Seth surprised me, pulling me into his arms and holding me so tight I could barely breathe. I only hesitated for a moment before embracing him back. He sobbed quietly into my shoulder. I couldn’t think of anything to say or do but hold onto him and let him have his moment. It wasn’t a foreign thing for me to do. Molly often needed consoling and I’d always been there for her to let go of whatever she was feeling. It had been so long that I almost forgot how good it felt to be there for someone. To be their rock. Maybe I needed this just as much as Seth needed me.
When he stopped crying, he wiped his tears away abruptly apologizing for the meltdown, clearly embarrassed. I thought it was brave of him to let go. I was still struggling to do that and it almost never happened in front of anyone.
Seth took up his side of the bed again and I crawled in under the sheets next to him. I lay staring at the ceiling recounting everything that had happened that night, from my breakdown during karaoke, to my embarrassing lack of restraint with Seth, and then seeing Alex. It was a weird night. I was never going to drink again.
I’d been thinking for so long and Seth hadn’t made a peep. I was sure he was sleeping based on his slow rhythmic breathing. I decided to take the opportunity to fix my shirt. With as little movement as possible I wiggled out of my shirt underneath the covers. I’d just gotten it off and was in the process of putting it back right side out when Seth rolled over and asked me what I was doing.
My cheeks flushed bright red and his mouth dropped open seeing my bear arms above the sheets. “Turn around,” I demanded with an embarrassed smile, “I’m fixing my shirt. When you rushed off with the light, I was forced to put it on in the dark and it ended up inside out.
He actually laughed as he rolled over. “You know I’ve seen you topless right?” He laughed again.
“Keep laughing mister. Just a heads up your shirt is on backwards. Something Nina and Doc noticed by the way.” I quickly put my shirt back on as he checked to see if I was telling the truth. He sat up and twisted his shirt around the right way.
“How do you know they saw?” He asked lying back down.
“Because Nina gave me a disapproving look and Doc was wearing a huge grin.” Seth laughed again. I hadn’t expected Seth to be able to do that so quickly after what had happened, but I wasn’t going to say so. This part of Seth was what I liked most about him.
“He would react that way,” he replied with a yawn. Seth didn’t make a sound for so long that I figured he was going to give sleep another try. I was in the process of attempting to empty my mind, when he said the words I’d been dreading. “We should probably talk about what happened.” I felt him role over towards me.
By now my cheeks felt like they were on fire. “I don’t think so. The healthy thing would probably be to just ignore it.” Even though the last thing I wanted to do was look into his gorgeous blue eyes, I couldn’t help myself. When I did, he was wearing the biggest smile.
“I’m serious,” he replied, his smile faltering just a little.
I sighed. “I know you are. But I honestly think now isn’t the best time to talk about it. We’ve both been through a lot tonight.”
“Do you want to talk about your close call?” he asked.
“Absolutely not,” I replied rolling away from him. Alex’s red eyes appeared in my vision any time I attempted to close my eyes. I wondered if I’d ever be able to sleep again. My nightmares had been bad before. I had no idea how bad they’d get now.
“You’ve just been really quiet since it happened. I thought you might want to…”
“Do you want to talk about Wes,” I replied trying to end the conversation for good.
“No,” he answered back softly. Silence filled the room again and this time I felt hopeful that we could just try to sleep the horrible events of this night away or at least try. Once again my hopes were dashed. “Earlier you mentioned that you made a mistake in trusting him. Who was he?”
My heart started pounding rapidly. I thought back to our earlier conversation. How much had I given away? Did Seth hear me use his name on the roof? No he would have said something sooner. I worked hard to calm my breathing, my heart. So that when I answered, Seth wouldn’t hear anything amiss in my voice. “It doesn’t matter. He’s gone,” I replied as calmly as I could. Still I thought my voice wavered ever so slightly.
“Did you love him?” he asked not saying anything about the quiver in my voice. It was strange how one moment I found Seth nearly irresistible and the next he was infuriating with his never-ending questions. Was he never going to stop? Did he want me to yell at him?
