by Maddie Wade
I kneel beside her and take her hand. “I’m sorry. I was a total ass.”
“What did I do?” she asks and my heart rips open.
“Nothing, Lex. You are perfect, I’m just stressed about this promotion and I took it out on you.”
I watch her face soften and she reaches for me. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to worry you.”
“Well, your worries are my worries, so you need to tell me. We’re in this together.”
I didn’t think I could feel worse but apparently, I could. She doesn’t deserve this or me. My Lex deserves better and I want to fix this. So, before I know what I’m doing, I make things worse. I know as soon as I say the words that I won’t be taking them back, not when I see the smile and joy on her face.
“I think we should talk about starting that family we wanted.”
“Really?” she asks, happiness radiating from her in waves. Lex has wanted a family since we met. We put it off until her business was established, and it is now, no more excuses. Seeing the happiness I’ve put on her face is worth burying all the doubts I feel.
This is a good decision, it's exactly what we need to get us back on track.
Chapter Thirteen
Hunter
I hate shopping. I hate the fucking crowds, the nauseatingly sweet shop assistants wishing me a ‘Happy Holidays.’ It grates on my last nerve and right now my last nerve is pretty raw. It is my own fault. If I hadn’t been such an asshole to Bernie, my secretary, I wouldn’t be here doing my own shopping. I wandered through the perfume department, my mind on anything but buying Christmas presents for my family.
My mind was on a sexy, dark-haired woman who had grabbed my balls and run off with them. I wish I could say it had just been her body or the abandon with which she had responded to me, but it was more than that. It was the vulnerability I had seen behind her beautiful brown eyes. I wanted to know who had put it there, I wanted to fix all her wrongs.
Anyone who knew me knew that I wasn’t the kind of guy to fix things. I wasn’t cruel, but I didn’t go out of my way either. I lived my life clean, I worked, I fucked, and I enjoyed myself. I didn’t do relationships, so why did she, the woman with no name, consume my thoughts to the point I couldn’t sleep without her invading my dreams? I couldn’t concentrate on work and my staff was threatening to quit because I was such behaving like a dick.
I needed to stop this shit and move on. I hadn’t found her yet and maybe that was a sign. Put it down to a pleasant memory and get on with my life. I should call Lola, fuck Pretty Girl out of my head. The only problem with Lola is that she was hinting at making things more permanent and my parents were all for it.
Walking through the lingerie department to get to the gift section, a blue silk wrap caught my eye—it was the exact shade of Pretty Girl’s hair. Fingering the soft material, I imagine how it would look on her, as she lay on my bed, her hair spread out as she waited for me. A hooded look of desire on her graceful, sensual face, she would lick her full bottom lip and beckon me with a finger.
Fuck, I needed to stop this before I break my dick on my zipper.
I drop the material angrily and turn abruptly, the shock hits me square in the solar plexus as across the lingerie section I see her.
Pretty Girl, or at least I thought it was, her face was in profile, she is talking to some woman with pink hair. Without thinking I push through the throngs of Christmas shoppers, trying to get to her. She is walking away, I can’t lose her. I feel a frantic panic crawl up my throat. I lose sight of her as she rounds a corner, cursing I push a man out of my way as he walks in front of me. He swears at me, calling a douche bag. He’s right, but I don’t care, I just need to see her again.
Making it through the crowd, I emerge to the place I saw her last and she is gone. I spend the next half hour looking for her, but she’s not there. I’ve lost her again.
Standing in the middle of a shopping mall, hands on my hips, I look up to the sky, muttering a string of curses under my breath. I probably look like a madman, but I don’t give a shit, this situation is fucked up and it stops, now!
Striding toward the exit, I head to my parent’s home where I’m spending the afternoon with them, my sister, and her family. It is torture, but of the good kind. My parents are great, and I love my sister and nieces, I know I’m going to get the usual ribbing about when I’m going to find a nice girl and settle down.
