Sandover Beach Memories

by Emma St Clair

  “I do care about your parents.”

  Thinking of Jackson, she suddenly felt a jolt of guilt. What if he had followed her up here and seen her in Steve’s arms? She had just been obsessing over Jackson’s secretive phone call. Here she was with her ex, having what felt and looked like a more-than-friendly moment. She needed to put as much distance between her and Steve as possible.

  Drawing back her shoulders, she crossed her arms. “Your dad is in room 241. I told your mom to let me know if she needs anything. She’ll be glad you’re here. Finally.”

  Jenna moved to walk past Steve and out the doors just on the other side of the waiting room. She didn’t think her car was on this side, but at this point, did not particularly care. She needed to get out of the Cube. What she really wanted was to a take a hot shower and burn off this day.

  Steve stepped in her path, blocking her. Her head tipped up and she parted her lips to tell him to move. Before she could even speak, his rough hand cupped her face and he crushed his lips into her.

  The shock of it should have made Jenna jump back. But she froze. Which apparently made him think that she wanted this. Only when his hand curled around the back of her head and his mouth pushed more roughly against hers did she jerk away from him.

  She stared at him, open-mouthed. “What are you doing?”

  A slow grin moved over his face. “Nothing that you didn’t want. It shouldn’t surprise you, Jenna. We were always meant to return to each other. Childhood sweethearts, you know?”

  “No. That’s not our story, Steve. I’m with Jackson now.”

  She hadn’t expected a smile, especially not a cruel one. It was a subtle but powerful shift in his eyes and Jenna felt like she saw Steve—really saw him—for the very first time. Not the childhood best friend and first boyfriend. Not even the guy who had cheated on her and dumped her for Anna. She saw what everyone else in her family must have always seen in Steve. With the mask peeled back, it revealed a Steve she didn’t know.

  “How’s that working out? Do you like sharing him with Mercer?”

  Her entire body felt like it had been submerged in below-freezing water. The shock of his words literally took her breath away. It was like he had seen inside her head and gone right to the fear and worry she had been obsessing over. But he couldn’t have done that. So did that mean there was some truth to her concern about Jackson and Mercer?

  Were they really together? No, Jackson wouldn’t.

  She wanted to bend over and put her head between her knees, but she couldn’t give Steve the satisfaction. She straightened her back instead and met his gaze with a hard look of her own.

  “Oh—you didn’t know about them, huh? I guess that’s because you just got back. You’ve missed a lot of Island gossip. She’s young, but not too young. Half your age plus seven. That’s the general rule.”

  Such a pig. How had she never seen this?

  “He isn’t with Mercer. She’s his manager for Bohn’s.”

  Steve rolled his eyes. “Sure. I bet that’s why they were out looking at a house together yesterday.”

  No. But … yesterday Jackson had been busy in the morning. He got to her house in the afternoon, claiming that he had been at work. Had he been acting weird? Could he have been with Mercer? Looking at houses?

  “He already has a house.”

  “He has a lot of houses. I just assumed he was setting one up for his lover. Look, I need to get upstairs and handle Mom and Dad. Call me when you realize that you’re done with him. I’ll be here.”

  Steve gave her a final smile that made her shudder and then walked away. Jenna stood in the middle of the hallway, wearing her shock and guilt and fear like a cloak. Steve had lashed out because he was jealous that she rejected him. That’s all it was. A rumor. One that cut to the very heart of her vulnerabilities.

  Jackson wasn’t with Mercer. Not like that. But Steve had been so specific. Too specific for it to have just been a lie.

  This moment was too familiar: the pain searing through her chest even as her ribs felt like they were being crushed. Jenna gasped for breath and stumbled toward the dark parking lot. Her stomach rolled and twisted. Whether Steve’s words were true or not, they seeped through her body like a poison, rotting every moment she had shared with Jackson until Jenna was left in nothing but dark and ruined thoughts.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jackson couldn’t have asked for a better start to the Farmer’s Market and the official launch of the Bohn’s Local initiative. The weather had warmed and it definitely felt closer to summer than spring in the sun. A gentle breeze lofted the ocean scent over the tables and tents set up in the parking lot. The part of the lot that wasn’t roped off had totally filled and parking now spilled over into the strip center next door. People had come early and were sticking around. Mercer had really outdone herself. As if that wasn’t enough, she would be singing with Beau and the rest of the worship band from their church in a few minutes.

