Yell Out / Do You

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  What did she want me to say anyway? I’d apologized to her profusely, I might add. I know this was her son, and I couldn’t imagine as a mom how devastated she must have felt going through the whole ordeal. However, it was over. She needed to let bygones be bygones. She would not let up though.

  “I’m going to talk to you woman to woman, Ella, because I think you understand more than your dad cares to admit. There’s been tension in the house since you have been here. After all you put me through losing my boy, you owe me. I’m pregnant, trying to prepare for this wedding, and I really think it would be best if you moved out.”

  “What!” I yelled, not realizing that I might wake up Evan.

  He immediately started crying. Samantha shot me a look of disgust. I looked away.

  “See, this is what I’m talking about. You have no regard for how your actions affect those around you. You think you can do whatever you want. Go on back to sleep, honey,” she said to Evan.

  When he heard her reassuring voice, he drifted off to sleep. As kind as she was to her son, she was equally hateful to me. Apparently, I was causing her big problems.

  “Have you talked this over with my dad?” I asked her, knowing she hadn’t. She said I was a lot smarter than she was giving me credit for.

  If she ran this by my dad, he would be discussing this with me, not her. She was trying to get me to cut out on my own so she would still be the hero in his eyes. It would be much better for her than my dad thinking she had kicked me out of the house.

  “Since you have been here, your father and I have been arguing more. But I can put things back together if you’d just go back over to your mom’s. I can make sure we pay you guys a little bit more than we have been. More than what he is supposed to,” Samantha stressed.

  “You think all I want is money?” I asked, truly upset by her insult.

  I didn’t know Samantha’s story or where she came from. I did not know if her parents were part of her life … If she could even understand how drastically hard it was without both of your parents living under the same roof. I adored having my own room and bath—basically my own space to be left alone—and not worrying about what was in the house to eat or if the lights were going to get turned off. However, I realized I did not want to be someplace where I was so detested.

  “I got you,” I sighed.

  She said some more junk as she took me to school. She said she’d make sure my clothes got home. Also she said I did not have to talk to my dad because she would explain things for me.

  She said she knew this was the best thing for everyone involved. Then she stuffed some bills in my hand and turned away from me.

  I could not get out of her car fast enough. I put up a wall around myself as I went through the motions at school. I did not speak to my sister or my friends. I was not rude. I just did not hang out where we usually did.

  When I got to chemistry class, however, it was hard to shake my partner. We had a lab to do, and Leo could tell I was distant.

  “I’m here, just so you know that,” he said.

  Just as class was ending, it was announced over the intercom that because a severe storm was headed our way, all after school practices were canceled.

  “Do you need to go somewhere and talk?” Leo said.

  I knew I had the $150 in my pocket that Samantha had given me that morning. There was a hotel down the street, and I impulsively asked Leo to meet me there. I got there first and texted the numbers 2-1-2. I thought maybe I loved him. I did know I cared so much for him and that I wanted him to be my first.

  When he came in the door, I immediately jumped on him, put my lips to his, helped him take off his jacket, and lifted up my shirt so I was only in a bra. We made our way over to the bed. He was on top of me, but then he stopped. Leo Steele had a reputation of being a lady’s man, so I knew he wasn’t scared. Why did he stop?

  “Is something wrong with me?” I asked, getting the pillow and covering myself up.

  “Ella, you are beautiful. Trust me, the last couple of hours all I been thinking about is getting to this hotel and knocking boots with you. Now that I’m here, I see how vulnerable you are. You are breaking in my arms. That’s not what I want from my girl on her first time. What’s wrong?”

  I just broke down and cried. I told him everything that was going on in my world. Then he held me with such care. He made me feel like he wasn’t going to let me break anymore. I actually was not the only one who was dealing with heavy stuff. He opened up to me and told me that the reason why he’s been homeless was because his mom just took off and moved to New York to be with some guy. She left him here to fend for himself. Since he was now eighteen, she felt he could do it. Crazy thinking! He had no job.