If only they realized that I had spent the last month obsessing over a woman I barely know.
*~*~*
“Hunter, have you seen Lola lately?”
I groan inwardly at my mother’s question. We are in the middle of lunch, my mother has had the kitchen staff make one of my favorites, roast Lamb with minted peas and potatoes. It’s out of season and I should have known she was buttering me up as soon as I saw the menu. I was too pre-occupied with Pretty Girl to figure it out though.
“No, Mother, not lately,” I say through gritted teeth.
“She was at the Country Club with a new beau last weekend.” My mother is trying to say it like she doesn’t care, but she does. She is trying to warn me as if telling me Lola has another guy will make me jealous. Surely the fact that I don’t care tells her that she is wasting her time.
“That’s nice for her,” I reply with a fake smile. My sister Cassie or Cassandra as my parents call her is smirking at me. She loves it when I’m getting shit from my parents because then they leave her alone. The fact her marriage failed because her ex-husband is a cheating asshole doesn’t seem to faze my parents when they are talking about the little embarrassment. I frown at her and she pokes out her tongue. I laugh at her antics, I love my sister. There are only twenty-two months between us, with Cassie being the oldest.
We are close, we never used to be, but we grew out of the sibling stuff when we hit our twenties. She looks tired, I wonder if she is getting enough rest, being a single mom must be tough.
“Hunter, you could show some interest, you know she cares about you. I’m sure this man she was with was just to get some commitment from you,” my mother scolds and I feel my blood boil. I throw my napkin down with an apologetic look at my sister. Normally I can take this but not today, not when I’m already in a shitty mood.
“Mother, I don’t give a flying fuck what Lola does.”
“Hunter,” my father barks and I turn to him. He is a quiet man, but he is undoubtedly the head of this family and everyone knows it.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have cursed. But please, leave it to me to handle my love life. I know you mean well, but I have it under control.” My voice softens when I see my father squeeze mom’s hand. They are so in love even now.
I crouch beside my mother’s chair and she stroke’s her hand along my face. I’m a thirty-year-old man, who runs an empire but to her, I’m still her baby.
“I know you mean well, Mom, but I don’t want to settle. I want what you guys have and I don’t feel that way about Lola. She is a lovely girl, but she is not the one for me.”
Vivian McKenzie is a fine Southern Belle and a great mom. I watch her face soften with love for me, I know that she just wants to see me happy.
“Okay, my boy, we will leave it alone, for now,” she adds.
Did I mention tenacious? She is also like a dog with a bone when she sets her mind to something.
“Good enough, Mom,” I smile and sit back down to finish our lunch.
I’m in the library after lunch, looking through some papers my dad gave me when Cassie walks in. She is the image of our mother, tall, slim, and elegant.
“Who is she?” Cassie does not beat around the bush.
“Who is who?”
“Don’t play coy with me. Who is the woman getting you all riled up?”
I swish the Bourbon around my crystal glass and ponder her question. Who indeed? “I have no idea.” I proceed to tell her about Pretty Girl and my unhealthy obsession with finding her, that I can’t stop
thinking of her.
“Wow, you got it bad.”
“I just need to see if this was a one-off or if what we had was real.”
“So, go find her, money isn’t a problem so hire someone to find her.”
“I don’t even know her name,” I say defeated.
Cassie looks at me with an arch of her perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Since when would a detail like that stop you? Come on Hunter, you need to do this, or you will regret it for the rest of your life.”
I watch my sister as she walks to the door. “Do you think so?”
She turns and sad smile flitters over her face. “I know so and I know you. Do this or it will eat you up.” She walks away, I can hear her laughing as she plays with her two-year-old daughter Mellie.
She is right, as she often is. I need to find Blue so that I can either put this behind me and get on with my life or maybe, just maybe, find the thing I didn’t know I was looking for when I entered that bar.
