A Thousand Blessings - Book One (Blessings Series 1)

by Lisa Heaton

  Colin kept his voice low so as not to disturb the sleeping baby. “Now I’m dismissing you both for not following the queen’s direct order. Pack up everything that belongs to you and get out.”

  When both set out scrambling, Colin halted the wet nurse. “Have you fed him yet?”

  “He’s too weak, yet, Your Majesty. I tried, but he wasn’t willing.”

  Colin went and scooped his son from his cradle. Before leaving the room, he turned back to the two. “You find Gerard and tell him to meet me outside of my wife’s room.”

  No moment was sweeter than when Colin laid their sleeping boy in her arms. Isabel began to cry again, this time, so overjoyed that she laughed too.

  “He’s beautiful. Look at his headful of dark hair.” She traced her finger along his smooth cheek. “What a tiny boy, a little miracle.”

  “He is our little miracle.”

  Tears filled her eyes yet again as she looked at him. “You saved my life.”

  Colin leaned in. “You saved my life.”

  All that had happened, the nightmare of nearly losing her overwhelmed him in the moment. Unable to contain his emotions even one more minute, he bent over and rested his head in her lap. He cried so hard in relief and sheer joy over his family that he startled the sleeping babe. He sat up, still crying as hard, and kissed his son.

  “Papa is sorry, son. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  Isabel touched Colin’s cheek this time. “You will be a fine papa.”

  “And you’ve done a fine job, Mama.”

  She smiled at his reminder from that first Deslan trip. “Has he been fed?”

  “No. He has been sleeping for as long as you have.”

  Colin tried to help her get the baby situated. When the boy only squirmed and squalled, Isabel looked up at him with worry.

  “He will catch on,” Colin said with a loving smile.

  He watched her. Ashen still with dark circles around her eyes, she seemed fragile. Those moments when he was certain he was going to lose her were the most terrifying he had ever known. What had once frightened him most, the thought of loving and losing, now paled in comparison to what he had felt at her request that the physician take the baby. He shook his head in sheer regret over the time lost in running from her, knowing he would never get back those months when she carried his son.

  The boy latched on and Colin cheered for him.

  He leaned in and kissed his wife on the forehead and then his son. “I’ve never seen anything more touching than this. I want to remember this moment always.”

  Soon enough, when both seemed to get the hang of their task, Colin reached out and stroked the boy’s cheek. “What do you think of William?”

  “After your father? It’s a noble name.”

  “If you have any other idea, I’m open.”

  “No. We are settled.” She looked down at her little boy, now sleeping again instead of nursing. “Welcome to the world, William.”

  Colin had left Gerard waiting in the corridor long enough to get his wife settled. Now, knowing how Isabel had been disrespected and her orders dismissed, he found himself furious at the old man standing before him. Due to the respect he had for Gerard, he had allowed him the final say in too many instances, so many that Gerard was now blatantly overstepping his bounds.

  “How dare you overrule the queen’s request!”

  “It’s not befitting a gentlelady, especial a royal, to nurse children. Your mother didn’t. Royals don’t.”

  “My wife made it clear that it was her desire. You had no right to disregard her wishes. Since her arrival, you have often disrespected her this way. It will never happen again. Her word carries the same authority as mine in this palace.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Colin softened his tone. This man had served his family well for many years. “Gerard, I’m truly grateful for your service. Your retirement will be felt among us all.”

  “Excuse me, sir?”

  “We will find your replacement straightaway. If you feel you should go before then, I understand.”

  “No, sir. I will stay on until such a time as a replacement can be found.”

  Colin slipped back into the room and found mother and son nestled together and sleeping. Since it was getting dark out, Colin blew out the candle and slipped into bed with them. Just as he began to drift off to sleep, he remembered Jesus once more and whispered the sincerest thank You. Never again would he forget or go back on his word.

  Chapter 28

  Fina arrived home two days after the harrowing delivery and took over with Isabel and William. Until a proper nanny was found, she would be the one to care for the boy. Many of the maids also helped, and soon enough, it was decided that a nanny would not be required anytime soon. Between Isabel and Fina, and even the maids who already loved the boy who would someday be king, there were plenty of hands to hold him and bathe him and love him.

  Many more days passed before Isabel was fully up and around, but as soon as she was, she took over William’s care. She found her entire world revolved around him. Never had she known such joy in life. All the while, as she had carried her baby within her, she had no way of knowing she would experience this kind of love and devotion. Secretly, when she had thought of the child, it represented Colin’s throne and his sole motive for marrying her, something that occasionally stirred up a trace of bitterness. Now that she saw how this helpless little boy needed her, all those feelings faded.

  At last, all the musings of her early life in Kidian were gone by like rushing waters. All that had happened with Elias seemed like some faraway dream. This, being the mother to this little prince, was what she was born to do. The turmoil that she had known in her marriage seemed less significant. This little family was all that mattered to her now.

