The Coven's Secret: A Paranormal Academy Witch Romance (Hidden Legends: College of Witchcraft Book 1)

by Alicia Rades

  “Do what?” I asked.

  “You just… I don’t know… accept the worst-case scenario,” she said. “You put yourself down and focus on the negative.”

  “That’s not true,” I argued.

  “Really?” She raised an eyebrow. “When was the last time you focused on the positive?”

  I opened my mouth to answer, but the words halted on my tongue. It seemed the only time I was ever positive was around her.

  That was the moment it hit me, why I craved Nadine’s company so much. When I was around her, I felt a positive spark in my heart. She literally brought to life parts of me I long thought were dead and buried. I wasn’t just bull-shitting with that poem earlier. She literally brought light into my life.

  I didn’t know how to tell her that, so instead, I answered her first question. “I guess I act like a jerk as a defense mechanism.”

  Nadine’s shoulders dropped, and sympathy crossed her face. “I wish you didn’t feel like you had to defend yourself.”

  The knots in my abdomen eased. Her words were a relief, an invitation to let life flow through me instead of bottling it up all the time. It was strange—like she was going against everyone else’s unwritten rules. Another reason why I couldn’t keep myself from falling for her.

  “It’s okay, Lucas,” she whispered. “You don’t have to defend yourself around me. You don’t have to hide.”

  “Neither do you,” I assured her softly.

  She knotted her hands together in her lap. “So, you’ve noticed?”

  “Noticed what?” I asked curiously.

  Her voice cracked, and it broke my heart. “That I hide. That there’s this piece of me that I push deep down inside until my walls crack and she comes flooding out.”

  “She?” I wasn’t sure where she was going with this. Sure, sometimes Nadine acted out of character—like earlier with Ryan—but she spoke as if she was hiding a secret identity or something.

  Nadine didn’t look at me when she spoke. “She doesn’t have a name. I just know she’s not… me.”

  Oh, shit. I had no idea that Nadine was hurting this much. I didn’t know what kind of secrets she was hiding. But that was the thing about this coven… it was full of secrets.

  If there was one thing I learned as the Reaper’s Apprentice, it was that everyone had secrets. I wanted to know Nadine’s, but I feared if I pressed her, it’d only push her away.

  “In what way?” I asked, trying my best to be gentle with her.

  Nadine kept her gaze on her hands. “I’ve learned to control it… mostly. But sometimes, this dark side of me just comes out, and I can’t stop it until she’s satisfied.”

  All I wanted to do was rip the demons out of her and make them my own. I reached out and gently brought her chin up so she’d look at me. Our eyes searched each other’s for several long moments before I finally spoke.

  “Don’t hide from me, Nad,” I said. “I’ll never judge you.”

  A smile touched the corners of her mouth, then suddenly, the confessions started spilling out. “It’s hard to explain, but I’ve always felt like I had this darkness inside of me. When I was a kid, my teachers called me a problem child. If I got upset, even over the littlest thing, I’d freak out. Someone sat too close to me? I’d hit them. Someone took the jump rope I wanted at recess? I’d pick a fight. I can’t tell you how many times I was sent to the principal’s office. I got kicked off the bus for pulling a girl’s hair out. My parents eventually started homeschooling me when I stopped doing my work.”

  She continued like she couldn’t stop herself. “I went through a couple years of therapy, but it was really my lupus that changed me. I guess on some level, it was sort of a blessing. My diagnosis was a huge wake-up call. I had to learn to control myself to keep my symptoms from flaring. It was like the angrier I got, the more pain I felt.”

  She took a breath. “Eventually, I returned to public school for high school. I learned how to control my temper, but it still comes out sometimes. I just wish I could get rid of it, you know? It’s not me. Like when I almost ran Ryan over with my car. Or how I acted with him today. I don’t even know why I did it. It already feels surreal—like a dream.”

  I pressed my lips together, contemplating her story. That darkness she spoke of was far from the Nadine I knew.

  “I’m sorry, Nad,” I said. “No one should have to deal with that.”

