Seeking Daylight

by Becky Poirier

  That left only five of us. One of the Asian sister’s I’d run into earlier, her name was Clara, she’d stayed behind and had spent the past hour talking my ear off. I was pretty sure she was strong enough to help out with the manual labour but she had volunteered to stay behind and watch Matthew. I could have easily done that, but people were still looking at me as weak. Even after what I had done. In fact, they kept calling what I’d done a miracle. I hated that word. My mother had used it so often and had waited pretty much my whole life for one to happen. It never did. Maybe miracles happened in the past, but now we were on our own. The only one you could really count on was yourself.

  The old man, whose name I found out was Frank, sat in the far corner pretending not to listen to our conversation. I was positive he was taking in every word. Clara had told me a couple of times she was sure he was going deaf and maybe going mute as well, but each time she said it I saw the tiniest of smiles spread across his face. He was definitely the smartest one of the bunch.

  A teenage girl named Ginger sat next to Matthew. Ginger’s aunt Helen sat beside her. Helen had an injured leg that made hard manual labour difficult. Apparently, she’d broken her leg at the beginning of the outbreak and without access to proper medical care at the time it hadn’t healed right.

  Matthew kept pressuring me to give more details about what had happened. He wanted to know all about the men I’d killed. “Were they as ugly and scary looking as Cletus said? I heard they were all carrying machine guns? Did you take them all out right away?”

  He wasn’t even giving me a chance to answer his questions. Not that I wanted to. I’d already repeated the story so many times. And though it had only been a little over an hour since the event had occurred, the story was already becoming insanely distorted.

  Clara was all for more details and she was even encouraging Matthew to ask more questions. Even Ginger appeared excited to hear more. I could tell they didn’t let her out much. She was probably still treated like a child, although she looked to be about sixteen. Helen was the only one who had any sense about her. “I don’t think we should dwell on such ugly matters,” she had said. And I’d agreed with her.

  There was a part of me that felt guilty for what I’d done, but there was a bigger part of me that had actually liked it. I’d felt like that before, and every time I did, I felt sick inside. It was like another piece of my soul died. I had to remind myself that those men were evil, more so than the demons that hunted at night. Those men knew what they did was wrong and they didn’t care. I had no idea how many people they had hurt before I’d helped gun them down, but I was sure they had racked up quite the body count themselves.

  “Do you think they can really clean up the mess in time?” Matthew asked nervously after our conversation had stalled out. The excitement had finally faded away. Now the reality of our situation was sinking in. The demons were able to track scents for up to several miles. And I had no idea how close the nearest hive was. Nobody knew for sure how strong their new nasal capacity was. We just knew that it was far stronger than what humans could smell and probably better than a K-9’s sniffer as well. It wasn’t like many studies were conducted on those who had changed. It was too risky. The few studies that did happen always ended in catastrophe and more infected being created.

  “They’ve done it before silly,” Ginger piped up before anyone else could answer Matthew’s question. She talked to Matthew like he was her younger brother. As if she’d known him most of his life. It was possible. From what I understood this group had been here at least two years without losing or adding any members. She and Matthew could have been raised alongside each other, even longer than that. When you were the only children, a brother/sister bond was only natural. I briefly wondered how long they’d been a part of this group but decided not to ask.

  Helen scowled at Ginger. “My niece is right. We’ve handled this situation before. You have nothing to worry about Matthew. We have plenty of bleach from the plant down the street to cover up the blood smell. Now Ginger, I think we’ve wasted enough time.”

  “Seriously?” Helen stood up offering her hand down to her niece. Ginger stood up without her aunt’s assistance and let out an annoyed grunt. “I never get to have any fun.”

  “I let you waste an hour when we should have been tending to the greenhouse. There are crops to be harvested and seeds to be planted. If you want to eat, then you got to work.”

  “What about the others?”

  “Frank has already done his morning chores, Matthew will work with Jane later, Amber is injured. However, Clara we could always use an extra pair of hands in the garden.”

  “Oh…um…” Clara stumbled searching for an excuse. “I’m afraid my allergies are terrible today and Nina is hoarding the allergy medications. She says now that winter’s approaching they aren’t needed.” Helen rolled her eyes but didn’t bother arguing with Clara. I was starting to get the impression that Clara had an excuse for everything and unless forced to, she probably did very little work. Looking at her I could see that her hands were perfectly manicured. No one else had perfectly trimmed painted nails, without an ounce of dirt beneath them. But hers were in pristine condition.

  Helen waved to me from the doorway. “It was nice getting to know you Amber. I’m glad you are a part of our group.” As I watched Ginger and Helen head out of the room I felt a pang of guilt. It wasn’t right that they were the only ones working in the greenhouse area. I’d been up there and seen just how big the space was and there were plenty of plant boxes to work on. If I thought I could have managed the steps on my own I would have offered to help. I had to shake the thoughts of guilt out of my head. This wasn’t my group. I needed to stop thinking like I was part of them. Sure, I’d help out when they asked, but there was a difference between acting like I wanted to help and actually wanting to help. Right now I was feeling dangerously close to crossing the line.