  Colin came to the nursery several times each day to visit with his son, and when he did, Isabel was always welcoming. Since her recovery and since she was now able to ponder more on the situation with Colin and Eliza, she found herself feeling confused over how to proceed. At times she felt Colin should know what Eliza had implied so that he would at least be allowed to explain or defend himself. More often than not, though, she feared knowing too much. This season they were sharing as devoted parents felt too precious to risk damaging with the truth.

  Since the night William was born, Colin had stayed in her bedroom with her at night. Not once was he gone before she woke in the morning. It felt natural in some ways, but still, there was a division between them, one she believed he sensed as well. Often he would ask her if she was happy with him. Her answer was always yes, and to some degree that was true.

  That night, as Colin undressed, strewing his clothes in a path toward the bed as usual, Isabel could see that he had something on his mind. He had for several days but had yet to voice his thoughts. Not one to open a topic that she might not want to face, she didn’t ask but instead waited for him to approach it.

  “We should talk,” Colin said, the look on his face determined.

  “I’m tired since I woke so early with William. I will be sleeping in the nursery with him again tonight.”

  “You should nap when he naps. That’s what the older women tell me to suggest to you.”

  “I’ve tried, but my mind is too awake during the day. Can we sleep now and talk tomorrow?”

  He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her across the room. “And why are you sleeping in the nursery again? Is he ill?”

  “I sleep better when he’s near and, too, we won’t disturb you when he wakes up hungry.”

  “It wouldn’t disturb me. Bring him in here.”

  “It’s better this way.”

  “Do you even want me here at night?”

  She didn’t. She hadn’t since William was born. “Of course I do.”

  “You hardly sound convincing.” He looked at the window seat. “The night before you delivered William, something happened, something to change your feelings toward me.”

&
nbsp; Isabel had no intention of confronting Colin about Eliza now. She felt unusually vulnerable, and if she were to discover that Colin was still seeing that woman, then her perfect little world would be shattered.

  “I hadn’t been feeling well for some time. I suppose it caught up with me that night.”

  “But after that you didn’t want me to spend the night with you. That’s what you said. I don’t think you do now either.”

  Colin stood, his voice growing louder. “Does this have anything to do with him? With him finding you that night? Did that stir your heart toward him?”

  “This has nothing to do with him.”

  “Then tell me! I don’t know what I’ve done or not done. There,” he pointed to the window seat. “It began there and still bothers you. Whatever it is, I will try my best to repair it.”

  “I’m conflicted.”

  “Over what?”

  When she said nothing, Colin sighed. “I can imagine nothing else you could be conflicted over other than what you have always been conflicted over. You know where to find me if you figure this out. I won’t stay when I know it’s not what you want.”

  She didn’t try to stop him.

  Colin picked up the trail of clothes as he moved toward the door until he eventually stopped and turned to face her. “I am yours completely. You told me to work on that and I have. I’m here and prepared to be the husband you need. Yet you have shut me out of your life once again.”

  “I involve you in everything, so how have I shut you out?”

  “You involve me in what pertains to our son. But you, Isabel, have moved away from me, and I don’t know how to reach you. William is now three weeks old, and you’ve yet to return to supper or evening activities. I know you want to be with him, but why won’t you be by my side anymore, even for an hour? Everyone wonders. I wonder.”

  He just stopped and looked at her for a long moment. “I want to work this out. We committed to work on our marriage. I will never give up on us, but until you let me back in, I’m not sure how to repair this.”

  Once he was gone Isabel just sat and stared at the door. She didn’t have the urge to cry even. Truthfully, she didn’t regret seeing him go. Though they were building a life together with their son, there seemed to be permanent damage done by falling fragments. Her heart was wounded, and she couldn’t find a way back from that.

  Because she had been involved with Elias, she knew she had no right to question Colin or be jealous over Eliza. Actually, since it was clear that Colin had no emotional attachment to the woman, that at least meant his encounters with her had merely been physical. Hers with Elias were heart connections – just as bad. So, she had said nothing and continued to allow this to fester within her until she found it too painful to be around the man she loved. The thought of him holding her at night or touching her was one she couldn’t bear, so sleeping in the nursery protected her from that.

  What most caused conflict within her was the fact that she was continually pushing her husband away when that was the one thing that would most likely drive him back into Eliza’s arms. If more damage was done, it would be because she had shut him out of her life and left their bed.

  “I don’t know what to do, Lord. I don’t even think it’s a matter of forgiveness. I’m just hurt and don’t know how to heal.” She sat quietly a moment more. “Besides that, I’m afraid this is temporary. This man he’s being, what if he changes his mind again? I’m scared of giving in. Show me I can trust this.”

  No longer were those words out of her mouth when the door burst open and there came Colin, looking ridiculous, still in his underclothes while carrying his clothes.

  In a fit of anger he dumped his pile of clothes back on the floor.

  “You know what? I’m not leaving. Sleep in the nursery if you choose. I’ll be the man here in bed willing to work on our marriage when you’re ready.”

  Isabel stood there and watched as Colin walked to the bed, climbed in, and turned his back to her. Without saying a word, she turned and left the room.

