by Alicia Rades
Ryan raised his other hand, and magical swirls the color of night rose out of his palm. His magic twisted like smoky, burnt fingers. One of the fingers elongated until it reached my jaw, then skimmed along it threateningly. A magical chill spread where it touched me. I wanted to open my mouth to give him a piece of my mind, but my jaw was clamped shut tight by his Mentalist powers. My nostrils flared.
Fuck you, asshole!
I didn’t take my eyes off his. Time and time again, I’d watched warlocks drop their gaze in submission to this sorry excuse of a human being. I wouldn’t let him win like that.
Ryan stared me down, until his buddy Declan said, “Hey, look at this.”
Ryan turned and snatched the journal out of Declan’s hands. He started reading off my list. “My gift led me to Nadine. Muffins in the Lounge. We met Talia. Grant seems happy. What the fuck is this, Taylor? Some sappy poem? Sounds like garbage to me.”
He released his magic on me, and my jaw finally freed.
“Yep,” I said through gritted teeth. “That’s me. A bad poet.”
Ryan scoffed and shoved the journal at me. “At least you’re right on that one, loser. Have fun with your sucky poetry.”
Ryan walked off without looking back. The rest of the Tarantulas followed him. They all laughed like it was the best insult they’d heard all week. Probably was, considering Ryan’s complete lack of creativity.
Whatever. I didn’t have time for idiots like them. I had real problems to deal with.
Like my gift. This was one of the reasons I hated it. When I wasn’t on the verge of vomiting, it was getting me into trouble in one way or another.
I subconjured my journal. It disappeared out of my hand and went into my stash, where I kept all my junk so I wouldn’t have to carry it around.
I decided to head to the disc golf park to take my mind off everything. I was so stuck in my own head that I nearly walked straight into Professor Loren on my way out of the classroom. She was standing in the hall talking to Professor Richards, who was an Alchemist.
“Do you think you could brew me something?” she asked him a moment before I nearly trampled her.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
She grabbed my shoulder to steady me. Her face immediately fell. “Lucas, are you okay? You look a little pale.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. Are you?”
She furrowed her brow. “Yes, of course. Why do you ask?”
“You said you needed something brewed,” I pointed out.
Professor Loren waved her hands. “It’s nothing but old age, I’m sure. Just a little blip of magic waning here and there. Nothing to be worried about.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Is that usual? Professor Warren wasn’t feeling well a few weeks ago. He said his magic was weak, too.”
Professor Loren and Professor Richards shared a glance, but it was Richards who spoke. “I’ll be sure to check on him, Lucas. Thank you for letting us know.”
“Yeah, no problem,” I said before heading on my way.
The way they looked at each other worried me a little, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
I headed toward the Main Foyer and stopped dead when I spotted Nadine. My heart fluttered before I could tell it to calm down. I’d nearly forgotten I wasn’t supposed to be drawn to her.
She was walking toward me with a pile of books in her hands, as if returning from outside after a study session. She wore long sleeves and a wide-brimmed hat. Her hair spilled around her shoulders, and she looked really nice, but I’d promised myself I’d keep my distance.
I took a second to admire her. She radiated beauty as she smiled and waved to Mandy and Amy across the foyer. I tried to slip back down the hall before she saw me, but I didn’t make it fast enough.
Nadine’s eyes met mine, and the bright look on her face darkened. She hurried over to me before I could slip down the hall.
“Lucas,” she greeted coolly. Her lips pressed into a thin line. She was obviously upset with me. I couldn’t exactly blame her, after the way I blew her off.
“Uh, hi.” I shoved my hands into my pockets. Awkward.
“Can we talk?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”
What else was I supposed to do? Tell her no?
Nadine led me to a secluded sitting area in the corner where no one would hear us, and I took a seat on one of the plush red chairs. Nadine set her books down on the coffee table next to us and removed her hat. It caught on her hair, which made it stick up in a couple places. I found the messy look kind of hot. She tamed it with her fingers, then sat across from me with the hat in her lap.
“What’s up?” I asked casually, even though I already knew what she wanted. It was obvious we were going to have to talk about the night at the lake eventually.
Nadine sat up straight in her chair. “Look, we’re friends, right?”
I nodded, though I wasn’t sure. Were we?
“And friends tell each other the truth?” she asked.
Fuck. I already knew where this was going. “Yeah, they do, Nad.”
Nadine looked me straight in the eye. “Then tell me what happened at the lake, Lucas. Why have you been avoiding me?”
I dropped my gaze. There were a million reasons I couldn’t get involved. Even if I weren’t the Reaper’s Apprentice, she wouldn’t want me once she figured out who I really was. Who would be happy with me if I wasn’t happy with myself? Worse, I couldn’t put the burden of my gift on her, and it was inevitable if we got together.
Shit, look at me getting ahead of myself. Who said we were going to get together?
“Nad, it’s not you,” I assured her.
She frowned and gave me a disappointed look.
Hell, was I seriously going to go and make things worse? It’s not you, it’s me. How lame could I get?
I was quick to clarify. “I can’t get into a romantic relationship. There’s stuff you don’t know.”