  “Okay now that the kill joy is gone, how about you tell us everything that happened,” Clara hopped closer to me with more enthusiasm than I cared for. Matthew didn’t look like he wanted to hear the rest of the story anymore. And I was really tired of talking.

  “I’m sorry Clara, but I’m really tired and sore. I think what I really need is some rest.” It wasn’t a lie. I was feeling both physically and emotionally drained from everything and I was in desperate need of some head clearing time.

  Clara looked disappointed but didn’t argue. “Come on Matthew how’s about you and I have a game of Go Fish.” Matthew looked at her and then at me. I gave him a go ahead wave and he reluctantly left my side. The more time I spent with that boy, the more he reminded me of Molly. He didn’t look anything like her. She’d had blonde hair, his was brown. Her eyes were a chocolate brown, his were deep blue. And his face was covered in freckles, while her skin had been blessed with a perfectly clear complexion. It was all about the way he acted and how he clung to me. Having the constant reminder was a good thing though. It kept me focused on what I needed to do.

  Gently, I lay down and closed my eyes trying to drown out the sounds of Clara and Matthew’s loud card game. They’d set up on the other side of the room. With no one else talking or moving about, their little conversation echoed through the room. I tossed around awkwardly trying to find a comfortable spot that wouldn’t elicit pain. The measly Tylenol I’d been allotted that morning hadn’t done a thing. My ankle throbbed and my arm ached. I gave up, ending up lying on my back. I hated that position. It took forever to fall asleep, at least normally. But not today. After all the events I’d already been through that day, sleep took over quickly.

  The noises of the card game echoed in and out. The voices changed and I found myself dreaming of another day and another game. We’d been with our new group only two weeks and I still hadn’t let my guard down around them. Molly had. She was sitting across from him, his shaggy brown hair flopped over one of his eyes as he analyzed his cards. The other seven had joined in on the game and were sitt
ing around in a circle with Molly and him. Molly was all seriousness as she looked over her hand of cards desperately trying not to give anything away. I knew her tells though and I knew she was bluffing when she declared she had five queens. He eyed her up and down. “I have six queens he declared.” Another player shouted out, “Bull-poop!” They’d cleaned up the card game for Molly’s sake. He had to show his hand and admit to defeat on that round. Molly giggled beside him.

  It had been so long since I’d seen her smile, let alone laugh. It had been since before we’d lost our parents. It was nice to see her so relaxed and having fun. Still I couldn’t relax. The room we were in was small, with very little hope of escape if we needed to flee. Clouds had moved in meaning that the demons would be prowling the streets much earlier than most nights. I didn’t like this place. I couldn’t see much through the one window in the room. We’d boarded it up leaving only a tiny gap to peek through. The others kept encouraging me to get into the game but I couldn’t stop watching and waiting.

  Trusting these people had been the most difficult decision I’d ever made. My mother had told me, just before she took her own life, not to trust anyone. “It has to be just you and Molly from now on. People aren’t safe. Promise me!” She’d demanded as she’d grabbed my arm aggressively. The infection was spreading fast. She caught hold of herself and let my arm go. “I’m sorry Paige,” she let a tear fall from her face. “Please promise me.” And it being her dying wish, I felt I had no choice but to promise her.

  If it hadn’t been for Molly wanting to join with this group, I would have kept my promise. We’d been on our own for over a year avoiding strangers. In the beginning we’d done okay, but the past few months had been rough. We had very little to eat and with it just being the two of us, it had been hard to properly scavenge for food. If we hadn’t been so desperate I probably would have denied Molly, but I couldn’t bear to see how thin she’d gotten and this group felt different from the others we’d seen. Reluctantly, I decided to take a chance. But that didn’t mean that I was ready to let my guard down.

  “A penny for your thoughts,” he said causing me to jump. He was standing right in front of me. I wasn’t being much of a guard if he could sneak up on me. “Sorry, easy there. I come in peace.” He smiled as he held his hands up signaling his surrender. Despite my reservations, I smiled back at him. He had a way of making me feel like I could lower my guard, which was part of why he scared me so much. The fact that he was absolutely beautiful didn’t help matters either.

  “I really don’t think a card game is the smartest move right now. We should all be keeping watch,” I whispered back trying to focus my attention back out the tiny crack of window. We’d dimmed the light in the room but that didn’t make me feel any safer. Even though there was only a tiny crack in the board, it didn’t mean the demons wouldn’t see the light glowing through. If they did, we wouldn’t stand a chance. This place was a bad spot to pick and I’d tried to voice my concerns but we didn’t have much choice. We were new to the city and still didn’t know where the hives were located or where the dangerous humans might be lurking. We didn’t have the time to scout out a better location. I hoped tomorrow I could be part of the group sent to look for better shelter.

  “I think your sister would disagree,” he said drawing my attention back to her. She was winning the game and her face practically lit up the room. “There are so few opportunities now to enjoy ourselves I think it would be a waste not to seize them when they come up…don’t you? Come on just one round,” he enticed me. “I think you’ll find you’ll enjoy yourself. If it will make you feel better, I’ll stand sentry.”

