by Lisa Heaton
“I’ve heard a rumor that you are king. It seems a title such as that would allow you to leave early if you so choose.”
Colin gripped her hand and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Will you leave with me?”
Before answering that question, Isabel decided to ask something that had always caused her to wonder. “Why do you entertain so often, nearly every night? Don’t you tire of it?”
“Do you tire of it?”
“That doesn’t answer my question. Do you do this to keep Melody’s memory alive?”
For a moment he just looked at her. “At first, I suppose that was my reason.”
“And now?”
“It has become custom after so long.”
“So it’s no longer for her?”
“I’m being completely honest when I say this: no, this is no longer for her.”
“If it’s not for her and you don’t enjoy it so often, we should entertain less.”
He looked at her. “You never answered my question. Do you tire of it?”
“I do. As much as I love to dance, I consider this excessive. I know we will always have dozens of guests for supper, but there are nights I would like to read a book by the fire afterward or take a walk in the garden.”
“Then you will have time to do those things.” He smiled at her. “I sometimes wonder if I know you at all.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I have watched you dance and enjoy yourself since you arrived. For your sake I have been glad to have this distraction for you.”
“I have enjoyed it. I still want to dance but dance less often.”
“We will entertain less often beginning next week.”
“Agreed.”
“Now, for my original question,” he said.
“Will I leave with you?”
“That’s the one.”
“I will follow you anywhere.”
“I will lead you to good places, Isabel.”
Later in the evening, about the time when the final guest was likely leaving the dance hall, Colin was hovering over Isabel, kissing her stomach. When he sat up, he propped his elbow on his knee, rested his chin in his palm, and just stared at her.
He reached out and traced his fingers just below her navel. “I can hardly wait to see your belly grow.”
“Me, too. This feels like such a miracle.”
Over the past days she had feared getting her hopes up, but recently she was becoming convinced that she was indeed pregnant. Once her symptoms began, she would feel more assured.
That thought caused her to exhale loudly. She didn’t want to lose Colin. What if he did stop coming when he discovered she was pregnant?
“You are far away,” Colin said.
“Not too far.”
He reached for her hand. “You’re sad. You talked to the commander tonight. Is that what’s troubling you?”
“Not at all. I told him the decision I had made and explained that I would like him to make the arrangements in Artilan.”
“That was all?”
“That was all.”
Isabel rose up and kissed his cheek, and when she did, he took her by the shoulders.
“Do you think of him when you are with me?” He glanced down at the bed. “Here with me?”
“I don’t.” She hesitated. “But I have.”
“I don’t either, but I have.” He drew her closer and looked at her for several seconds. “I won’t again.”
When she didn’t reply in kind, he said, “This is the part where you say you won’t either.”
She smiled up at him. “I won’t either.”
Colin pulled her down to lie with him. “This day has seemed three days long.”
“It has, with an end just as beautiful as the beginning.”
“Isabel?”
“Hmm?” She was much too sleepy to keep talking, but anything that would keep him near her longer she was willing to do.
“Thank you for not telling him today. I will never keep you from him if his friendship is what you need, but it’s not what I want.”
“I admire you for allowing me that freedom.”
Chapter 17
Though she had often tried to envision the day, Sybil could never have imagined the horror of living it out, how it had unfolded into a small wedding that morning with her standing before a man of God with a stranger. That part still felt like some waking nightmare as she had held hands with the man who had assaulted her. From the moment he had taken her hands and even still, hours later, her hands trembled. All of her insides quivered and shook, and she wondered if they would ever stop.
The commander had arrived a few days before and broken the news to her that she was to marry Eric. The commander had already been in Heath for some time making arrangements for the cottage in which she was currently sitting.
Even though she knew that marriage would be the likely outcome based on her parents’ insistence and the commander’s previous visit, still she had prayed every waking moment that God would somehow save her from such a fate. How could He turn a deaf ear to his daughter when she had cried out in such desperation? No matter how wicked it was, she had prayed over and over to miscarry the baby. That one answered prayer would save her from marrying a man she not only didn’t love, but one who had taken her virginity in a dark and musty tent with drunken men laughing and cat-calling just outside.
From the moment her parents discovered the man was from an affluent family, they had insisted that she marry him. Not because they desired to extort money from him, but because his position gave hope that their eldest daughter might have a future better than her station would ever provide. Their prayers, of which they often spoke, had out-merited her own in God’s eyes, it seemed. All Sybil could feel was disappointment and fear over the next hours to come.
The commander was with them still, talking with Eric, but soon he would leave them alone for what would be their wedding night. At the thought of it, Sybil felt suddenly ill and rushed from the room.
Elias walked out back of the small cottage and found Sybil doubled over at the waist, heaving.
“I can’t imagine the difficulty of this day for you.” He reached out and rubbed her back. “You must know: I would never leave you with him if I believed you in any danger.”
