Destiny: Hilltops Series - Book One

by Faith Starr

  “I can’t do this, Ev. I’m sorry.” I abruptly stepped back. I closed my eyes and rubbed them. What was going on with me? I rocked back and forth like a psych patient.

  “What’s wrong, Noah? It feels incredible. I’ve missed your touch.”

  Her hands came toward me. I stopped them midair. “I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like this.” I smoothed her skirt and adjusted her top. I scanned the room to make sure nobody saw us.

  “You did no such thing. I offered. Please don’t tell me this is about that girl.” She smirked.

  “Her name is Jordin.” Anger filled me. I had to get the hell out of here and go upstairs.

  “I think she’s getting to you, Noah. I didn’t think you ever let a woman get to you.” She again reached for me, this time adjusting my collar.

  “Neither did I. I guess there’s a first time for everything.” I swiped my hand through my hair. Mmm, it smelled good, probably because Jordin had just washed it. Fuck.

  “You can’t just walk out on me right now.” She stood firm, with her hands on her hips.

  “Excuse me? Walk out on you? We had a moment in the dungeon, like all the other guests in here are doing right now.” I gestured toward them.

  “Fuck you.”

  “Good night, Ev.” I waved with my back toward her and left the dungeon. I didn’t know what to do with myself or with these feelings. Was this what it felt like to lose one’s mind? If so, I was totally screwed. I figured my safest bet was to go upstairs to my apartment. My hands balled up into fists during the short ride in the elevator. Once inside my apartment, I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed a bottle of vodka. I didn’t even bother getting a glass. For what I intended, one wasn’t necessary.

  I kicked my shoes off and sat on the couch, reclining on it, and turning on the television. I brought the bottle to my lips again and again. And the next thing I knew someone was banging on my door.

  What the fuck?

  “Open up! It’s me, Derek.”

  My head. My body felt like someone had poured a shit load of bricks on it. I squinted and held my head, stumbling to the door, the brightness causing seething pain in my temples. I unbuttoned my dress shirt. It was hot as hell. I honestly felt like shit. I hadn’t had that much to drink in forever.

  “What the hell did you do to Evie last night?” He almost knocked me down, which would’ve felt better than standing.

  “What’re you talking about?” I trudged back to the couch and lay down, closing my eyes and holding my pounding head.

  “She quit.”

  “What?” They opened again. Well, as open as they could be, the bright light like needles piercing into them.

  “You heard me. I was busy with Stevie…”

  “Which you weren’t supposed to be doing in public yet. And would you mind toning it down a bit?” I gestured with my hand to emphasize that important part.

  “No, and please let me finish. Like I was saying, I was busy with Stevie, and the next thing I know Evie’s banging around at the bar. I went over to see what was going on, and she was all down and out. Evie isn’t the poor-me type. What the fuck, Noah? What did you do to her this time? “

  “They’re all poor-me types. Don’t be fooled.” I swatted my arm to the side.

  “What did you do to her?”

  “She came on to me. I kissed her. Touched her a little. The end.”

  “Why’re you fucking around with Evie when you’re with Jordin?”

  Wasn’t that the question of the century? Why did my head suddenly feel worse?

  “Because Jordin and I aren’t in a committed relationship.” There. That was a solid answer. I nodded in agreement with it to make it sound more believable.

  “I get it, but you were with Jordin at the party and then Evie at the club. Two in one night? What in the hell is going on with you?”

  “Nothing’s going on with me.” I tried to sit up to defend myself but my body didn’t want to come along for the ride.

  “Well, we’re now out a bartender, so unless you’re good at mixing drinks, we need to fix this situation pronto.”

  “She really quit?” How was it possible I could feel any worse? And yet, I did. It was bad enough guilt filled me for going behind Jordin’s back, even though to my defense we’d never discussed being monogamous, but now the guilt had multiplied. I was fucking up everything with everyone. My only saving grace was I had stopped things with Evie when I did. “I’ll call her and apologize.”

