by Lisa Heaton
“I assumed it would be your wish that I stop.” He sighed and rested his forehead on hers. “I don’t know what you want from me. I never seem to know how to get this right.”
“I don’t know either.”
Here she was professing her love for Elias when the inevitability of this man turning away from her would crush her.
He grinned. “I know what I want now.”
“I do, too.” Her eyes fluttered closed and her heart skipped a beat when Colin leaned in to kiss her.
Isabel woke late in the night to find Colin was still with her. This was the first time she had ever known him to fall asleep in her bed. With a slight chill in the air, as much as she wanted to snuggle in closer to him, she lay perfectly still out of fear she might wake him and he would leave. For some time more she watched him sleep and listened to his occasional raspy snore. A sound so simple made her happier than any one moment since she had arrived in Kidian. Before long she found herself too drowsy to keep her eyes open. Finally taking the risk, she moved in closer and smiled to herself when he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. This was positively her favorite moment.
***
Colin sat at the breakfast table waiting for Isabel. He had left her room just before daylight, and since then, he couldn’t get the sight of her out of his mind. When he woke she was snuggled in close, and he had one arm over her. It was the most pleasant feeling he had known in many years. And to know that she was tucked in warmly next to him gave him a strong sense of peace, the first he had known in ages.
“What has you smiling this morning?” Isabel took her seat across from him.
“You have me smiling.”
A fresh realization washed over him. After the day they had the day before, one filled with ups and downs, the joy of the occasion and of her announcement had escaped him.
Colin looked at her, eyes wide. “We are having a baby!”
“I hope so, but I fear getting my hopes up just yet.”
“My hopes are up.” He looked away for a moment, a feeling of constricting in his chest made him short of breath. “But I want you to be healthy. What if you aren’t?”
“I will be healthy.” She grinned. “And our child will be healthy.”
He could feel himself glowing at the thought. For as long as he could remember, he couldn’t wait to become a father. Melody’s feelings about having children had come as a shock and was something she had kept hidden until after they married. At the time she had said that her insistence that they only go so far until they married was so that she wouldn’t become pregnant and cast a shadow over their union. He learned even on their wedding night different from that.
They ate in silence for a while before Colin told her, “Elias will return today.”
She didn’t look up at him but instead took another bite of her apple. “Oh.”
Colin leaned in. “Isabel, it’s perfectly fine to be happy to hear that.”
“I am happy. The matter with the girl needs to be settled before she is any further along in her pregnancy.”
“I have many things going today. I believe you should meet with the commander to hear his report.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
***
Isabel entered the room where Elias sat waiting for the king.
“Commander.” She smiled at the bewildered look on Elias’s face. “Don’t get up.”
Elias stood anyway in his queen’s presence and sat only after she did. “Your Majesty.”
When he looked around, as if expecting the king to arrive, Isabel said, “It will be the two of us today. The king has other commitments.”
“I can return another time if you would like.”
“Absolutely not. I have waited for this moment, wondering how our young people are.”
His face turned grim. “I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt as sorry for anyone as I do those two. It was truly a matter of mistaken identity on the young man’s part. He had no idea he was harming an innocent girl.”
“And the girl?”
“She has nothing, no hope for any future other than to marry this boy.”
“Does he agree to the marriage then?”
“Without hesitation.” Elias moved to the end of his seat. “His family is another matter, some of the surliest folks I’ve ever come across.”
“The girl can’t possibly go there.”
“I agree.”
For some time they discussed other details of the night of the rape, Elias choosing his words carefully so as not to embarrass Isabel.
While she listened, her heart was tender and raw as she grieved for what Sybil had lost and how her future would be irreparably shaped by it. Eventually, as he told her more about Eric and his brokenness over the situation, she softened toward him. They both came to the conclusion that there was no easy solution.
With no more to discuss on the matter, Isabel told him, “I will have to think this through and speak to the king.”
“I understand.”
Isabel sat for a moment looking at Elias. Because she was so rarely in his presence, it was easy to forget how he affected her. Beyond how attractive he was, there was something about the way he carried himself that gripped her. He caused her heart to flutter, especially today, knowing she had Colin’s semi-blessing.
While they weren’t alone in the room, as guards and staff were scattered about, no one was near enough to overhear. This was her opportunity to tell him that they could share time together. All morning, anticipating this meeting, she had tried to decide how to tell him.
His expression, as he looked at her now, was tender. As much as he believed himself to be concealing his love for her, he was failing miserably. It dawned on her, his sacrifice. Only the truest love would give its heart over to a fate such as his, one where he would never have her as his own.
That thought echoed again in her mind, he would never have her as his own. Isabel looked down, hardly able to catch a breath. How could she do that to him, allow him to love her with no hope of a future? Then her confusion over Colin sprang to the forefront of her mind. The night before when he had stayed the night with her, her only hope was that he would never leave her again.