Sybil stood erect but couldn’t bring herself to turn and face the commander. “I don’t consider myself in danger.”
That was true. From the first moment she had looked into Eric’s eyes she found only regret and brokenness. On more than one occasion tears had formed in them as the couple first began to get acquainted. His eyes were kind and his words to her gentle just as the night he had raped her.
“I consider myself trapped by a fate not of my own making.”
“No, none of this is your doing, but I fear this is your burden to bear. You must be brave now and face this new future. You are near your family, so you won’t feel alone. Eric will be kind to you and work hard to provide for you and your child.”
Tears began to roll down her face at hearing the words her child. From the moment she knew she had conceived, she cried every time she thought of bringing this child into the world. Until she knew of the pregnancy, she had never told a soul what had happened to her that night with Eric and his brothers. Before going home after what happened in his tent, she went to fetch medical help just as she was told. Then she went home and tried to pretend the horrific thing had never happened. But this child would forever be proof and a sickening reminder.
She leaned over and began to retch again, this time, vomiting until nothing more would come.
Elias waited for Sybil while she splashed water on her face from a pail near the well.
“I’m sorry.” Sybil stood near the commander, feeling so lightheaded she couldn’t remain standing. When she began to sway, he reached out to steady her.
“You should go and rest now.”
Without looking at Eric, Sybil did as the commander said and went in
to the small bedroom off the kitchen. Once alone, she heard the two as they spoke in the other room.
“What can I do?”
“Be kind to her, Eric. Give her time, plenty of time. This will not heal anytime soon. Make a home for her. Be a good husband and father.”
“I will if she will allow me. She hasn’t looked at me the entire day. I wonder if she ever will.”
“Time, Eric. This will take time.”
***
Elias mounted his horse confident that the pair had all that they needed to have a comfortable beginning. Those were Isabel’s strict instructions. A job had been secured for Eric in town as a carpenter, a trade he was not only proficient at but had a passion for. What a strange turn of events this was for the boy, being removed from the clutches of such a dreadful family and positioned for a better future.
For Sybil’s family a turn of fortune had come as well. Even as he rode away this day, a barn was being erected to house the livestock that Elias had purchased for them with the money the queen gave. That simple addition to their lives would change everything. He smiled. So would the pounds and pounds of flour and sugar that was being delivered along with other dried goods and clothes and household items.
This trip had given Elias a sense of accomplishment as he had never before known and maybe even something he had yet to grasp fully. He could see the hand of God moving in a way as he never had before. His hope was that others would recognize it, too, especially Sybil.
***
Sybil had been alone in the dark for hours wondering if Eric would come to her. With every sound she heard from the other side of the door, she anticipated and feared it would open. At one point he tapped on the door and asked if she was hungry. She told him no, even though she was, since she wouldn’t dare eat for fear of being sick again.
So now she waited, wondering if he would want to lie with her, a thought that caused her to begin to dry heave.
When Sybil did hear the door open, she stayed with her back to Eric, hoping he would believe her to be asleep. Assuming he would slip into bed beside her, she was surprised when he walked around to her side of the bed and sat on the edge of it. His size alone was intimidating no matter the kind expression on his face.
Eric placed the candle on the table next to the bed and sat for a moment, looking at Sybil.
“I mean you no harm. I can’t rest tonight until I say what is on my heart.”
When she said nothing, he continued. “Unlike my family, I have followed God all my life.” Eric sighed. “Until that night, of course. That wasn’t me, not the real me. If not for my family’s expectation, I might have become a minister someday. That’s who I am in the deepest part of me, a man of God, a carpenter like Jesus.”
Eric began to cry.
“I suppose God spared His church from a man like me after all.”
Sybil’s heart softened at least a bit when she saw large tears rolling down his face. He was so distraught that, for a moment he couldn’t go on, so he just sat on her bedside, face hidden in his enormous hands, and wept.
Finally, he looked at her. “I will never be able to express my sincerest regret to you, but I promise to spend the remainder of my life trying to earn your forgiveness. I commit to be a caring husband and father. My entire purpose in life will be your happiness and comfort and protection.” He reached out and moved her hair from her face. “I choose to love you, Sybil. I know we don’t know one another, and I know the deepest of loves takes time to grow, but I also know this: love is a choice, and I choose to love you every day for the rest of my life.
“I will not harm you again, not in any way, not ever. I will not reach for you.” He looked away. “Not in that way, not until you’re ready. I will wait as long as you need. Please never fear me. Always feel free to tell me what you want and need. Anything that is in my power to give, I will give to you. I will work hard to make this a comfortable home for you and our child.”
Eric stood and picked up the candle. When he reached his side of the bed, he snuffed out the flame and got into bed, still fully clothed and atop the covers.
Sybil was shivering as much from nerves as she was from the cool night air. Even covered with the blanket, she shook until her muscles began to ache.
