Heartfelt Sounds

by C. M. Estopare

  Who screams. Who quiets as the world dies around us.

  Starling?

  Hue shoves me forward when Badger's body thumps onto the marble. When the smell of burnt skin and singed hair wafts towards us, I clench my jaw. My whole body tenses when Hue forces me away. And as we come closer to the exit, my heart surges into my throat. The gathering crowd of Tsubame's residents are scattered upon the grass. Their panic gone as they watch movement from down the road. As they listen to a soft cadence sung upon the morning wind—and I think the tune sounds familiar. Eerily familiar.

  A morning sky opens up as Hue's hand extinguishes and he leads me towards the grass. Towards the murmuring crowd and a purple sky tinged with a harrowing brightness. The sun's coming. As, farther down the rolling golden hills, a large palanquin rocks with the swaying movement of armored men marching as they hold the monstrous vehicle on strong shoulders. Behind the swaying palanquin, I notice a figure swathed in creeping shadows.

  “There she is.” Hue murmurs into my ear. Lets go of me as he comes to my side, but holds me there. His rough hand curling around my forearm. Choking my wrist. “What's your real name?”

  I swallow. “What is a Starling?”

  His nails bite into my wrist and I wince. “We've known about you for months, Kokoros. She wants you—badly enough to tell everyone. All of us were kept on the look out—but I was lucky enough to hear you sing—,”

  I try to snatch my wrist away, but he holds me there—heat sizzles from his palm and burns me. “What's your real name, Kokoros? Tell me.”

  And the heat sears me. White smoke wafts up and I think I'm going to scream—going to—

  “Kokoros!”

  Hana's voice as feet come rushing towards me. Thumping through the dead grass. The castellan's missing his cap and feather when he comes to stand in front of Hue. His robes are singed. Tinged with black as he crosses his arms and sneers. “Scullion—you know bet—,”

  “Sahin.” Hana hisses as she presses her hands to my shoulders. “Do you see who is on the horizon?”

  And the elder pauses. Turns.

  Just as flames ripple down Hue's right arm and he whips his wrist towards the elder as heads in the crowd turn at the sudden smell of smoke and flame. As Hana screams and my hand slips from Hue's grasp and Sahin shrieks as fire swallows his face. As red flames grow and rocket up towards the sky—the roars of the fire choking the elder until he's silent. Until he thumps to the grass and wreathes upon the ground in an uncontrollable dance of red hot agony that is eventually overcome by black death.

  Hana pulls me away—sprints and I'm forced to follow. Forced to tumble after her as her grip becomes a choke-hold on my hand.

  “Hana—he's going to hurt you—let me go!”

  She looks back—tears flying from her face as I hear Hue roar. “I told you I'd protect you—I told you I'd—,”

  “Do you even understand what you're doing?!” Hue screams as an angry ball of fire soars over our heads, the light sweltering as it brings searing heat. I hear screams and panicked feet as the murmuring crowd devolves into one spurned by fear. Spurned by a churning need to get away.

  Hana pauses and I rush into her. We tumble to the ground and skid to a stop in the yellow grass. I'm on my back when I hear feet rushing. When I watch a league of pumping legs rush by and a body pauses near me. A head appears over my own. Hovering.

  “A voice—,” Hana's voice and she lies to my left. She's choking and panting. Crying as her fingers find mine in the grass. “—a voice made me stop. I—I can't move—,”

  I open my mouth, but no sound comes. My fingers flex—they freeze. It's like I'm a prisoner in my own body as my gaze glues itself to the brightening sky above. It's like the world has paused. It's like the world's inhaling—inhaling slowly—as everything comes to a crushing halt.

  Wide black eyes look down into my own. A young face, tapered by long chestnut hair that slides over thin shoulders. The shoulders of a dancer.

  Overhead, Rin stares down at me. Smiles.

  As I watch him become two. His person splitting as the man who stands over me becomes translucent. A pale body. A face that I could see through—like a ghost. A spirit. His solid body wanders away. Towards where the fire came from. Where the rushing feet and screams originated.

  He was never your friend.

  Rin's voice. His lips do not move as he stares.

