by Annie Boone
“Is that what’s put you in such a good mood?” asked Charity. “I notice there’s a lilt to your voice. I like it.”
“I’m just feeling, um, blessed,” She answered carefully, trying to keep her smile turned down to a normal range. She’d been smiling so often the last few days that people may not recognize her. She normally wasn’t a sad sack, she just wasn’t the bubbly sort that Charity was.
“We are all blessed, Hope, but tonight you seem particularly joyful,” Her mother pried, smiling knowingly back at her daughter.
“Oh, not really. I think I’m feeling pretty normal,” She answered, still trying to make it seem as though everything she was doing was routine. She then looked down at her plate and took a bite. “Delicious dinner, Faith.”
Faith smiled weakly back at her. “Glad you enjoyed it,” she said.
She knew that she was going to have to tell them eventually, but she just wasn’t ready yet. Things were still uncertain with Andrew. Then she remembered that he was coming to call on her Sunday afternoon. Maybe it was time to go ahead and tell them about him.
Then, Sally spoke up, “Joseph said that Hope has a boyfriend.” She giggled and turned red. “What’s a boyfriend, anyway?”
“Sally!” Joseph exclaimed, apparently mortified that his sister had shared their private conversations.
All eyes went from Sally to Joseph and finally to Hope. The room was silent while they waited on her response.
Hope laughed, realizing that there was no point in trying to hide it. She wasn’t considering Andrew her boyfriend just yet and she would have to make that clear when the time came. She smiled at the children and asked, “Why do you think that? Joseph?”
“Well, I kind of heard you talking the other night. You and Faith said something about Frank and Andrew. I figured one of them is your beau,” he answered. Then for good measure to keep from getting into trouble, he quickly added, “I wasn’t listening or anything. It was just before bed and we were coming in from the porch.”
“Joseph!” Sally screeched. “You said we shouldn’t tell that. They’ll get mad.” The last part was whispered looking straight at her brother. They both looked ashamed.
Hope laughed again. She was in too good of a mood to feel embarrassed by the misunderstandings of a child. Especially when he was right, sort of. He may have made assumptions based on a shred of a conversation, but he did sense that something was different.
She smiled around the table just before Faith asked in a pleased voice, waiting for her to spill it all, “I thought you were interested in Andrew Fenton. You looked at him with sweet attentiveness when we met him at the Marcum’s home.”
“Well, Joseph didn’t get this idea because of what we said. He just heard a discussion about two men we met and jumped to conclusions. Just so we’re all sure about that,” Hope answered. “I will concede that you’re right that I was intrigued by him. He’s a handsome man, after all.”
Faith nodded. “Go on.”
“We’ve shared a few meals. He brought me lunch today. He’s really a very nice man. Interesting, too. But I wouldn’t go as far as to call him a boyfriend.”
“So that’s where you were last night. You were so vague it made me wonder even more,” Charity said. “It wouldn’t have killed you to tell me when I asked.”
Hope nodded, “Sorry.” Then she smiled again.
“Who is this boy?” Her mother spoke up. Everyone looked at her now since she had been quiet through the whole discussion. Hope felt as if she was a child getting questioned about some troubling behavior.
Hope’s smile widened just thinking about him before she answered, “His name is Andrew Fenton, Mama. He’s Frank Marcum’s cousin.”
“Who’s Frank Marcum, again?” she asked.
“He’s a man Aaron and I are doing business with.” Hope let out an exasperated breath and looked at the ceiling. Her fingers began to drum lightly on the table.
“Andrew’s a lawyer, right?” Faith asked.
She nodded.
“He’s a good man, from what I hear.” Aaron spoke up now, looking uncomfortable. “Frank speaks very highly of him.”
Hope’s sisters were automatically excited, but their mother looked perplexed. She seemed extremely hesitant and when she asked her next question, it really caused Hope to think.