  She shrugged, like it wasn’t that big of a deal, but I knew she was underplaying it. Constantly watching her own behavior had to be taxing on her.

  “It is what it is,” she said. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything,” I replied.

  She spoke slowly, like she was choosing her words with care. “What’s the deal with you and Ryan? Do you two have a history or something?”

  Oh, boy. Here we go.

  I didn’t really want to talk about it, but Nadine didn’t want me to hide around her. Just the opportunity to lay it all out there on the table was freeing. I wanted her to know everything. I just hoped it didn’t change her opinion of me.

  I sighed. “Ryan and I were buddies in high school. We formed the Treacherous Tarantulas together.”

  Nadine’s eyebrows shot up. “You were a Tarantula?”

  I chuckled. “I wasn’t just one of them. I was their leader.”

  Nadine’s jaw dropped further. “Lucas Taylor, the lone wolf, in a gang. Who would’ve guessed?”

  I was shocked by her reaction. She didn’t look like she thought less of me. In fact, she eyed me up and down like the thought intrigued her, maybe even—dare I say it?—turned her on.

  “I wasn’t always a lone wolf,” I said. “But the Tarantulas weren’t always the low-life gang they are now. When we formed, it was about brotherhood. We stood to protect other people. When we saw something we didn’t think was right, we’d stand up to it—you know, guys pushing other people around in the locker room, pressuring girls in the hallways, that sort of thing.”

  “That sounds incredible,” Nadine praised. She looked at me with dreamy eyes, like she was picturing me walking down the halls in my leather jacket and whipping other kids into shape. “What happened to the group?”

  “After graduation, Ryan got into the drug scene,” I explained.

  “Shocker,” she said flatly.

  “Right?” I chuckled. “Anyway, he got the other guys to agree to dealing. They were all enticed by the money—and the drugs—but I couldn’t do it. I tried to stick it out, but then they pulled this sick prank on Grant and stole his insulin. That was the last straw. I left the group, and they’ve had it out for me ever since. They call it a betrayal, but I call it a mutiny.”

  Nadine frowned. “I’m sorry, Lucas. I had no idea.”

  I shrugged. “It’s good, I guess. I’ve got Grant now, and he’s a better friend that all five of the Tarantulas put together.”

  “He is cool,” she agreed.

  A silent beat passed. Neither of us knew what to say next.

  Nadine hesitated, then broke the silence. “So, what were you like… before the Tarantulas ditched you? Were you happier?”

  The question hit me hard in the gut. Was I happier? Yes and no.

  “In a different way,” I admitted. “But a lot has happened since then. There are other reasons that I’m so… I don’t know… me.”

  “You can tell me,” Nadine offered. “You didn’t judge me, and I’m not going to judge you.”

  I knew Nadine was being honest, but I had a hard time talking about this at all. I pretty much tried not to think about it myself. But pushing it down made the memories stew, made them that much more painful. I knew it, and yet I couldn’t face them.

  Nadine reached out and touched my hand. My breath caught.

  “It was my brother.” The words spilled out. “I loved him so much, and when he left, it was like… like a part of me left with him.”

  “I get it,” Nadine whispered, her eyes twinkling with tears. “I feel the sam
e way about my parents.”

  A lump rose to my throat. I started talking to get it to budge, and I just couldn’t stop after that. “My brother and I were really close growing up. My dad was a total asshole, always yelling and starting fights with my mom. She excuses his behavior because he never touches her, but he gets his work in. He’s a Mentalist—has telekinesis. When he gets mad, glasses break, things start flying around the room, and… he takes it out on Mom.”

  Nadine’s hand went to her mouth.

  “The worst one was when Dad got in one of his fits. Mom says she tripped, but Eric and I both knew Dad used his magic to push her down the stairs. She broke her hand.”

  “Lucas, I’m so sorry you had to grow up with that,” she said.

  “Don’t be,” I told her. “It’s not your fault. Anyway, Eric and I bonded over our fear of our father. We didn’t spend a lot of time at home, since he didn’t want us around anyway, so we spent all our time together.”