  I wasn’t sure about that. Trusting this group had not been easy and I was still having trouble letting go of old habits. I always stood guard in new locations and often went without rest. It was strange for me not to be tired. Looking at Molly having so much fun made me feel envious. I hadn’t played a card game since we’d lost our parents. And I missed just being able to unwind and relax. “Are you sure?” I asked feeling the temptation to join in on the fun growing.

  “For you I’d do anything Paige,” he said with a sincerity that caught me off guard.

  “Okay.” I smiled back at him. “Thank-you Alex.” It was the first time I’d called him by his name. I’d been avoiding familiarity with anyone in the group. But with him that was becoming harder to do. He waved me off towards the card game as he took my place by the crack in the boards and stared intently out it, keeping his promise.

  I sat down beside Molly as I was dealt into the game. I kept looking back at him trying to figure out what he’d meant by what he’d said. That night was the first night I’d felt like I belonged to the group and that I was safe with them, with him.

  “I think he likes you,” Molly had whispered to me that night as we huddled up together on the floor under a large blanket.

  “Who?” I asked even though I already knew the answer.

  “Alex…duh.” She smacked me in the forehead playfully. “I think you like him too.”

  If life had been different I probably would have fantasized about him, about a future with him. But I knew there was no purpose to that. Molly still had hope for a cure, for a future where we didn’t have to run and hide. She was so young and I wasn’t ready for her to grow up.

  “Molly it’s time for bed now.” I rolled over and let a tear fall from my eye as I watched Alex still staring out the window. He reminded me of my father. He took care of our group like we were family and I believed that he would do anything to protect us. But just like my father, that had been a lie.

  The memory switched suddenly and I was standing with Molly in our latest sanctuary. Alex and I had returned with two young boys, one was four and the other about ten. The four- year-old wasn’t talking and the older boy had a severe head injury and wasn’t able to answer our questions. We didn’t realize he’d been bitten. The bite was hidden beneath his shirt. We just saw the broken wrist and the gash in his head. By the time we’d brought them back, the older boy had already started the change. When night fell he howled for the first time signaling his location to the other demons. Alex had acted instinctively smashing the boy’s head in right in front of his brother who wouldn’t stop screaming. Both Molly and I knew there was no point to what Alex had done. It wouldn’t save us. The demons already knew where we were. And now the little boy was attracting even more attention.

  There was nowhere to run. We needed to seal the place up and defend it as best we could. I tried to reason with them, with Alex. I held his hand as I tried to make my case. But the group I’d thought was one, divided so quickly. “Either we kill the kid, or we leave him to be turned but we’re not bringing him with us,” Shelly had said coldly. “He’s not one of us.”

  “We can’t leave.” I countered. “We can’t keep running and this is the best place we’ve found to defend. We can save this place and ourselves if we stick together. Tell them Alex,” I’d pleaded with him holding his hand tightly for support and then he just let it go. “Alex?” A tear fell from my face.

  “They’re right Paige. We need to run and the kid will just slow us down.” I looked at the boy and saw in him my little sister. She’d been born just six years before the outbreak. If my parents and I had not defended her she wouldn’t have survived. The boy needed us. I couldn’t abandon him and I wouldn’t abandon our home.

  Alex and I stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. And in the midst of our argument, our group had begun scattering. They were scrapping over supplies and running in different directions.

  Alex looked at me and then the group and then without warning he took off towards the main door. I called after him but he ignored me, not even turning back for one last look.

  Chapter Six

  I woke up in a sweat, with my heart pounding heavily in my chest. My pillow was stained with tears. I’d trusted him. The pain tore through me like a wound that kept ripping open. He left Molly and I to die. We wer
e the only ones who’d stayed behind to try to save the boy and our home. In the end both the little boy and Molly had died. A part of me hated myself for not listening to Alex. If I had listened and ran maybe Molly would still be alive. I couldn’t know for sure. Heather, who’d been my closest friend, had run and I saw her bloodied body as I’d escaped my tiny whole the morning after. Running hadn’t saved her.

  I hated Alex and the others even more than I loathed myself. We could have defended the boy. We could have defended our home. But we needed to work together. But because everyone had scattered, my whole reason for living was gone. I sobbed quietly into my pillow.

  Why couldn’t I just put it out of my head? I was better than this. My father had taught me better. During my waking hours, it was easy to focus on the tasks ahead of me and put aside the pain that threatened to drown me. But when I slept it all came back. The betrayal. The loss. The pain. It was hard enough mourning Molly without really giving into the loss. But now I was dreaming about Alex and that was even harder to bear. He was out there somewhere. After all that he had said and all that we had done. In the end I hadn’t meant anything to him. He had been like family to me.

  A fresh wave of tears flowed down, as my body shook on my mattress despite my efforts to avoid drawing attention to myself. I had hoped with everyone being busy that no one would notice me, but old observant Frank had been watching me. And judging by the way he cautiously approached me he’d been watching for some time.

  He sat down on Jane’s mattress and held out a canteen of water for me. With all the effort I could muster I forced the tears back as I wiped the moisture from my eyes. I sat up against the wall and held my hand out for the canteen. He smiled kindly as I drank.