He laughed and rubbed my arm. "I just realized that my friends might reveal my secret, so it would be best not to have you mingle with them."
Wow. He really did have something he wanted to hide. I studied him. "Are you married?"
"No."
I frowned. "An escaped criminal living under an alter ego?"
"No. But you have a good imagination."
"So, what's so bad that you won't tell me?" I scowled at him. It wasn't fair. He knew all my secrets, and I felt connected to him, but it was a one-way connection. That's why I couldn't date him. What kind of relationship would that be?
"Let it go." His tone was soft, but firm. He wasn't going to discuss it. "How about the movies? Anything you want to see?"
"With you? Tonight?" At his nod, I shrugged. "Sure. As friends."
"As friends."
Chapter Thirty-Two
I was still in a fantastic mood when Van dropped me off at my apartment. The movie had been good, we'd gone for dessert afterwards, and then he'd driven me home. We hadn't discussed anything else serious, but we'd had fun, plain old fun, with no baggage or issues.
He'd hugged me again. It was as amazing as before, but this time, I'm managed to let go after a socially responsible length of time. I had Van back, and I'd managed not to screw it up by fantasizing about him kissing me, pouring out details of my sex life, or wrapping myself around him in a way that friends would never do.
I felt so much better. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed him, or how much I'd needed him.
I walked into the kitchen to find Emma sitting at the kitchen table in the dark. Her feet were curled up under her, and she was eating chocolate ice cream out of the container.
"Emma?" My heart leapt at the sight of her.
She ignored me, and my heart fell again.
Fine.
I ignored her right back and helped myself to a glass of water. I made it as far as the hallway, then I turned back and looked at her. She was still sitting there. "Em? Is something wrong?"
"I'm moving out."
All the good feelings from my evening with Van vanished, replaced with a stark loneliness and despair. I was losing Emma for real. "Are you moving in with Blaine?"
"Yes."
My fingers tightened on the glass. "Are you sure that's the right thing to do? I mean, you barely know him."
She said nothing.
Dammit. I couldn't walk away. I walked back into the kitchen and sat down across from her. "I miss you."
She looked up immediately, but it was too dark to see her eyes. "You do?"
"Of course I do. You're my best friend." I wasn't going to apologize though. She still owed me an apology for dating Blaine.
She pushed the ice cream across the table. "Want some?"
I grabbed a spoon and dug in.
We ate in silence for a while. After a while, I said, "Noah dumped me."
She made a sympathetic noise. "Why?"
"He didn't want my parents to hate him for dating me."
"Bastard."
"Yeah." I sighed. "I'm struggling to get over it."
"Of course you are. Just because he acted like a jerk isn't enough to make twenty years of adoration fade."
I couldn't even explain how good it felt to be talking to Emma. She knew me, really knew me and all my baggage. "What do I do?"
"Well, do you want him?"
I sucked some ice cream off my spoon. "He's a jerk."
"No, he's not."
I sighed. "I know." I'd known Noah for twenty years, and he wasn't a jerk.
"He's confused." Emma tapped her spoon on her nose. "You should make him jealous."
"I'm not going to play games with him. That's one reason why I like him. Because there are no games." Idly, I wondered what would happen if I showed up with Van at Lindsey's rehearsal dinner. Would that make a difference? But as soon as I thought it, guilt wrapped through me. I didn't want to use Van. I treasured him too much, and my feelings about him were so complicated I didn't even understand them. "I want a guy who's willing to take a risk to be with me, not one I have to convince." A guy who made me feel like Van did.
"Sometimes relationships are complicated."
I looked up at her tone, surprised by the depth of melancholy. I flipped on the light so I could see her face. "What's going on with you? Is everything okay with Blaine?"
"Sure." She sighed. "I just never thought I'd be moving in with a guy this soon, you know? I mean, I'm all about my freedom."
And then some. "Does he want you to get a steady job?"
"No, he doesn't care."