“Then tell me,” she begged, her tone softening.
I sighed. “Nad…”
“At least give me something, Lucas.” She looked at me with these big puppy dog eyes I couldn’t refuse.
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
There was so much I wasn’t ready to talk about. My parents. My brother. My gift. And worst of all, the dying thought I’d heard about her. That secret was something I’d have to take to the grave.
“Your Cast, for starters,” she said sheepishly.
I smirked. “Isn’t the mystery a little fun?”
She shook her head. “Not for me. You’re a mystery I can’t figure out, and I want to know everything, Lucas.”
“Really?” My voice was a few pitches higher than normal.
“Yes.” She blushed a little.
My smirk turned into a light smile, and tension eased out of my shoulders. It was hard to leave her alone when it felt this good to be near her.
“Maybe we can start with what everyone else already knows about me,” I offered.
Nadine’s eyes lit up, and she sat straighter. “Okay.”
I took a deep breath. “My Cast is Mortana. I’m the Reaper’s Apprentice.”
Nadine blinked a few times, but otherwise, her face remained blank.
“You know what that is, right?” I asked.
She cleared her throat. “I, um… think I heard about it?”
Good. I didn’t have to explain it to her. Talking about my gift was almost as bad as experiencing it.
“That’s why we can’t get involved,” I told her bluntly. “Even if I liked you, I couldn’t be with you.”
Nadine swallowed. “O-okay,” she stammered.
It was obvious she wasn’t okay with it, but I couldn’t find the words to explain myself. Instead, I found myself saying, “Thanks, Nad. Why can’t everyone be like you?”
She chuckled nervously. “Because I’m perfect.”
She placed her hat back on her head, then rested her chin on her fis
t and fluttered her eyelashes like she was posing for a camera.
Damn it all if that didn’t make her look even sexier.
I laughed. “The hat suits you.”
She touched the brim. “You think? I thought it was ugly.”
I furrowed my brow. “Then why do you wear it?”
Nadine’s face fell, and she set the hat aside on top of her books. “I wasn’t going to tell you this yet, but since you asked…”
My heart slammed against my rib cage. The sad look on her face had me worried, like she was about to break some terrible news. I had no idea what it could possibly be.
Nadine knotted her hands together in her lap and took a deep breath. “I have something called lupus.”
Her words knocked the wind out of me. I didn’t wish a chronic disease like that upon anyone. “Nad…”
“If you tell me you’re sorry, I might lose it,” she threatened playfully.
My mouth slammed shut.
She laughed lightly as she watched my eyes go wide. “I just mean, it’s what I hear every time I tell someone. You don’t have to be sorry. It’s not your fault.”
“Well, I don’t feel good about it,” I admitted. “Nadine, I had no idea.”
She shrugged. “Why would you? Most people don’t even know what lupus is.”
“If there’s anything I can do to help, you have to tell me,” I said.
Nadine forced a smile. “Thanks for being nice about it. Most people just tell me I don’t look sick, then throw their pity at me when I explain it to them.”
“My cousin has lupus,” I said. “So I know a little about it.”
It didn’t mean I understood what she was going through, though, because I didn’t.
She seemed relieved, like she didn’t want to have to explain it all. “So you must know I’m sensitive to the sun.”
I nodded. Inside, my guts sank. I wished there was something I could do to help her—some way to take all the pain and symptoms away.
“That’s why I cover up when I’m outside,” she explained. “When I get too much sun exposure, my symptoms flare up. Like, right now my joints are really sore.”
She held one hand with the other and flexed her fingers. The way they moved in a stilted way suggested she was in more pain than I knew. My instinct hit, and I reached out for her. She didn’t protest as I took her hand in mine and gently massaged her joints. The warmth from her hand seemed to consume me, radiating up my arms and all throughout my body. One I started, I couldn’t stop. I just wanted to be near her, to touch her.
She shot me a nervous smile. “That actually doesn’t hurt.”
I shrugged. “My mom broke her hand when I was a kid, and it never quite healed right. She used to ask for massages all the time, so I kind of got good at it.”
I didn’t tell her how Mom had broken it during one of Dad’s fits.
Nadine relaxed into her seat as I continued massaging her hand. She closed her eyes and rolled her head back. “Oh my God. Can I pay you to be my personal masseuse?”
I chuckled. “What are friends for?”
“Most of my friends wouldn’t do this for me,” she joked.
I couldn’t take my eyes off her perfect skin as I stared down at my fingers moving over her. Her eyes were closed, so she couldn’t see me admiring her beauty. There was so much I wanted to do with these fingers—for these hands to do to me.
I dropped her hand before my imagination could run too wild on me. But even that didn’t slow my heart. Just being this close to her and smelling the rosy scent on her skin, it made my body go wild. I longed to be back in that position at the lake. I’d freeze the moment in time as her legs boldly wrapped around my waist, her half-naked body pressed tightly against mine. Maybe instead of pushing her away, I’d actually kiss her…
In a perfect world, where the Reaper's Shadow didn't exist.
Nadine cleared her throat, calling me back to reality. “Thanks, Lucas. That really helped.”
I sat up straighter. “Are there other things that help with your symptoms?”