  None of us are.

  He moves. Disappears as my toes twitch and I propel myself to sitting. I move in the grass—looking for Hue—as Hana grabs my arm. Pulls me down towards her and quick fingers strike out for my throat and pull. She forces my head into her chest and combs her fingers through my hair and I feel her whole body tremble. She holds me when I hear a wet gurgle. My eyes snap open and I try to shove her away—I try to push myself away but she only murmurs deeply and strengthens her hold on me. She forces my gaze into her chest. Into her embrace.

  “Goodnight starling.” Rin's voice. I freeze.

  There's a cry. A shout.

  As a body falls into the grass—lifeless.

  And the ground rocks as something heavy is thumped into the grass.

  The people of Tsubame cheer. A thousand knees hit the grass as Hana throws me to the ground and shoves her own forehead onto the grass.

  “Lord Hinata,” I hear her murmur as I hide my face—following her. Trembling. As another body lies down beside me, giving thanks.

  “May night skies keep black birds.”

  Rin's voice. Rin's prayer.

  I shiver.

  27. She

  My forehead merges with the dead grass beneath me as bodies move around me.

  I hear Hana gasp. “Rin? Rin—where have you gone?”

  Feet rush through the grass, crunching blades. “Sir?”

  I cannot move. I cannot get up as my heart lodges itself in my throat. As my hands turn to fists and I clench my teeth.

  “Ari—take my friend home. He's—he's seen a lot today.”

  “Sir.”

  I'm lifted. I'm taken. I can't move and Tsubame becomes a blur as Hana approaches a red-gold palanquin and vanishes just as I'm being moved inside the castle. Gentle hands guide me as a crowd of people silently part, letting me go. Letting me be moved on. I close my eyes. Move my jaw around to get rid of the tension and open my eyes again. I'm already at Hana's room—being shoved, being pushed inside before the door slams shut behind me. Before I'm alone.

  Before Rin approaches me from the far corner of the room.

  “You need to forget.” he tells me. Hands clasped behind his back. “The others already have.”

  “You killed my friend!” I shout back—the rigidness in my body returning as Rin slowly approaches. As he comes close enough to set his hands upon my shoulders.

  “Why can't I make you forget?”

  I break free of the stiff feeling in my body. I shrug his hands away. “Hue was my friend!”

  Rin's brow furrows. His lips mash together into a straight line. “Your friend? Silly girl. Hue was going to kill you. You're lucky you're so special to her. So important.”

  When I step back, my hands find the door. “Who am I important to? What is a Starling? Why did you have to kill my friend?”

  At this, Rin smiles. The grin meets his eyes as they crinkle at their corners. He respects the space I have created between us and takes a further step back. “He broke a promise. Him, and another who is also gone now.” he laughs then, the sound short and sharp. “As for what a starling is, well it's a bird. A black one.” when he approaches me he nods towards the door and I refuse to move.

  “Tell me, Rin. Tell me what you are!”

  He chuckles again. Crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. “If I cannot make you forget, then maybe—,”

  It is a sensation that strikes me like lightening—sudden, intense, and devastating. My eyelids droop. My heart becomes heavy and my breathing slows. My palms hit the floor as I come to my hands and knees and darkness trickles at the c
orners of my vision. Swirling. Becoming larger and larger until I can barely see my hands. I'm breathing slowly—too slowly—but I'm fighting it. I'm fighting this feeling as I tumble to the floor. As my eyes close—my eyelids gluing themselves together—and my heart all but stops.

  “—maybe I can make you sleep.”

  …

  I wake teetering on the edge of a memory. Laying off the edge of the bed Hana and I share. I roll over and throw myself up. Moving the bed. Making it moan slightly as Hana turns over. She sleeps almost soundlessly on the opposite side. Murmuring to herself. Singing tunelessly.

  I stand. My clothes have been changed and I find myself compelled to leave—as if I'm being watched and I need to run.

  Where?

  I think to go to Hue's hideaway—but then I remember. He's gone. Like so many others—he's gone.

  Why does this keep happening?

  I think to cry—to let the tears fall, but they do not come. They are replaced with anger—with a relentless hatred of myself.