"So that's good. He has to like you the way you are." It still amazed me that Blaine and Emma were a couple. Could they get any more opposite? I cleared my throat. "You know, you don't have to move in with him. I like having you for a roomie."
"But Dave wanted to move in with you."
Ah, yes, Dave. "If he moved in with me, his wife would think I was having an affair with him and she'd take out a hit on me. Not interested."
Emma smiled. "That's probably true. She was always jealous of you." She snorted. "Guess she was barking up the wrong tree, huh? You weren't the one to sweep Dave away from her."
I frowned. I hadn't thought of it that way. Dave and I had been best friends forever. Why wasn't I the one to capture his heart? I could have fallen in love with him quite easily, if he'd given me any signals. Then Van's face flashed into my mind. I was closer with Van right now than I'd ever been with Dave. What if Van met someone? What if I also lost Van to a woman he loved?
My chest suddenly tightened, and I felt panicky.
"You think Phoebe and Dave will work out? It seems like a weird way to start." Emma took another scoop of ice cream, oblivious to my sudden panic. "I'd never date someone who was taken. How would you know he wouldn't do it to you? No way. They have to be single through and through."
Van flashed through my mind, and his comment that he'd never date me. Just like Dave, a best friend who I'd eventually lose to the woman who won his heart.
I swallowed against the sudden urge to cry. It was a good idea not to date Van, right? I mean, I still had a foot in Noah's direction, and a dagger in Blaine's direction. At least there wasn't anything going in Max's direction anymore, so that was a start. I wasn't in a position to date a guy I needed in my life as much as I needed Van.
"Have you talked to them lately?" she asked.
"Who? Phoebe and Dave?" At her nod, I shook my head and sighed. "No."
"I wonder if they've told Yvonne and Zach yet." She grabbed my phone. "Let's call them."
I took the phone. "Hang on."
"What?"
"Are we good again?"
She stopped, then shrugged. "Are we?"
"I was really upset about Blaine." I held up my hand to stop her before she interjected. "Not because I really wanted him for myself, though I did realize that he'd help my standing with my family. But because I really don't get along with him, and I was having trouble with him at work. Having him dating you made work come home in a way I didn't want. I felt you put him in front of our friendship, and that hurt. Especially given how you go through guys so quickly. You'd date him, then dump him, and then it would be even more difficult for me."
Emma's face was tight. "You don't have a right to claim certain guys as off limits."
"I know." I shook my head. "Forget it." See, Van? It didn't work to talk to her. She didn't understand.
"I'm not going to dump him. I'm moving in with him."
"I know." I gritted my teeth. Two choices. Fight it out to no resolution, or accept that Emma couldn't acknowledge the effect her decision had on me, and move on. "And I'm happy for you. I want you to be happy."
She narrowed her eyes. "Seriously?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I want you to be happy?"
"I don't know. Because you think I'm a bitch."
I realized suddenly that I was tired of fighting. So tired. I shrugged. "It doesn't matter." As I sa
id it, I realized it was true. None of it mattered. All that mattered was my friendship with her. "You're my friend, and if Blaine makes you happy, then you should embrace it and not hold back. Move in with him, if you want…" I hesitated, "but will you promise me you'll still go to dinner with me sometimes?"
A tiny, hesitant smile curved the corners of her mouth. "Of course I'll go to dinner with you."
"Good." I hesitated. "Girls' night?"
She frowned. "You mean, will I leave Blaine at home sometimes?"
I grimaced. "Yes." I was tired of fighting against her relationship with Blaine, but I did still need some girl time with my bestie.
She was quiet for a moment. "I guess that would be fair."
Relief rushed through me. I was sure I'd screwed it up. "Awesome—"
"But I'd rather bring him along. He works long hours, and I don't get to see him as much as I'd like. If I have free time, I'd like him to be a part of it." She cocked her head. "Plus, I hate having the two most important people in my life not be friends. That sucks."
Elation vamoosed. "Emma..."
