Seeking Daylight

by Becky Poirier

  It took me a second to figure out what he was talking about and when I did, I was appalled. I’d thought at most, this was some make-out session on his part to release some tension, I never had any clue that he wanted to take it that far.

  “That was before…We don’t have time for this. Sundown’s only an hour away.”

  He moved back in towards me and despite the freezing temperature in the room my body felt like it was on fire. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me in tight to him. “We can spare twenty minutes.” He didn’t bother waiting for a response. His lips were back on mine and despite knowing this was a mistake, I couldn’t control the way my body was reacting to his.

  I wanted him every bit as much as I did back in the panic room, but just like before, this didn’t feel right. His hand reached up unzipping my coat. It slid to the floor as he picked me up and sat me down on the desk, kissing my neck fiercely. I needed to stop this but, my carnal nature had taken over, pushing my rational side way outside my mind.

  He leaned over me as my back collapsed onto the desk. His hands traced the curves of my breasts as they slid down to my waist and then to the button of my jeans. It wasn’t until he’d started unzipping my pants that my rational mind pushed its way to the surface again. “Seth stop!” I said pushing him up off me as I sat up on the desk. Quickly, I zipped my pants back up.

  I hopped off the desk and picked my coat back up off the floor, throwing it back on, zipping it up so fast that I nearly caught my finger in the zipper. Seth looked frustrated but also like he wasn’t about to let the matter drop. “You get that you’re a tease, don’t you?”

  “What?”

  “This back and forth thing you like to do, ‘yes I want it,’ ‘no I don’t,’ it’s getting old. And I’m getting tired of waiting.” My stomach felt like he’d just punched me in the gut.

  “Well then let me make it very clear. I’m not having sex with you now. I don’t like who you are right now. And until the Seth I’m in love with comes back, you’re not touching me again,” I said rushing past him to the door trying not to let him see me cry.

  My frozen shaky hands fumbled with the lock on the door, which gave Seth ample time to reach me and put himself in front of the door. I grunted in frustration backing away. There was no way I could look at him. This person who was in front of me, wasn’t the man I was in love with and though I knew it was just his pain talking, I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with him. I’d said and done worse, when I’d lost Molly, but that didn’t mean I was strong enough to take the same abuse back.

  “I’m sorry,” he said pulling me into his chest. That was the last thing I’d expected. It wasn’t like I was that quick to recover myself. I’d taken months to move past the pain enough to recognize what I was doing. This time when he held me, it felt like my Seth, the one who was in love with me and didn’t just want to use me. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. My mind’s in chaos right now and I just wanted to stop thinking and just feel for a while. I never meant to hurt you and I had no right to pressure you like that. I just thought that we could take a little time for ourselves before…”

  “Before what?” I said pulling away angrily. “Before we die? Is that what this is about? You don’t want to die a virgin.”

  “No, yes…I don’t know,” he collapsed down on the floor with his knees out in front of him. He was really pissing me off, even more so than when he was groping me. He was blocking the door, otherwise I might have just left him there. Instead, with a huff I dropped down to the floor as well. He smiled weakly at me.

  I shook my head at him. “We’re not dying today. We’re all going to make it. If Doc didn’t think this plan had a possibility of succeeding, he would have told the two of us to run. He wouldn’t have sent us back here to die with the others.”

  “How can you be sure of that?”

  “Because he loved you just as much as you love him. He may have cared for the others here, but he did not love them like his own child. He saved that distinction for you. And a parent would do anything to save their child, even if it meant sacrificing others or themselves.” My mind flashed back to the stairwell in my old sanctuary, with the little boy who refused to move. I’d left him behind in order to try to save my sister. “We’re going to survive tonight and then when we do, I will make love with you. But I’m not having sex with you. I’m not going to let you use me as a distraction or just use me in general. I’m a person, not a thing.”

