Seeking Daylight

by Becky Poirier

  “But if we do that, who will we study?”

  “I know where another one is located. If we take from this hive they’ll seek us out. And it won’t take them long to find us no matter where you choose to study the subject at. We destroy this hive to keep the community safe. Then we take from the other hive after we’ve found a place to set up a research facility. If you two can agree to all that. Then I will help you.”

  In response, he shocked me by wrapping his arms around me. He took me so off guard that I nearly fell over. When he finally released me, we had one of those awkward, ‘did that just happen,’ moments.

  That night I didn’t sleep at all. Seth slept on the other side of the blind breathing softly. I didn’t know how he could fall asleep after all that had happened. My mind was racing over everything that needed to be done in order to pull this thing off. And for the first time since Molly died, I actually felt like my life had a purpose and I wasn’t in such a rush to end it.

  Chapter Ten

  At some point the steady rhythm of the rain pounding against the blind must have slowly guided me into a deep slumber. I would have thought, with what I’d seen that night, that I would have had non-stop nightmares, but my dreams were actually rather peaceful. Even if Molly was present in all of them. Most of my dreams were little flashes of my life with my sister, but there was something strange about the one I found myself in this time. I couldn’t quite place the setting. It wasn’t familiar.

  “So has he tried to kiss you yet,” she whispered to me as I was trying to drift off to sleep.

  “What? Who?” I mumbled sleepily. Molly liked to wait until I was just about passed out to start a conversation. It was beyond frustrating.

  “Seth…duh,” she giggled. “You know he likes you. And I think if you let yourself you’d like him too,” she added with all seriousness.

  “How do you know that?” I asked still half asleep as I pulled the blankets up tightly. It was cold tonight, colder than I was used to.

  “Because he defends you to everyone and he refuses to give up on you. You push him away and he doesn’t take it personally. Then there’s the way he looks at you, like you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”

  “He must have a limited list of comparisons,” I replied yawning.

  “Why do you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “Put yourself down. Mom did it all the time too. She could never just accept a compliment, not even from dad.” Our mother was a beautiful woman. She had gorgeous fair skin and her hair sparkled whenever sunlight hit it. Her eyes were what made her though. When she smiled they almost appeared to dance. Dad always said it was her eyes that made him fall in love with her.

  “I don’t know, maybe just learned behavior,” I replied sadly. It was still hard to think of our mother. The way she looked before we left her, still haunted me. Her skin was sickly pale and the bite marks in her neck were covered in bright red dried blood. The life was gone from her eyes. You could see it happening, even though she was still hours from beginning the transformation. The life she’d had was already draining from her. I shook the disturbing memory out of my mind.

  “Plus what does it matter if he thinks I’m beautiful. It will never work between Alex and me. Because I can’t let anyone come between you and me. You’re my priority.”

  “Paige…I wasn’t talking about Alex. I’m talking about Seth.” The grogginess started to wain as my mind began sorting between reality and the dream. Molly was no longer sleeping under the covers beside me. She was sitting next to me and she was surrounded by a bright white light. It was so bright it was hard to look at her. But that didn’t stop me. She looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen her. More than that, she looked happy, at peace. It was a look I’d never seen on her face. She was afraid of nothing. It was what I’d always wanted for her.

  “You’re not real,” I cried. I tried to blink through the tears to make myself wake up. This was always the worst part. When I slept I forgot she was gone. But just before I woke I’d remember and it was like I was losing her all over again. “I’m sorry I failed you but I can’t keep seeing you. This is too hard. I promise we’ll be together soon enough. Please Molly just leave me. I can’t take it anymore.” The tears were flowing down my cheeks. She reached out to wipe them but drew her hand back staring at it oddly, as if remembering that she couldn’t touch me.

  “You don’t believe in heaven,” she replied with a sly smile. “And besides just because you want to be with me doesn’t mean I want you here.” She was still smiling so I knew she wasn’t being mean. “You don’t belong with me. If you did you would have died too. Seth found you because he was meant to find you. And even through the blood and bruises he managed to fall in love with you. He’s still falling. And if you just let yourself you could be happy with him.”

  “Like I was happy with Alex?” I snapped. Molly cringed from my anger and I instantly regretted lashing out at her. She was dead and it was my fault and I had no right to be angry with her for bringing up a subject she couldn’t possibly understand. She was too young to understand romantic love, nor the pain I’d experienced at the betrayal of the man I loved. “Molly there’s no point in me even thinking about Seth like that. Even if he did like me…”

  “I never said he liked you. I said he loves you,” she interrupted.

  “Fine even if he does love me, which I don’t think he does. It really doesn’t matter. My life isn’t going to last long enough for me to have another chance at love. Maybe we’re only meant to love once and any more than that is just being greedy.”

  “Enough arguing with the dead.” My mouth dropped open. “If I’m dead shouldn’t I get one last request?” I couldn’t answer. She was sounding more like our mother than the pre-teen I’d lost. “You don’t get to throw your life away. And you don’t get to use me as an excuse not to be happy. I didn’t save your life just to have you waste it.” She instantly shut her mouth like she’d said more than she’d intended too.