  I lied. That day—I lied to Hue. Because, now, I cannot smile. The Fates have taken too much. Too much from me.

  And I have grown tired of death. Sick and tired of it.

  I leave the room in a huff, closing the door silently to avoid waking Hana. She would worry. Would tell me to stay here and be angry in the safety of her room—but I cannot. I cannot stay there—not with Rin watching over us. Not with these Starlings creeping about. Not with evil men and shadowy women sleeping in Tsubame. Calling my home their own.

  I think to leave. To just walk outside the castle entrance. Who would stop me? Who would remember me if I made it back to Felicity?

  Have you thought about how much the city will have changed?

  If—if you made it back.

  As I walk the halls, I stop. I freeze. The crashing waves upon the walls of the shadowy corridor morph into the feathers of a phoenix as I plant my feet and stare into the darkness before me.

  With the Dawnlord occupying the city, things—things will have changed.

  Besides, winter is still strong. Would you make it back in the dead of things if you barely made it here to begin with? During that march?

  How much could things have changed? Could winter truly stop me?

  And my thoughts flash back to the march. The trampling and the freezing people. Their screams.

  I shake the thoughts away and walk. The corridor forks and I blindly take a right down a different hallway. A hallway I've never walked before as the walls turn plain and white. Candelabras guide my way, firelight flickering as it dances upon the blank walls. It's like this hallway stretches on forever as it reaches into darkness. Into a shapeless, shadowy, void that compels me. That asks me to keep going.

  That sings.

  “White, blankets the peak of a distant mountaintop…”

  I freeze. My eyes widen as my mouth drops open and I stop breathing. I stop to hear the silence and that gentle intake of breath as a voice takes our verse—the verse that belonged to Lore and I—and whispers the song into the darkness. Whispers, stops, and lets the notes be heard.

  Before it goes on again. Letting it's rhythms caress me: “As the snow falls, my sorrow for you crumbles into ashes…”

  It inhales beautifully, with a whine. Rhythmic and peaceful.

  I inhale, letting my breath be shallow and quiet as it continues—the voice calling me and I walk: “Can snow grasp how beautiful the fallen flower is?”

  The question surrounds me as I keep going—as my pace quickens and there's silence. A short hum, a soft lullaby is whispered and I feel like I should respond as the soft whine of a flute penetrates the darkness and candlelight withers only to be reborn. To burn brighter as I continue up the corridor and darkness disappears. Brightens. The light of the moon pours over all.

  I open my mouth. I sing: “Even after love has faded—”

  I am cut off as the voice responds. As it finishes my line:

  “—gently, like the wilting of a flower…”

  Up ahead, I see a wooden archway cut into a wall. Moonlight pours. I hear crickets. I see stars.

  My reply is swift:

  “Even after seasons change—,”

  “,—and dead leaves pile…”

  “Even after my longing for you turns into tears,”

  No response. Silence. I'm nearing the archway now and I know it's Lore. I know Lore's out there and she's calling to me with her voice. Singing to me as I sing back—and we're entranced in a duet. Intoxicated by the beauty of the lyrics as a flute breathes softly, notes wafting upon the night. Riding the clouds. Silencing nature as it calls out to me. As it brings me to her.

  “My only purpose is to find you.” I finish. Standing in the archway. Eyes on the clouds. On this night that's suddenly turned starless beneath the light of a ghostly moon. The flute peals in my ears and it's coming from my right. A stone walkway is open to the sky and I walk it. I'm a single floor up—yet, the ground is far. When I look down it makes me dizzy, and I ignore it. I listen for Lore's flute—for Lore's sweet breath and I think—Hana lied. Lore didn't die in that fire—she's alive and she's here!

  She must have come with Lord Hinata.

  And I freeze on the stone path.

  She must have come with Lord Hinata.

  She.

  Suddenly, I want to turn back. To step away and run—to go back to the safety of Hana's room and Hana's arms.

  But the voice doesn't let me.

  “I care not for whether this is right or wrong…” it sings to me. Calls to me.

  But I cannot open my mouth. I don't want to move forward—I want to turn back.

