by Diane Adams
"I don't want soup." He lifted his face. Jared cupped it in his warm hands and kissed him tenderly.
"Then no soup." Jared led him out of the kitchen, turning lights off as they went. Minutes later they were nestled in their chair. Jared kissed him, lips lingering. So tired he could barely keep his eyes open, Alex snuggled close. "Sleep." Jared pressed a chaste kiss to Alex's forehead. He burrowed his face under Jared's chin.
"You know what I wish?" Alex's voice was muffled.
"What's that?" Jared petted his back and held him closer.
"Mom said 'I love you' more than anyone I know. I wish she was like you. I wish she hadn't said it so much and just did it."
Fall Out
"Clark, we need to talk."
Sprawled on his bed, Clark looked up from reading a comic to see his mother standing in the door of his room, her face concerned. He was glad Alex's dad had called to let him know Alex was with Jared and okay, otherwise the look on his mother's face would have sent him into a panic. As it was, he had no idea what she wanted. He sat up Indian-style to talk to her the way he always did.
"Sure, what's up, Mom?"
She came in and sat on the edge of his mattress. She seemed at a loss to know where to start, a strange thing for her. His mother always knew what she wanted to say, when talking to him, at least.
"You said Alex had a fight with his mother, and ran away. I know your friend Jared found him and he's okay, but you left out a few details." She handed him her phone and Clark found himself looking at Jared and Alex in the middle of General Amos being their usual touchy selves. His mother showed him another one and took her phone back. The second damned them more than the first. Clark didn't know why Alex always looked so goofy around Jared, so stupid happy. It wasn't fair, this shouldn't happen to him because he had the nerve to love someone.
"Yeah, so?" Clark withdrew a little. He didn't know where his mother stood on homosexuality, beyond a few random comments that everyone should "leave those poor people alone". He was smart enough to know that being sympathetic towards strangers didn't always translate into personal acceptance.
"These are your two best friends, Clark. You spend all of your time with them. Is there something you're afraid to tell me?" His mother's voice was gentle, supportive.
Clark relaxed a little. Whatever happened wouldn't be too bad if his mother sounded like that. He glanced around his room, decorated in typical-teenage-boy, the floor indiscernible from the shelving due to the amount of crap everywhere. Posters of half-naked girls were pinned to the wall beside cars and rockets. His mother waited him out, something she excelled at, but he didn't know what she wanted to hear. He had nothing to tell her. Jared and Alex were gay, they made each other happy, and that was all he cared about.
"You never told me Alex was gay," she prompted when he didn't answer.
Clark shrugged. "Being gay was his secret. You don't tell a guy's secrets. It's not a big deal, he's the same as he's always been. The kids all know, just now the parents are all talking and so it's this huge mess. Just leave him alone." He sounded petulant, which his mother never allowed, but this time she let the rudeness pass.
"I'm not here to talk about Alex, this is about you. Clark, are you gay?"
Clark stared at her. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed it. There were a thousand topics to choose from when his mother announced she wanted to talk to him. Once she introduced the pictures, the number narrowed to a few hundred. But that she might think he was gay never entered his mind.
She reached out and took one of his hands, studying his broken nails and calluses. He wore gloves when working for Jared, but the effect of hard labor on his hands remained evident. He knew people thought gay guys had soft effeminate hands. Those people had never met Jared. There was nothing soft about the guy. A man's hands didn't tell his whole story, and neither did who he had for friends.
Alex had been Clark's best friend forever. That didn't change when Alex realized he was gay and whispered it to Clark one dark night under the covers. They were thirteen, and sex was still some blurry event on the horizon. Something that would happen with girls, except, for Alex, it would be boys.
Do you want me to be gay, too? Clark smiled, remembering his stupid question. He never forgot the horrified look on Alex's face.
Why? I want a boyfriend, not you. That had ended the discussion.
