Destiny: Hilltops Series - Book One

by Faith Starr

  Behind my locked front door, I took in the silence of my apartment. My clothes reeked of hospital. I could smell them on myself. I stripped down, leaving the clothes on the floor so I could go to the bathroom to shower, the hot water and my tears falling together, swirling down the drain.

  Where was my towel? I usually left it hanging on the rack. Just another reason to cry. But wait, there was more, my wet feet slid on the tile floor. I almost face-planted on the vanity.

  Once dried, I climbed into bed without even putting on PJs, feeling too emotionally drained to do anything else. Unfortunately, my second wind kicked in, keeping me awake for quite some time.

  After the clinic, I went to visit Casey. Alicia sat by her bedside, asleep in a chair. Poor thing had probably been sitting there all night. I quietly sat on the other chair. Oddly enough, Casey looked peaceful.

  “Jordin?” Alicia’s soft voice startled me from my thoughts.

  “I hope I didn’t wake you.” Casey’s hand felt warm in mine.

  “No. I guess I dozed off.”

  “How is she?”

  “She was awake earlier.” My heart skipped a beat. “She was confused as to how this all happened. A psychiatrist came in to speak with her, but she had no answers for him. She swears she didn’t attempt suicide and that she has no clue where the bottle of prescription drugs came from. All she remembers is that she went with some friends to a bar and had a few drinks. The rest is all a blur. She became so agitated by the doctor’s line of questioning he had to give her a sedative to calm her down. This is such a mess.” Her eyes were heavy from a lack of sleep and crying.

  “I’m so sorry. Do you think someone drugged her while she was out?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. The psychiatrist thinks it might be a possibility, but then why were there narcotics and a bottle of alcohol next to her bed? Neither of which she recalls ingesting.”

  “Something doesn’t seem right about this.” Especially since Casey was against drugs, other than getting drunk here and there, happenings which occurred far and few between.

  “I agree. I’m hoping that as her head clears she’ll be able to recollect more from that night.”

  “Would you like to take a break and get something to eat? I can stay here with Casey for a bit.”

  “That would be great. I would ask you to join me, but I would hate for her to wake up and be alone.” She stood and stretched tall. She fluffed her hair. Not that it would help—it was an absolute mess.

  “I’ll wait here. It’s no problem at all. You go on ahead.”

  “Thanks. I won’t be long.” Her feet dragged when she shuffled out of the room.

  I scooted my chair closer to Casey’s bed so I could speak to her, continuing to hold her hand. “Hey you, I can’t stand to see you like this.” I brushed my free hand over her soft hair. “I miss hearing your sassy mouth. I need you to keep me on my toes. Noah surely is. We made love the other night, and afterward, he bolted like a bat out of hell.”

  Stop smiling. He hasn’t called you since.

  He will.

  Cognitive Restructuring had its time and place.

  “It was actually quite comical, although emotionally I’m a wreck. Oh, I see your mother has your phone here. If you don’t mind, I’m going to take Rich’s number so I can call him and let him know where you are. Noah invited me to a monthly play party this weekend for research. He goes from hot to cold in a matter of minutes. Every time I think I’m gaining access into that stubborn head of his, he withdraws. Breaking him down might be my most challenging task to date.”

  Stop crying and be strong for her.

  “Oh Casey, what the hell happened? Did you intentionally try to harm yourself? Your mom said you swore you didn’t. I sure hope you were telling the truth. Were things that bad you didn’t feel like you could talk to me? I wouldn’t have judged you. You know me better than that. Maybe I could’ve prevented whatever it was from happening. And just so you know, I’m beating myself up over this so you better wake up and tell me otherwise.”

  Out the window, the clouds were dark and gray. Maybe it was going to rain. Ironic, because my mood was gloomy as well. Casey’s window had a view of the parking lot. It resembled a used car lot, the spot on it distracting me from my thoughts. Ew. Was that a blood stain? Gross. Did I mention how much I hate hospitals?

  Maybe Casey would wake up if I kept talking to her. “I can’t believe I didn’t see any signs. It’s what we’ve been trained to do, right? Yet, here you lie. I wish I knew what led this to happen.” She remained asleep, the shuffling of feet signaling Alicia’s return.

  “Sorry it took me so long.”

  “Long? It was like five minutes. Did you get something to eat?”

  “Yes. I brought it up with me. I didn’t want to leave her for too long. Thank you for sitting here with her. Robert phoned. He has to stay and do some work on campus, so he’ll come by later. I hope she gets discharged tomorrow.” She set her bag of food down on the tray table.

  “Will you be okay here, or would you like me to stay with you?”

  “You’re welcome to stay for as long as you’d like. But I’m sure you have other things to do. I don’t expect you to sit here all day with me.”

  One… Two… Three… Here went nothing. “May I ask you a question?”

  “Sure. What’s on your mind?”

  “Did Casey ever mention to you that she’s not happy with her internship or with her decision to remain at the university after graduation?”

  She froze. Shit. This was going to be harder than I thought it would be.

  “No. Why do you ask?”

  “Has she spoken to you about her career goals recently?” The fact she was looking out the window was a good sign, right?