“Yes, but he doesn’t go to church with us. I imagine that’s the only way I would know him. I don’t recall his name on the registry. So tell me, Hope, is he a religious man?” her mother asked, genuinely concerned. “Does he follow Jesus?”
Hope paused and considered this. She hadn’t thought about it at all. It wasn’t that important to her. She was slightly annoyed that she would now have to defend her opinion of church and Andrew’s. Instead of dodging the question, Hope responded as evenly as she could.
“Mama, I’m not really sure. I think I mentioned that we’re not really an item. That subject hasn’t come up yet.”
Immediately, the mood at the table grew from happy to uncomfortable. Everyone awkwardly began to eat in silence. Charity looked at Hope with expectation. They made brief eye contact until Hope looked away. Well, I guess she thinks if he’s a church goer he will get me to go again, thought Hope.
Attending church was a community event, in addition to a religious show of faith. Hope went to church most of the time, but she only did it to appease her family. Charity and Faith knew this, but her mother hadn’t figured it out yet.
“If he’s not a church goer, Helen, it’s possible that God put Hope in his life for a purpose. Hope can share her faith through example and that will speak loudly to him,” replied Aaron.
All three girls whipped their heads to look at Aaron. He had no way to know what was coming next. They all felt pity for him and knew there was little they could do to help.
“Aaron, dear, are you condoning a practice that is forbidden in the Bible?” asked their mother.
“Excuse me, Helen. I’m not sure what you mean?”
“You know, we can probably talk about all this later. Don’t you think?” Faith said as she stood to pick up her half empty plate.
Hope also stood and picked up her plate. “I do think we can do that, Faith. Lovely dinner. Thank you for preparing it.”
“Wait one minute. Sit back down. Both of you. We haven’t finished eating and we haven’t finished this conversation. So Aaron, the Bible says that bad company corrupts good morals. I believe that’s how it’s written. What do you think of that?”
“Well, Helen, I have to say that I wasn’t aware of that verse. If you’re remembering it, then I’m sure that it’s there. I suppose my interpretation of it is that followers of Jesus must set examples for the rest of the world. I know that Faith set an example for me. If it weren’t for her, I’d still be a lost sheep. I thank God every single day for putting her in my life and giving her the strength to stay.”
Faith smiled and reached for his hand. Hope looked at their display of love and wondered if she and Andrew might one day share the same connection. Their story was going to be quite different than Faith and Aarons – if they actually had a story – but it would be just as touching. Of that she was certain. If she could just get her mother and Charity to get off the church thing, she’d be in good shape.
“Not all men are as wonderful at heart as you are, Aaron. Despite what you believed at the time, there was still a large part of you that wished to be saved, no matter what,” replied Helen.
He smiled and answered, “Thank you, Helen. I’m glad you see that there was a soft spot inside me.”
“My point is, that if this Andrew isn’t already a church goer, a believer, then it will be unsuitable for Hope to marry him,” said Helen.
“I think we understand your opinion on that, Mama,” said Hope. “Everyone, please listen. I’ve had a few meals with Andrew. There is no courtship quite yet. Before we get the cart before the horse, let’s see if he’s interested in a courtship or not. So, for now, it’s my bus
iness.”
Hope stood and took her plate to the kitchen.
On Sunday morning, Hope had an excuse to not attend church with her family. She said there was work to do that had to be finished. She didn’t share the news that Andrew was coming for a visit today.
She had it all worked out. While her mother and Charity were having lunch at the big house, Hope would have a late lunch with Andrew on the grounds near the cottage. She would put together a simple basket and they would enjoy the afternoon in a secluded area near the back entrance to the estate.
If she kept him from her family, they wouldn’t be able to ask him about his church affiliation. That awkwardness could be avoided, at least for now.
The whole scene from the night before had made Hope think a little more about her own decision to live her faith loosely. It seemed that everyone thought that being a parson’s daughter made her understand Christianity easily. That’s not how it worked for Hope. She felt a twinge of regret over that, but she couldn’t change it, could she?