  The only person missing was Jenna. Scanning the crowd again for her, Jackson pulled out his phone and sent her a quick text.

  * * *

  Jackson: Here yet? I’ve got my eye out for you.

  * * *

  Worry sent beads of sweat rolling down his spine. Since the other night when she left for the hospital, it seemed like Jenna was avoiding him. Jackson had been at Bohn’s all day, pulling together some of the details for the Farmer’s Market. He had planned to bring her dinner after, but Jenna called and told him that she was too tired. He hadn’t thought too much about it. But then she sent a text the next morning telling him that she wanted to work alone. When he had called, she didn’t pick up. Now she was fifteen minutes late to meet him.

  Had he moved too quickly, pushed her too hard? The last thing he wanted was to hurt her or to drive her away. But Jenna was strong, stronger than she knew. It drew him to her, that inner resilience and the ability to move past what she’d been through without anger or bitterness. When pummeling the heavy bag under the deck with his fists, Jackson wished that he could have just a little of her strength. He always felt like the veil between his emotions and his reactions was so thin, barely able to keep him in check.

  Despite her strength, Jenna had been deeply hurt in her romantic relationships. Jackson knew this, had been cautioned by Beau and tried to restrict himself. Yet he must have pushed too far, let her see too much of how he felt. He should have given her more space, held himself in check. That’s the only reason he could think of for her pulling away.

  As the sound of guitars filled the air, Jackson’s fingers curled into fists. If he had lost Jenna, he didn’t know how he could recover from it.

  “Jax?” Jenna’s voice close to his ear sent hope spinning through him.

  He turned, grinning. “You used my nickname.”

  She smiled back at him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, looking a little shy. The breeze blew her hair right back and he fought the urge to brush it back.

  “I didn’t even notice. Is that okay?”

  “Is that okay? I love it.” Jackson couldn’t help himself. He pulled her into a hug. She stiffened and he almost pulled back, but then she seemed to melt into him. Her hands ran up and down his back in a way that sent heat all the way to the tips of his ears. Maybe he hadn’t pushed her away. He was reading too much into it.

  They were in the middle of a crowd, so Jackson pulled away before he wanted to and resisted the urge to kiss her lips. Public or no, he didn’t think he would be able to keep a kiss soft and sweet. Instead, he pressed his lips to her temple, letting them linger just a little longer than he needed. But definitely not as long as he wanted.

  Shaking his head, he stepped back, but took her hand. “Want to walk around?”

  “I’d love to. This is really amazing, Jackson. You’re so good for the community.”

  His chest warmed under her words. That’s what he wanted and hoped for. Even as he sank money into Bohn’s that he didn’t think would come back t
o him. “Thank you. I hope so. I can’t take the credit though. Really, this was all Mercer.”

  “Oh?”

  “She was the brainchild behind a bigger campaign we’ll be running: Bohn’s Local. This is just a part of it. We’ll be offering more local things in the store as well. She had the idea and I just let her run with it. Amazing, right?”

  “Mm-hm.”

  Her voice had dropped a few degrees, sounding cooler. But maybe he was imagining that too. He was overthinking everything. Jenna’s eyes were on everything and he watched her, finding her much more fascinating than the tables with local fruits and vegetables or even the hand-crafted candles, artisan jewelry, or oil paintings of beach landscapes. The nagging sense that something was wrong filled him again, almost like an internal radar. He tried to shake it off.

  When the first notes of guitar and Mercer’s voice cut through the crowd over the speakers, it was almost as though a spell had been cast on the crowd. Conversations halted and people stopped moving. Jackson and Jenna both turned to the stage. He got to hear Mercer every week in church, but never got over the richness of her voice. Turning, he realized that Jenna stared at him with a look he couldn’t read in her eyes.