“I already told you about the yoga,” she said, “but someone needs to kick my ass, because I haven’t been doing it lately.”
“Why not?” I asked. “If it helps?”
Nadine’s shoulders dropped. “It’s hard to convince myself to do it with all the stress.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Nadine eyed me curiously. “You don’t know, do you? I thought everyone knew.”
“Know what?”
She swallowed, and her voice came out small. “Lucas, my parents died.”
If her telling me she had lupus knocked the wind out of me, this one was a double whammy. Why hadn’t Helena mentioned it to me?
I knew someone in her life had died recently, because I’d heard the woman’s last thought, which was about Nadine. But I didn’t know it’d been her mom. I should’ve put the pieces together. And now I’d learned that her dad died, too. Holy shit!
Her mom’s last thought echoed through my mind. There was more to her last thought than I could ever tell Nadine... a dark, ominous warning that could get Nadine hurt. Which was why I hadn’t spoken of it—and wouldn’t.
What could I possibly say to Nad if she didn’t want to hear I’m sorry?
Like an idiot, I spat out, “My brother died, too.”
What the hell? Why was I making this about me?
“I just mean, I get what it’s like to lose a family member,” I quickly added.
Her expression softened. “It’s nice to have someone my age around who understands. Most people don’t get it.”
“Tell me about it,” I said, feeling a little more of that weight on my shoulders lift.
She played with a thread on the chair and didn’t meet my eyes. “How long ago?”
“Almost a year,” I answered.
“Mine was this summer. It was a car crash.” She didn’t say anything more than that. She just stared down at the loose thread, poking it with her finger while we sat in silence. It killed me to watch. I wished that I could shoulder all that pain, just to see her happy.
I decided to change up the subject. “Well, if you’re looking for help with your yoga, you should check out the fitness center.”
She finally looked to me. “They have yoga?”
“Yeah. We could head over there and pick up a schedule if you want,” I offered.
Damn it. I was supposed to be staying away from her, not inviting her on walks with me.
Screw it. This one time wouldn’t hurt anything.
“Okay,” she agreed.
She reached for her hat, but I grabbed her books for her before she could get them.
“I can carry those,” she protested.
I shrugged. “So can I.”
Nadine huffed a little, but she didn’t put up a fight.
“This way.” I cocked my head, and we started down the hallway toward the pool and fitness center.
She walked a step ahead of me, so she didn’t see how I was eyeing her from the side. She had a beautiful profile, and that hair… I couldn’t stop staring at that long brown hair that looked so soft. I just wanted to run my hands through it and—
Nausea hit me.
Aw, fuck.
I didn’t want Nadine to notice, so I kept up pace beside her.
“Five more minutes…” the thought said.
The thought was there and gone in a matter of seconds. I’d collected a lot of thoughts like that over the months. Most people would sell their souls just for a few more minutes with their loved ones. This guy was no exception.
It was only when the wave of nausea passed that it hit me how smoothly that one had gone. It was nothing like earlier. I didn’t even have to double over and catch myself against the wall. How could that be when just a few hours ago I was writhing on the bathroom floor?
And then it hit me.
The difference was Nadine. I didn’t know what it was about her, but being around
her made everything better. I didn’t feel as hopeless when she was nearby.
I quickly conjured my journal and a pen, then scribbled something down on the next line before Nadine saw.
She makes it all bearable.
She looked in my direction, but I’d already sent the notebook away to my stash.
“What?” I asked innocently.
She shrugged and offered a kind smile. “Nothing.”
Well, fuck. How was I supposed to stay away from her now?
Chapter 10
Nadine
I was a filthy liar. I don’t even know why I lied to Lucas. It just slipped out.
Oh, yeah, Lucas. I totally know what the Reaper’s Apprentice is.
Ugh.
I guess I didn’t want to sound totally clueless around him. And then I had to tell him I understood? WTF? I didn’t. Not really. I just couldn’t bear to see him looking all sad like that and everything.
I was still thinking about it days later on my way to my Introduction to Tarot class. It was a small class with only thirty students. The subject was interesting, but Chloe was in this class, and I couldn’t stand her. She always had to call people out for their interpretation of the cards, even though Professor Wykoff said in our first lesson there were no right or wrong interpretations.
We’d already covered the basics of Tarot, how there were twenty-two Major Arcana cards in a deck that spoke to your life-long spiritual journey, and fifty-six Minor Arcana cards that represented everyday challenges. We learned about the four suits—that cups represented emotions and relationships, swords referred to behaviors and the mind, pentacles were about finances and career, and wands were about spirituality. From there, Professor Wykoff said, all we had to do was interpret the images.
Professor Wykoff was younger than most of my other professors. She must’ve been in her thirties. She had long caramel-colored hair and always wore multi-colored dresses and sandals. She spoke in a soft tone so that the class had to be dead silent to hear her.
Today, she stood at the front of the room, shuffling the cards in mid-air with her telekinetic abilities. “I’d like to start our lesson today with a fun exercise. Each of you will come up and pick a single card that represents you and your life’s journey. As a class, we will work to interpret the card together. Who’d like to go first?”