  “Not really. I know she’s always studying and working hard. And I know Robert’s ecstatic that she’ll graduate from the program he chairs and work in his department.”

  “He really wants her to follow in his footsteps, huh?” It wasn’t meant to sound as positive as it came out.

  “Oh yes. He can’t wait to see her name in bold letters in the department offices. It’s always been a dream of his that his child take his place at the university one day.”

  Unfortunately, the bubble was about to burst. “Do you think Casey’s always wanted that too?”

  “She always said she did. Why’re you asking me these questions? Is there something you’re not telling me?” The crease between her brows indicated she knew I was about to tell her something important.

  “I just think Casey and Dr. Sloan might have different views on the career path she wants to take.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  “Why do you say that? Has she said something to you about it?”

  My heart picked up speed. I glanced at Casey, then back at her mom. This had to be done. It was in Casey’s best interest.

  “She’s told both me and your husband. I don’t want to get in the middle of this, but when Casey recovers, I’m asking that you to please listen to what she wants instead of what your husband wants for her. She’s her own person with her own dreams.” Whew. I felt better already.

  She walked over to the window, pausing, viewing the scenery outside it. “I’m feeling shocked by all this. It’s the first I’ve heard about any of it.”

  “Like I said, the last thing I want to do right now is create friction in your family. You’re all dealing with enough, but I think it’s important for you to know that Casey’s been struggling lately. I only tell you this because I want what’s best for her.”

  She faced me. “So do I. I don’t understand why Robert never mentioned any of this to me.”

  And I didn’t understand why she sounded angry at me. Not that I expected her to jump up and down for joy by my news, but my intention only came from a place of love for Casey.

  “Again, I don’t want to cause an argument, but if Casey could speak right now, I know she’d be telling you the same thing.”

&
nbsp; “I appreciate you telling me this. All I want is for my daughter to be healthy and happy. I don’t care what career path she chooses to take.”

  “Please tell her that. Let her know that you’ll support her no matter what decision she makes regarding her future.” I dared to smile. Fortunately, it was reciprocated. But Alicia wasn’t feeling it. She bowed her head in disappointment.

  “How could I not know about this? Am I that much of a stranger to my daughter that she didn’t feel close enough to me to share her feelings?”

  Great. Now I was disappointed in myself for making her feel worse and aware of that possibility. “It’s not the time to beat up on yourself, Alicia. That’s not why I told you about this. I only told you because right now Casey needs to know how much we love and support her, no matter what she chooses to do.”

  “Casey’s lucky to have you as a friend.”

  I rose and welcomed her hug. It felt good to know we could comfort each other.

  “I’m the lucky one. Casey means the world to me.”

  “And you saving her life means the world to me.”

  Her sincerity choked me up.

  “I wish I had gotten to her sooner.”

  The gray clouds suddenly seemed a bit darker.

  “The bottom line is that you did get to her, and she’s alive and breathing because of you.”

  64

  Noah

  “Hi, babe, I wanted to hear your voice. Plus, I told you I would call.” Get out of the way, you fucking idiot. I tensed at yet another texting driver.

  “Hi, Noah.”

  What was with the soft voice? She didn’t sound like her usual, cheerful self. “What’s wrong?”

  “My friend Casey’s in the hospital.”

  Shit. I stepped on the brake, glad the light in front of me had turned red.

  This was news. “Sloan’s daughter?”

  “Yes. Yesterday I found her unconscious in her apartment. It seems she washed down a bottle of pills with a bottle of alcohol.”

  “That’s terrible. I’m so sorry you had to find her in that condition. How’re you holding up?” The sound of her tears answered my question. “Apparently not too well.”

  “It’s been hard to deal with. She’s my best friend. I have no clue if she tried to harm herself or if someone drugged her. Her mother says Casey’s adamant it wasn’t an attempted suicide. But I haven’t been able to speak with her myself yet.”

  The light turned green. I had two choices. I could either make a right at the next light to get to the club or I could go straight and go to Jordin’s apartment.

  “Why didn’t you reach out to me? I could’ve been there with you.”

  Why wasn’t she talking?

  “Jordin, what’s going on?”

  “I don’t want to do this over the phone, Noah.”

  “Do what?” I had about two blocks before I had to decide.

  “I’m just questioning a lot of things in my life right now.”

  “Am I one of those things?”

  “Every aspect of my life is one of those things. When you see someone you love on the verge of life or death, it kind of makes you reevaluate things.”

  Decision made. I wasn’t about to let her do this to or by herself.

  “Are you at home right now?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m coming over.”

  “You don’t have to do that. I’m not in the best frame of mind right now.”

  “All the more reason for me to come over, I’ll be there shortly.”

  Shit. I hit my fist on the steering wheel. I hadn’t spoken with her in a few days, and all this had happened since?

  On the way to her place, I stopped by the market. Knowing Jordin the way I did, she probably hadn’t eaten a thing and wasn’t taking proper care of herself.

  Fuck. I was right. It was worse than I thought. She stood in her doorway in an oversized robe, the ties hanging at her sides with PJs underneath, her eyes puffy and red. Even still, she looked beautiful to me. At least the bouquet of roses I handed her earned me a partial smile. I would take what I could get.