  My entire body tensed at the memories. “Things changed after his Evoking Ceremony. He became a Seer. He couldn’t see ghosts, but he could hear their thoughts. He described it to me as this constant, annoying chatter he couldn’t turn off. I mean, maybe I should be grateful. At least I only hear a couple thoughts a day. With Eric, it was constant. I guess he just couldn’t take it anymore. The night I did my Evoking Ceremony…”

  My breath halted. I didn’t know if I could say it out loud. But maybe it would help.

  “That night, Eric hung himself in the garage,” I spat out.

  Nope. Not better. Not better at all.

  The confession was like knives through my heart. I didn’t think I’d ever said it out loud. I knew that Eric was gone, but I didn’t think I’d come to terms with the fact that he killed himself. It wasn’t like it was an accident. He left me by choice.

  That single thought made me want to hurl. It was selfish to think that way. Eric had been struggling, but I couldn’t help him. Yet here I was blaming him. I wasn’t being fair.

  I didn’t even know I felt that way until now. I pressed my face into my hands to hide myself from Nadine. I was supposed to be strong, not some emotional wreck for her to piece back together. This was why I didn’t open up—because when I did, it all came flooding out all at once.

  “Lucas…” Nadine’s voice was like a song—a soft, comforting song that kept me grounded to reality.

  She reached out and took my wrists, then pulled them down from my face. I was embarrassed for her to see tears dotting my eyes. But she stared straight at me like she saw past them—like she saw me.

  “You don’t have to hide from me, remember?” she asked.

  I choked back a sob. “You don’t know the worst part, Nad.”

  “I want to,” she whispered. “I want to hear it.”

  I turned my head away from her. She waited. The silence was almost more agonizing than the confessions.

  “You know how I hear the last thought of the dead?” I asked her.

  She nodded.

  I forced down the lump in my throat. “Well, the night my powers awakened, Eric’s last thoughts were the first I heard.”

  Tears spilled over Nadine’s lids, which only caused mine to flow. I dashed them away.

  Sure, open up to Nadine. See what she thinks of you now.

  I bet she thought I was a freaking joy to be around. If I wanted to chase her away, I should’ve started crying sooner. Who wanted to be around the guy who was so weak he couldn’t even hold his tears in?

  Nadine reached for my hand again. She pulled it away from my face so I couldn’t wipe the tears.

  “Don’t do that,” she said.

  “Do what?” My voice cracked. “Cry?”

  She shook her head. “No. Don’t push it back in.”

  “I have to,” I argued. “Otherwise, I’m weak.”

  She ran her thumbs across my face and wiped the tears for me. They only continued to fall harder.

  “Crying doesn’t make you weak,” she said. “It’s an opportunity to grow.”

  I laughed nervously. “And you call me the poet.”

  "Shh..." Nadine whispered. "Let's not talk.”

  And then the strangest thing happened. Nadine crawled into my lap. I didn't know where it came from, but here she was snuggling close to me, not because she wanted something from me—but because she wanted to comfort me. I wondered for so long what that might feel like—for someone to love me unconditionally and expect nothing in return. It was the most amazing feeling in the world, but it felt wrong, too. It felt like I was stealing from her. Stealing what, I didn't know. This moment, perhaps. She could be anywhere doing anything right now, and she chose to be in my arms.

  I wrapped her close to me, holding her to my chest. And yet somehow, it felt like she was holding me.

  Nadine's rosy scent surrounded me, and her warm body sent the chill away. Though my eyes were closed and my nose pressed into her hair, I could swear I could see the light radiating off of her. Peace washed over me, and for the first time in my life, the tears stopped on their own. I didn't have to force them.

  I drew away from her and whispered, "Why are you doing this, Nad?"

  She looked into my eyes, which made my heart melt. I never knew how freeing it would be to hold her in my arms like this.

  "Doing what?" she asked.

  "Why are you here with me?" I questioned. "Why do you like me?"

  Nadine shrugged, but it was obvious she was stalling. There was an answer behind her eyes. I just couldn't read it.

  "I like being with you, Lucas," she finally said.

  "But why?" I pressed.