  “I never meant for you to feel used,” he replied reaching out for me. I recoiled. “Paige, I love you and this wasn’t about using you or not wanting to die a virgin, this was about not wanting to die having never been with you. I love you; I don’t want to miss out on the best part of what that is.”

  I sighed finally looking back into his eyes. “If we did this, it would just be sex. It would have no feeling behind it, no real passion. It would just be hormones. It would be meaningless. And I don’t know about you, but I know I’d regret it. And this is the final time I’m going to say this,” I said standing back up and reaching down for his hand. “We’re not dying tonight. Now get up. We have work to do.”

  He took hold of my hand, allowing me to pull him up off the floor. But when he was back on his own two feet he didn’t let go of my hand as he pulled me in. His arms wrapped around me once more. He whispered in my ear, “Please don’t be a hero tonight. I can’t lose you too.” He was shaking and I knew I needed to get him to stop. If he looked like this when he met the others, they’d feel hopeless too.

  “You’re not losing me or anyone else. This is going to work. I believe in it.”

  He pulled away, just enough to look into my eyes. His eyes were brimming with tears again. I wondered if he ever got annoyed with how often he saw me like that. “How can you be so sure after everything you’ve been through?”

  I had to remind myself that he’d been there for me, even when I’d pushed him away. If he needed me to be the strong one now, then that was what I was going to do. I took a deep breath in and replied, “I just feel it. I can’t explain it, but it was the way the Doc talked to me before he died. He told me I needed to take care of you, be there for you and it wasn’t just for this night. He was talking about forever. Why would he talk like that if we were going to die?

  “And then there’s my sister. The way she used to speak to me in my dreams about my future. It was like she had inside knowledge that my life was meant to be more than it is now and that you were meant to be a part of it. I know that’s probably not good enough for you to believe, but I hope it’s enough for you to believe in my belief. If that makes any sense.”

  He brushed the moisture from his eyes as he smiled back at me. “Strangely enough, it does. And I want to get to phase two of Doc’s plan…it’s what I always dreamed for us.” I looked back at him curiously. He simply brushed a strand of hair away from my eye, tucking it behind my ear. I ignored the warm shiver that travelled through my body. “You’re not the only one who wants to save the good things for when we make it through this night.” He sighed relaxing his body. “I guess we better go join the others and finish preparing this place. It’s going to be a long night.”

  We left the room hand in hand, walking back in silence. By the time we made it back to the others, the room I’d left only twenty minutes before, looked completely different. Everyone was gathered into the centre of the room surrounding the table of guns. The room was now lit by at least a dozen lanterns which cast spooky shadows around the room. And around our people, was a perimeter of thick barbed wire fencing. It was what Jane, Sandy and Clara had been working on all day. They’d managed to make it pretty thick, though it wasn’t very high. Connected to the fencing was the wiring that Austin and Kyle had been bringing down. The electric perimeter was fully operational, though not currently activated. We needed to save the power for when we really needed it.

  In the middle of the space, was a table that had a bunch of chemicals on it. Nina and her friend Jerem
y had been hard at work preparing them. Jeremy’s background as a former high school chemistry teacher came in handy with this project and Nina had a pretty good handle on the stuff herself, seeing as she’d once worked for the military in the bio-chemical weapons department. It was her table and only those she’d selected were allowed to be anywhere near the stuff she’d prepared. I wasn’t on her list, though I certainly didn’t mind. From what I knew about what she’d prepared it wasn’t something I wanted to mess with. There were corrosive chemicals, chemicals that would explode on impact as well as one that Doc had discovered specifically affected the infected, by causing temporary loss of motor control.

  Seth and I stood outside the barbed wire fence, trying to figure out just how we were supposed to get over it. Cletus chuckled as he put on a very thick looking glove reached into the middle of the fencing and pulled on a handle, I hadn’t been able to see. A small gate swung open. It was just big enough, that if I sucked my gut in, I could squeeze through sideways, Seth didn’t need to suck anything in, but then he didn’t have my curves.

