Private

by Kate Brian

  felt hopeful and determined. Now I was exhausted and overwhelmed.

  French and I hadn’t been able to keep up or form any coherent

  As I joined the other girls from my floor at our table—the same one we answer other than “Je ne sais pas.” Even though my art history elec-had claimed that morning—I realized my latest and possibly most tive had been packed to the rafters with teen curators, all of whom alienating mistake of my superterrific morning. On my tray was a knew the artist, year, and medium of every work our teacher flashed heaping bowl of macaroni and cheese and a large Coke, plus three up on the screen. I could only imagine what was going to happen in chocolate chip cookies. Their trays? Nothing but salad and diet my next class—Trigonometry. We’d probably skip right to Calculus Cokes. Constance had already hidden her one cookie under a napkin, because everyone would be bored by sines and cosines.

  no doubt in an act of self-preservation.

  “I know this is going to sound obnoxious or something, but if

  “Do you know how many fat calories are in that?” Missy said,

  you ever need any help, I’m totally there,” Constance said. “The flicking her gaze at my food.

  school I went to back in the city was really good. Like really good.”

  I dropped into the last empty chair at the end of the table and let Okay. Was she offering to help me, or showing off? Neither one

  my heavy book bag thud to the floor. I decided not to care what made me feel any better. It was as if everyone here had decided that Missy Thurber thought of my food. I was too hungry to care. And I was stupid and in need of charity or something, but I wasn’t. I was besides, it was comfort food. If there was one thing I needed just a straight-A student for God’s sake. I was the one who always helped then, it was comfort.

  out everyone else. What was happening to me?

  “Pass the ketchup?” I said.

  The girls at my table gabbed about the boys in their classes

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  and planned a trip into town for the weekend. I overheard the

  “Real ly?” Noelle crossed her arms over her chest and strode phrases “four-ply cashmere,” “so hot,” “new credit card.” They

  over to me, looking me up and down. A few other girls from

  were stressed about nothing. I was stressed about a zillion and one Billings, those not of the four, stood back and glanced at one another various things of all shapes and sizes and urgencies.

  quizzically. “You’re our peeping Tom?”

  And then I saw them. The Billings Girls had emerged from the

  Missy bleated a laugh.

  lunch line and were walking down the aisle right toward us. Noelle

  “I thought she’d be more butch,” Kiran said. Taylor laughed,

  led the way, with Kiran, Taylor, and Ariana trailing behind, her head then snorted, then covered her mouth with her hand. Kiran rolled bent as she read from her book. For the first time, I could see them her big, beautiful, perfectly lined eyes and smiled. At me.

  up close and each was more perfect and beautiful than the last.

  “Don’t mind her. We’re still working out the kinks,” Noelle

  I held my breath as Noelle sauntered by, her eyes sliding over

  said. “What’s your name?”

  me and an amused smile playing around her lips. Kiran and Taylor

  “Reed,” I said.

  chatted their way past and then came Ariana. She wore a white tank

  “I’m Noelle. This is Kiran and Taylor and Ariana,” she said. I

  and a long, flowing aqua-colored skirt that grew darker in color noticed that she did not bother to introduce any of the other girls from waist to foot. Around her neck was a sheer purple-and-lavender from her dorm. So they were second string.

  scarf, the ends of which hung down over her chest and grazed her

  “Hi,” I said. They smiled. I was on top of the world.

  stomach. I would have looked ridiculous in an outfit like that—like

  “Now that you know who we are, maybe you can have a little

  a kid playing dress up—but she belonged in those clothes. She respect and quit licking the glass.”

  brought with her an exotic scent that still somehow felt familiar.

  Laughter surrounded me and Noelle smirked at my now blood-

  I was just trying to place it when she lowered the book, looked less complexion. The Billings Girls smiled superiorly, looking at directly into my eyes, and said, “Oh. Hello.”

  me with practiced condescension.

  All her friends stopped. So did my heart.

  “Come on, you guys,” Noelle said, turning away. Kiran and Taylor

  “This is the girl I was telling you about,” Ariana said. She had the fell in at her sides and they walked off together, like a moving wall. All slightest of southern accents, so muted that it was as if she added it the others followed—everyone except Ariana, who tilted her head as an afterthought.

  apologetically, looking somewhere over my shoulder.

  My empty stomach churned and I tasted bile in the back of my

  “Sorry,” she said. “Noelle can be a little blunt.”

  throat. I could feel the girls from my floor looking at one another.

  “Yeah,” I managed to say.

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  She tucked her wispy hair behind her ear. Like me, she wore no

  jewelry or makeup, but still seemed more sophisticated than I ever would be. Her skin was so pale that I felt that if the sun from the skylight shifted, I’d be able to see right through her. For a moment she refocused her blue eyes directly on mine and I saw with perfect LUCK

  clarity that they were sad, even though she was smiling.

  “Well, see you,” she said finally.

  Then she turned her attention to her book again, and trailed off after her friends. Already I wondered if I had imagined the sorrow.