  “She sings beautifully,” Jenna said. There was something wistful in her voice. Had Jenna wanted to be a singer? Or maybe it was sadness. Jackson opened his mouth to ask if something was wrong when she dropped his hand. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and pulled away. “I wanted to pick up a few things in the store. I’ll catch up with you later?”

  Before Jackson could respond, Jenna slipped away from him, lost in the crowd and leaving him feeling more alone than should have been possible in a crowd of people. Why had that brief kiss felt like a goodbye?

  Jenna wandered into Bohn’s, still hearing the music in her ears. Mercer’s voice, so pure and beautiful, hanging in the air. A match for her striking features and her ability to pull off something as amazing as the Farmer’s Market outside. She didn’t feel bitter, just resigned. Hopeless. She could hear the respect Jackson held for Mercer in his voice. She saw the way his head whipped toward her on the stage when she began to sing. His gaze had softened with affection when he looked toward the stage.

  Steve’s words crawled beneath her skin. Why wouldn’t Jackson like Mercer? She had doubted them at first, fought against them the day before as she avoided Jackson. After a day of stewing, she had finally decided that she was reading too much into it and that Jackson wouldn’t lead her on like that. He’d looked so furious when she told him about Mark. There’s no way he would do that same thing to Jenna. She had told herself that she was being ridiculous. But had they been looking at houses together? What about the secretive phone call? When Jenna saw the way he watched Mercer sing, it felt like a part of her shattered.

  Maybe what she needed to do was cut her losses. She couldn’t take another heartbreak. If she backed off now, she would have the memories of a week with him, starting in the elevator—had it only been a week? Days’ worth of conversations and kisses. Time where she felt herself falling for him in a way that she never had for Mark or Steve.

  But it obviously was one-sided or somehow imagined. Jenna couldn’t compete with someone like Mercer: younger, more beautiful, so talented. She hadn’t been through a divorce or been given an STD by her ex. Jenna felt old and used up in comparison to Mercer, so broken.

  No, it was better if she went with what she had originally been thinking—she would move to Burlington to stay near Rachel and be with family. She would go before she fell any harder for Jackson. Forget the future she had started to imagine with him as a real possibility. Rachel had been right to warn her. Too bad she hadn’t listened.

  As Jenna rounded the corner of the cereal aisle, her steps slowed subconsciously, as though some internal part of her recognized the voice she heard before her rational brain did.

  Anna.

  Her cart was head to head with Anna’s. Jenna knew that she would eventually see Anna, but she still didn’t feel prepared for this moment. Not today. Not with everything else.

  “Watch where you’re going!” Anna snapped, her harsh tone incongruent with her perfect, heart-shaped face. So cute. So pretty. Her hair was cut in a stylish, almost-shoulder-length bob. She didn’t have on makeup, but didn’t need it with her perfect skin, round brown eyes and full lips. Jenna could only see her from the shoulders up behind Anna’s overflowing cart.

  Jenna froze, the apology dying on her lips.

  “I’ll call you back.” Anna tossed her phone into the depths of her designer purse. She cocked her head a little and smiled. It felt more like she was sizing Jenna up than anything.

  “Jenna. I’d heard rumors you were back. How are you? It’s been—what?—ten years? You look…different.”

  “And you haven’t changed a bit.”

  They stared at each other for a beat.

  “How long until you leave? I’m sorry about your mom by the way. At least you’ll get some good money for the property. Real estate here really skyrocketed. A lot of us who stayed here did really well.”

  Jenna just nodded along, waiting for a break in this stream of words so she could find any excuse to extricate herself from the situation. Anna felt like the clichéd antagonist in a movie. You couldn’t possibly find a real person who spoke this way or acted the way she did. It was unreal. In movies they had back stories that made their bad behavior okay in the end. Jenna didn’t care a single bit about Anna’s back story, if she even had one. She just was who she was. And she wasn’t nice.