Chapter Fourteen
Lexi
I rub my eyes and snuggle under the covers. I hardly slept a wink last night. After the shock had worn off, excitement had kicked in, and my mind just wouldn’t shut down. Every time I rolled over I woke up knowing that something big was happening in my life. It would take me a second to remember, but when I did, I was wide awake again planning and imagining my future.
I was having a baby. A tiny little human. I wondered who he or she would look like and of course that makes me think of Mac. I don’t even know his real name, what he likes or dislikes, except for what I learned during my crazy speed dating game of ten questions but nothing else except what he makes me feel.
I can’t even define what he made me feel, except that I had felt more like me in those twelve hours with him than I had in years. When had I become so lost? When I think about it, it had happened over time. Dean liked me to dress more conservatively so I had. It hadn’t been a big deal, so it had gone unnoticed, just like all the other weird quirks that had made me ‘me’, all of them had disappeared.
Was I so weak that I had allowed myself to become someone I wasn’t just to please the man I loved? The answer seemed to be yes, and I vowed I would never do that again. This was me and if you didn’t like it don’t fucking look. I had no intention of cutting my hair and getting ten tattoos just to prove a point, but neither would I tone down who I was.
I had talked to Cherry about it yesterday after the big baby revelation and she had confided that she had been worried I was losing myself for months. She had also told me she thought I should file for a divorce. I wasn’t sure about that, I couldn’t make any decisions until I knew what was going on with my little bean.
What I did know was that I had to find Mac. Would he be happy or furious? Would he even care? Something told me he would care, he didn’t seem like the type of man to walk away, but what did I know? I did need to find him though as it was the right thing to do.
The circumstances may not be ideal, but a baby after the last few years of thinking it would never happen—it’s like a miracle. I think a baby has a right to know its father. My mind skips to Dean, and I feel a tendril of guilt wind through me. This was going to be hard, a part of me wondered if we could make this marriage of convenience work with a child or if maybe Cherry was right, and I should walk away.
I’m due at the doctor’s office this morning. As soon as my pregnancy was confirmed Cherry made me call to book an appointment with an Obstetrician. I was using a new doctor, I wasn’t trying to hide, but I didn’t want to use the same one as I had used when I was pregnant last time. After the problems I’d last time, I wanted to be extra cautious this time and this doctor was highly recommended.
Cherry is coming with me, which makes me feel a bit guilty. I haven’t told Dean yet. How do you tell your husband that you are having a baby with someone else? Dean has been so sweet lately I don’t want to rock the boat. I know I must tell him, a baby isn’t something you can keep hidden, but I want to have all the facts first, hence the doctor’s appointment.
I head to the bathroom and almost instantly I feel nauseous. I pee and turn the shower on to heat while I undress slowly. I step into the warm shower and with cautious movements, I wash and condition my hair, before cleaning the rest of me. The smell of my flowery shower gel makes me heave and I quickly step out of the shower, collapsing on the floor beside the toilet where I vomit until my stomach is empty.
Leaning my forehead on the cold tile of the wall beside me I take a few moments to catch my breath before I stand. I look like death and feel like death and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Strangely, now that I’ve been sick, I feel slightly better, so I brush my teeth and rinse my mouth thoroughly, getting rid of the vomit taste and dress in my normal work clothes. It seems wrong that I’m deceiving Dean, but he will know soon enough, ours is no longer a conventional marriage and that was what he wanted, I remind myself.
I move to the kitchen, making myself a ‘to-go’ cup of the tea I keep for Dean, it has no caffeine in it and I remember from last time that caffeine is a no-no. I’m about to slip out the door when his voice stops me.
“Lex,” he calls, and I spin in place, instantly regretting it when I feel sick. I hide it, plaster a fake smile on my face and move to the dining room. He is sitting at the dining table—his pencils and art supplies are strewn about the place.
“Yes?”
“Have a good day at work.” He smiles boyishly at me, his eyes twinkling with happiness. A pang tugs at my heart, I need to tell him.