  “Do it soon and let me know what happens.”

  His fucking pacing made me dizzy. I wished he would do it somewhere else.

  “Looks like Watson’s nailed the submissive role.”

  “Shit, yeah. I couldn’t agree more.”

  Pacing ceased. I appreciated small miracles this morning.

  “Be careful. Don’t forget she’s only here to do a job. Don’t get all sappy and ruin the investigation.”

  “I hear you. We’re just having a good time. You look like shit, man. Why don’t you go take a shower and clean yourself up before making that phone call?”

  He let himself out and unfortunately, I again had to get my body off the couch. Maybe I could crawl? On second thought, the shower could wait.

  “Hello.” Evie’s voice sounded cold.

  Breathe. Apologize for being an ass. “Hey Ev, it’s Noah.”

  “I know who it is. I have Caller ID. What do you want?”

  This was going to be harder than I thought. Maybe I should’ve had another shot or a cup of coffee prior to making the call.

  “Can we please meet? We need to talk.”

  “I don’t think we have anything to say to each other.”

  Christ. Fucking women. I guess a little groveling never hurt anyone. “Please, Ev. Meet up with me.”

  “Fine,” she said hastily.

  Glancing up, I said my thanks in silence.

  We agreed upon a time and a place. Now I definitely needed to get off the couch and into the shower. How I was going to do it was another story altogether.

  “Here we are. What do you want to say that couldn’t be said over the phone?”

  All the customers around us appeared happy having their Joe. Except me. I was anything but.

  “I wanted to apologize.” I took a sip of my extra-large caffeine-filled beverage. Fuck! Now my tongue hurt along with the rest of my body. That shit was hot. I didn’t have water, but she did. I slid her glass my way and took a sip, the ice cooling my burned tongue that would now feel weird for the next day or two.

  “You did that last night.” She retrieved her glass and set it in front of her.

  Christ. Hadn’t she ever heard of sharing?

  “I mean it, Ev. I’ve acted like an ass, and you don’t deserve that.”

  “I agree with both of those statements.” She took a big gulp of her water.

  Swirling the coffee stirrer in my cup made little tornadoes in my drink. “Listen, I don’t want you to quit your job. I trust you at the bar and feel you’re an asset to the club. I should’ve never let us cross the boss-employee line, and I take full responsibility for us doing so.” I dared to look up at her.

  “It takes two to tango.”

  Fuck. That was a close one. I wiped my brow. Now we could commence with civil conversation. “I know, but I should’ve never let it happen to begin with.”

  She pulled a napkin from out of the metal holder and slipped it under her glass to wipe away the condensation forming on the table. Something she always did at the club. “I’m glad it did.”

  Her warm smile was like a knife to an already wounded soul. I sighed. “I can’t argue we had some good times, but I have too much going on in my life right now to continue along those lines.”

  “I feel like we just had this conversation. Listen, I’m not going to lie and say I’m not hurt. When we first started fooling around, I was pretty much in it for the fun, but over time my feelings changed. I’m well aware
yours never did, and unfortunately, I can’t force you to have feelings that don’t exist. I don’t think it’ll be easy for me to separate my feelings and just see you as my boss.”

  The tapping of her sugar packet on the table was driving me crazy.

  “I understand, and I certainly don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in a place where you spend half your time.”

  That’s it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I snatched it from her hand.

  She eyed me questioningly but continued with our dialogue. “You know how much I love my job. I can’t afford to be unemployed, but if we make the decision to be strictly professional, then you can’t act like you did last night.”

  “And you can’t come on to me. Deal?”

  “Deal.” She agreed with a head nod, offering me her hand.

  I graciously shook it.

  “You know I love you guys. And don’t get all cocky by that comment. I’m speaking figuratively.”

  “I get it. Thanks, Ev. I really am sorry.”

  “It’s all good. She’s a lucky girl.”

