“You’re the only one who thinks I’m worth it. You’re the only one who cares. The only one who thinks I’m…pwetty.” My voice cracked on the last word and I kicked myself for letting it come out wrong. It took so much concentration to say things right.
“Brook, you’re beautiful,” he said, stroking the side of my face.
“I’m a cutter. I’m sick. I like watching the blood. I can’t talk wight. My thoughts are jumbled and…I’m in love with my uncle.” My heart thumped against my ribs, begging to break free so that Cease could catch it as it leaped from my body. Then he could hold the most intimate part of me. Maybe the only part that was pure.
“Brooklyn…I love you too.” Our foreheads pressed together and my eyes closed slowly. “I wish you could see how perfect you are. How beautiful you are.”
“People like me aren’t beautiful Caesaw. People like me bleed instead of crying,” I said through gritted teeth.
“There’s beauty in the bleeders too, Brook. The only reason I’m asking you to get help is because I know you need it. I need it too. Things are dark in my mind after losing Ant.
I’m kicking myself every fucking second. I’m at war in my own head and the guilt is heavy.” His words were choked and I felt his pain vibrate through me. It struck my chest and made my breath hitch.
Caesar was broken too.
He was like me.
“W-Why are you kicking yourself?” I stammered, stifling tears.
“Because his death feels like my fucking fault.” His words were forced out through clenched teeth and a stiff jaw. “I finally came home to be closer to you and him then I blow up and yell at him because of all the shit he kept from me. I argued with him, Brooklyn.
I argued after I knew he had a heart condition that was serious enough to need medication for. I did that. I was selfish as fuck and now my…my big brother is gone.” His brown eyes filled with sadness and he looked at the floor to avoid my gaze.
My hands trembled as I knelt before him, lifting his head up so I could see him. “It’s not your fault, Cease,” I told him quietly.
“My heart doesn’t know that. That’s why I’m pushing you to get help. If I can help you maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a fuck up. The only thing that keeps the guilt and self-loathing at bay is your voice and your smile.
How goddamn sick does that make me? I’m falling for you so hard I can’t tell up from down.” He let out a short, dry laugh and stared at the ceiling.
He was falling for me?
Someone like Caesar was capable of loving someone like me? My cheeks prickled with…something. I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Desire.
Love.
Guilt?
I slid my arms around his neck and we hugged for what felt like forever. I didn’t mind though especially once I knew I held his jagged, broken pieces together the same way he held mine together.
“I’ll go talk to the therapist,” I told him barely above a whisper.
“Thank you, Brook,” he sighed letting his shoulders slump a bit.
The mood lightened between us for the rest of the evening and I didn’t feel the need to cut at all. Not even a tingle of an urge. Instead, I ate dinner with Cease, did my homework, and got ready to watch TV with him until we were both dozing off.
Being snuggled against him for so long made me yearn for more. I was going to go in for a kiss when I noticed his eyes were shut and his breathing was rhythmic. He was fast asleep.
Stop pushing your luck with him, Brooklyn.
I stood up and got in the shower instead. I examined my newest bunch of cut marks and cursed myself for being so damn stupid and impulsive. I tried to make a fist with my right hand and while my fingers curled in a bit more, it was still like moving my hand underwater.
I slammed the heel of my hand against the shower knob and shut the water off. I didn’t want to look at my cuts anymore or think about how dumb I was to keep harming myself when I knew it wasn’t good. I wrapped a towel around myself and went into Cease’s room to put on my nightclothes.
“Can you do me a favor?” He was already seated on the bed and his brown eyes were glued to me once I walked out of the steamy bathroom. My skin tingled while he let his stare roam.
“Sewer,” I nodded. Cease smiled at the way I fucked up the word sure but I cringed.
“Can you sleep in here with me tonight?”
“Of course,” I squeaked. The thought of him needing my body to occupy his space made me dizzy. I went to my room, changed into a long sleeve black shirt that didn’t even cover my ass, and a pair of pink panties. Once I slid my thumbs through the holes in my sleeves, I padded back toward Cease’s room.