  Jenna couldn’t get around until Anna moved her cart. At least all the groceries were between them. Any buffer helped.

  “How’s your life?” Anna just went on. “I heard you got divorced. Marriage is really hard to maintain.”

  Jenna cleared her throat and swallowed a remark about Anna and Steve’s marriage dissolving. She would not be that person. “I did get divorced—how nice of you to say. Probably throwing a party to celebrate soon. I’ll send you an invitation if you want to come.”

  Anna blinked, trying to gauge if Jenna was kidding or not. She gave a dry laugh. “You’re so funny. I remember that about you.”

  “I’m sorry—can you move your cart? I’ve got to…go. It really was something to see you. Just like old times.”

  “Just,” Anna said in a too-sweet voice.

  She pulled her cart to the side so Jenna could pass. As they moved by each other, an orange from Anna’s cart rolled out of a bag and to the floor. Jenna bent to pick it up. As she stood and reached out to hand it to Anna, time began spinning off its axis into a slow-motion crawl as her eyes noticed two things.

  First: Anna’s belly jutting out in front of her, impossibly round and full—pregnant—and then: the glint of Anna’s wedding ring as she rubbed her hand absently over the swell of her stomach—married. Two nights ago, Jenna had kissed this woman’s husband.

  Jenna dropped the orange into Anna’s open palm.

  “Thank you,” Anna said, smiling sideways at Jenna, looking like a cat who just ate a pet bird. And then she was gone.

  Jenna kept walking but did not feel her legs. Rather, she felt them, but more like they were objects attached somehow to her body, moving forward on their own. Her hands clenched the handle of the cart. She felt a strange detachment to her body and had the sensation that she was both sinking and floating.

  She could hear voices around her and an announcement on the overhead speaker, but the sounds were muffled. Outside, Mercer and the band played on, the music one more barb to her heart.

  Just like when she got out of the elevator, things started to turn black around the edges. Jenna realized that she was about to lose consciousness, the taste of peaches suddenly in her mouth.

  Not here. Abandoning the cart, Jenna lunged toward the two double doors leading to the back of the store. She heard a dull metallic crash behind her as her cart rolled into a display.

  To her right she saw an office door and it took e
verything in her to make it there as the darkness encroached. She flipped on the light switch, her hand slapping at the wall, and barely made it to the wheeled chair. It spun as she landed in it, hard, and just before everything went dark, she registered the photograph on the wall behind the desk: Jackson and his parents in front of his beach house.

  This time, she must have been unconscious for only a few seconds. Or that’s how it felt when her vision cleared. Sounds slowly returned to normal.

  Steve was married still to Anna. That’s why his mother still had their family picture, why Anna still wore her ring. He was with Anna and he had kissed her. A married man had kissed her. She was the other woman.

  Having been on the other side of this equation, the guilt was almost heavier than she could bear. It sat on her chest like a boulder. Never mind that she hadn’t wanted Steve to kiss her. It happened. She had—willing or not—participated in him cheating on Anna. The kiss was quick, but did it matter? It wasn’t sex or an affair or even something she wanted. She should have pulled away quicker, reacted faster. She tried to think back to the kiss, timing it in her mind. A silly exercise that somehow seemed incredibly important right now.

  Did she have to tell Anna?

  The thought made Jenna put her head between her knees. Anna already hated her. She could only hate Jenna more. This would never be Steve’s fault—she knew that. Anna would never believe Jenna over Steve. Would he even deny it? Were there other women? He didn’t wear his wedding ring. Had he lost it? Did he need to take it off for work? Was it just a move to try to get to Jenna? The questions felt like gnats, hovering in front of her, touching down and then lingering.

  “Jax?” Behind her, a woman’s voice called out, approaching the office door. Jenna recognized it as Mercer. Bile rose in her throat at the sound of his nickname on Mercer’s lips.

  “I thought I might find you in here. Beau had to go answer a non-emergency call so we finished up our set. I think things are starting to wind down. I wanted to tell you before I forgot that I think I found the perfect house. It’s just the right size and has a great location. Want to go look tomorrow?”