Private

by Kate Brian

  This was impossible.

  Screw them. Screw them and their test. Let Ariana fail. Let her see I glanced at my watch. Already four minutes had gone by since I what it’s like.

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  But even as I thought it I knew I would never let them down. I

  Ms. Johnson. Mr. Carter. Mr. Cross.

  held on to my fingers and bit back the tears. I had to keep trying.

  And then, finally, at the end of the hall, I found it. Mr. Dramble.

  Three feet away was another window. Once again I pressed my

  I grasped the handle and turned. It was, mercifully, unlocked.

  hand against it, held my breath, and closed my eyes. I pushed. And Perhaps, like the dorms, none of the teacher’s rooms were ever

  the window slid open.

  locked. There was, after all, an honor code around here. Perhaps Yes! I was saved.

  the brass at Easton felt that was enough to keep people like me out.

  I shoved my head inside the cool dankness of a basement stor-

  Oh, well.

  age room. Desks and chairs were stacked all around the perimeter I fumbled through the office, slammed my foot into a chair, and and beneath the window was a long, metal desk. I turned around

  eventually groped my way to the desk. As my eyes adjusted, I found and went through backward. The metal slider rail of the window cut a desk light and flicked it on. Dangerous, I know, but I was com-into my legs, then my stomach as I shimmied through, but I ignored pletely unfamiliar with my surroundings. Unless I wanted to break the pain. I dangled for a second, then dropped onto the desk with a something or injure myself, I needed light. Dramble’s computer

  bang that reverberated throughout the world. I closed my eyes and was on a low cart next to his desk. I pressed the on button and held nearly burst into tears. There was no way that had gone unnoticed.

  my breath as the computer whirred to life. It took forever to boot up Apparently I was unfit for a life of crime.

  and I wished I had grabbed a watch on my way out. I had no idea how But it didn’t matter. I had to go. Somewhere on the first floor much time I was wasting here. Five minutes? Ten? It felt like five was Mr. Dramble’s office. I still had to find it, then find the test, hours.

  then get the hell out of there and back to Billings.

  Finally the desktop appeared. A picture of a miniature schnau-

  I raced to the door and whipped it open, not even checking to

  zer in the center. Various folder icons were lined up on the right see if there was anyone around. If they were, they were already on side. My breath caught when I saw that one was marked “Senior

  their way thanks to my spectacularly unstealthy entrance. May as Physics.”

  well get as far as I could.

  Hands trembling, I grabbed the mouse and double-clicked the

  I found the stairwell at the back of the building and ran up to folder. There were at least two dozen files named “quiz_9_21,” “quiz the first floor. The only light came from a red exit sign that cast the 9_28” and “exam_1,” “exam_2.” And on and on. Which exam was it?

  walls in a bloodlike hue. I ran along, checking the names on

  Had they already taken one or was this their first? Crap. I would just the brass plates next to each wood-and-glass door.

  have to print out a few.

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  I opened the first four exam files and sent them to the printer.

  When it creaked to life, I died a slow death. The printer was ancient and louder than an A-bomb. When it started printing, I actually squeezed out a tear of desperation. One page an hour, approximately.

  As each page printed, I snatched it from the printer. My feet

  AN INVITATION

  tapped. My hands quaked. My heart was executing an erratic beat that had to be unhealthy. Finally, finally, the last page came

  through. I lunged at the computer and shut it down; then, having no clue if the security detail was already in the building looking for me, I bolted.

  I heard the cackle of a laugh and slowly looked up. It was Noelle.

  In the hallway I paused for a millisecond. I listened for footsteps Noelle was standing just outside the door.

  and heard nothing.

  “Reed Brennan! Come on out!” she sang quietly.

  Maybe luck was on my side.

  Shaking and cursing under my breath, I pushed myself to my

  Knowing there was absolutely no way I could climb up the base-

  feet and staggered for the door. As I shoved it open, Noelle, Ariana, ment wall and back out through that tiny window, I headed for the Kiran, and Taylor all moved aside. Noelle’s face had been distorted front door. I ran as fast as I could down the hallway, rounded a cor-by the pebbling in the window, but if I hadn’t been in such a panic ner, and skidded into the entryway hall. I was about to run for the and if I’d had a second longer to take her in, I would have realized it door when everything dropped out from under me and I fell to the was her. I felt like a total idiot. I had fallen to the floor right in front floor in horror.

  of her.

  There was a face in the window.

  She grabbed my hand and pulled me, still laughing, into the

  shadows, the rest of the girls at our heels. I started to seethe.

  “You should have seen your face,” Noelle whispered mirthfully

  once we were a safe distance from all buildings housing any adults.

  “Sorry I missed it,” I said, whipping the test out and handing it to Ariana. “Here. Enjoy.”

  “Oh! She’s upset!” Kiran teased.

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  “Calm down, Reed. It was just a joke,” Taylor said.

  “Great. Funny. Can I go to bed now?” I asked.

  Noelle paused. Her eyes darkened. “You keep up that attitude

  and you won’t get what you have coming to you.”