  Of course I had. What would a girl like her have to be sad about?

  “Hey, new girl.”

  “Way to piss off the Billings Girls on your first day,” Missy said.

  As we were on our way out of the cafeteria, Thomas Pearson

  “Were you really spying on them?” Constance asked.

  pushed himself away from the gray brick wall and fell into step with

  “Not exactly,” I replied, privately cursing myself.

  me. Constance shot me a look like Hello, supah-stah. Like how could What was wrong with me? All I had done since I had arrived here I possibly know a guy this hot on only my second day there?

  was dig myself a hole. With the teachers, with the Billings Girls.

  Search me.

  Now I was going to have to do everything I could to scramble out.

  “Hello,” I said coolly. Even though my pulse was racing.

  “Got something for you,” Thomas said.

  He produced a small medallion from his pocket. It was bronze

  and had a square hole in the center. He held it up between his

  thumb and forefinger, looking quite pleased with himself.

  “What is it?” I asked, pausing.

  “My good luck charm. I’ve decided to give it to you because I no longer need luck. I have transcended luck.”

  I smirked and tried to sound unimpressed. “Good for you.” My

  heart was pounding.

  “It is, isn’t it?” he replied.

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  I had to struggle to keep from grinning doofily in his presence.

  “I have no idea,” I said. “Explain to me what this is.”

  So annoying.

  Constance laughed. “You used to use them to pay for the subway.

  “But really,” I said. “What is it?”

  Now they have electronic passes c
alled MetroCards. Geez, Reed.

  “It was a subway token. From the days before MetroCards,”

  Haven’t you ever been to New York?”

  Thomas said, raising his eyebrows.

  No. I’d never been anywhere. Not that she needed to know that.

  What the hell was a MetroCard?

  I stared down at the tiny token, feeling indescribably happy

  “I was devastated when they outmoded them. Call me old

  until I felt someone watching me. When I looked up, I was looking school, but there’s just something about slipping something solid directly into Ariana’s clear blue eyes. She was a dozen yards away into that little slot and hearing that satisfying plink, then reaping near the stone benches at the center of the quad, but from the

  the rewards. . . .”

  intensity of her stare, she may as well have been on top of me.

  He shook his head wistfully and gazed directly into my eyes. I

  My heart skipped a disturbed beat and I smiled automatically—

  flushed. Hard. Metaphor intended? Probably. Metaphor noted?

  uncertainly. Then she blinked and turned away, leaving me

  Definitely. Girl intrigued, yet mortified? You bet.

  wondering if I had misread the whole thing.

  “Anyway,” he said, breaking the momentary trance. “You hold

  in your hands a relic from another time. Keep it well.”

  “Thanks.”

  He backed away toward the quad, hands in his pockets, grinning

  suggestively. I caught more than a few girls staring at me with unabashed envy. Hearts broke all across the campus. As Thomas

  turned away, two guys jogged to catch up with him. He ducked his head and listened as they scurried to keep up.

  “Who was that?” Constance asked with inflection that befitted the magnitude of the man.

  I grinned. “That was Thomas Pearson.”

  “What’s his deal?” she asked, standing on her tiptoes to watch

  him as he and his cohorts were enveloped by the crowd making

  their way to afternoon classes.

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  “All right, ladies! Let’s settle down.” A middle-aged woman with broad shoulders and calves stood at the bottom of the bleachers. I took this to be the coach. She had short blond hair, wore no makeup or jewelry, and had plenty of dirt under her fingernails. Her eyes fell DEFENSIVE MANEUVERS

  on me. “You’re Reed Brennan, I assume. I’m Coach Lisick.”

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Reed comes to us from Pennsylvania where she was the leading

  defensive scorer in her division as a freshman,” Coach announced to the group.

  I was the first person on the bleachers for soccer practice that after-Great. Now Noelle knew I was from good old, square, boring PA.

  noon. Not wanting to be late, I had run back to Bradwell after the I wondered if I could lie and say I was from Philly. Was there any last class to change, pausing only to slip Thomas’s token onto my cachet at all in being from Philly? My guess was no.

  silver chain and fasten it around my neck before sprinting all the

  “Which means you should all be grateful to have her here,”

  way up the hill to the fields. Now, as the rest of the team approached Coach continued. “Got it?”

  in one clump, carrying soccer balls and orange cones, I realized that There was a murmur of assent.

  being super-early was just as conspicuous as being late. At the front

  “Glass-licker got skills,” Noelle whispered, her breath hot on

  of the pack, Noelle eyed me as if my appearance amused her.

  my ear. “You go, glass-licker.”

  I pulled my legs closer to me and looked off across the soccer

  She patted me twice on the shoulder, hard, and I sunk lower in

  field, avoiding eye contact. Maybe if I pretended I was invisible . . .

  my seat. There I stayed, feeling her eyes on the back of my neck,

  “Hey, glass-licker,” she said, rattling the metal steps as she

  until Coach blew the whistle and set us out to scrimmage. I ran out climbed up. She sat directly behind me, her bare knees straddling onto the field, relishing the freedom from Noelle’s scrutiny. Out my back. I was already sweating beneath the merciless sun, but with here I could do anything.

  her so sitting close to me, I felt new rivulets of sweat start to form.