He’d slid down in bed and was dozing off again. I snuggled my body right against him, pressing my back to his chest. Feeling his muscles on my back made me bite my bottom lip.
I pulled my sleeve between my lips and began nibbling. “Stop. Don’t be so nervous,” Cease said, he moved my arm and swept his lips across my ear.
“Sometimes, being awound you makes me newvous.” I turned to face him and he smiled a little in the darkness. “I can’t believe you like my stupid voice.” I rolled my eyes and he chuckled in response.
“I do. I love your voice, Brooklyn.” He pushed loose strands of hair away from my face and kissed my forehead. “I love the way you love 80’s music. I love the way you get nervous and chew on your sleeve.” His Adam’s apple wobbled in his throat and he brought my hand up to his lips to kiss my palm. “I love your scars…” He pulled my thumb from my sleeve and rolled the material back. My stomach quivered not from his proximity but from what he’d find.
I squeezed my eyes shut when his grip tightened against me. “Brooklyn,” he growled. “You promised…” He was hurt. I hurt him with my lies.
“I’m sowwy. I was scared,” I sniffled, pulling my arm back. “I get weak when I’m scared, Cease.” Tears danced in my eyes, making his face a blur. He took my hand back in his and pushed out a breath.
“Please don’t keep shit from me. Even if you’re weak…I’ll be there with you.” He dropped achingly gentle kisses to my fresh cuts and I let out a broken sob. My body shook from the kindness of it all.
I was stunned that he could still care. I lied to him. I broke my promise and he still loved me.
Soon, there were no more sobs because Caesar’s mouth was on mine melting my cries away and replacing them with air. I could breathe with him. His dense body hovered over mine and he settled between my legs making me ache.
“I love you, Brooklyn,” he whispered before brushing his lips against mine.
“I love you too,” I uttered between breaths.
I moaned at his teeth and tongue on my neck. I knew pain could give relief but I never knew it could feel so good. So warm and full.
My thighs closed around his middle and I could feel his toned muscles flex against my skin. The feeling was so rich and thick I wanted to drown in it. For the first time in my life, I wanted to drown.
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing to me, Brook. I want it though. I want you.” He pushed my shirt up, exposing my breasts. His hungry eyes feasted on the sight of them before his mouth latched on. It was so warm and wet.
I moaned and snapped my eyes shut while he licked and nibbled on my stiff nipples. “Can I taste you?” His voice was buried in rock and gravel. It was so rough and deep that it made my pussy throb.
“P-Please,” I squeaked. I needed to feel his mouth on me before I died. I heard the sound of thread popping and fabric tearing right before he yanked my panties off. I never thought anyone actually ripped panties off but he showed me that it was real and possible and so fucking sexy.
My breathing turned into anxious panting when he spread me open. Nobody had ever been that intimate with me before. The first time I had sex it was quick and rushed. The second time I wasn’t completely sure I even wanted it.
This time…I wanted every fucking second. I needed it to sur
vive.
His lips connected with my most sensitive bundle of nerves and a howl of unharnessed pleasure ripped the quiet air around us. My spine arched and my fists snatched the sheet from its corners.
Fists…
I made fists with both hands.
Maybe I hadn’t fucked myself up too bad.
Cease dragged his thick tongue along the surface of me while I moaned and called his name over and over. A ball of pressure swelled in my core threatening to explode. I needed it to explode. I bucked my hips against his mouth and he dug his fingertips into my ass pulling me against his face harder until I shattered. I turned into particles flickering in the darkness.
Every limb trembled uncontrollably.
When he came up from between my legs, we shared a kiss. I sucked on his tongue stealing my flavor from him. “Are you a virgin?” He asked. I felt his thick cock pressing against my tightness and I swallowed the knot lodged in my throat.
“N-N-No,” I stammered. His nostrils flared and his cashmere brown eyes narrowed.