I rolled back towards him. The vein in my head was pulsating so hard, that I could actually feel it. He pulled away a little seeing the anger in my eyes. “Just…stop…please,” I said trying to control the rage. I didn’t want to lose it on him. He’d had a rough night as it was. And the truth was, I didn’t want him to leave. As annoying as he was being, I needed him here to help me stay in control. Because I felt like I was five minutes away from completely losing it.
I rolled on my back staring back up at the ceiling trying to get the image of Alex’s new eyes out of my mind. They’d once been so beautiful and I’d trusted him because of them. His eyes had always been so sincere, so loving. A tear rolled down my cheek and when Seth wiped it away, I didn’t recoil from his touch.
“I promise I’ll stop asking questions and let you sleep if you answer just one question.”
I sighed again rolling back towards him, “What?” I asked not bothering to hide the exasperation in my voice.
“What was his name?”
I hesitated for only a moment. “Alex,” I whispered as I rolled away from him once more. I curled into my pillow trying to stop the tears that were burning their way to the surface. With everything I’d been through that night, I would have thought sleep was impossible. But exhaustion eventually won out and as much as I fought my heavy eyes, my will power was no match for them.
Whether it was all the questions or my encounter with the new Alex, I wasn’t sure, but for whatever reason Alex haunted my dreams that night. We were back in the panic room for the fourth time that day. I would have thought with being sore and having had little sleep, I wouldn’t be in the mood. However, the more we were together the greater my desire was, to the point where I barely noticed the discomfort anymore.
We were so busy stripping each other down as fast as we could, that we kept bumping into things. First the door, then the bed, and finally the old music player that one of the couples had put in the room. The speakers came to life and there was a familiar song playing. I burst out laughing as I landed on the bed with Alex on top of me. “What’s so funny?” he asked kissing my neck. I was moaning and laughing at the same time, so it was hard to focus on answering.
“Listen to the lyrics,” I finally managed to say. He stopped kissing me for a moment and then he started laughing too.
“Wow really subtle. ‘Let’s get it on?’ Wow how very old school of them. I’ll turn it off,” he said moving away from me, but I reached out to stop him.
“Leave it. I think it would be kind of fun.”
“Really?” He smiled at me. I nodded. I scooted up the bed as he crawled after me. The warmth of his body against mine sent electricity running along every nerve, lighting every cell as it passed. I couldn’t believe I’d waited so long to do this. He’d been so patient with me, never pushing. The music actually ended up making it even better as we moved together with the rhythm of the song, and then the next one and the next one.
The more we were together, the more confident I became in my abilities, to the point where I even took control. Being with him was the most alive I’d ever felt. I couldn’t imagine never being like that. I thought it would last forever. Just like he promised.
Afterwards, as I lay in his arms, I couldn’t help but feel like everything was really going to work out. He kept talking about different plans he had for our group to find a more permanent residence.
And the more he talked about it, the more excited I got at the possibility of actually having a home again. Somewhere where Molly and I could feel safe again. We hadn’t had that since our farm. It had been a little chunk of paradise, kept isolated from the world for years. Even after all that time, I still missed it.
Alex thought maybe we could find another place like that or even go back there and check it out and see if it was safe. If it was, we could build up strongholds to keep the demons out and build more houses for all of us to live in like a little community. We could live off the land. I didn’t say it to him, because I didn’t want to ruin his excitement, but I didn’t want to go back to my farm. It did have some great memories, but the last ones of that place would be too much for me to overcome to ever want to live in that house again. The idea of climbing the stairs where I’d shot my father or going to the basement where my mother had taken her life (and her body still remained), was not something I could do.
I let Alex go on and on though. It made me happy to see him so animated. His hope gave me hope. But as it was with every good memory, they always shifted. Suddenly I was standing in the main room, the last night I saw him, begging him to stay and fight with me. He was staring back at me unreadable. And then as he turned to run with the others, he looked back at me one last time. And that was when I saw his eyes shift from their chocolate brown to the bright red as he bore his teeth at me, coming in for the bite.
