my eyes. Wherever you are, Sarah Wyse, there is my heart, my dreams, my very life.”
He bent and kissed her once more.
Epilogue
When Sarah woke the morning of her wedding, she was tired but happy. Rushing to her window, she saw the sky outside was overcast with low gray clouds. The threat of snow hung in the air.
She crossed the room and opened her cedar chest. She took out the blue dress she had made with loving care years before. Her wedding dress. It would be the dress she would be buried in. She chose to wear it again for one simple reason. For Jonas.
He was the reason that she and Levi had fallen in love. If he hadn’t asked Levi to stay and watch over her, Levi would have gone to Colorado and she might never have grown to love him. By wearing her first wedding dress, she was acknowledging her first husband’s love and caring.
Her sprained knee had healed well enough in the two weeks since the accident that she could stand for small amounts of time and walk short distances. She was determined to stand unaided at her own wedding.
When she finally stepped down from her buggy at her aunt’s house, she couldn’t believe how nervous she was. Faith and Grace accompanied her. Sarah clenched her hands together and drew a deep breath.
“What’s the matter?” Grace asked.
“My hands are like ice. I have butterflies the size of geese flopping around in my stomach.”
Grace shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re nervous. You’ve done this before.”
Faith gave her a hug. “I understand exactly how you feel.”
Sarah knew that was true. Faith was also a widow who had found a new love in their small community.
“I think I’m more nervous than when I married Jonas. I don’t know why I’m scared. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with Levi.”
Faith gave her a tiny push toward the front of her aunt’s house. “That will not happen if you stand out here all day.”
Sarah said, “Wait. It’s starting to snow.”
Grace looked up. “It is.”
Flakes as large as duck down began floating to earth. They clung to Sarah’s coat and settled around her feet. More and more followed until the air was thick with them.
Faith said, “We should go in. Everyone is waiting.”
Sarah held out her hand and smiled at the white flakes sticking to her mittens. She looked out over the farm. The tall pine trees were catching the powdery fluff in their needles. She smiled at Grace. “Hear how quiet it has become? Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Yes, it is,” Faith agreed.
Jonas had loved the way snow turned the world into something clean and bright. Perhaps he had arranged this for her, a new start to her new life.
She said, “I used to hate the snow. There was snow on the ground when Jonas died, but from this day on, snowflakes will always remind me of my wedding day. I’m ready now.”
Inside her aunt’s home, the walls had been pushed back to open up the downstairs rooms. Benches were arranged in two rows, men on one side and women on the other just as they were for regular preaching services.
Levi, looking remarkably handsome in his new black suit, white shirt and black bow tie, waited beside his brothers at the front of the room. The look in his eyes said everything she wanted to hear. Her nerves quieted and she walked toward her place at the front of the house beside Levi.
Sarah reached for Levi’s hand. He gave her fingers a quick squeeze. Soon they would be joined as husband and wife.
As Sarah stood before Bishop Zook with Levi at her side, she knew the questions that would be asked of her.
She and Levi said, “Yes,” in loud, clear voices.
Turning to Levi, the bishop asked, “Do you believe, brother, that God has provided this woman as a marriage partner for you?”
“Yes.” Levi smiled at her and her heart beat faster.
The bishop then turned to her. “Do you believe, sister, that God has provided this man as a marriage partner for you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Levi, do you also promise Sarah that you will care for her in sickness or bodily weakness as befits a Christian husband and do you promise you will love, forgive and be patient with her until God separates you by death?”
“I do so promise,” Levi answered solemnly.
“Sarah, do you promise the same, to care for Levi in bodily weakness or sickness, as befits a Christian wife? Do you promise to love, forgive and be patient with him until God separates you by death?”
The question gave her pause. She knew it was coming, but she was still unprepared for the shaft of fear that hit her.
Would she someday be called upon to watch Levi die? Could she go through that agony again?
“Sarah?” the bishop prompted gently. He was waiting for her answer. The sympathy in his eyes said he understood her hesitation.
She focused on Levi. He was waiting, too.
Taking a deep breath, she nodded. She would be blessed to care for this man no matter how many or how few days were given to them. She raised her chin and said, “I promise.”
The bishop smiled and nodded. He took her hand, placed it in Levi’s hand and covered their fingers with his own. “The God of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob be with you. May He bestow His blessings richly upon you through Jesus Christ, Amen.”
She smiled brightly at Levi as he squeezed her hand. That was it. They were man and wife.
Patricia Davids Christmas Brides of Amish Country: An Amish ChristmasThe Christmas QuiltA Hope Springs Christmas Page 55