That's Not a Thing
Page 29
“Gobsmacked,” I tell him.
Again he seems to be searching his mental lexicon, and his eyes flash as he says with a shrug, “No.” He shakes his head. “Not just that. What I am is yours.” He puts both his hands on my shoulders, looking me directly in the eyes. “So, will you have me? Am I too late?”
I feel tears spill over, one from each of my eyes, traveling down my cheeks in tandem, as if they’ve been choreographed. Aaron’s grip loosens as he moves to wipe away one of the droplets, but I push his hand away, swatting at him before he makes contact, not wanting to tidy up this messy situation, not wanting to pretend any of this has been easy or that the journey I’ve taken has been anything other than excruciating. I throw my arms around his neck, standing on tiptoe to reach all the way around, and bury my head against his chest. I can feel additional tears seeping into his cotton T-shirt, but I am so utterly grateful that he has come back to me, that I am standing so close to him, I can do nothing other than cling to this man who I thought I had lost. It’s impossible to let go.
After a quick, stunned moment, he wraps one arm back around me and with the other hand he caresses my hair, letting me cry. I feel him lean down and kiss the top of my head, softly, cautiously.
“So, is that a yes, then? Or . . .” He still sounds tentative, unsure.
I squeeze more tightly for a brief second and then step back. “It’s a yes. Of course, it’s a yes, you dumbass.” I wipe my face myself, taking ownership of my pain and my mistakes.
Aaron’s lip ticks up and his eyes contract slightly as he stares down at me. We regard each other for a moment, processing all that we’ve just covered. Then he takes my hand and tugs gently, guiding me back in the direction of the apartment building.
It is a balm to let him slide his large fingers through mine, to hold on to him for support, to feel the warmth of his skin against mine.
“How about tomorrow?” he asks while we walk, his words emerging with a buoyant quality now, bouncing down onto the sidewalk and then back up to me.
“For what?”
“Our wedding. We can go out to my parents’ house, just the two of us, and my parents and yours. We’ll ask the rabbi to meet us. Any rabbi who’s free. We’ll bring bagels.”
“Tomorrow? Really?” I don’t understand this impulsivity, this urge to rush, which is so out of sync with Aaron’s meticulous nature. I wonder if it means he is questioning me, thinking that if we don’t lock this in, I might do something else to ruin our chances.
“That way, my mom can see us get married for sure,” he tells me, his voice suddenly and conspicuously neutral, and I realize that Gladys’s prognosis must really be as dire as she described—none of her signature exaggeration, apparently.
“Yeah, okay.” I smile at him, shocked by the events of the last ten minutes, amazed at our ability to be spontaneous, thrilled to be able to give Aaron something he wants.
Aaron nods to Gus, the doorman, as we enter the building. I notice Gus’s eyes dart downward, taking in our clasped hands, and I’m fairly certain I see a small smile of approval appear on his lips. I have the sudden urge to pump my fist in the air, to run up to the roof and shout out about my new state of ecstasy.
“Let’s do it.” I nod, squeezing Aaron’s hand to show my enthusiasm.
As the doors close behind us in the elevator, he lifts me into a hug, my feet dangling in the air, several inches above the floor, my toes unmoored, all of me unsure how I will land. I have the sensation that I am on a precipice, a cliff, an embankment of new beginnings. I am exactly where I want to be.
Acknowledgments
People often remark that a writer’s life is a solitary one, devoid of sufficient human interaction and camaraderie. I have found the opposite to be true. During the time I spent working on this novel, I enjoyed several chances to connect with fantastic people, writers and nonwriters, who helped make the finished product all that it could be. I’m delighted to have the opportunity to recognize several of them here.
First, I’d like to thank everyone at SparkPress, especially Lauren Wise, Brooke Warner, and Crystal Patriarche, for their guidance and enthusiasm in connection with this project. I’d also like to thank Erica Silverman at Trident Media, whose insights made this story stronger than it ever could have been without her. A heartfelt thank you to Caitlin Hamilton Summie, whose wisdom and kindness I will remember well into the future.
There were a number of medical professionals who were gracious enough to lend their expertise as I worked out the details of characters’ ailments. Thank you to Dr. Avi Retter, Dr. Avi Deener, Dr. Ayelet Jonisch, and Dr. Ari Jonisch for taking my questions and providing critical information and perspective. Your understanding of both the physical and emotional aspects of the conditions we discussed was invaluable.