“I’m only going to warm you,” Eric said. When she didn’t refuse, he moved in closer and wrapped his arm over her. “May God bless you with peaceful sleep tonight.”
His embrace was warm and tender, and against her mind’s will, her body relaxed in his arms. Over the past days she hadn’t had even one full night’s sleep. Exhaustion was overtaking every part of her as she found herself dozing already. Even as she drifted in and out of sleep, his words continually rambled around in her head and entered her partial dreams. Never in her life had she heard a sweeter promise. And sweeter still was the fact that she could see the sincerity in his eyes. He intended to keep every word.
***
Since Eric left early in the mornings, it was only the evening time that they had to endure awkward times together. From the time he arrived home until bedtime, little was said. He tried casual conversation, but Sybil was understandably quiet. Never once did he try to press her to communicate. If it took years for her to speak to him, then he would wait.
Even though she hardly spoke to him, Eric could tell what a sweet girl Sybil was. Each night when he walked through the door, she had supper waiting for him, something he appreciated and told her every time. After supper and without fail, he offered to help her clear the dishes, but she told him she would take care of it. Those were some of the only words she spoke most nights. He was patient with her, though, remembering the commander’s words that it would take time.
Eric found more fulfillment working in the carpentry shop than any task he had ever tackled back home with his family. The shop owner, Gavin, was a good man, one easy to work for. The shop was located near the far edge of town, close to where Sybil was likely taken from the night his brothers brought her to him and where Eric had deposited her afterward. Her expressionless face that night was ever in his mind, how he had placed coins into her hand believing she expected it.
***
“I don’t know the price,” Eric said, too embarrassed to even look at her. “It’s all I have.”
Sybil’s hand never actually grasped the coins. He watched with curiosity as she simply allowed them to fall to the ground.
Before, there was little light in the tent. To see her now, with a soft light of the tavern glowing behind her, Eric only then could appreciate how lovely she was. Her long hair reminded him of a field of winter wheat. Without thinking really, he reached out to stroke her hair. Still she just stood looking up at him, blinking slowly as if about to fall asleep.
Eric knelt to pick up her coins, and when he stood again he found she was already walking away. He could only figure his brothers had paid her in advance.
***
Each day as he passed the place, Eric relived the moment. Only now he knew that her sleepy green eyes concealed her ruin.
This day, lost in thoughts of his quiet bride, he hadn’t noticed the three men following him until he turned a corner and found himself alone with them. He picked up the pace, not wanting any trouble. Before long they had gained on him, two of the men grabbing his shoulders and pinning him to a wall. His first thought was that they intended to rob him, so he told them, “I have no money.”
The third man spit in his face. At that, Eric was about to level the three of them and let them know they had picked the wrong target. Before he could make a move, though, the man before him spoke.
“We know what you did to the girl.” One punched him in in the gut.
When Eric doubled over, the man came back up with an uppercut to the face.
“We don’t need a rapist here around our women.”
Once he understood the reason for the attack, Eric did nothing to defend himself but rather allowed every blow to make contact. He deserved it.
Back
at home, Eric went around the house to the well and drew water. His shirt was ripped and his face bloodied. He washed himself the best he could and went inside, past the kitchen table, and to their bedroom. Once he put on a clean shirt, he went back out to where Sybil sat waiting on him wide-eyed.
Sybil said nothing for the longest time. Eventually, when he gave no explanation, she said, “Are you hungry?”
He nodded, unable to make eye contact with her. His attackers had said many things, profanities mingled with how lowdown he was for hurting a poor, innocent girl as he had. All that they said was true. Now, here with Sybil, those words were all he could hear still, ringing in his head, accusing him of the worst a man can do.
She began to stand. “I will fix your plate.”
Eric reached for her hand. “I will. You sit and eat.”
Sybil did as she was told, but when Eric returned with his plate, she just sat staring at him.
“Your eye looks bad.” She looked away. “And your lip.”
“I’m fine.”
When he said no more, she went to get a damp cloth. She returned and dabbed at a small trickle of blood on a cut near his eye. Her touch was gentle.
“I’ll be surprised if you’re able to see in the morning.”
His heart began to thud because of her nearness. Though she allowed him to hold her on cold nights, she had never placed herself so close to him intentionally. How could she be so kind to the man who had stolen her future as he had?
When Eric bowed his head and began to weep, Sybil stood still and watched him.
Full of regret and not thinking clearly, Eric reached for his wife and circled his arms around her waist. With his face pressed against her stomach, near the child he had forced on her, he could only beg her forgiveness.
“I would give my very life to go back to that night and undo the damage I’ve done. I am so sorry for what I’ve done to you. Please, Sybil, please forgive me.”
She just stood there, arms by her sides, until he stopped crying.
When she sat next to him, she placed her hand on his. “You should eat now. It’s getting cold.”