They'd carried on with the business of growing up, things unchanged between them. The whole deal about being gay or straight never made any sense to Clark. He didn't understand what difference it made. Sure, some gay guys did really awful sexual things to people, but there were plenty of crazy straight guys who did the same stuff. Pedophiles, predators, and rapists weren't the norm in either group. He didn't know why the entire gay community got painted with the pervert brush. No one thought he'd rape a kid or something horrible because he was a straight man. Clark considered that. Lately, no one seemed to think he was straight.
Maybe he needed a girlfriend.
"Clark, you aren't going to be in trouble. I understand people don't choose to be gay. You don't have to be afraid to tell me." His mother's gentle loving voice brought Clark back to the present. He laughed and shook his head.
"Stop worrying, Mom. I'm not gay," he assured her.
Instead of relief at the news, his mother pursed her lips looking more concerned. "Honey, have they hurt you? I can see they're together."
Clark gave his mom a few points when she didn't even hesitate before she said 'together'. Still, he had no idea what she thought.
"Yeah, they are all crazy for each other. Alex fell head-over-heels the first time he ever saw the guy. I'm not sure if it's funny or pathetic. I guess a girl would say it was 'sweet'." Clark laughed.
"You aren't in love with one of them?"
Clark didn't know if he should laugh or cry. He stared at his mother in shocked disbelief. "They're my friends. Jared's my boss. That's just… oh that's all kinds of messed up." He shuddered.
Tension went out of his mother's body and she relaxed for the first time since she sat down. She squeezed his hand and gave a little laugh. "Okay, Clark, I believe you. I was worried you were mooning after one of them. I don't want you to get hurt. I love you." She gave him a watery smile. "You don't have to be afraid to tell me things, I'm not Jan… well I'm not the sort to get upset."
"Yeah, I know, Mom. I'm really not gay. I don't know why people have to get all hung up on this stuff. Everyone sweats the details. It's stupid."
"I agree with you, but as a parent it's hard not to get caught up in those details. I apologize for doubting your honesty, but Clark, you've never had a girlfriend. You talk about girls a lot. I thought it might be a case of protesting too much."
Clark nodded, not meeting her eyes. He didn't really care she thought he was gay, but he didn't like keeping secrets from her. He grabbed his wallet off the night stand and flipped it open. Pictures, he and Alex, him and Jared. God, no wonder she put him in the gay box. He found the picture he was looking for in the slot where his ID was supposed to be, an old snapshot of him and Alex with a girl between them. They were wet and muddy, arms around each other's shoulders. Impossible to tell what color her hair was, and just as impossible to discern her features under the mud. They were scrawny thirteen year olds and late bloomers, they looked about ten. T-shirts sagged with the weight of the water, and boney knees stuck out from under three pairs of cutoffs. The bright sun had baked the mud to their skin. His mother looked at the picture, touched the central figure and lifted her eyes to his.
"Still?" The tenderness in her voice almost broke him. Clark shrugged and closed the wallet. His mother took his hand again, this time she tugged him close. They sat, shoulder to shoulder, on the edge of the bed. Once he had fit under her arm, now he towered over her.
"I didn't realize." She hesitated a moment, then continued. "Clark, Stevie's grandmother had a heart attack. She died. Stevie is coming home."
Clark sat fro
zen, his heart thundering in his chest. He hadn't seen Stephanie since they were fourteen. He'd always loved her, hadn't forgotten her, even in the midst of raging teenage hormones.
"Coming home—but where is she going to stay?" His voice cracked and he sounded like a little boy again.
"With her mother."
Clark looked at his mom, love and compassion written on her face. What she said sank in and he pulled away from her. Making a mad dash for the bathroom, he barely made it before he was violently ill. Stevie was coming home and he wasn't old enough to keep her safe.
Aftermath
Jared was asleep one moment, and the next awake, Alex's mouth hot on his, his naked torso under his hands. Alex tugged at his clothes. Shocked, he broke out of the kiss, but before he could protest, Alex stripped the shirt off over Jared's head.