Promptly at two, Andrew arrived at the cottage. Hope rushed out to meet him. Partially because she was excited he was there and partially because she wanted to hurry him up before her mother made it home.
“Hello, Andrew! You found it! I’m so glad you’re here,” said Hope.
“And I’m very glad to be here. You look lovely today,” he replied.
“I’ve put together a little picnic for us. I know, I know. It’s already been done, and it’s not exactly an original idea,” she teased. “It’s such a nice day, though. Let’s go out to the meadow and relax.”
“That sounds perfect. Which way?” he asked as he stood to get out of the carriage.
“Oh, do you mind driving us?”
He jumped down and went to Hope’s side. “I don’t mind. Let me help you get in.”
They started out on the road that headed to the field and rode in silence for a short time. They were both taking in the sunny day, the gentle breeze, and the wild flowers as they swayed. The scene was pastoral and soothing.
Hope felt the sun’s warmth on her face and she started to feel relaxed. And normal. That’s what she wanted more than anything. She’d almost forgotten what it was like to feel like you weren’t completely different than everyone you knew.
Andrew pulled the carriage to a stop and looked over at Hope. “What about here? The view is beautiful. A perfect place for a late lunch snack, do you think?”
“Oh yes, let’s stop here,” replied Hope. “I have a blanket. Will you help me spread it?”
They got the blanket unfolded and the basket of food arranged. Then they sat down together to nibble on the goodies Hope had packed.
“This looks interesting,” Andrew said, pulling the cheeses out and placing them on a board. “Grapes and cherries. Hmm, some of my favorites.”
“Mine, too. I hope you don’t mind, but I just put in things there that I like,” she giggled. “I hope you find at least a few things you’ll enjoy, even though it’s not as exotic as the basket you made up.”
“Oh, my taste in food is quite varied. There are few things I don’t enjoy,” he said. “Which is not the case with my taste in women. I prefer my women headstrong, smart, and beautiful.”
Hope reddened and looked away. He laughed and took her hand, stroking her palm lightly with his thumb. She liked his touch, but she wasn’t experienced with men. The most she remembered was name calling and arm punches from the uncivilized Jimmie Reynolds in grade school. Her mama had told her he did those things because he liked her. She decided that she liked the difference a few years made.
“You’re too kind, Andrew, but it’s nice to get a compliment. You did call me smart, didn’t you?”
Andrew’s laugh rang out across the fields. She thought they could probably hear him back at the main house. Oh my, she thought. I hope I don’t have to answer questions from Faith and Charity about that.
“Indeed, I did,” he finally replied, still chuckling. “So how was the service at your church this morning? Who is your parson?”
“Parson Bruce Smallwood shepherds our church. But, um, I didn’t go this morning. I, um, had paperwork that I needed to finish,” she answered.
“Oh? Do you make it a habit to miss church?” He withdrew his hand from hers as he asked this question and picked up a cluster of grapes.
“Why do you ask, Andrew? I wasn’t aware you were in charge of making sure folks made it to all the Sunday services.”
“I ask because that’s important to me. I know we haven’t talked about it much, but I’m a man of God. I’m not perfect, but I live my life by His Word and ask for forgiveness when I stumble. I get my weekly spiritual nourishment at church on Sunday.”
“I see.”
“What’s wrong, Hope? Have I hit a nerve?”
“No, of course not. I just don’t know how to respond.”
“Why don’t you try the truth? Tell me how you feel.”
“This is kind of hard for me to explain. Also, well, since we’re being honest, I really like you. And I don’t want to put you off by too much honesty before you really get to know me.” Hope chuckled nervously.
Her half-hearted attempt at a little humor fell flat. Andrew just looked confused.
“All right, then. I don’t go to church every week. There. I said it.”
“That’s a good start at opening up communication. Thank you. Now, tell me why you don’t go to church every week? And how often do you go?”
