Benny

by Terry Bolryder

  Tasha laughed. “Just a little. Just when someone needs it.”

  Jackie laughed. “For what it’s worth, I think you might as well try being a little bolder. I don’t think it would hurt much more, and if you could go back to being friends now, you could do it later.”

  Harley had to admit Jackie had a point. Tasha too. Harley couldn’t just wait around anymore for Benny, and if she was going to give up on having more from him, she had to know she’d given it everything she could.

  “All right,” Harley said to Tasha. “So what do I do?” She threw her hands in the air. “I have no idea about this kind of thing.”

  Tasha rubbed her hands together, leaning forward with an eager smile on her face. “Just leave it to me.”

  So Harley did just that, leaning back in her chair and listening in wonder as Tasha unveiled the perfect plan.

  Chapter 3

  Benny couldn’t help hoping that Fifi would find something, at least a little bit of info, so it was disappointing when there was still no progress several days later.

  Things were less awkward with Harley. She seemed to have quickly forgiven him for what had happened the other night and hadn’t said anything about it since then.

  She’d even been a bit more cheerful the past couple of days, and Benny decided to hope that maybe things would just return to normal.

  Not that he could forget what it had been like to touch her, to be so close, to see her eyes looking up at him with such warmth and affection.

  Hopefully, Fifi would have some kind of info for him soon.

  He pulled out his phone to send a quick text, asking Fifi if there was any update.

  The reply was nearly instant.

  Patience. Good things come to those who wait.

  Benny frowned as he typed his reply.

  This from someone who can’t wait ten minutes for an appletini?

  Fifi’s reply came a moment later.

  Appletinis are too delicious to wait for.

  Benny sighed in frustration. Harley is more delicious than any appletini, you dipshit. He sent it, then flushed with mortification as he realized what he had sent.

  He winced as he opened Fifi’s reply.

  I should tell her you sent that.

  Benny quickly typed in a new message. Don’t you dare. I’ll fire you. I’ll tie you to a chair in my office. Don’t test me.

  That sounds hot, Fifi replied. Don’t tease me.

  Benny chucked his phone onto his couch, snorting in annoyance. Stupid wolf liked to swing both ways; he irritated both sexes equally.

  When his phone beeped again, Benny almost ignored it, but then he noticed it was Harley’s text tone.

  He nearly fell off the couch, trying to grab for the phone, anxious to see whatever Harley had sent.

  Meet me at the club in an hour?

  Benny lowered his eyebrows as he reread the text. What would she want to meet him for?

  Sure, anything in particular you want to talk about? he texted back.

  I’ll tell you when you’re there.

  He stared at the screen nervously. Was she going to quit on him? Was she mad enough at his rejection that she was going to sell her share in the club? Did she not want to be around him anymore?

  His heart pounded heavily as he considered his options for getting her to stay. Should he just tell her more about his bear? He winced, unable to imagine that. At least until he had some sort of solution.

  It wasn’t fair to make her wait, but if she wanted to…

  No, he wasn’t going to make promises. Not when he didn’t even have a single lead from Fifi.

  Still, he couldn’t avoid Harley, and whatever decision she made, he would respect it. He owed her at least that, no matter how much it hurt him.

  Okay. I’ll be there in an hour. Looking forward to seeing you.

  He sent the text, then went to his room to pick out an outfit. He chose a blue button-up with the appearance of flannel, because Harley had always said he looked good in blue and he didn’t really care what anyone else thought about his looks.

  Paired with a tight white undershirt and some dark jeans and work boots, he thought he looked appropriate for heading to the club.

  It was early afternoon, so they wouldn’t open for a few hours yet.

  He hopped in his truck and drove to the club, trying not to get more nervous with every mile that brought him closer.

  When he saw her truck parked outside Club Crimson, he felt his heart start to beat a little harder in his chest. Then a lot harder as he got out and walked up to the entrance.

  He took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever he would see when he went inside. But when he opened the door and looked in, he knew nothing could have prepared him for what was there.

  It was Harley in a dress that made parts of his body respond to her when they had no business responding.

  God, she was beautiful.

  No, as she sat there in that red dress, so tight, wrapping all of her curves, exposing creamy arms and dipping low in the front to show off cleavage Benny always tried to look away from, she was so much more than beautiful.

  She was everything.

  She always had been.

  He swallowed, trying to remember how to think. How to speak. How to move.

  “Benny?” She stood up, smiling hesitantly. “You okay?”

  Her curls were pulled up and away from her face, drawing attention to her perfect features. It was a face he could stare at for the rest of his life, if only that were possible.

  He swallowed a few times, then rubbed one hand over his jaw, trying to loosen his face up enough to talk. Meanwhile, his eyes darted down to notice that the dress was short, showing off absolutely gorgeous curvy legs in high heels.

  He could just imagine those heels on his floor, her dress scattered nearby, and the two of them entwined in rapture, the air around them heated, their bodies—

  “No, seriously, are you okay?” She started to walk toward him, and the concern in her eyes finally snapped him out of the daze of lust she’d put him in.