  I nodded, not knowing how else to respond. Evie was wrong, though. It was me who was lucky to have a woman like Jordin in my life, and all I was doing was trying to get away from her.

  After my meeting with Evie, I drove to the hospital to visit Niles. It was the middle of the week, but a break was vital, and the drive to the hospital did me good.

  “No further improvement?”

  Patty knitted in a chair in front of him. She shook her head. “Sorry, Noah, he’s back to his usual self.”

  “Hey Niles.” The vinyl flooring was hard underneath my knees. His cotton slacks were beige, a bit worn on the knees, and softer just above. His blue eyes matched mine, but he wasn’t looking at them, instead he stared at the floor like he always did.

  He got the unabridged version of my night with Jordin and my poor behavior at the club with Evie. I also told him how confused I felt about my feelings for Jordin. I rambled on and on, and even though I got no response or emotion out of him, my spirits lifted afterward.

  My sunglasses helped shield my eyes from the strong sun. The Tylenol had helped ease some of the pain in my head as well. It was a gorgeous day for a walk in the garden, and the fresh air made me feel better. Patty was excited about a recent visit she’d had from her grandchildren and filled us in on all the details. It was a nice break from my existence.

  Then it was back to the cold white rec room. Two patients argued over a game of solitaire. Guess they didn’t realize it was a game meant for one. Roger rushed over with another deck of cards to pacify them.

  “J…”

  What? I fell to my knees in front of my brother. My head dizzy from spinning around so fast. Fuck. I had to remember to bring knee pads with me on my next visit.

  “I think he’s talking about your lady friend, Noah. Let me go see if Dr. Fields is in his office.” Patty took off like a bat out of hell.

  “Jordin? Are you trying to tell me something about her? You heard my story. Didn’t you, Niles?” Hopefully I wouldn’t cause bruises on his knees from squeezing them so tight. “Come on, Niles. Speak to me.” I nudged his shoulders, but he didn’t say or do anything. I rocked back and forth on my knees, my heart in physical pain. Something I felt quite a lot of these past few days.

  Honestly, what did I expect? Niles had uttered a few words over the years, but nothing ever came of it. So why should this time be any different?

  Dr. Fields approached and evaluated him. I informed him how I had just spoken to Niles about Jordin before our walk. He asked him a few questions, but nothing. No reply. Just another disappointment to add to the list.

  Back in my car, I put on my sunglasses and pulled down the visor to shield the bright sun. I initiated a call on my steering wheel. I had forgotten to tell Derek that Evie would return to work at her usual time. All the pieces would fall into place. They had to. I couldn’t continue on in my current mind-set.

  63

  Jordin

  Tossing. Turning. Nothing was going to help me fall asleep unless is consisted of an IV drip containing a heavy dose of narcotics. The residual smell of Noah on my skin consumed me. As tough as I was on the outside, I was starting to crack on the inside. I didn’t know why I was letting him get to my heart like he was, but it wasn’t like I had a choice in the matter. With every moment we spent together, I was falling deeper and deeper for him.

  Where is the stupid remote? I shuffled my blanket around. The darn thing had to be somewhere. The clunk signaled it had just hit the floor. Found it. Perhaps the distraction of the television would help me relax. It didn’t. Channel after channel played romance films. The radio wasn’t any better. It basically played ballads that only exacerbated my frustration. Ugh. Quiet would have to do. But didn’t Twenty One Pilots chant in the song “Car Radio” that sometimes quiet was violent? I hoped this wasn’t one of those times.

  Sleep found me at around four in the morning. Sadly, this had been one of those times, the chaos in my mind keeping me awake for most of the night. No matter how many times I fluffed my pillows, shifted onto my side, my back, or my stomach, the chatter wouldn’t shut up.

  Ugh! Who was calling me at this ungodly hour? My slits called eyes tried to adjust to the light while I scooted to the edge of the bed to grab my phone off my nightstand. Ouch! The side of my hand hit the nightstand in my blind search. Where the hell did my phone go? Probably the same place the remote had gone.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, Jordin, I’m sorry to call so early. This is Alicia Sloan.”