“I guess I normally go about once a month. My mother gets annoyed with me and my sisters try to get me to go. I guess I don’t go because I don’t come out of there feeling refreshed and filled with the Spirit. I don’t see the need if it’s not going to do what it’s supposed to do for me.”
“I see.”
“Do you? It doesn’t really sound like it,” said Hope. Exasperation was sounding in her voice. She knew she wasn’t expressing her feelings like she really felt, she just didn’t know how to put it all into the right words.
“I’m trying to understand. I wasn’t raised in church, actually. I came to God in college in Chicago. But since I’ve become a Christian, I haven’t struggled with that decision. You were raised by a pastor, right?”
“Well, sort of. My father was a pastor, but he was killed in the war. I was pretty young. My mother raised us by herself after that.”
“Surely she continued to raise you in the church as was your father’s desire?”
“She did. Andrew, do we have to do this now? Can’t we just enjoy the afternoon?”
“I’m not trying to ruin the day. I’m just trying to understand your beliefs on faith. This is an important issue and it makes sense for me to get a deeper understanding.”
“I supposed I understand that, but I just don’t want to get into it all today. I promise we can talk all you want about it some other time. But soon. We’ll do it soon.” Hope said, smiling expectantly at him.
“Soon,” he said, nodding slowly. “I’d like to think that we will, but I have a feeling we won’t. I’m not sure why, but I’m afraid we’ll have the same tiring conversation later that we’re having now.” He bowed his head slightly as if to not have to look at her.
“I do believe in God, Andrew. I do. I just feel it differently than my sisters. And apparently, differently than you. Or at least that’s how it seems right now,” she said. She knew she sounded desperate and even a little like she was trying to appease him. She decided to be quiet and just wait on him.
“Hope, I believe that you need to focus on your spiritual health before you get into a relationship with a man. Not all men will care about your faith or lack of it. I, however, do care. I am more than taken with you, but I need a Godly woman in my life. I want a wife who will worship with me, not simply tolerate my beliefs. If that’s not you, then I want to break this off before either of us is hurt more than we need to be.”
Hope just sat there not knowing how to respond. She knew that anything she sai
d would sound wrong and insignificant. She looked at him and bit her bottom lip. She felt tears come into her eyes and she looked away hoping he wouldn’t notice that she was about to cry.
“So, why don’t we call it a day here? I think that would be the best for both of us,” he said quietly.
“Whatever you want, Andrew,” Hope replied. She felt sad, lost. Unsure about what to say, she started quickly putting everything back into the basket.
“Here, let me help you,” Andrew said.
“No! I’ll get it,” she said, a little harsher than she meant.
When her basket was repacked, Hope stood up and started walking to the house. She stopped after a few steps and turned to see him staring after her. “If you take the road to your left, it will take you to the west gate. Keep going and it will lead you back to the main road to San Jose. Have a nice ride home,” she said. Then she turned and started walking again.
“Don’t you want me to drop you off at your house?” he asked. “Hope, I don’t mean this to be a contentious end to the day. Neither do I want this to be the end of our friendship. Please don’t walk away angry.”
“Oh, I’m not angry. I’m upset, but not angry. Do have a safe drive home, Andrew. I hope to see you this week.”
When she had been walking for about two or three minutes, she heard his carriage pull away. She didn’t look back.
Once Hope got back to the cottage, she went straight to her room and closed the door. The house was empty and she was thankful to not have to give explanations.
The religion conversation went through her mind over and over. One minute they had been holding hands and flirting. The next minute he was telling her he can’t court a heathen like her. What in the world had happened?
The bottom line was that she had to make a decision. She’d been faced with some big ones lately and this would be right up there in importance.
She heard Charity and her mother come in from lunch at the main house. From the sound of the screeching and banging doors, Sally was with them. Oh, no, she thought. I don’t need that child right now.