"So, we'll have to hook you back up with Noah so we can double date." She held up her hand to silence me. "You'll like Blaine when you get to know him, but I promise you I won't torment you with a threesome. Blaine and Noah got along over breakfast that morning. Why wouldn't they? They're both lawyers, dating best friends. Lots in common."
I grinned, even though I couldn't exactly see the happy foursome in my mind. But she was trying, and that felt good. "It's good to have you back."
She smiled. "Isn't April's baby shower this weekend?"
"Yes, why? Are you coming?"
"Of course!" She sat up, her eyes sparkling. "At the party, we'll corner your mom and challenge her about you and Noah dating. Guaranteed she'll flip out with glee at the thought of you dating Noah. She'll probably dial up his cell from the party to tell him to date you."
Noah? God, I'd loved him for so long. I sucked a glob of ice cream off my spoon. "The idea has merit..."
"Of course it does!"
"But I don't want to get my hopes up again." Yeah, it kind of hurt getting dumped by him. I would really prefer to avoid that again. Plus, it felt weird. I didn't know what I wanted anymore.
"Then don't get them up."
I rolled my eyes. "You sound like Van. It's all mind over matter."
"Van? The security guy?"
"Uh huh. I went out with him tonight."
"Oh, really?" Emma leaned forward. "Do tell."
"It's not like that. We're just friends."
"He's pretty hot."
"Yeah." I took another scoop of ice cream. "But we've already discussed it. Friends only. Neither of us have any interest in the other on a romantic level." I recalled our friend discussion. "He has some secret though, and he's afraid his friends will reveal it, so I'm banned from his friends for now."
Emma's face lit up. "A secret, huh? Like maybe he has a huge crush on you?"
"Actually, I think he's a stripper." Well, not really, but it sounded rather exciting, didn't it?
Emma's eyes widened. "Really? Cool."
I nodded. "The antithesis of a lawyer, huh? No wonder I like him."
Emma tilted her head. "Maybe you should date him. Maybe you need a guy who is the opposite of everything your family wants. Something totally in another realm, so you can live for yourself."
"No way. I'm not dating Van." I could not open that door in my mind again. I'd worked so hard to get it closed.
"Why not?"
"Well..." It was so complicated, and I couldn't even remember why at this point. Oh, wait. I remembered why. Because he'd said he didn't want to date me. "Because we're going after the Noah thing this weekend."
Emma nodded. "There's no reason you can't foster two relationships. Keeps your options open."
"No way."
"There's no problem with dating two people at the early stages. It's quite healthy, actually. Takes the pressure off each relationship."
"So, are you dating anyone besides Blaine?"
Emma's eyes widened. "No. I've been monogamous for almost three weeks. It's the weirdest thing ever." Then she grinned. "And the greatest thing ever. I'm in love."
"You're seriously in love? Like really in love? Love with a capital 'L?'"
She nodded. "Can you believe it?"
Wow. I leaned back in my chair. "That's awesome."
"I think you mean that."
I flinched at the surprise on her face. "Emma, I'm glad you're in love. I'll figure out how to like him."
"Once you get Noah, you'll be good." She pointed her spoon at me. "No more snide remarks about the man I love, though."
"I'll try. Old habits die hard, though."
She nodded. "As long as you try."
"Are you still going to move out?"
Her grin faded. "Yes. August first. But I'll keep paying rent until you find another roommate."
Three and a half weeks left with my best friend. That sucked. I'd dated Max for two years and never felt the need to cohabitate with him. Why did Emma have to leave? Then again, a lot could happen in three and a half weeks. The flame of love might fade by then. So, no need to worry about it? See, Van? I can shake it off.
"So, let's figure out the plan for the baby shower." Emma grabbed a paper and pen.
"Aren't you going to Blaine's tonight?"
"Not unless you want me to."
"No."
She nodded. "Then about the party..."
Chapter Thirty-Three
I admit it. I succumbed and used my McCormick family connections, and hosted the party at the Firway Club, courtesy of my mom's membership.