I woke up suddenly confused as to where I was. “It’s okay,” Seth’s familiar voice whispered to me. I was vaguely aware of his hand softly stroking my hair. “It was just a bad dream.”
“No,” I said trying to hold back the tears. “It’s real. It’s always been real.” He pulled me into his arms holding on tightly. I could feel the warmth of his body beneath me, his heart steadily beating under my hand. And that’s when I looked up into his blue eyes and realized that I was lying on his chest with my arm nearly draped over him.
I quickly pulled away back onto my pillow. My cheeks flushed again. It was getting to be a regular look for me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that,” I muttered into my hands.
I peeked through them to see his reaction. “I really didn’t mind,” he said with a huge grin. My cheeks burned hotter. “It was nice and I actually managed to fall asleep for awhile after you snuggled up next to me.”
“When did I do that?” I asked afraid of the answer.
“Pretty much the moment you fell asleep. I was just lying here minding my own business when you rolled right up over here and put your head on my chest. Don’t be embarrassed,” he tried to reassure me. “We could all use a cuddle once and awhile.”
I pulled my pillow out from under my head and smacked him with it. He laughed out loud. It was nice to hear him laugh. At least for the moment he wasn’t thinking about all that had happened last night and the task that lie ahead.
Of course that moment couldn’t last. Moments like that never did.
Chapter Nineteen
We left the room separately as to avoid the rumours which were sure to be circulating once the shock of the previous night’s events had worn off. He left first leaving me alone with my thoughts for several minutes. It was the last thing I wanted. Being awake was nearly as bad as being asleep. Whether my eyes were open or closed I couldn’t help but see Alex’s new eyes. The rest of him had barely registered to me. Maybe it was because of the shock, but the only part of him that really stuck were his new eyes. I’d seen demon eyes before, but this was different. I shook off the anxiety that was continually mounting in me and as soon as I was sure it was safe, I headed straight for the group.
The scene that awaited me in the main room was in such stark contrast to the night before. No one was talking. They were busy pushing their food around in their bowls, no one actually eating much at all. Matthew came rushing over to me the moment he saw me. He threw his arms around me with such force that I nearly toppled over. I looked over towards Jane. She was watching the two of us cautiously, but didn’t appear to object to the display of affection. So I put my arms around him and squeezed him tight.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” he half cried. “Doc said it was close. But the creature froze when he saw you. Why would it do that?” I looked around quickly to see if anyone else was listening to what Matthew said and to my horror Seth was standing right behind us, looking just as puzzled as Matthew was by the whole event. It occurred to me that he had probably been so busy trying to help me that he didn’t actually see the events unfold. But Doc was the one to fire the shot, so he was looking through his scope and clearly saw the whole thing.
I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly in an attempt to fain ignorance, but Seth wasn’t buying it. To make matters worse Doc kept staring over in my direction, studying me. “What’s for breakfast? I’m starving,” I lied in an attempt to change the subject. My stomach was still too nauseous from the wine and the events of the previous night to even have any desire for food.
But it was an excuse to get away from Seth. So I led Matthew towards the kitchen. I didn’t like the way Seth was looking at me like he was trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together. Seth was smart, I knew that. I also knew it was only a matter of time before he finally figured it out. And I wasn’t looking forward to the conversation we’d have once he did. If I thought last night’s questions were annoying, then I could only image what it would be like when Seth actually figured it out.
Matthew and I sat down on my old mattress as I pushed my oatmeal around, just like everyone else. It was cold and clumpy. Whoever made it obviously was in no mood to be cooking. I looked over at Frank, he looked older than usual. The lines under his eyes were deeper as were the dark shadows. He looked back at me and gave a weak smile. Even disconnected Frank was feeling this loss.