"You never said we had to stay dressed," he panted, running his hands over Jared's skin, his thumbs tweaked pebbled nipples.
Jared wasn't proud of the noise he made, some primal growl of conquest. He wasn't a caveman, but despite the voice in the back of his head shouting at him to stop, he pushed Alex onto his back and moving over him, settling between eager widespread legs. Alex clutched at him, rutted against him, desperate and begging. Jared kissed him, his tongue plunging deep into Alex's mouth. Their tongues tangled in the wet heat. Alex's fingers dug deep into the muscles of his back.
Jared pulled out of the kiss, nibbled his way along Alex's jaw, tasting his pulse, and licking into the hollow of his throat. Alex arched under him, taut with the tension building in his groin. When he came, his teeth sank into Jared's shoulder; his entire body pulsing with the effect of his orgasm. Braced over Alex, eyes closed, his tortured body screaming its own demands, Jared didn't move. Alex clung to him, his breathing ragged, the oversize sweats he wore soaked with rapidly cooling cum. The musky scent filled the air. Jared trembled, his resolve wavering. He moved to lie on his side beside Alex and focused on harnessing his lust.
Alex nuzzled his neck and pressed close. He frowned. "You haven't…" Alex didn't finish his statement, instead he trailed a hand down Jared's stomach, his goal obvious. His lips touched Jared's. "Let me," he whispered, his voice as hot as the brush of his breath. His tongue slipped inside Jared's mouth, his hand brushed the tented front of Jared's sweats.
Grabbing Alex's hand, he broke their kiss. "No."
Alex glared and tried to tug his hand free, "Jared, it's okay, just let me."
"I said no." His tone put an end to Alex's struggles.
They stared at each other.
"I told you, I'm not a baby." Alex looked wounded.
"I didn't say you are, but Alex, you're still in high school. Regardless of how frustrated you get, you're only sixteen." Jared repeated all the things Alex already knew, struggling to keep his voice gentle, unsure how much rejection Alex could take.
"The law says I'm old enough."
"Just because I won't go to jail, doesn't make it right." Jared saw years of this conversation ahead for them and sighed.
"When will it be right, then?" Alex demanded. It was the first time he'd asked for a time frame.
Unable to resist, Jared kissed him. "When you're a man."
"When the hell will that be?" Frustrated, Alex pulled away from Jared.
"When you don't have to ask." Jared kissed his nose. He let Alex go and climbed out of the chair.
"Plenty of guys out there won't say no," Alex reminded him, arms folded over his chest. His lower lip stuck out in a way that made him look six and doubled Jared's willpower despite the pain that impaled his heart at the thought of Alex with another man.
"You're free to explore that idea at any time. Use a condom. I'm going to take a shower."
* * * *
Alex stared after Jared. He didn't know whose head he wanted to bang against the wall more, Jared's or his own. The satisfaction of overcoming Jared's ironclad control wasn't worth the price. Jared's conscience would be in hyperdrive for days, and Alex would be lucky to get a kiss until he got over it. To top it all off, he couldn't even clean up with Jared hogging the bathroom. Alex sighed and headed for the laundry room. He'd grab his clothes out of the dryer and clean up in the utility sink. Sharing his bath with a mop. Yay.
* * * *
"You're cooking!" As he came into the kitchen, Jared feigned horror at the sight of Alex fixing something to eat. He was known more for burning things up than cooking them. Alex grinned, lighting the room, and Jared sighed. He didn't care what Alex did as long as he seasoned it with that smile. Bring on the Fire Department.
"Not really, just toast. I won't burn down your kitchen, geez," Alex grumbled, digging in the fridge for the butter.
"Where are you guys?" Clark's voice carried through the house, along with the sound of the door closing behind him.
"In here," Alex yelled.
A few seconds later Clark took the seat next to Jared He glanced warily at Alex. "You're letting him cook?"
Jared shrugged. "He surprised me."
"Oh." Clark looked concerned. He felt Jared's forehead, "Seriously, dude, are you okay?"