  My heart skipped a distressed, curious beat. “What do you

  INSIDE

  mean?”

  “Well, we were going to have you over tomorrow if you got

  Ariana the test,” Kiran said. “But if you’re not interested . . .”

  Have me over? As in over to Billings? As in me inside Billings House? In their inner sanctum?

  Anticipation gripped my heart as I followed Kiran up the front walk

  “No. I’m interested,” I said.

  toward Billings House. I stared up at the windows overhead, giddy

  “Figured as much,” Noelle replied.

  as could be. Any moment now, I was going to see what was behind

  “Good,” Ariana said with a small smile. “Kiran will come get

  them. Any minute now, I would be privy to the secrets that this you.”

  place held. I felt like I was being ushered into some secret society.

  All the tension and fear and anger melted away as I was over-

  Would I be greeted by girls in white robes and forced to sign some come with hope. They were letting me in. They were finally letting document in blood, swearing I would never repeat what I saw

  me in.

  within these walls? Somehow that wouldn’t surprise me, especially

  “Oh. And you can have this back,” Ariana said, handing me the

  after last night.

  test. “I don’t even take physics.”

  Kiran paused in front of the door and raised one eyebrow. “You

  Then they sauntered off together, tossing their laughter back at ready for this?”

  me, as I stood in the middle of the dark campus, unable to so much All I could do was nod. She smirked and pushed the door open.

  as breathe.

  This was it.

  I followed Kiran into the lobby and tried not to look too awed or intimidated.

  “Here we are,” she s
aid. “Home sweet home.”

  “It’s nice,” I said. Understatement of the year. The Billings

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  foyer was large yet cozy, with high ceilings crisscrossed by wooden

  “I kinda doubt she cares.” Kiran scoffed as she shrugged out of beams. A stone fireplace took up one wall and the floor was hard-her velvet jacket. “I was hoping that living with her would make wood, covered by a gorgeous handwoven rug. Framed photographs

  some of it transfer by osmosis, but so far, no luck.” She took the of Billings girls through the ages adorned the walls. In these photos pins out of her bun and let her long hair tumble over her shoulders.

  I recognized a couple of politicians, one famous news anchor, and

  “Make yourself comfortable. I need to use the facilities.”

  at least two groundbreaking authors. I would have studied them all She walked past Taylor’s bed and opened the door to what I had

  more closely if I hadn’t thought it would make me look too eager.

  thought was a closet.

  Upstairs was all plush carpeting, bronze wall sconces, and artis-

  “Less than point-zero-five percent,” Taylor whispered proudly

  tic photos of the Easton grounds. I could hear music playing

  as soon as Kiran was gone. “Though some scientists maintain that it through someone’s wall. When we walked into the room Taylor and doesn’t actually exist.”

  Kiran shared, Taylor was hanging backward off the end of her bed

  “Ah,” I said distractedly. I was too busy staring after Kiran. “Is reading one of her romance novels upside down.

  that a bathroom?” I whispered.

  “Hi, Reed!” she said, flipping over. She closed her eyes against

  “I know,” Taylor said, folding over the page on her book and

  a head rush, then smiled.

  tossing it on her desk. “This place is sick. Everyone wants to get in

  “Do you ever study?” I asked her.

  here. It’s the best dorm on campus.”

  “She doesn’t have to. She just picks up her A’s like she’s picking Yeah. No kidding. I was about to ask Taylor how exactly one

  up mail,” Kiran said, slinging her bag onto her own bed. “It’s so wrangled an invite to Billings, but there was a flush and Kiran annoying.”

  reemerged.

  Their room was huge. Kiran’s bed, covered in a hundred shades of

  “So, you ready to get to work?”

  purple in satins and silk, stood near the bay window. Taylor’s, covered My heart fell. Work? Did they have another task for me? Was

  in red and pink, sat clear on the other side of the room with a dance that why I was really there?

  floor’s worth of space in between. They also had their own fireplace, in At that moment the door opened and in walked Noelle and

  which stood a dozen white candles of all shapes and sizes. Their desks Ariana. I was half pleased, half miserable to see them.

  were twice the size of those in Bradwell, and they had double dressers.

  “What? You haven’t even started yet?” Noelle asked, raising an

  “It’s not my fault God gave me a photographic memory,” Taylor

  eyebrow.

  said. “Do you know what percentage of the population has a photo-

  “We were waiting for you,” Taylor said.

  graphic memory?” she asked me.

  Okay. This was sounding more and more frightening.

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  “How thoughtful,” Ariana said.

  Kiran snorted. “We noticed.”

  She walked over to a pair of double doors and slid them open.