The Firway Club is a very old Boston women's club in the Back Bay. Only the elite women of Boston grace their hallowed halls, dining in their expensive restaurant and enjoying their special lectures and guests. Of course, now it's open to men, as all clubs are, but only two have joined.
It's a female haven frequented by all the big names on the corporate Boston front. Lots of deals get negotiated in those rooms, and special out-of-town CEOs are pampered in the six private suites for members' visitors.
The club represents everything about being a McCormick that I preach against, but I decided to host the baby shower there for several reasons. First, the club took over the food, so I had minimal responsibility. Second, it was the type of place April and my mom would deem worthy, and a part of me really wanted to create an event that they would enjoy. Yes, partially to prove myself worthy, but also, well, April was having a baby with a guy she wasn't marrying. Even for a really badass chick, there had to be moments where that felt weird, like maybe something was missing. I didn't want her to feel as outside of things as I'd felt most of my life, so I wanted to make sure that she realized that no one in my family, surprisingly enough, was going to hold it against her.
I wanted her to feel like she belonged and she mattered, because I didn't want anyone, even her, to ever feel like I felt.
The baby shower day dawned sunny and bright—which wasn't quite enough to rid me of the gunky feeling in my stomach. I was nervous about hosting, apprehensive about Emma's plan to ask my mom about Noah, and generally uncomfortable with the idea of spending a day around people I didn't quite feel professionally equal to.
"Why did I agree to do this?" I set a giant bouquet of flowers on the coffee table in the lounge of the club.
"Because even though you purport to hate everything about your family, you want desperately to be accepted. So you hosted this party hoping that you could somehow work your way back into your mom's favor. Same reason you work at M&S. You hope that by being associated with a law firm, it'll be enough to gain your parents' respect, while still creating the façade that you are your own woman."
I scowled at Emma. "Remind me never to invite you to one of these things again."
She kissed my cheek. "You love me, and you missed having me around to tell you the truth. Someday you'll realize I'm right an
d listen to me."
"Or not."
Emma flopped down in an antique chair with velvet covering. "Guess what I did."
Something about the look in her eye sent chills down my spine. "What?"
"Well, I've been to co-ed baby showers a few times. They're all the rage. So I invited the boys of the family to show up at four o'clock." She grinned. "That gives us three hours of girl time, and then the boys can come." And then she wiggled her eyebrows. "And guess who's coming?"
My heart lurched. "Noah?"
"Yep."
I sank down next to her, my knees suddenly quaky. "I don't want to see him. That was so humiliating."
"After we work over your mom, we need to give her access to Noah. This thing needs to be straightened out immediately." She picked a piece of lint off her short, black skirt that was almost acceptable by Firway Club standards. "And I'm doing this only for selfish reasons, so you have a honey and will double with Blaine and me, so don't start thinking that I like you or anything."
I was having too much difficulty breathing to respond to her wisecrack. Noah? Coming here? I felt a glimmer of hope in my belly, which I immediately banished. No way did I want to go through this again. "Emma, you have to disinvite him. I don't want to go through this."
Doubt flickered across her face. "But I thought you really cared about Noah."
"I do. I did. But I don't want to open that up again. He made his choice, and—"
"And you deserve to know whether it could really work. You have to know, so when you see Noah and his wife at McCormick family gatherings for the next sixty years, you know that it would never have worked for you. No room for doubt. You have to know whether he was using your family as an excuse or whether he's really not interested."
"No, I don't. I can assume it was the family thing and avoid taking the humiliation personally." I liked that plan much better than actually confirming I was the cause of the rejection.
"Hello? Shannon? Are you here?"
My mom's voice carried from the foyer, and I stood up. "Emma, don't do this."
"Maybe." With that thoroughly unsatisfactory answer, she rose to face my mom.
"Emma, it's so delightful to see you." My mom kissed Emma's cheek, then scanned my outfit. Her lips tightened in obvious dismay, but she said only, "You look nice, Shannon."
One More Kiss (A Too Many Men Romantic Comedy / Chick Lit Novel) Page 20