  I said, “We both understand selfish parents. For my mom to let some joker use up money intended for me and my sister was unthinkable.”

  “I never had a girl that cared for me like you do, Ella. I want to be here for you. You called me your boyfriend and saved me from being arrested. You stuck your neck way out there not knowing how your dad would react.”

  “I know. That was pretty risky, huh?” I joked. “I didn’t even give you a chance to let me know if you really wanted us to be an item.”

  “I’m not old-fashioned if that’s what you are eluding too. I’m not the one who has to ask. If you need to hear me say I want you to be my girl, then there, I said it.” He kissed my lips gently. “We’ll have our time to take our relationship up another level. Right now it’s pretty clear we need to relax and not be stressed. Come here, you!”

  Leo brought my body to his. I was so into him. We cuddled under the covers and dozed off.

  About an hour later, I woke up and saw him at the desk studying. Bless his heart. He seemed so unsure of what he was doing. I went over and looked at the math and gave him some tips.

  “I get what you’re talking about,” he said after we worked on the problem for a while. “Let me do a couple more problems. Write ’em down; write ’em down.”

  Leo was so excited that he was getting it. I put my hand over his neck. I was happy. Though my life was not perfect, I had a perfect relationship built on the right thing: truth. I cared about a boy, and I was helping him to be better. Because of my feelings, he could have taken advantage of me, but he was helping me be strong. Maybe I did love Leo Steele. Maybe? Probably. Wow!

  I woke up at 10:59 p.m. I was still in the hotel bed. I did not want to move because I was in Leo’s strong arms. We both were fully clothed. After we studied, we talked, ordered pizza, and fell asleep. I could not hold back the tears from falling because I thought I had nowhere to go.

  I knew my mom practically hated me because I had gone to live with my dad. My dad was probably thrilled that I willingly left his place so I would not continue to cause problems in his life. Where exactly did that leave me?

  Well, I now had a boyfriend who I knew would do anything he could to protect me. Problem was, he himself was living with another family. Neither of us had a car. Neither of us had a job. I did not know exactly what I wanted to be. However, I knew I was going to somebody’s college, and I had worked hard enough to be able to get a scholarship. Problem was, how I was going to live in the meantime? College was a year and a half away.

  I did not want to wake up Leo. I could only imagine that it had to be stressful living with the Strongs. Coach Strong, our head football coach, was known as a tough guy. His son, Blake, used to date my girl Charli. Blake was tired of holding hands and basically found someone else who was willing to give it up. As soon as he broke it off, Charli moved on with his cousin Brenton, who was a super-sweet person. Blake wanted her back. Thankfully, my girl did not choose the smooth operator. Instead, she chose Brenton. She has been happy ever since.

  High-maintenance Blake Strong was probably making Leo’s life impossible. I had been so busy talking about what was going on in my world that I hadn’t asked Leo how he was. As I thought, I moved gently to get out of the bed. He was so in tune
with me that he grabbed hold.

  Leo said, “You okay? I’m not leaning on you too hard, am I?”

  He was six three and a half, two hundred twenty-five pounds. He was heavy, but he wasn’t hurting me. It was so sweet that he cared.

  “Wait, are you crying?” he asked.

  “I’m okay.”

  “No, you’re not, Ella.”

  “You know it is eleven. Coach Strong is gonna kill you for being out this late,” I said. Leo sat up in the bed and crossed his arms. “Leo, why don’t you talk to me about what’s going on.”

  “I’m straight. I got it.”

  “No, you listened to everything I had to say. Now it’s your turn. This girlfriend thing is new to me, but I wanna be the best one I can be and not one who you think is so weak that you can’t lean on her.”

  “Blake totaled his car the other night. We don’t know if he was drinking or if he fell asleep or what. His car smashed into a tree.”

  “Omigod! He’s okay, right?”

  “Yeah, his mom just thinks I’m a bad influence.”