Elias sat and watched Isabel until finally he said, “Is something the matter, Queen Isabel.”
She stood. “I will talk to the king and let you know what we decide.”
Even before he could say a proper goodbye, she was gone.
An hour later, Isabel sat on a bench with Colin in the garden, trembling still after her encounter with Elias. Her utter selfishness was staggering.
“How did it go?”
“It’s as we expected, a sad story with little in the way of clear resolution.”
“I meant with Elias. Did you tell him?”
“No.”
He sat for a moment looking at her with a blank expression. “That was why I gave you time alone. Why didn’t you?”
“It wouldn’t be fair to him. To encourage him to love a woman who can never be his would be cruel of me.”
Colin took her hand. “Honestly, I’m relieved.”
“Why are you relieved?”
He shook his head. “I’ve considered it all day. As much as I want your happiness, I fear we will lose what we have if you draw closer to him.”
“How so?”
“He will want you, more of you than just your heart. You have to know that.”
“I would never…”
“I believe that, but what if you want him?”
Still holding her hand, he leaned up and rested his elbows on his knees. “I want you to want only me. I can’t imagine you looking at anyone else the way you look at me when we are together at night. Or that you would give yourself to anyone the way you do me.” He moved in, took her face in his hands, and kissed her.
Never had he kissed her in public, so this gesture caused all that she was feeling the night before to come rushing back like a wave and drown her.
“Not at all,” she said, eyes wide. “You are always welcome at my door.”
Chapter 16
All afternoon, Isabel had been thinking of the situation at the Artilan border, anything to keep her mind off of Colin and Elias.
The more pressing matter at hand was Sybil and Eric and their future. She had an idea, one she wasn’t so sure Colin would agree with. Since her conversation with Elias, she had tossed the possibility over and over in her mind. It made perfect sense in her head, but because of her lack of experience with diplomacy – with life even – she found herself questioning her idea, wondering if she was being naive.
Within the hour, just before supper, Colin would be meeting with Thomas and his company from Artilan. They were insistent on knowing the outcome of the Kidian investigation and what the king was considering as a resolution. Colin had asked that she be the one to address the group, a task that terrified Isabel. His reasoning was that she would gain experience in negotiations with Thomas, a man so smitten with her that he was the first to ask her to dance each night since his arrival. Thomas was a tame advisory to practice with.
Isabel entered the room to find the men all waiting. “Am I late?” She knew she wasn’t but was still a bit unsettled at being the last to arrive. That was a mistake she would never make again.
“Not at all, Queen Isabel.” Thomas took her hand and drew it to his lips. “You are precisely on time.”
Isabel glanced at Colin and saw that Thomas’s forward manner was wearing on him, so she withdrew her hand to appease him.
Because Colin had been indisposed prior to this meeting, Isabel hadn’t had the opportunity to discuss her idea with him. Now, the prospect of telling the visiting delegates without first talking to Colin concerned her.
Isabel addressed Colin for the first time and smiled. He was staring at her, not saying a word. Unusual for him, he looked her up and down, an act that caused her to look down as well and her cheeks to flush at his expression.
Her gown was a deep, dark blue and fitted so well that Colin’s eyes tended to hover around the exposed skin of her chest and shoulders. This was one of her new gowns that he had ordered to be made for her just after they married. Different from the gowns she had brought from home, all her new gowns were lower cut – the current style considering all the women at court wore the same.
“Isabel.” Colin took her hand and drew her to his side. With eyes narrowed, he said, “Stunning.”
She could hardly appreciate his compliment due to her nervousness.
“What is it?” Colin said.
“I’m scared.”
“You will do well.”
“What if you don’t like my ideas? Let’s postpone until tomorrow so that I can tell you in private.”
“I trust you. If for some reason your suggestion isn’t the best option, that’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’ve come up with what seemed to be good proposals before but later discovered there were better options. It’s part of learning.”
Without allowing her to respond, Colin turned to the group. “Due to the seriousness of the situation at hand, we chose to send our own Commander of the Palace Guard to investigate the allegations against the Kidian citizen involved. The queen and I trust his judgment and fairness implicitly. He returned today with a report to the queen.”
Colin turned to Isabel, “Queen Isabel, would you share the commander’s findings with us?”
She nodded at Colin and swallowed hard before turning to face the Artilan party. “Our commander’s findings were in line with much of your own investigation. He spoke to the young man involved and to the poor girl who was harmed. The crime itself isn’t in dispute by the man, Eric, but the circumstances have been clarified. The brothers who accosted the woman while they were in a drunken state are to be held responsible, in my opinion.”
Thomas was so taken with Isabel’s discourse that he was already nodding his agreement.
“Not the young man?” asked one of Thomas’s group.