  She waved her hand for me to enter. I followed her into the kitchen and set the brown bag I had brought with me from the market on the table. She put the flowers in a vase, filling it with water first, and set it near the brown bag.

  “Come here.” This was heartbreaking. She needed a hug. I had no clue why she tried to resist me, but there was no time for self-doubt right now. I refused to let her go. I didn’t say anything. I just held her. Slowly, her defenses came down, and the tears began to flow. “I’m here for you, baby.” For a moment I wished I was Stretch Armstrong—the napkin on the counter resting slightly out of my reach.

  Ah, got it.

  I wiped away her tears. Several long minutes later, they began to slow.

  “You should’ve called me. You shouldn’t be going through this alone.” Her warm body leaning into mine fit almost too perfectly.

  “I didn’t feel right about dragging you into this. You don’t even know her.”

  While brushing away the hair stuck to her face from crying, I gazed into her eyes. “I may not know her, but I can help take care of you since my guess is you aren’t doing a good job of it right now. Am I correct?”

  “I’m doing the best I can.”

  “Have you had anything to eat?”

  “I had a yogurt this morning.”

  It was difficult to hide my disappointment, but I tried. She was in an overly emotional state and needed comfort, not a lecture on self-care.

  “It’s now evening. I brought you some soup. Why don’t we sit down?” I assisted her over to the table and pulled out a chair.

  Fuck! The container was hot, like scalding. I lifted it carefully, holding it on the top sides, and set it down on the table.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “But you still need to eat. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to feed you. Hmm. That actually sounds kind of fun.” There was that beautiful smile of hers I liked so much.

  “Fine, I’ll eat some soup. Thank you for bringing it.”

  I pulled out another chair and sat next to her. The steam almost burned my hand when I removed the plastic lid from the container. A baguette wrapped in wax paper sat on the bottom of the brown paper bag. Excellent. It smelled delicious and was still warm. I spread some butter on the bread for her. There was also a plastic spoon in the bag, so I stirred her soup to distribute the heat evenly.

  “No need to thank me.” I folded my hands and waited for her to eat. “I know you’re worried about your friend, but she’s being taken care of in the hospital. You’re not. So it’s important for you to take care of yourself as well.”

  “It’s been a rough few days.” She now held the spoon and stirred the soup. “I’ve been running groups at the clinic, which I’m in no mind-set to do effectively at the moment, or sitting in a hospital talking and listening to music with my friend whom I have yet to see awake and alert.”

  “Jordin, she’s in the hospital, being monitored constantly. As difficult as it is for you to separate yourself from this situation, you must still continue to take care of yourself. It’s not like you can make her better. Sure, spending time with her is good for both of you, but you can’t neglect all other aspects of your life.”

  She let go of the spoon and rubbed her brow. “This entire thing has me questioning my ability as a psychotherapist. Here I am about to start my internship in a few months and graduate with a doctorate, yet I didn’t even notice that my best friend was in such a stupor to the point where she possibly tried to kill herself. How effective does that make me?” Her eyes were on mine, full of wonder.

  “First of all, Casey’s not one of your clients. And second of all, sometimes it’s the people closest to us who present us with the biggest challenges. You can’t allow this one situation to make you doubt all the good work you’ve done at the clinic to help those women. You’ve told me yourself how good you feel about y
our work there. Besides, you said you’re not even sure whether she was the one who caused this. But either way, you can’t take responsibility for what happened. What you can do is show your support and be there for her, just not at the expense of losing yourself in the process. That isn’t fair to you, and I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be blaming yourself for her actions.”

  “No, she wouldn’t. I’m just sad.” She rested her elbow on the table and leaned her cheek on her hand, tears falling on the table.

  I rose and went to her. This time she didn’t hesitate to let me hold her. “I know. I’m not saying this is easy for you, but you don’t have to go through it alone.” I stroked her hair.

  “Thanks.” She rested her head against my shoulder. I continued to caress her long brown hair.

  Once she had calmed, I sat in my chair again. She peered down at her soup, playing with it with her spoon.

  “It’s not going to feed itself to you. Please eat it while it’s warm.”

  “Didn’t you bring any for yourself?”

  “No. I had a big lunch at the office.”

  “How’re things going there?” She blew the liquid on her spoon, her tongue poking out like a lizard’s and testing it before putting it in her mouth. She was fucking adorable.

  “Great. My uncle has me teamed up with some of the guys in finance, and I’m a quick study. I love it.”

  “That’s great.” She mirrored my enthusiasm and smiled.

  “It is. Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we take a drive?”

  She shook her head. “I can’t go out looking like this.”

  “You look gorgeous.” She gave me an are you kidding me? glare. “Besides, I think some fresh air would be good for you.” My decision was made. I stood and cleared the garbage on the table. Basically just the brown paper bag since she had yet to eat her food.

  “Okay.” She dropped the spoon in her soup and rose.

  “Oh no, you don’t. You need to finish eating first.” I sat back down. I had to make sure she was properly nourished before we went anywhere.