  “…For, after a lifetime of love, and a lifetime of sadness…”

  A sharp intake of breath makes me jump. My eyes follow the stony path and it makes a hard turn around a dark wall. We are high. High up—and I listen to tapping footsteps. They are slow. In time to the careful beat of the song and I hear her coming closer. I hear her rounding the corner and I take a step back.

  A breath. She pauses. The footsteps stop.

  I take another step back.

  “Naia.”

  Lore's voice. It can't be. Lore's voice.

  “Open your mouth.”

  I gasp—I can't breathe. There's a stale wind and I choke.

  But I open my mouth.

  I sing: “After our partings, after our times together…”

  And she replies: “…I grasp that this is what the Fates have scripted for you…”

  “And in this life, even though I have regrets—,”

  Footsteps tap lightly on the stones of the pathway. She is a ghost draped in black—a wraith. Singing. Calling. A siren that is only able to bewitch my ears, and she's using her power on me. She breathes in—harshly. Sharply. She breathes in—

  —and finishes the verse:

  “—I will not complain.”

  Lore stands before me now. Tall as she ever was. Her face hidden by a heavy black hood. Her body swallowed by a robe of black satin. Her left arm moves. Pockets a bamboo flute and opens its hand to me. Fingers dance. Like the wistful floating of a fan, fingers dance.

  “…Lore…” I finally let out. I do not take her hand.

  The woman shakes her head. I cannot see her face.

  “Please, let me see you. It's—it's been so long.”

  Her fanning fingers descend. They disappear into the large sleeves of her robe. “Before,” she breathes, her body still. “before everything, Naia. Tell me, was I beautiful?”

  “Like a goddess.” I murmur back, tears coming. My face dry.

  “Then you must be the queen of the gods.”

  28. Nightingale

  The woman lowers her hood.

  Emerald eyes have become pale. Hardened and sunken into a thin face that was once full. That was once as bright as the moon, but has darkened and aged with a weariness that stains her. Makes her older than she actually is and thin lips curl into a smirk. She lets her cloak dangle off o
f her left shoulder and it falls. Slips to the ground. Slips off the edge of the walkway and onto the far ground below.

  It creeps along the ground like a shadow. The cloak disappears into the night.

  Lore wears a heavy black gown painted with silver geese that take flight around her midsection. Her left drop sleeve hangs low and trails upon the ground, while her right…

  I look to her right arm—where it should be.

  “Lore…”

  Her face hardens. Anger flashes in her pale green eyes. “I called to you. I sang to you in Felicity—and you let me wait. You let me wait and perish!”

  I blink—taken aback. “You never…”

  “Don't lie to yourself. Don't lie to me!”

  My eyes find stone. I look to her feet, which have been bandaged in their black slippers. I look to her gown and my eyes gaze into the sky.

  And I remember—my mind blank…Lore's voice ringing in my ears. A whisper that glides upon a soft wind outside…it is like a silent rain…

  Shanti's loom room. Me sorting fabrics. I replied to her verse.

  “But I—I thought my mind was playing tricks on me! I didn't actually believe…” I look at her missing arm. The pinned up sleeve. I approach her and she backs away. “…did I do this? Is this…is this my fault?”

  “The Fates have chosen me.” she says. Lifts her chin slightly. “I have had to make sacrifices.”

  “Are you with Lord Hinata?” I try. “Why have you had to…” Thousands of questions burst like bubbles in my mind and I am at a loss for what to say—for what to ask. But, I settle on one thing: “Lore, I've missed you. Missed you terribly.”

  I expect a smile. A twitch of her lips. But I receive nothing. “Althea tried to kill me.” she says instead. Brings her left hand to rest on her right shoulder. “But I survived because the Fates willed it. Because the dark god—,” her mouth opens, but no sound comes. Her eyes widen with a snap before closing. Before opening again and glaring. “—you've heard of me.” she says. “Haven't you?”

  Hue comes to mind. His story of Hinata's female agent—the nightingale—but I could never imagine Lore could do something so evil to two brothers. I remember her being kind. I remember her having a big heart and—even when she was having problems with drugs and drink—she still loved. She still loved her sisters.