  He straightened, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Sorry. It’s been a busy morning, and… you look beautiful.”

  Her cheeks lit with pretty color as she twirled in front of him as if she thought he hadn’t noticed every bit of her already. As if his mouth wasn’t watering.

  But she didn’t need to dress up like this for him to yearn for her. He already did every day.

  She reached out to take his hand and pulled him over to the table. “Come on. I have a surprise for you.”

  As he followed her to the table, which was set for two, he noticed there was soft, romantic music playing in the background. The kind of songs they put on for slow dancing.

  He pulled out her chair for her, then looked at the table as he sat down across from her.

  There were two plates, one in front of each of them, and he smiled as he realized she’d cooked salmon, his absolute favorite dish.

  He grinned, knowing it was a cliché, as he was a bear, but it made him feel accepted as well. “This looks amazing.”

  Clearly, she just wanted things to go back to normal between them. This must be her olive branch, though she didn’t need to make anything up to him in any way. He was the one who had fucked things up.

  Now, as he looked at her across the table, a candle glowing softly between them, he was just glad they could be friends once again.

  They ate dinner, then dessert, laughing and talking about things at the club and things their friends were up to. All the while, Benny got to watch his friend and wonder how she could be so beautiful and just treasure such a soft moment together.

  He was in such a good mood after dinner that he couldn’t say no when she stood and put out a hand, asking him to dance.

  Had they ever danced together? Even as friends?

  It was almost too much for him as he took her hand and led her out on the floor, ready to move into a ballroom posture with one hand on her wais
t and the other in her hand.

  But when they got to the center of the floor, she reached up to put her hands on his shoulders, curling them around his neck.

  He stared down at her, dread pooling in his stomach as he realized he might have misunderstood all along.

  As she began to sway side to side, smiling up at him, he tried desperately to think how to answer her.

  “This is nice, right?” She hummed softly, closing her eyes as they moved to the music. “A really nice night.”

  “Yes,” he said tensely. “It’s wonderful.”

  Her eyes opened, so luminous and green he could barely breathe. “You can’t imagine how long I’ve wanted a night like this.”

  “Listen, Harley…” He tried to pull back slightly. Hurting her was the last thing he wanted in the world. Hadn’t they clarified this the other night? He didn’t want to hurt her again.

  She shook her head. “I know. I know something happened in the parking lot, but it wasn’t enough. I ran like a coward, and you deserve to hear everything I have to say. If you still want to say no afterward…”

  God, no. Don’t do this, he thought. Not before Fifi—

  She curled a hand up into his hair, stroking lightly, and he lost his damn mind, unable to do anything but close his eyes and lean into her touch, bracing himself for her words.

  “I care about you, Benny. I always have. I always will. As more than a friend. I should have said it sooner, but I could always sense that you were… avoiding it. Avoiding me.”

  He opened his eyes. “I would never avoid you.”

  “You avoid my truth,” she said. “You know I have feelings. You don’t want to face it.” Her hand moved to cup his face, her thumb stroking his cheek gently. “Despite what you said in the parking lot, I know you want me, too.”

  “Harley…” His voice was raspy. With her touching his face, waking the beast inside him, he couldn’t think straight. “We can’t—”

  “Don’t,” she said, and when he looked down at her, he saw her eyes glittering with tears. God, it looked like rain on spring grass. “Let me finish.”

  He nodded, determined to let her say anything she wanted, even if it hurt him. “Okay.”

  She took a deep breath. “Neither of us has ever been with anybody. Why do you think that is? I may not be a shifter, but even I understand what mates are. Why can’t that be us? We’re already always together. Everyone else can see it. Why can’t you?”

  He closed his eyes again in pain, seeing blood, death, chaos. His past. Things he couldn’t control, though he’d never wished so badly for things to be different.

  He opened his eyes to face her again, though every second he looked at her tears was painful. “I do love you, Harley. More than life. You know that.”

  Her hands tightened, moving to his shoulders. “Then why won’t you be with me?”

  “I am with you,” he said, keeping his hands on her waist gently. “I always will be if you want me to.”

  She shook her head, taking a step back, removing her precious touch to wrap her hands around herself. “Not the way I want.” She glanced up at him, cheeks burning. “Oh God, I’ve humiliated myself again. I should never have done this.”

  She turned to run, but Benny caught her by the hand, pulling her in against him. Though she struggled, he held her against his chest, letting her pound on him until she let her tears out.

  “Shh, it’s okay, Harley. It’s okay,” he said gently as her hands twisted into his shirt.

  It had been such an amazing night, and now it was ruined.

  She looked up at him, face tear-streaked. “I just don’t understand. Why can’t you help me understand it?”

  He hesitated as he stroked her hair back, then wiped the tears from beneath her eyes. He’d never felt so stuck before. Never wanted so badly to just have a magic lamp to wish his dire bear away. Damn the world that had condemned him to this.

  If only he could just ignore the warnings inside him, but even her mention of the word mate had made the beast let out a growl.

  And as images of carnage once again rose within him, he knew that as much as he loved Harley, he could never, ever put her at risk.