“I will, you too.” I grin big, then turn and leave. My appointment is at ten and I don’t want to be late.
Arriving at the doctor’s office with five minutes to spare I’m met by an angry Cherry.
“What the hell Lexi?” she asks as she hurries me through the door.
“I’m sorry. I was sick then Dean caught me on my way out,” I hastily explain as we stand at the reception desk.
“What did he say?” she asks giving me the side eye.
“Nothing. Just wanted to tell me to have a good day at work. I hate lying to him.”
“You’re not lying, you are going to work after you see your little blob on the sonogram.”
I swat her hand and laugh as we reach the front of the reception line. “Don’t call my baby a blob.”
“Fine. Your little darling.” She sighs as if I’m ridiculous, but I know she doesn’t mean it. Cherry is as excited as I am.
I sign-in and we sit on the hard-plastic chairs that are made purely for the torture of patients waiting to see the doctor. I think it’s a kind of test, if you can withstand the chairs, then you really need to see the doctor. If not, then you give up and go home.
Luckily our asses barely touch the torture chairs before we are called through. I stand and start to walk through, then realize Cherry is still sitting down. I stop and look at her. “You coming?” I ask and her face splits in two, she grins so hard.
“Can I?” she asks.
“Of course, I want you with me, you’re my best friend, you weirdo,” I say as I link my arm through hers and we follow the nurse.
“You do know the entire reception now think we're lovers, don’t you?’ She giggles, the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.
“Meh, I don’t care.”
We walk into the exam room, it has pictures of babies at different developmental stages during pregnancy. There are a set of scales and an exam table with stirrups and all other kinds of medical equipment. It smells just how I remember and it makes my tummy flutter nervously.
“Is this your first time?” the middle-aged nurse asks.
I shake my head. “No, I um, I had a miscarriage a few years ago,” I stutter awkwardly.
Her face softens in sympathy and she nods. “Okay well let’s get this very stylish gown on you and then I’ll weigh you and take a urine sample if you can do one.”
I take the gown and the sample bottle from her and head to the door marked toilet.
Quickly stripping off my clothes I put the gown on and use the toilet to fill the sample bottle. Once I’m done, I wash up and head back out to Cherry who is chattering away to the nurse like they are old friends and it seems they kind of are.
The nurse gets her hair done by Frankie at Darla’s salon. They see me, and the nurse who I now know is called Colleen weighs me and checks my height and blood pressure. Colleen fills in a load of forms after asking me hundreds of questions.
When she is done she leaves saying the doctor won’t be long. I sit with my legs crossed, bobbing my leg as nerves chase around in my tummy. What if my baby is not okay, what if they can’t find a heartbeat?
“Lex, will you stop.”
“Sorry, I’m just nervous and I think I need to pee again.”
Cherry puts an arm around me and I lean into her. “It will be fine, now stop being a freak.”
“But how can you know that?” I ask ignoring her freak comment.
“Because I want it to be alright, so it will. That’s it. No arguments I’ve decided.” Her crazy answer makes me laugh as I’m sure it was meant to.
“You’re a nut,” I say as the door opens and the doctor comes in. He is in his fifties and looks competent, he has an authoritative air about him that instantly calms me.
“Mrs. Crane,” he asks, and I shake his outstretched hand.
“Yes, that’s me.”
“I’m Dr. O’Connor.” He motions for me to sit, which I do. He then proceeds to look through the notes Colleen made before looking up with a reassuring smile. Colleen bustles back into the room with a professional, friendly smile.
“Let’s take a look, hop on the table.”
I do as he says while the nurse lays a sheet over my bottom half. Cherry grins and settles beside me, her hand clasped tightly in mine. We face the monitor and watch with expectation and apprehension.
The screen is a fuzzy gray, silence fills the room and my hearts stops as I wait for the sound of a tiny heartbeat to fill the room. The doctor wiggles the wand again and then there it is the most beautiful sound in the world.