“Brook, once I’m inside of you, you’re mine. Understand? Nobody else has access to your body.” My pulse beat in the roof of my mouth. It beat in my throat and down to my toes. I wanted nothing more than to belong to him.
“Yours,” I nodded with wide eyes. “I’m yours, Cease.”
He rocked against my hole and let out curse words that gave me goosebumps. I was so wet that the longer he pushed, the more receptive my body became until he sank deep into me. For a moment I wondered if he’d split me in half. In the next moment, I didn’t care.
My walls contracted and a jolt of pleasure shot through me like a bullet then it smoothed out into lazy waves that radiated all over. “Did you cum, beautiful? Did you cum on my cock?” Cease asked, staring into my eyes. I nodded timidly and watched a wolfish grin take over his handsome face.
He bucked into me and I moaned. “Such an eager girl. Eager and sweet.” He crashed against my mouth and stroked my pussy until tears fell from my eyes.
“Oh god, Cease!” I squeaked, digging my nails into his broad back.
“Cum again for me, Brook. You feel so fucking good. So slippery for me.”
“All for you,” I cried out as another wave of shivers took over me.
“Fuck!” He roared, tensing and gritting his teeth. His dick twitched inside of me and I felt heat flood my core. It was the most satisfying feeling I ever remembered in my entire life.
I wanted to live in that feeling. I wanted to bottle it and let it sustain me forever. It was pure bliss. Caesar was pure fucking bliss.
**
Caesar…
Brook was wrapped around me in the middle of the night and goddammit if my dick wasn’t rock hard and begging for her. Time stood still while I made love to her and I wanted to press pause again. She was knocked out though.
I waited and waited for the flood of regret to flush through my veins but it never did. I felt pangs of guilt for what we’d done but the strongest and most resounding feeling was relief. I needed her.
She helped to heal the broken pieces that shattered when I found Ant lying on the floor alone. He died alone and after we argued. No matter how much the logical side of me said it wasn’t my fault and I couldn’t have known what would happen, the emotional side of me felt like shit. I had to work through my own issues but having Brook by my side helped tons.
While she snuggled closer to me, I breathed in her signature honey and lavender smell. With her arm draped loosely around me, I was able to make out the loud, red cut marks on her skin. Seeing that shit made my chest tight. I’d never seen such beautiful sorrow before. I was happy that I pulled her out of the water in her head but I wanted her to learn how to pull herself out.
She was just as strong and fierce as anyone else. I only wished I knew how to help her see that. I picked up her hand and kissed her wrists over and over, hoping somehow to pour love into her veins.
Why didn’t Ant tell me how troubled she was?
Thinking about Anthony brought me to the stark realization that he would have my fucking head if he knew what was happening right now between Brooklyn and me. He would never understand. I wasn’t sure if I understood. All I knew was that she lived inside each beat of my heart and without her, nothing moved.
**
The morning brought a clear head and a sleepy Brooklyn sitting in the kitchen, trying to get herself together. I smiled when I walked past her. “There she is,” I smiled, kissing the top of her head. “You okay, Kiddo?”
“Cease, you can stop calling me Kiddo now,” she laughed. “Your dick was inside of me last night.” Her voice turned sultry and my cock throbbed like it could hear her words.
“It was pretty fucking deep inside of you,” I growled close to her ear. I watched goosebumps blanket her beautiful olive skin in response. She blushed and tipped her head back to kiss me.
“So no more Kiddo,” she demanded.
“No more Kiddo…unless I’m trying to piss you off.” I pressed a kiss to her soft lips then slid my hands up her sides. Her skin was silky and flawless. “I want this off,” I told her while I held her plump bottom lip prisoner between my teeth. I tugged on her shirt and she giggled while she pulled it over her head.
Perky tits with hard caramel nipples stared back at me. I wet my lips with my tongue and sat Brook on the counter before devouring her amazing breasts. The way she slid her fingers through my hair drove me wild. I pressed my teeth down on her nipples and she whined hooking her long legs around me.