  As he slowly pulled back to give her an answer, he hated himself.

  He held her hands in his, waiting for her to look at him, though she wouldn’t at first.

  When she finally did, her heart looked broken, but her face was brave. “Fine. Just tell me.”

  “I don’t want to lose you.”

  She shook her head. “You won’t. It may take some time, but I’ll try to accept things. No matter what, you’re a part of my life.”

  Just hearing that relieved him greatly. Though he didn’t deserve it, knowing he would still have her friendship was everything.

  He squeezed her hands tightly. “It’s not you; it’s me. I just—”

  “No, not like that,” she said, jerking her hands free as she stepped back, hands curling into fists at her side, looking so fiery and beautiful. “If you’re going to do this, be frank. Make things clear.”

  But they weren’t clear. They were murky. Even now, Fifi was working on something, and it might mean they could be together.

  But probably not.

  Benny felt like his heart was on fire. “Harley, you’re everything. I would die for you. It’s just that…”

  She stared at him impatiently. “What?”

  “It’s just that I can’t. Not yet.”

  She lifted her gaze to the ceiling, as if praying for patience. Then she glared back at him. “Then when? When would be better?” When he didn’t answer, she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why does it feel like you’re hiding something? Why does it feel like I’m in the dark when I’m supposed to be your best friend?”

  He bit his lower lip, not knowing how to respond.

  She sighed. “Just tell me. Can you give me what I want, or can’t you?”

  He felt a cold numbness rush over him as he opened his mouth to answer. “I can’t. At least right now.”

  Her hands released and then clenched back into fists a few times as she stared at the floor, blinking.

  Then she looked up, nodded to him, and ran to the table to get her purse.

  “I’ll be at work tonight,” she said, sounding as though speaking were difficult. “And don’t worry. I’ll never bother you about this again. You can go be with anyone else. I don’t care anymore. I’m going to find someone else too.”

  She ran from the room, and by the time he’d unfrozen enough to go after her, she was already pulling away in her truck like she had the other night in the parking lot.

  Benny cursed himself for always being too late. For being so hopeless.

  For ruining everything by not having the courage to tell her what he was and what he’d done.

  He wished he had someone to tell him how to do all of this.

  Tightening his hands into fists so tight his nails made his palms bleed, he walked back into the bar, knowing a drink wouldn’t help at all, but he damn well wanted one anyway.

  Chapter 4

  A few hours and drinks later, Benny was feeling a pleasant buzz that didn’t at all take away from the fact that he felt like a pile of shit.

  He was a shitty person. Harley deserved better.

  His brain had already concocted a dozen of the worst-case scenarios now that she had given up on being with him.

  The worst was the thought of her being with another man, though he knew it was his job to not interfere if she did.

  Even if it made him want to jump off a bridge somewhere, he knew he could never do it.

  He could never hurt her like that.

  No, that would be his punishment: to have to watch the most beautiful woman in the world in someone else’s arms, knowing he himself could never be with her.

  It was a fine punishment for being such a coward and letting them both keep their hopes up for so long.

  Benny helped Jackie set up another table and then headed
to the bar for another whiskey.

  As he poured it, he saw Harley come in the staff entrance, so he quickly threw his drink back and went back out on the dance floor.

  Jackie gave him a disappointed look, then went back to setting up.

  Great, everyone was probably going to hate him once they heard what had gone down.

  He glanced back at the bar, unable to resist checking on Harley, and saw that she had changed. Her hair was down and casual. Her makeup had been washed away and her face was clean and bare. She was wearing a gray sweatshirt that was loose and comfortable, along with tight jeans and white sneakers.

  She looked so cuddly and adorable he just wanted to eat her up.

  He laughed bitterly at the fact that if he actually got with Harley, the beast inside him eating her up was quite literally possible.

  The thought made him stride quickly to his office to hide until he could calm down.

  As he shut the door behind him and flopped on the couch with his back on the cushion and his arm over his eyes, he heard a quiet knock.

  He ignored it, not knowing what to say to anyone, and the knock became more insistent.

  “Goddammit, man, I have something for you.” That was Fifi’s voice.

  Benny sat up. “Come in.”

  Fifi opened the door and looked pissed as hell when he came in. He was wearing a stylish blue blazer over a loose white tank, paired with white jeans and boat shoes. It would have looked ridiculous on anyone else, but… it also looked ridiculous on Fifi.

  Benny turned away from him, facing the back of the couch petulantly. “Please tell me you don’t have something now, because it’s really too fucking late.”

  Fifi perched on the arm of the couch, and when he spoke, his tone was uncharacteristically gentle. “It’s never too late. Look at me and Tasha. I never thought I would get to be with my sister. Or have a life outside the Tribunal.” He reached out with one hand to pat Benny on the leg. “It’s going to be okay.”

  Benny shook his head angrily. “Easy for you to say.”

  “It’s not, actually,” Fifi said. “But that can wait for another day. I came to tell you I haven’t found anything yet, but I’m still looking.” When Benny didn’t answer, Fifi sighed. “Did something happen with you and Harley?”