To my friends and beta readers who have stepped up time and again to support me in my efforts as a writer—Amy Blumenfeld, Aliya Sahai, Amy Tunick, Joceyln Burton, Susie Schnall, Robyn Pecarsky, Jenna Myers, Ali Isaacs, Stacey Wechsler, Nancy Mayerfield, Robin Grossman Polikoff, Courtney Sheinmel, and Reyna Marder Gentin—“thank you” doesn’t even cut it.
To my family, you guys are my best and loudest cheerleaders, and I am so thankful for each and every one of you. Special shout-outs go to Seymour, Allison, Samantha, Sheila, and Bob for reading an early draft. Thank you to Samantha and Michael for spreading the hype on the West Coast. Thank you to my sister for reading an even earlier draft and providing legal, political, and grammatical insights, and for introducing me to Koronet pizza. Thank you to my father for the countless hours he spent debating the placement of commas and hyphens and also for not giving me a hard time about the sex scenes. Thank you to my mother for believing in me, for talking through my ideas, and for sometimes just listening to me breathe. Thank you also for providing the kernel that was the inspiration for this novel and then allowing me to twist and bend all the details to suit my story’s needs. Thank you to Abe, Asher, Shep, and Nava for getting to know the characters along with me and asking all the right questions. Finally, thank you to Jason for sitting with me at a romantic restaurant in Nantucket and helping me figure it all out.
A Note about ALS
Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, better known as ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease, affects as many as 30,000 people in the United States and 450,000 worldwide each year. According to the ALS Association, approximately fifteen people in the US are newly diagnosed with the disease each day. There is no known cure.
For more information about ALS or to make a donation toward research and innovation, please visit The ALS Association at www.alsa.org or The ALS Foundation for Life at www.alsfoundation.org.
About the Author
Photo credit: Rebecca Weiss Photography
Jacqueline Friedland holds a BA from the University of Pennsylvania and a JD from NYU Law School. She practiced as an attorney in New York before returning to school to receive her MFA from Sarah Lawrence College. She lives in New York with her husband, four children, and two overly pampered dogs.
SELECTED TITLES FROM SPARKPRESS
SparkPress is an independent boutique publisher delivering high-quality, entertaining, and engaging content that enhances readers’ lives, with a special focus on female-driven work. www.gosparkpress.com
And Now There’s You: A Novel, Susan S. Etkin. $16.95, 978-1-68463-000-4. Though five years have passed since beautiful design consultant Leila Brandt’s husband passed away, she’s still grieving his loss. When she meets a terribly sexy and talented—if arrogant—architect, however, sparks fly, and neither of them can deny the chemistry between them.
The Cast: A Novel, Amy Blumenfeld. $16.95, 978-1-943006-72-4. Twenty-five years after a group of ninth graders produces a Saturday Night Live-style videotape to cheer up their cancer-stricken friend, they reunite to celebrate her good health—but the happy holiday card facades quickly crumble and give way to an unforgettable three days filled with moral dilemmas and life-altering choices.
Trouble the Water: A Novel, Jacqueline Friedland. $16.95, 978-1-943006-54-0. When a young woman travels from a British factory town to South Carolina in the 1840s, she becomes involved with a vigilante abolitionist and the Underground Railroad while trying to navigate the complexities of Charleston high society and falling in love.
The Balance Project: A Novel, Susie Orman Schnall. $16, 978-1-940716-67-1. With the release of her book on work/life balance, Katherine Whitney has become a media darling and hero to working women everywhere. In reality, her life is starting to fall apart, and her assistant Lucy is the one holding it together. When Katherine does something unthinkable to her, Lucy must decide whether to change Katherine’s life forever, or continue being her main champion.
About SparkPress
SparkPress is an independent, hybrid imprint focused on merging the best of the traditional publishing model with new and innovative strategies. We deliver high-quality, entertaining, and engaging content that enhances readers’ lives. We are proud to bring to market a list of New York Times best-selling, award-winning, and debut authors who represent a wide array of genres, as well as our established, industry-wide reputation for creative, results-driven success in working with authors. SparkPress, a BookSparks imprint, is a division of SparkPoint Studio LLC.
Learn more at GoSparkPress.com