  Cletus secured the gate, once we were on the other side of it. The rest of the group was just sitting down for a last meal of sorts. It was a feast similar to what had been prepared the night we’d celebrated taking out the hive. It didn’t have as many luxury items and no alcohol. But there was still a lot to choose from. Of all the preparations Doc had listed, this was part of it. It was just as important as the fencing, and the firearms. He’d selected Frank for this task of course, which suited him just fine. He looked the most relaxed of the bunch, as he sat on the floor chewing on a freshly baked bun.

  I sat down next to Frank while Seth went to get us something to eat. All though I was starving, I wasn’t so sure I could actually manage to eat. I just wanted to get this over with. I had faith we’d make it through the night, but I was ready for daylight. It was what I looked forward to. When it had been just Molly and me, we used to have a countdown to daylight, especially on the nights when we heard the howls of the infected and couldn’t sleep. We’d countdown to dawn and as every hour passed, so did a little bit of our fear.

  My heart was already beginning to pound in my chest and nightfall hadn’t yet arrived. I knew people would be looking to me, especially Matthew and I was determined not to let them see the fear.

  Seth sat down next to me with a plate of stew for me and one for him, as well as two fresh made buns each. “I wanted to spike the stew,” Frank said, “But Seth thought that might not be the best of plans. I tried to tell him it would cook off, but he didn’t believe me.”

  Seth smiled back at him. “We’ll drink when we’re safe, until then, we all stay sober.”

  I dug into the stew even though, I didn’t want to eat. On a normal day, it probably would have tasted wonderful, but today it tasted bland and chewy. The bun tasted dry even when I dipped it in the juices of the stew. Still I managed to eat every bit of food on my plate knowing that eyes were on me and that I needed my strength.

  I’d just put my plate down when I heard the first howl. It didn’t matter how many times I heard that sound. Every single time, it sent a chill through my bones that I couldn’t shake, no matter how hard I tried. In my head I knew this time would be different than the last. We were prepared this time. But my heart didn’t share the same confidence. It pounded hard against my chest. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as I slowly counted backward from ten. By the time I was done, my heart rate was at a more acceptable rhythm, though still accelerated.

  Seth had already hopped up to his feet. He reached down for me and helped me up. Ginger and Helen busily gathered peoples’ dishes and piled them in a box which they stored neatly under one of the gun tables.

  Austin and Kyle looked to Seth for permission to turn on the electric fence. “Not yet,” he said shaking his head.

  “What are you waiting for?” Nina argued. I was in agreement with her on this one. There was no way I was going to be able to calm down, until the fence was turned on. Unlike Seth and I, Nina wasn’t making any attempt to hide her fear. For the others here, it had been awhile since they’d been under direct threat from the infected. But Nina was like me, with the memory of the attack still very fresh in her mind. It didn’t matter that it had been two years, it might as well have been two months.

  “We have a limited amount of power. We don’t turn it on until they’re at our doorstep,” Seth replied calmly. He was back to his old self. Completely in control. No matter what he thought of his leadership skills, when it came down to protecting his people, Seth was able to put his own fears aside and do the right thing. I only wished he could see what I could see. I placed my hand in his for only a moment to give a reassuring squeeze, as well as gain the strength I needed. Reluctantly I let him go. We both had jobs to do.

  The howls grew louder and the closer they got the higher pitched they became until it was almost a screeching sound. A sudden pressure on my leg caused me to jump a little. I looked down and noticed Matthew had his arms wrapped around my thigh. I reached down and rubbed his head. “Don’t be afraid. We’re not going to let them get anywhere near you.” My words gave him little comfort. He was shaking so hard, that he threatened to knock me over.

  Cletus began handing out weapons to everyone. We were to save our ammo until the infected had already attempted to get around our defences. It was our hope that we could take the majority out with our outside traps, as well as our electrified perimeter, without having to use up all of our ammunition stores. We were going to have to shoot. That was a give in. We weren’t going to make it through this night without shedding blood. So long as it was theirs and not ours, I was just fine with that. Looking around the room I saw the same fear that Matthew was showing. How was he supposed to be brave, when the adults in the room looked like they were ready to piss themselves?