  “What? What do you have to do with Blake’s crazy ways?”

  “I know, right? They didn’t tell me not to come back, but I gotta figure out something else. I just wish I could take care of you,” he sighed.

  He wanted to kiss me, but I knew I had been eating pizza from Papa John’s with the garlic sauce on it. The last thing I wanted was to steer him away with my ugly breath. I turned my head away and rested it on his chest. Both of us just lay there quiet for a minute.

  I knew he was thinking what was next for him. I was doing the same. He was eighteen, and I’d be seventeen in few months. Maybe all we needed to do was quit school and get jobs and try and live.

  I blurted out, “We need to get food stamps and subsidized housing. We can make it if we have a baby. We really can.”

  “Don’t play, Ella.”

  “I’m not playing. We can figure this out. We can’t go back to the school and crash. I ruined that by letting Coach know what you were doing,” I conceded.

  “You saved me by letting Coach know. I’m going to college on a football scholarship, and you’re going on an academic one. We can do this. We’ll figure out a way to hold on. I’ma go to the front desk and see if they have any toothpaste and toothbrushes ’cause I want a kiss,” he said. Then he hopped up, put on his shoes, and headed out the door.

  I looked over at my phone. It was on silent. I did not realize I had several messages. Reluctantly, I pushed play.

  “Ella, this is your father. I’m on my way to your house. I understand you went back home. I wish we could have talked about this. Just when I’m excited to get close to my little girl before she becomes a grown woman, you’re gone. Call your old man back.”

  I saved that message and went to the next. I heard my mom say, “Ella, where are you? Your dad’s here with your clothes. He said you moved back home. It’s seven o’clock, but I’ve not seen you. Where are you, honey? Call us!”

  The next was Hallie. “Ella, girl, where are you? Your mom called me. She’s even talked to my dad. Do you need to come over here and stay with me? I saw you in school today, and every time I walked your way, you went the other way. Call me, girl! Wherever you are, I’ll come get you.”

  My dad called again and said, “Ella, I’m just leaving your mom’s. I waited for an hour. I’m real concerned. Tell us something. Nobody’s heard from you.”

  My mom sounded really upset in the next voice mail, “Ella, baby, it’s nine.” She called again. “Ella, it’s ten. I’ve been driving around. I’m going crazy. Where are you?”

  When Leo came back in the room, I said, “My mom is looking for me. She really sounds panicked.” I played her messages for him.

  Leo said, “You need to call her right now. And I can get outta here so she won’t trip about me being here.”

  “No, you are going to be safe and stay here tonight. I can have her meet me down the street.”

  Thirty minutes later, I got in the car with my mom. I was waiting for her to yell and scream and go off. She just held me tight.

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I didn’t think you wanted me, Mom!”

  “I might get angry with you, girl, but I’ll always want you. Now let’s go home,” she said.

  My mom hugged me. I had put up barriers that were not there. Inwardly, I felt joyous. Things with my mom were solidly intact.

  CHAPTER 6

  Come Correct

  Oh, so you guys just wanna quit?” Coach Woods shouted at us at cheerleading practice.

  “Might as well because two of our girls aren’t eligible,” Whitney snarled in Eva and Randal’s direction. “And from what I hear about how bad their grades are, even good midterm scores aren’t going to help them. So what’s the use in us continuing?”

  Randal never said a word to anybody, but she stood up and defended, “What are you talking about, Whitney? How are you gonna say what my grades are when you don’t even know what I have?”

  Whitney got on my nerves. There was nothing wrong with having high expectations, but deliberately picking on people and calling folks out was unnecessary. I looked over at Charli, wanting her to take control. Whitney was not the captain, and a lot of times Charli allowed her to act like she was.

  Hallie surprised me when she basically took Whitney’s side and said, “I’m just saying if I did all the extra stuff I needed to do to get my tumbling down, then it seems like everyone else needs to take care of their stuff offline too. How can we represent when some members of our team are ineligible?”