  “How did you save my life?” I asked in confusion.

  “Never mind that part, just do the rest of it. Live, love, be happy and all that stuff.”

  “Molly how did you save my life?” I asked again. She started to fade. I reached out for her and she drifted away from me. “Molly please come back. Molly! Molllllllllyyyyyy!” I screamed.

  “Amber wake up,” a voice called to me from the distance. My body was shaking and not from trauma. I could feel someone was physically shaking me. “Amber it’s just a dream,” Seth’s voice called to me. My eyes shot open, to see a very worried looking Seth hovering over me. I sat up so fast I nearly smashed my head into his. Thankfully, he was alert enough to pull away just in the nick of time.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled sleepily. “What time is it?” I asked trying to push the memory of my sister out of my mind. It was what I did every morning. I’d wake and quickly try to put all the pain behind me. Focusing on the pain during my waking hours was something I couldn’t handle. I went to brush my hair out of my face and as I did I felt the moist tears on my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly, even though I knew it was too late. With the way Seth was looking at me, I knew he’d already seen them.

  “It’s Dawn. Are you okay?” He asked wearily.

  “Fine,” I lied. “Just a dream.”

  “It sounded like a pretty intense one. Do you want to talk about it?”

  “It’s freezing in here. Do you think it’s safe to go back inside with the others?” Seth sighed in response. There was no way I was going to tell him what I’d dreamt of. It was just my stupid subconscious trying to give me a reason to stick around longer. It wasn’t like he actually liked me. Well he liked me, but not like that. And even if he did, I was already delaying my plan as it was and I wasn’t going to allow for any more distractions, especially the male kind. The one thing I really couldn’t figure out though is why my subconscious would want me to fall for Seth or why I would think that Molly saved me. She’
d died hours before I met

  Seth.

  Seth helped me crawl out of the blind. My body was cramped from the awkward sleeping quarters. The moment we were out I took in a nice big stretch. I also realized why I’d been so cold. We’d had our first snowfall sometime in the middle of the night. What had started out as a glorious rainstorm, had at some point turned into snow. It was more like freezing rain with a little bit of snow mingled in. The roof top was so slick that I had no choice but to give in and allow Seth to carry me to the rooftop door. Every step he took I worried that we were both going down. He slipped and stumbled several times.

  Even though he offered to carry me the rest of the way, I insisted that he let me down the moment we were in the building. It wasn’t much warmer inside. I wondered what the others had done to keep warm. I knew they had some extra blankets but surely not enough to help with these cold temperatures. In my old safe house, we’d found extra mattresses that we were able to pile along the wall to add insulation for the colder months. We also dressed in parkas. This was just the beginning of the snowy season and I had no idea how they could keep a place this big warm. We’d been lucky it had taken this long for the temperature to drop.

  When we joined the others we found them in the main common room. In the middle of the room were four space heaters with wires leading through the room and out the door connecting to what I was sure were the solar panels on the roof. Everyone was sitting around the heaters with blankets rapped around themselves eating their breakfast, which appeared to be oatmeal and canned fruit. Matthew smiled from across the room and started to wave me over but Jane stopped him. I just shook my head. Helen came over to assist me in making my way through the crowd. “Just give her time,” she whispered. “She’s just being protective. She’ll come around. She sat me next to her husband and niece and then rushed off to get me something to eat.

  Seth arrived with Doc a short while later. Ginger told me that he’d come back in last night, in a huff and dragged his bedding off into the infirmary. None of the others had seen him all morning. But now here he was and looking in great spirits. He looked over at me and smiled with a nod. Apparently, Seth had let him in on the good news that I was now willing to help. I still thought it was a stupid idea. But at least now I was going to get the opportunity take out a hive with their help and resources. Nina was bound to love that. I should have insisted that I be in on the meeting when she was told.

  The group was more subdued then normal. The cold was clearly getting to them. Ginger was upset that even with all the rain we’d gotten last night we were going to miss out on showers. Normally the rainstorms were what everyone lived for. “Well we’ll just have to enjoy sponge baths for the next few months,” her Uncle Austin said without any enthusiasm. Ginger cringed at the idea. I was used to sponge baths. Up until I’d joined this group I’d known no other way to clean myself while on the road, so I was probably the only one who wasn’t going to be bitter about it. That being said I wasn’t ready for the cold.

  Normally after breakfast everyone instantly moved on to whatever tasks they’d been assigned for the day. But today no one was moving. Most of the dishes sat empty beside their owners getting crusty. After about ten minutes of no one budging Seth stood up to address the group. “I know we’re all feeling the temperature change and no one wants to do anything but stay near the heaters. Unfortunately, we can’t afford do that. And I know I promised you all a free day but with the snow fall we’ll have to reschedule.” Ginger moaned beside me and she wasn’t the only one.

  “If anything we have to work harder,” Seth continued. “We need to ensure the green house stays frost free. Wes and Cletus we need you to board up the broken windows in the room. Ginger, Helen, Austin we need you to harvest whatever is ready to be harvested. And everyone else needs to gather whatever we can use onto this main floor. For the next few months this will be where we stay. The other floors will only be used for emergencies or lavatory purposes.” A collective grumble ran through the group. No one wanted to be cooped up. “Look on the upside. The infected don’t like the cold any more than we do. This makes the next few months safer for us, and for scavenging.”