Clara came over to join Matthew and me not at all like her giddy self. She embraced me even more tightly than Matthew had. “Don’t ever scare me like that again. If you die, I’ll be stuck with my sister to gossip with and to tell you the truth her personality can be a little bit much at times.” I nearly choked on the little bit of oatmeal in my mouth. She had to pat my back to help me clear it. Matthew was silently chuckling to himself beside me out of Clara’s view.
Once breakfast was over, everyone went about their assigned tasks. I didn’t have one, but I knew where I wanted to be. Well I didn’t really want to be there, but I knew I was needed there. It was probably the worst job I could think of. I’d rather spend the day cleaning laundry with Nina. I pushed my discomfort aside. And before Seth could take off, I approached him. “I’m coming to help you,” I said.
He shook his head as he gently put his hands on my shoulders. Having his hands on me reminded me of what it was like to feel them on my bare skin. My cheeks flushed though he didn’t appear to notice. His mind was elsewhere. “I have a couple of volunteers; you don’t need to be there. Trust me it’s not something you want to do or see.” That was true but I was pretty sure I’d seen worse. Watching my dad’s brains blow out onto the wall was a pretty gruesome sight. I doubted it could be much worse than that. Wes and I may have been slowly developing a friendship, but it wasn’t like he was family, so I was sure I could handle this. I wasn’t so sure that Seth could. I didn’t understand why, but for some reason my presence actually helped Seth when he was struggling. And I knew I wanted to do that for him. Once again I thought it might have something to do with the maternal instinct in me, that I hadn’t been able to put to use lately. All I knew was that I wanted to protect him from the pain he was about to face. I couldn’t take it away, but I could alleviate it.
“Maybe I wasn’t making myself clear,” I said firmly. “I wasn’t asking for your permission. I was telling you I’m going to help.” The tiniest of smiles appeared on his face as he conceded and lead me out of the common room.
I was wrong. Seeing Wes like this was worse. He was barely recognizable and the smell was nauseating. It took all my strength to keep my meager breakfast dow
n. I knew if I lost it, that Seth would send me back in. As it was he kept looking at me waiting for the opportunity to tell me to leave, not because he didn’t want me there, but because he didn’t want me to suffer.
Seth wasn’t holding back his emotions as he worked to clean his friend up off the sidewalk. His tears ran silently down his cheeks. Austin and Cletus looked just as upset, though they were working to keep their emotions back. I couldn’t help with the physical part of the task so much as the men could, but once they’d lifted Wes’s body off the ground I got to work scrubbing the pavement. It needed to be clear of any odor. We still weren’t sure how far the demons’ sense of smell reached, but we knew it was up there with the top predators of the world.
Everyone had worked in perfect silence as we cleared the scene. It was eerie being outside, with only the sound of my scrub brush scraping against the pavement. Seth got down on his hands and knees to help me. Together we managed to erase most of the signs of the tragedy, but we still needed to take care of the scent. We took a full pale of bleach and poured it over the concrete. It started crystalizing immediately on contact. I’d forgotten how cold it was. I guess I was too distracted to feel it.
“We’re going to bury him,” Seth spoke for the first time in over an hour. “You don’t have to…but if you want to…” I was really beginning to understand Seth in a way that I wasn’t sure I’d ever actually understood Alex. I could tell what he needed without him actually saying it.
“I’m coming along,” I replied softly. He smiled and when he helped me off the ground he pulled me into a hug, that was nearly as tight as the one Clara had given me earlier.
“Thank-you,” he whispered.
As I squeezed into the middle of the truck beside Austin both he and Cletus tried to act like they hadn’t just witnessed the display of affection. It appeared the rumours were inevitable. But what else could I expect with such a close-knit group? I didn’t really care. Nothing else mattered at the moment, besides me being there for Seth. Once he hopped into the truck, it became uncomfortably squishy. Cletus was driving and he wasn’t exactly the slimmest fellow. The truck was squishy enough when it had just been Seth, the doc and me. With four, it was almost painful. There was no avoiding physical contact this time.
Seeking Daylight Page 19