  “And, Eva, when are you even studying?” Charli asked. “You always want the shortcut. My girl Ella gets in trouble for you, and you don’t stand up and take any responsibility.”

  Eva yelled, “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh, I don’t?” Charli stepped toward her face and said. “So you didn’t ask her to—”

  “Wait, wait, wait, let’s not bring any of that up,” I intervened.

  If Coach Woods found out that Eva was part of the whole cheating scandal, then she would be forced to turn in information that she knew to the administration. While I was not happy about my sister selling me out, I did understand. Also, it was family business.

  Trying to be firm, but sweet, I said, “Charli, please just let it go. This has nothing to do with you.”

  “I don’t need you handling anything. I can set Miss High and Mighty straight myself,” Eva said to me.

  “You can’t handle her,” Charli said to me. “She hangs you out there to dry. She makes sure she gets away scot-free. And you don’t want me to expose her?”

  “Since you’re so upset with me, then you can have this cheerleading stuff. Bye-bye,” Eva said, walking out.

  Whitney came over to Charli and said, “Hold on now. Let’s be rational about this thing. We can’t afford for any of these girls to quit the team. I was just saying what I was saying to motivate them. Charli, you gotta go after Eva.”

  I was happy to see that a lot of the girls on the cheerleading squad got on Charli. We all were in this together, and while Charli was standing up for me, she did not have the whole story.

  Not wanting Charli to get beat up by the squad, I interjected, “Can we take a break, Coach? Everybody’s too emotional. Eva’s not going nowhere because she does not have a car. We can talk this out.”

  “I don’t understand you,” Charli came up to me and said. “Your sister practically spits in your face with her selfish actions and here you are being classic Ella, sweet as pie, forgiving her. For me it is not okay that you were the one in ISS when it should’ve been her.”

  “Charli, I love you, girl, and I know you really care about me. However, you think I’m so weak sometimes and that I can’t stand up to my own sister. Yeah, we got problems with each other, but we have bigger problems in our household.”

  “I don’t understand. I tell you the deepest things in my life, bu
t yet you’re so closed off. I thought we were girls. I thought we were best friends. I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend now,” Charli huffed.

  I looked over at Hallie, who was eavesdropping. I rolled my eyes. She had talked too much.

  Trying to soften the blow of me not confiding in her, I whispered, “You and me just haven’t talked. And keeping it real, you’ve been with Brenton twenty-four-seven.”

  “Whatever! My phone is always on. If you’re in any kind of trouble or something, it’s not like you called me. Every time I turn around you’re always calling Hallie for something. She has to give me the four-one-one.”

  I looked over at Miss Ray again, and she mouthed “Sorry!” for telling all my business. I motioned for Hallie to come over between the two of us. There was no need to keep all of this a secret. Particularly when Charli knew what was going on in most of my life anyway.

  “Look, Charli, I call her all the time,” I said, pointing at Hallie, “because it’s just her and her dad. I never want to disturb the Blacks. You know how your dad is if you’re always on your cell phone. Sometimes the judge can be a little irritable. Bottom line is, my mom has been having a hard time making the rent, and Eva has been doing all kinds of crazy things to help out. She’s trying, Charli, and you know more than anybody the one thing she loves is cheerleading. Please, let’s go find her and talk to her.”

  Charli nodded. The three of us went out into the hallway. We were all surprised to see Eva on her knees in tears. My sister was always so tough. However, there she sat, destroyed.

  She saw us and stood up and yelled, “What are y’all looking at?”

  “Just don’t quit,” Charli yelled. “We need you. Eva, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I didn’t realize y’all had so much going on.”

  “You never realize it, Charli. You just want what you want and say what you think is right. Like there’s only one side to the story.” And then Eva stepped to me. “I don’t need you trying to make people forgive me. I am who I am, and I’m proud of it. It’s none of Charli’s business about our family,” Eva asserted.