  “You don’t have to take anything,” Ariana said, sitting on the

  “Reed Brennan, welcome to your reward,” Kiran said.

  end of Kiran’s bed. “But just try some things on. You might like My eyes widened. The closet was bigger than any I had ever

  them. You never know.”

  seen, and filled from end to end with lush sweaters, shimmering I was touched by their offer even as I felt chagrined by the

  tops, silky skirts. The shoes alone were enough to send a girl reeling—

  suggestion that I needed help.

  even a girl who had never been all that big on fashion. Now I won-Kiran placed a pair of gray pants below a blue ballet-neck

  dered if that had been by choice, or if I was actually a closet clothes sweater. A silver skirt was topped by a white short-sleeved turtle-hound who just never had the money to feed her habit.

  neck. She placed a few more outfits, then clucked her tongue and

  “I think you’re a summer,” Kiran said, finger to chin as she

  moved it all around.

  studied her wardrobe. “That means blues, grays, silvers. Oooh. I

  “Here. Try this,” she said, shoving an aqua shell at me with a

  have an idea.” She rubbed her hands together, then dove in, pulling gray skirt. The fabric of the shell was softer than anything I had ever clothes out and hooking the hangers over her fingers. Once she’d touched.

  gathered half a dozen items, she walked over to her bed and started

  “Okay. Be right back,” I said, turning toward the bathroom.

  laying them out.

  “Aw, she’s shy,” Kiran teased.

  “She thinks I’m a genius; wait till you see her at work,” Taylor

  “What?” I said.

  said quietly. “I always wished I was good with colors, but it’s very

  “Just change,” Noelle said, impatiently. “You don’t have any-

  rare to have both academic and artistic genius. Of course, there was thing we haven’t seen before. At least I hope you don’t.”

  Leonardo DaVinci, Benjamin Franklin—”

  I glanced at Taylor, who smiled encouragingly. Ariana simply

  “Taylor,” Noelle snapped.

  stared with those eerie blue eyes. Feeling beyond self-conscious, I Taylor reddened and pressed her lips together.

  laid the clothes over Taylor’s desk chair, then unhooked my jeans

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  and stepped out of them. The Billings Girls watched my every move.

  “We are giving your wardrobe a makeover,” Noelle said.

  It wasn’t as if I had never changed in front of girls before, but I’d

  “You have gorgeous features, you know,” Kiran said. “You need

  never had four people staring blatantly at me while I did it. I turned to learn to play them up.”

  my back to them as I pulled off my T-shirt and quickly yanked on I flushed as I watched her pull items from her closet. Suddenly the shell. Even in my tense state I couldn’t help but notice how this felt a lot like charity. “I’ve never been big on fashion.”

  amazing the buttery softness felt against my skin. Then I stepped

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  into the skirt, the satin lining swishing coolly up my legs. I fastened

  “Thus the reason you’re here,” Noelle said, rolling her eyes.

  it quickly around my waist, covering up my cotton underpants as

  “Let’s get on with it already.”

  fast as possible.

  Kiran handed me the next outfit, even more amazing than the

  I zipped the skirt and turned around, flushed and hot. I lifted last, and I hid a pleased smile as I turned my back to the girls once my hair out and let it fall down my back. “What do you think?”

  again. Who cared anymore whether they had tricked me into

  Everyone studied me. I tried to remember whether or not I had

  getting that test for no reason? This was worth every last minute of put deodoran
t on that morning. How embarrassing would it be if I torture. This made all of it worthwhile.

  handed back Kiran’s clothes and they were thick with BO?

  Ever so slowly, Noelle smiled. “I think there’s hope for you yet.”

  “Go look in the mirror,” Ariana said.

  I stepped over to the full-length mirror in the corner and

  grinned at my reflection. It was a totally new Reed. I looked older. I looked like I had curves. I looked good.

  If I could show up for lunch with Thomas’s parents wearing

  something like this, they might even think that I was good enough for their son.

  “I can borrow these?” I said as Kiran stepped over with another outfit.

  “Borrow? You can have them,” Kiran said.

  My jaw dropped. “What?”

  “Please. I get new stuff shipped in every week from Milan . . .

  New York . . . Paris,” she said. “It’s not like it’s a big deal.”

  “Thank you so much!” I trilled. “This is exactly what I needed!”

  “For what?” Ariana asked shrewdly.

  I felt something sink inside of me and looked back at my

  reflection. “For my wardrobe,” I answered cagily. “You guys know I have nothing this nice.”

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  I looked up. He was glaring down at the stapled pages in con-

  sternation. He flicked his gaze at me.

  “Much improved,” he said.

  My heart leapt as he placed the test face down on my desk. I

  A IS THE NEW C

  fumbled with the pages and finally turned it over. There was a big, fat A right next to my name.

  “Wow. Go you,” Constance said, leaning over.

  I beamed, tingling with triumph. This was going to be a very

  good day.

  My heart pounded as Mr. Barber handed back our most recent quiz.

  It was the first test I had taken using Taylor’s new study method, and although I had felt like I knew all the answers when I was filling them in, I was still tense. I had to do well on this. Later in the day I’d be getting back more grades, and I felt like whatever I had scored on this one would set the tone for the rest of my classes. If all did not go well, my days were numbered. I thought of Billings and my afternoon with the girls. I thought of Thomas. I thought of all the things I would lose if I had somehow screwed this up.

  Then I thought of my mother. Of the gray walls of Croton High.

  Of the nothingness I would have to go back to.