  Once in the corridor, she noticed Colin’s bedroom door was open and guards were carrying items out.

  “What are you doing with the king’s belongings?” Even as she asked the question, she could see the baffled looks on the faces of the men she addressed.

  “Taking everything but his clothes to burn as the king has just instructed, Queen Isabel.”

  At that moment, two more guards carried a stained mattress through the door and down the hallway. Isabel threw her hand over her mouth as she gasped in horror. It was no ordinary stain; it was blood. That was where Colin had been sleeping, on Melody’s blood soaked mattress. All those years he had been punishing himself in that way.

  If Colin had instructed the men to remove and burn all traces of his life with Melody, that proved he had no intention of going back to her.

  Isabel stepped back into her room and walked over to the bed. When Colin turned to look at her, she sighed. “Please don’t be angry with me.” Her words took her back to their early marriage and the times Colin had said those exact same words.

  “You’ve been gone the past few nights. Come back to our bed.” He held his hand out to her. “I want you with me.”

  She stood, trembling inside, on the verge of tears. Eliza’s words came to mind, that she had been treated like a queen. Isabel couldn’t maintain eye contact with her husband while the thought of him making love to that woman so tormented her.

  “Colin…”

  He rolled back over and faced the wall. “You know your way back when you’re ready.”

  The following morning, for the first time since William was born, Isabel joined Colin for breakfast. When she walked into the room where he was sitting, he smiled at her.

  “Good morning. Do I know you?”

  Isabel only smiled at him as she sat and placed her napkin in her lap. The fact that he was so happy to see her gave her great relief, especially considering how their night had ended. She wasn’t sure what to expect. All she knew was that after a fitful night’s sleep, she owed him more of an explanation than she was able to express the night before.

  While the staff was serving, she said nothing. Once she felt free to speak, she tried to explain. “What I’m going through isn’t something I can yet discuss. I ask you to be patient with me for just a while longer.”

  “I will be patient with you for as long as you need.” He leaned in and lowered his voice. “Just reassure me again that this has nothing to do with him.”

  “Nothing whatsoever.” When he seemed skeptical, she leaned in just as he had. “I mean absolutely nothing. Do you hear me?”

  “I will believe you then. In the meantime know this: I am not giving up on you or us. Whatever I have done, I regret it already. Whatever I haven’t done, tell me and I’ll do it.”

  She looked away momentarily, his words so sweet that she wanted to cry. When she turned back, she said, “All I ask is for just a little time. Please wait for me.”

  “I will wait as long as you need. I’m here for you when you are ready to work this out.”

  “Thank you.” Without finishing her meal, Isabel stood, walked over to him, and brushed his cheek with her lips. Near his ear, she whispered, “In the meantime know this: I am yours completely.”

  Colin smiled at that and reached for her as she stood, but she wouldn’t allow him to caress her face. Instead she backed away before turning to leave.

  ***

  When Isabel was gone, Colin sat and considered every one of Isabel’s few words, especially that she was his completely, the only part of their conversation that brought him any relief. He smiled at that and was glad he had told her the night before that he was completely hers. At least something he said had gotten through to her.

  He thought back to the night this mystery began and how she had held herself in reserve from him since then. Now today, she declared herself his. Nothing seemed to make sense.

  What he did know was tha
t every moment of every day he felt the presence of God urging him on to love his wife even in her distant state. Surprisingly, it came naturally for him. Once he acknowledged the depth of his love for her, there was no looking back. That night that he had found her on the stairs was only a hint of its presence. When love truly engulfed him for that woman was when he walked in to find her pushing in her weakened state. With all she had she was trying her best to deliver his son. Never once was she concerned over her own life or safety. His heart was broken for her. His resolve broke then, too.

  Isabel. He stopped and sighed at the song that lingered on his lips at the mere mention of her name. Isabel was selfless and strong, full of grace and goodness. There was never a woman who deserved to be loved any more. If she, no matter her reason, never allowed him back into her intimate presence, he would love her anyway. Colin grinned at the realization that he had no choice. What a magnificent feeling, to love a wife so exceptional.

  After breakfast Colin stood just east of the palace watching the heap of his old life burn. For good measure he had the couch that once sat in front of Isabel’s fireplace brought out as well. Every time he saw it he could only think of her being kissed there. Before him, engulfed in flames, every fragment from their landslide was being cleared away. As far as it was up to him, nothing remained between them.

  The morning brought with it a sense of new life. Spring was near and the weather was mild. Early blooms were peeking open too soon, likely to be bitten by frost still to come. The air was brisk and fresh and seemed to invigorate him and spur him on in his quest for his family’s future.

  Whatever Isabel needed from him, however much time she required to open up to him, he would be willing to wait. If she didn’t trust him yet, that was understandable. Over and over he considered the things he could have done differently. Especially on their wedding night, he should have stayed with her. He had crushed her and sent her running to the commander the very next morning. When she confirmed her pregnancy and he left her in the early morning hours after their horrible argument, that was the final and fatal blow for any hope for their marriage at that point.