  She sniffled. "When I'm with you, I forget that my parents aren't alive."

  It was such a simple answer, but I felt it deep within my soul. Maybe Nadine and I were more alike than I thought. Maybe we weren't total opposites—light and dark.

  Maybe I brought a spark of light to her darkness, too.

  No, that was ridiculous. I had no light to share.

  "But I'm broken," I told her.

  "Not broken," she said softly. "Just growing."

  No one had ever put it that way before. If I wasn't broken, maybe I didn't need to be fixed. If I was growing, then maybe the wounds would heal. Maybe it wasn't about putting the shattered bits back together and hoping the glue would stick. Maybe it was about growing new branches.

  I pressed my face back into her hair. I was quickly realizing it was the one place in the world where I felt my problems couldn't touch me. "You have no idea what it means to hear you say that."

  Nadine wrapped her arms tight around me. "There's more, you know."

  "More what?" I mumbled into her hair.

  "More reasons why I like you," she said.

  “There are?” I asked curiously.

  Nadine reached up a hand and started running it through my hair. “I like to think I see the real Lucas beneath the layers.”

  I didn’t even know what that meant. “I am the layers.”

  “No,” she said. “You’re not your past. You’re not your darkness. That’s what my therapist always told me. You, Lucas… you’re kind and protective and fun. You have a heart so big it should have its own satellite.”

  I chuckled lightly. Part of me actually believed what she was saying.

  “You are selfless,” she continued. “You have this desire to take on everyone else’s pain just so they won’t suffer. If you could, you’d take on the sins of the world.”

  I stared down at her. I searched for the lie, but it wasn’t there. She really believed everything she was saying.

  “You… you see all that in me?”

  She nodded. “I just wish you did, too.”

  I told myself I’d resist, but I couldn’t anymore. Everything Nadine had said was what I needed to hear and more. She was beyond anything I could ever imagine, and I’d be damned if I hadn’t fallen head over heels in love with her.

  I brought my lips to hers. She melted into my kiss like
ice on a warm summer’s day. The thought to pull away, to resist, never crossed my mind. All I wanted was this moment. If I was to steal anything from her, it was this kiss, right now.

  Kissing Nadine was like standing on top of a cliff. My toes lined up with the edge, and my arms opened wide. She was that moment as I raised my heels from the ground and tilted forward—the split second you thought you had before you could stop the freefall. Her kiss was that wild adrenaline rush, suspended in time. I was safe here—and I was free.

  Nadine parted her lips, and my tongue slid into her mouth. My heart beat frantically, and my jeans tightened. She was so warm in my arms that I never wanted to let her go.

  I thought I’d have to, but the kiss didn’t end. Nadine wrapped her arms around my neck and continued making out with me. Her breasts pressed tight against my chest, and that was the moment I lost it. I went free falling down that cliff, and I couldn’t catch my balance.

  The room spun around me, and I couldn’t hold Nadine up any longer. I gently lowered her to the mat beneath us. She moaned as my kisses continued across her lips. Her noises were like a symphony to my ears. I loved every sound she made.

  Nadine’s hands continued to roam through my hair, and it felt amazing. I couldn’t stop my hands from running up and down her sides. I wasn’t on top of her—more or less propped up at her side—but I wanted to be. I wanted to be with her in every sense of the word. I wanted to fight for her tooth and nail.

  But I couldn’t. And I knew that.

  In this moment, though, it didn’t seem to matter. I didn’t push her away like all the other times. Because if this moment was all I ever had with Nadine, I was going to bask in the warmth of every second I could get from it. I wasn’t going to ruin it this time.

  Eventually, Nadine pulled away. I pushed myself onto my elbow and hovered above her. The light from the fire flickered off her face, and I’d be damned if it wasn’t the most beautiful thing I’d seen in all my life.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked.

  “No,” she said softly. “Would you just… hold me?”

  She didn’t have to ask twice. Nadine rolled onto her side. I lay next to her, my front pressed against her back. I draped one arm over her. She fit so perfectly into my arms, like it was where she was meant to be.