"Ha, ha, ha, very funny." Alex set a plate of buttered toast on the counter between them. Clark grinned and grabbed a piece. Trust Clark to show up hungry.
"Don't you ever eat at home?" Jared asked, helping himself to a slice as well. He took a bite and looked over at Alex in surprise. "Hey, this isn't bad." Alex made a face and stuck out his tongue. Clark laughed again and ate more toast.
"You doing okay?" he asked Alex.
Alex nodded and walked around to lean against Jared. He rotated the bar stool so Alex could sit on his knee. Alex looked surprised but didn’t protest. He balanced on the offered perch and nibbled on his toast.
"Yeah, I'm doing alright, better than yesterday."
Jared didn't comment. It was clear to him that Alex still felt off balance, but having a little distance from what had to have been the worst moment of his life had helped. At least, he gave no sign that he'd come apart at any second.
"Cool. Mom's fixing Sara's room for you. She said you can stay with us 'til things work out at home."
Alex looked startled and turned to stare at Jared. "Did you know that?"
"I knew your dad was trying to work something out. He didn't say what and hasn't called yet. Alex, you know you can't stay here." He wrapped his arm around Alex's waist and rested his hand on his hip, taking the sting out of his words.
Alex bit his lip and ducked his head. When he lifted his eyes to meet Jared's they were haunted.
"I know that, but home…" Alex didn't finish the sentence. Instead he faced his friend. "It sounds great, Clark. How come I'm not just bunking with you like usual?" He set the remainder of his toast on the plate and covered Jared's hand with his own, entwining their fingers.
"According to her, since one of us is gay, it's no longer appropriate for us to sleep together." Clark laughed and ate the rest of Alex's toast.
"Sounds kind of like closing the barn door after the horse got out," Jared observed.
Clark shrugged. "I know, right? Whatever. Moms are crazy, we all know it. Thanks to you guys, she and I had the most awkward conversation ever. She's very interested in my sexuality all of a sudden."
He sounded dismayed and Alex burst out laughing. "Well, at least she's still talking to you," he said.
"It was a close thing. I think I disappointed her with my persistent straightness."
"That's us, a constant disappointment. We can't do anything right," Alex teased, but his amusement sounded forced. Jared nuzzled the back of his neck in reassurance. Someone knocked on the front door.
"I bet it's Dad!" Alex jumped from his perch and ran for the door.
Jared got up to follow him. He paused when he noticed Clark was turning the last piece of toast into a pile of crumbs.
"Is there something else?" he asked.
Clark looked up, his smile a little forced, not surprising considering how tense everyone was. He sh
ook his head. "Naw, a couple of things at home. I'll figure it out. You better go on. I'll clean up in here." Jared hesitated. Clark volunteering to clean up was as out of character as Clark wasting food.
"Jared, come on!" Alex called from the next room.
Silence reigned. Jared decided if Clark needed to talk to him he would and left him to his self-appointed chores. In the other room, he found Alex and his father seated together on the couch. Frank had his arm around Alex's shoulders. Jared smiled his first real smile since Frank called looking for Alex the night before. Alex needed this, needed to know he hadn't lost everything. Frank smiled back at him.
"Thanks, Jared," he said, his voice warm.
"Not a problem. Alex can always come here. He knows that, now." Jared sat in the huge recliner opposite them.
Alex hung his head. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I wasn't thinking."
Frank's arm tightened around Alex's shoulders. "Of course you weren't, no one blames you," he soothed and Alex relaxed a little.
"I don't want to leave Jared." He hid his face against his dad's chest.
Jared closed his eyes and took a slow breath. When he opened them both Alex and Frank were looking at him. "Alex, we talked about this. Frank, he can't stay here. I'm not a saint, do you understand?" He struggled not to blush as he met Frank's level gaze.
"Better than I want to, I think," Frank admitted, his gaze shifting to the huge chair.
Jared lost the battle and his cheeks flamed. Even Alex had the grace to look abashed.