  He was right about that. The demons couldn’t handle the cold. I half wondered if it was really the rain they were frightened of or if they sensed the temperature drop. But then I remembered the way they’d reacted to the water on the roof top and dismissed that thought.

  The demon’s inability to handle the cold only made taking out a hive easier. They’d be more reluctant to leave their home. In order to take out an entire hive we needed to make sure that none of them were away when we destroyed their home. If even a single member were left alive, they wouldn’t rest until they found us. They were every bit as vengeful as humans in that way. So this weather was just what we needed, when we needed it. Thinking about all the advantages made me feel just a little bit warmer.

  People slowly started to scatter off to their assignments. I didn’t have one. Frank stumbled around me picking up the breakfast dishes. “Could you use a hand cleaning up?” I asked not wanting to just sit around.

  “Do you think you can handle it?” He asked eyeing my bummed ankle.

  “I’m getting really good at standing on one leg. I think I can manage.”

  We dragged one of the heaters into the kitchen with us. In that small space it heated up nicely and actually felt cozy.

  It was nice working with Frank. He didn’t feel the need for mindless chatter. With the two of us working together we were able to get the dishes done quickly and though Frank didn’t say so, I was sure he appreciated the company. He came off as a grumpy hermit to most of the others, but I saw the truth. He was just hurting and it was hard for him to move on when he’d lost someone he loved so much.

  I still felt the same way. Any time I laughed or smiled I felt guilty. I was struggling with the idea of helping Doc and Seth with their project. I was delaying the promise I’d made myself and Molly. Every moment felt like it didn’t belong to me. It was like I was stealing time that I didn’t have the right to.

  Frank and I were nearly done the dishes when Matthew peeked his head through the door. “Is anyone else here?” he whispered. I shook my head. “Good. I figured you won’t tell on me and Frank doesn’t talk much so Jane won’t find out.” He skipped into the room.

  “Matthew,” I frowned at him, “I don’t think this is a good idea. Jane’s mad enough at me as it is.”

  “That’s her problem. I’m my own man. I make my own decisions,” he said standing up as tall as he could. I had to suppress a laugh. I even saw old Frank smirk.

  “That may be,” I said straining to keep a straight face, “but even men should show respect especially for those people who love them. Jane loves you very much and she’s just trying to look out for you.” The last thing I wanted to do was send Matthew away but I was beginning to think Jane was right. It would only hurt all the more when I left. Matthew didn’t deserve any more pain in his life.

  “Can’t I stay just for a little while?” he pleaded with a pathetic puppy dog pout. Molly used to do that too and I hated it. How could I say no to a face like that?

  “Fine,” I grumbled, “ten minutes and then you go back to your chores.”

  “Sweet,” he said hopping up onto the counter. “How can I help?” We put him to work putting away the dishes that needed to go up higher than Frank or I could reach. Frank had bad arthritis in his back and reaching up hurt him. With me on one leg I was afraid I’d topple over. Matthew actually ended up being useful.

  We were just finishing up when we heard voices heading towards the kitchen. Frank assisted Matthew with hopping down from the counter. Matthew immediately tucked himself behind Frank fearful that Jane had come looking for him.

  Thankfully, it wasn’t Jane, but Seth and Doc who’d come looking for me. Matthew instantly jumped out from his hiding spot breathing a sigh of relief. “Trying to skip out on your chores,” Doc teased.

&nbs
p; “I was helping out here,” Matthew defended himself unconvincingly.

  I wasn’t paying much attention to their banter. I was too distracted by the little voice in my head that sounded an awful lot like Molly. “You see it don’t you? The way he looks at you.” And for the first time I actually saw Seth and the way he looked at me. He was smiling at me the way I used to smile at Alex. It was a smile that said he was excited to see me and that by just being in the same room I’d already brightened his day.

  I quickly looked away. It wasn’t something I wanted to think about. I wasn’t sure what I thought about Seth other than that he was a distraction. At least I could take comfort in the fact that it had taken a year for Alex to work his way into my heart and I wasn’t planning on living that long. So it didn’t matter if Seth felt something for me. There simply wasn’t time for me to feel something for him.

  I shook out the distracting thoughts. “I’m assuming you want something,” I said interrupting whatever conversation Matthew and the doctor were having.

  Seth’s smile faltered for a moment but despite my negative response he brought it back brushing off my attitude. “Yes actually we were hoping you were up for a little fresh air.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Matthew had been so excited at the mention of fresh air, that he’d done his best to try and get added to our little excursion. Seth had gently turned him down and though we were all sure he’d still protest; he gave up without a fight. It seemed a little too easy. And the way he was acting like it wasn’t a big deal was not in the little boy’s nature. So when we were loading up into the truck and Seth decided to check under the tarp in the flat bed none of us were surprised to see Matthew tucked underneath.

  Matthew was bundled in his hat and gloves and an oversized coat. Even with the extra layers the poor kid’s lips were blue. I hated to think how frozen he would have been had Seth not thought to check the back.