“Bite me harder,” she begged, gripping my hair in her fist. I realized I could show her the beautiful side of pain. The side that didn’t harm but helped. I bit her nipple again and she moaned that time. I could feel heat pouring from her sweet cunt and I wanted to be covered in it.
“Bend over. Now,” I told her, snatching her hair in my hand. I loved how soft it was and the way it felt between my fingers.
She slid off the counter and bent over giving me a perfect view of her ass and a glimpse of her glistening pussy. God, she was soaked. I knelt behind her and slid my tongue along her slit while she gasped.
“Cease,” she whimpered.
I snaked my tongue deep into her pussy and coated my face in her wetness. Once I was satisfied, I stood up and eased into her tight pussy inch by inch so I didn’t hurt her. When she pushed her ass back on me, I took it as a signal to go deeper so I did.
“Yes! Oh my god!” She squeaked. Her knuckles were white from gripping the counter’s edge. I had to pause before I came deep inside of her. Her moans were like drugs in my veins.
“Do you trust me, Brook?” I asked, slowing my pace.
“Always,” she answered immediately.
“Good girl.” I slapped her ass then slid my hand up to her throat and squeezed. When she yelped with surprise, I hooked a finger in her mouth and she sucked on it like it was my dick.
“You know I’d never hurt you,” I said, fucking her harder while my grip on her throat tightened.
“I want you to,” she whispered.
“You want me to what?”
“Hurt me…” I shut my eyes against her words and I choked her harder while I hammered into her. The slippery noises coming from where our bodies connected was so addictive.
She was everything. She was too much and yet I couldn’t get enough. I wanted to consume her sweetness whole. Not just the pretty parts. Not petal by petal but from the root up.
Maybe I was a monster. I wasn’t sure. I was sure of one thing though: Brooklyn tamed me. She tamed my grief and my uncertainty. She tamed my heartache and made everything feel like it was okay.
“I’m going to cum, Cease.” Those words were music to my ears. My body thrummed with a steady buzz of electricity when her pussy clamped down around my girth. I slammed into her from behind and she screamed. It dripped with pleasure the same way my cock was dripping with Brooklyn.
That high-pitched, needy squeak unraveled me. I shot into her hard and fast
. I slowed to a stop, letting my cock pulse between her walls while she finished milking me dry.
My skin wouldn’t stop buzzing even though I’d pulled out. I was in awe watching my seed dribble back out of her. She was mine now. I was in too deep to give a fuck about society anymore.
Brooklyn and I would have to hide from prying eyes for a while but the moment I could run away with her, I would. Somewhere where nobody knew us.
It was risky but I had to have her. I’d never known feelings to run as deep and strong as the ones I had for Brook. I was helpless against the love I had for her. If it made me sick then I never wanted the cure.
I only wanted to die a happy man.
We indulged in a quick shower together but I had to go for a therapy session before work and she had to go to school. She spent five extra minutes kissing me and I spent ten extra minutes talking my cock down.
**
When I walked into Ronnie Hollow’s office, I knew it would be a casual session. He and I were best friends from our days at NYU together. He got his doctorate before I did but only by a year. I was grateful that he offered me a position as a child therapist within his practice.
I wouldn’t trust anyone else with my issues and I wouldn’t have asked Brook to trust anyone else either. There was a slight conflict of interest with us being friends but it was something we both chose to turn a blind eye to. Ronnie knew how to keep a neutral head and I knew how to be a patient and not a psychologist.
“Cease, come on in,” Ronnie smiled at me and gestured to the black sofa against the window in his office. I took a seat and pushed out a breath.
“Thanks for doing this, Ronnie. I don’t really trust anyone else. Also, since there’s an ethical boundary line we’re crossing here…I don’t have to pay for the session, right?” I cracked a smile and Ronnie shook his head at me.
“No, that’s not what it means. It means I’m charging you double for stressing me out as a therapist and a friend,” he laughed.
“Well, you let me know how that shit goes. I just closed on a house and I’m living with an eighteen-year-old. Money is not my friend.” I watched Ronnie’s brows gather and he grabbed his pen and pad to write notes.
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