  When Cletus handed me my high-powered rifle, I made Matthew let go of my leg. “You need your hands free for this,” Cletus said handing him the same nine-millimeter he’d practiced with. “You’ll do just fine kid.” Matthew smiled back weakly.

  “You can stick close to me,” I assured him. “Remember I’m a great shot, they won’t stand a chance of getting anywhere near you with me by your side.” He slowly calmed his shaking body as he took up a position just behind the right side of my body. He held his gun at the ready like I taught him. If he’d been in a more stable position I would have told him to wait to do that until he saw the red of their eyes, but if holding his gun at the ready calmed him then who was I to argue with him.

  Outside our building we heard the first sounds of the infected falling victim to the booby-traps we had set up. Kyle and Austin both looked to Seth again, but he simply shook his head once more. Nina grunted, next to the chemical table with her hands secured to one of the bottles. If she gave the bottle any more pressure it was likely to explode in her hand.

  The unmistakable sound of infected being injured filled the night air. It should have been a relief. But for every screech of pain we heard, we heard at least ten other howls of anger. It took all my strength not to reach up and cover my ears. The infected were scary enough when all they wanted to do was to bite you, but these things were now pissed.

  I looked over at Seth, in attempt to encourage him to turn on the power to the fence. He couldn’t see me. The screeching breached our outer defences. “Seriously Seth,” Nina barked.

  “Now!” he shouted as Austin pulled the lever to ignite the spark.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  The infected were making their way down the stairs now. We heard several more scream out in pain, as their feet were punctured by the nails soaked in the paralytic chemical Nina had cooked up. We could hear the sound of bodies rolling down the stairs. Again, the grunts of anger and frustration grew among the infected. Though I couldn’t see what was going on beyond the door, I could imagine the scene all too well.

  From the limited research conducted on the infected, we knew that when they smelled
human blood an insatiable desire to taste it took over. I’d heard stories from other survivors, where the infected fought each other for the chance to bite a human. They’d climb over each other, nipping at one another, for the chance to bite first. They only ever bit a person once, but they all desired to do it. I could see them in my mind, running over the infected that had become paralyzed, possibly even trampling them to death. Well, at least that would save us from facing a few of them. It was impossible to know just how many we’d face tonight. No one knew how large their hives grew to become.

  Seth was back by my side holding firmly to his gun. His arm pressed against mine. I knew he wanted to hold my hand every bit as much as I wanted to hold his. Matthew was nestled up close behind me seeking comfort, I wasn’t sure I was capable of giving any more. It was one thing to be brave when they were outside, but now they were here, and we were about to be face to face with their fangs and claws. Their eyes might even be worse than the fangs. They had the ability to pierce a person’s soul and fill them with terror.

  The only thing keeping the infected out now, was barbed wire fencing with some electric wire that wasn’t guaranteed to last. And looking around this room, they would be able to find more creative ways of getting around our defences. We hadn’t had time to wrap all the pillars and duct work in wire and toxic chemicals, it wasn’t on Doc’s plans. And I hadn’t even thought of it until, the infected started clambering down the stairs. If we’d thought about it sooner, I’d be feeling a lot more secure.

  “Breathe,” Seth reminded me by whispering in my ear. I took in a sudden inhale I’d been denying myself.

  “Thanks,” I replied weakly. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but there wasn’t time and there were too many ears in the room. I wanted to tell him, that before in the office, maybe he was right. Maybe we should have just had sex. Maybe I was being selfish wanting more. But there wasn’t time for regrets and he certainly didn’t need to hear that from me. If I told him, then he’d think I was giving up and I wasn’t about to do that. He was my family, so was Matthew. And if they were the only two, I could save tonight, then I was going to make sure they lived, even at the expense of my own life.