  We lined up on opposite ends of the field, me defending the north

  “You play? Or are you just following me?”

  goal, Noelle playing forward on the south. We were going to go headA few of the other girls laughed. My face burned. This was going to-head, no question, and my skin sizzled with anticipation. Bring to be way fun.

  it on.

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  The whistle blew and Noelle got control of the ball. Naturally.

  But then she faced me and smiled. A genuine, amused, almost

  She quickly booted it across to the teammate on her right, who took proud smile. She brushed the dirt off the front of her shorts.

  it upfield. Color me impressed. I had assumed Noelle was a ball-

  “Keep doing that and we might win a few this year,” she said.

  hog type. All glory, no teamwork. Apparently I was wrong.

  “Thanks,” I replied, hoping she’d miscredit my breathlessness

  Noelle streaked toward me and I backed up fast, but she blew by to exertion rather than fear.

  me. The girl was quick. The second Noelle hit open field, her team-

  “But do that to me again and we’re gonna have a problem.”

  mates passed her the ball and my heart lurched. I charged her from Then she laughed and ran up to join the rest of the team. I stood behind. I couldn’t let her think I was some talent-free plebe. I there, trying to get ahold of myself, trying to decide if it was too couldn’t let her intimidate me. Not out here.

  soon to be relieved. Was she irritated with me or impressed?

  I raced in and slide-kicked from her blind side, knocking the

  Somehow I had a feeling that with Noelle, I might never know.

  ball away from her and toward my teammate across the field. Noelle shouted and tripped over my shin guard, hitting the ground hard and tumbling butt-over-head. For a moment our legs were entan-gled, but I extricated myself quickly and stood.

  “Nice play, Brennan!” Coach shouted from the sidelines.

  I smiled and offered Noelle my hand. But when I looked into her eyes, my heart slammed to a halt. She spat on the ground and glared right through me, seething.

  I should have been running downfield after the play, but I

  couldn’t move. Cheers erupted near the far goal and Coach blew the whistle. Noelle shoved herself up from the ground and all I could think about was the fact that she was going to kill me. Kill me dead.

  For that split second, all the viciousness she was capable of was dis-cernable in her eyes and for some reason I thought of that scar under her clothes, so violent and red. No longer did it seem so very out of place.

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  attention to it because I would be playing, sports requirement

  or no.

  “Oh, I don’t,” she said. Then, off my confused look, “Health

  reasons.”

  TRUST ME

  “Oh.” She didn’t elaborate and I didn’t feel like she wanted me to ask. Of course, now I had one more thing to obsess about. What could Ariana possibly have that would preclude her from fulfilling her physical fitness requirement?

  “So . . . making friends?” she asked.

  The other sophomores on the team took off right after practice,

  “I guess,” I said.

  so I walked back to Bradwell alone. I wasn’t sure why my peers

  “How’s y
our floor?” she asked.

  had decided to alienate me. Because I was new? Because Coach had

  “It’s . . . good,” I said. Constance seemed okay and Diana was

  singled me out? Because they felt like it?—but I wasn’t surprised.

  nice enough.

  Alone was my natural state of being. For now.

  “What about guys?”

  I hoisted my gym bag on my shoulder as I came around the

  My mind instantly flashed on Thomas and I felt the cool metal of building toward the front door. The moment I got there, Ariana

  the subway token against my sweat-caked skin. The Billings Girls stepped out from the alcove, scaring me nearly to death.

  had to respect a girl who caught the attention of a hot senior on her

  “Hey,” she said. She clutched a couple of notebooks to her chest.

  first day at Easton, didn’t they?

  “Hi.”

  “Well, I met this one guy . . . ,” I said.

  Was she waiting for me?

  “Thomas Pearson,” she said flatly.

  “How was practice?” she asked.

  I blinked, surprised. Her tone had all the warmth of black ice.

  “Fine,” I said. This was strange. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed

  “I saw you guys talking,” she explained. She stepped away from

  to do or say. I racked my brain and came up with a fabulously original the door, closer to me, as a few girls returned from field hockey question. “What team do you play for?”

  practice, laughing and rehashing a play. I felt a flash of jealousy.

  At Easton, everyone had to play at least one sport. Something

  “Reed.”

  about fulfilling a physical fitness requirement. I didn’t pay much

  “Sorry,” I said. What was I thinking, letting my attention

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  wander from the one person who had been nice to me today? The

  “Really?” I said, sounding a little too excited.

  one person whose attention I would kill for.

  “I’d like to get to know you better,” she said. “We all would.”

  “So, you like him?” Ariana asked.

  So they had talked about me. Discussed me. Behind my back.

  “I haven’t decided yet,” I said, even though my pulse raced at the The thought was disconcerting. After such a short time on campus, very thought of him. Thomas was gorgeous, no doubt. And intriguI already had people talking about me.