“Certainly, he is the one who was with the girl, but he had no knowledge of the truth. She never told Eric of the mistaken identity. However, she did tell the brothers. Even considering their drunken state, I feel they are responsible for the entire tragedy and should pay for their crime.”
“Pay how?” Thomas said.
“As has been reported, the parents are adamant that their daughter, Sybil, be treated fairly, which as you know means they expect a union between the two.”
Thomas nodded.
“I see no other possible future for Sybil than to marry her child’s father. Eric agrees, so they will be married.”
Before anyone could speak, she held up her hand. “My concern has been for Sybil’s welfare with Eric’s family. Our commander says he has no reason to believe she will be treated well there. From each brother, a portion will be collected to purchase a home for Sybil and Eric in Heath where they can begin a life together and hopefully recover from this terrible beginning. That’s how the brothers will pay.”
Colin spoke up. “You mean Eric, a Kidian citizen, will be banished to Artilan?”
“Not banished but relocated for now. From what I understand, he is a young man with a tender heart, one who has offered to do whatever will best suit the mother of his child. Being near her own kin will be a more proper beginning for her than to be ripped from her family and relocated to Kidian.” Her tone had grown stronger with each word. She added, “I won’t stand for such a thing to be done to a girl, who, through no fault of her own, has landed in such an unfortunate position.”
Each man looked around at the others, shocked by the queen’s proposal but none disagreeing. It was an unlikely solution but a wise one, considering.
With a nod of approval, Colin said to his wife, “I think this young woman is fortunate to have a queen determine her fate rather than a group of men.”
Every man in the room nodded in agreement, relieved that a resolution had been found.
At supper it didn’t escape Isabel’s notice that Thomas was placed at the farthest end of the table away from her. That had not been so the night before. Isabel well knew, Gerard would not have changed the seating arrangement without direction. Only Colin could have made this change.
She looked at Colin who had just been glaring at Thomas. “You don’t like him.”
“He needs to go home to Artilan and find a wife of his own rather than drool over mine.”
Shocked by his jealousy, Isabel leaned in. “I wasn’t flirting with him. I’ve been intentionally nice, but –”
He held up his hand. “I don’t fault you, Isabel. You have handled him masterfully but in no way disrespectfully to me.”
She sighed, relieved by his words. Then when her relief faded, something else took up residence in her heart, gladness over Colin’s jealousy. He was jealous of the man and had openly demonstrated it over the past days. Mingled with the things he had said earlier in the garden, that he wanted her to want only him, a sense of hope arose within her heart. It wasn’t necessarily hope for love in the truest sense, but at least she had hope that their marriage would be real and solid.
Even with Colin’s constant devotion toward her, she still found herself feeling her second-place position. This was the first moment she felt herself to be a wife, one a husband cared for enough to be jealous over.
“Are you upset?” Colin said.
“Not at all. As a matter of fact, this is the best I have ever been.”
He smiled at her. “Do you know how proud of you I am? You handled yourself so well. I may take some time off and leave you in charge.”
“Colin?”
“Yes?”
The thought that the girl’s future would be altered by her decision was weighing on her. “Did I decide the right thing?”
“I believe you did. What more could have been done
under the circumstances?” He paused. “I was sincere when I said neither I nor any of the others would have come to an agreement so befitting the girl’s needs.”
“Thank you.”
“I don’t like this one bit,” Fina said through clenched teeth when Isabel joined her after a dance.
“What?”
Rarely was Fina agitated about anything these days. Her attention was so often on Phillip that the pompous nobles hardly bothered her anymore.
“The question I must ask you.”
“Ask me, for heaven’s sake.”
Fina whispered when she spoke again. “The commander is concerned and would like to know if you are well.”
Their last moments together came to mind. The way she had left him so abruptly had upset him. How could she have forgotten something so significant? After her conversation with Colin and then the decision to be made regarding Sybil’s future, it had escaped her mind.
When she found him standing on the other side of the room watching her, she smiled at him and then turned to Fina.
“Come with me.”
Even as Fina protested, Isabel dragged her along behind as she made her way toward Elias. The expression on his face at her approach caused her heart to sing with amusement. He was so taken aback that he began to shift from foot to foot as if he may bolt from his position.
“Commander.”
Elias nodded to each as he greeted them. “Queen Isabel, Fina.”
“After our meeting earlier, I had a decision ahead of me that would affect the lives of many. That has certainly weighed on me. I apologize for ending our time together as I did.”
“I understand, Your Majesty. The decision ahead for the king is heavy indeed.”
“I made the decision today and announced it to the king and the Artilan party prior to supper.”
When Elias’s face broke into a smile, Isabel smiled too. “It’s a decision that I would like for you to carry out.”
“I will do anything you say, my queen. Nothing is too much to ask of me.”
“Will this evening ever end?” Colin asked Isabel when she eventually came to stand with him.