  I put on my glasses. Shit. It was already seven. Time to get up and start my day.

  “Hi, Alicia, is everything okay?” I pulled my blanket back on the bed since most of it had fallen off during my phone quest.

  “I’m not sure. I haven’t been able to get hold of Casey. We were supposed to meet for lunch yesterday, and she didn’t show up or call to cancel. I went by her apartment, but she wasn’t there. I was hoping maybe you’d heard from her or knew where she might be?”

  “Oddly enough, I haven’t spoken to her in a few days.” I stacked my pillows behind me so I could sit up. Ah much better.

  “I’m very worried. When you last spoke with her, did she mention any specific plans she had?”

  “Not really. I know she was going out to dinner with her friend, Rich, but that’s about all.”

  “Do you know this man, Rich?”

  “Yes. He’s a nice guy.” The loose thread on my blanket drove me crazy. I couldn’t stop playing with it, and this conversation only made me do it more.

  “Do you have his number?”

  “No, I don’t, nor do I know his last name.”

  “Do you know how she met him?”

  Moral dilemma time. I didn’t want to betray my friend’s trust, but if her safety was on the line, promises had to go by the wayside.

  “I believe he’s an engineering major. He’s in the graduate program at the university.” I untwisted my finger, which by now had started to turn purple and lose sensation, from the string,

  “Funny. She’s never mentioned him to me before.”

  “I wonder if Dr. Sloan knows him.”

  Shit. I pulled too much of it. I shoved my hand underneath my pillow to prevent any further damage to both my finger and the blanket.

  “I’m going to call him. He left early for the office this morning. He said he had some work to catch up on.”

  Sure he did.

  “We usually meet for yoga. If she’s there, I’ll have her call you. After that I’ll be at the women’s clinic and then on campus. Will you please call me if you hear anything, and I’ll do the same?”

  “Of course. I hope she’s okay.”

  “Me too, Alicia.”

  What was up with Casey? It was totally unlike her to blow off her mother. I dialed her cell. No answer.

  Damn sheets. Get off me! They were like a frickin’ python. I managed to escape their wrath and took a qu
ick shower, even though I knew I’d need another one after yoga.

  I got to class early in the hopes Casey would show up. All the women clad in yoga pants and tank tops sat enthusiastically on their dreary-colored mats. Casey wasn’t one of them.

  Maybe I should go.

  I knew if I lay down to meditate, I would fall asleep. One thing about me though, I persevered in the face of adversity.

  I should’ve left.

  My body ached everywhere. I all but limped to my car and called Casey. Again, there was no answer. Where could she be? I didn’t have time to stop by her place, because I had to get dressed for work.

  My muscles screamed along with two clients during group. Calling in Dr. Reddy for backup was something I’d never had to do before. Damn. The last twenty-four hours felt like I was moving from one crisis to another.

  “You did the right thing by calling me into group.”

  Stop pouting, it’s unprofessional. Yet Dr. Reddy got a perfect glimpse of one, his words of encouragement not helping to turn my frown upside down either. “I feel responsible for letting things get so out of hand.” The darkness behind my closed eyelids was a welcome reprieve. Rubbing away the tension in my forehead also helped.

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself. We’re dealing with a clientele who wear their emotions on their sleeves. It doesn’t take much for them to feel attacked. Karina asked if she could meet with you for a few minutes. She said she’s still feeling wound up from witnessing the event. Are you up for it?”

  Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t let him know that. I refused to look weak.

  “Of course I am.” How effective I would be in my present state was another story altogether.

  “I felt really anxious during group today.” Karina sat balled up on her chair with her knees tucked in front of her and her arms hugging them—her usual defensive stance.

  “I understand, especially since you’re sensitive to raised voices. Please keep in mind that what transpired during group today had nothing to do with you. It was between Samantha and Liz.”