"Thanks." My stomach crunched into a knot as her disapproval wafted over me. She was wearing a crème colored silk pants suit. Her hair was styled precisely around her face, and her makeup was impeccable.
I'd been so happy with my blue sundress when I'd gotten dressed this morning, but now I felt like a frump. Even my new expensive sandals didn't help me feel better.
"These flowers shouldn't be here. Let's move them." My mom set her Italian purse on the couch and relocated the bouquet I'd just set on the table. "Shannon, why don't you go check with the kitchen and make sure the food is on time. You're good at that sort of thing."
Right. As long as it didn't require taste, I was competent. Plus, it kept me in the backroom where I couldn't embarrass her. "Mom..." The front door slammed, and I heard the buzz of more female voices. Too late.
I turned and walked to the kitchen, leaving Emma and my mom to welcome the guests.
An hour later, I was feeling even worse. April and all her friends were the epitome of everything my mom wanted me to be. Classy, professional, giggling at the right jokes and generally being proper and correct. I'd been so wrong to be worried about April feeling insecure. From the radiant look on her face, she wasn't remotely concerned about the fact that she had no plans to marry her baby's daddy. How could she be so self-confident? I didn't understand. I really didn't.
Even though it was my show, I'd ended up losing my chair when I checked on the food, relegating me to a seat slightly outside the circle. No one even noticed I was back there.
I was a total outsider, and I hated it.
I wondered how Van would put a positive spin on this one. He'd probably find a way. If he was here, I'd probably be laughing by now, about something that made me feel good.
Van. I need you.
I grabbed my purse and walked outside. Pulled out my cell phone and dialed. He answered on the second ring. "Hello?"
I had no idea what to say.
"Shannon?"
"Um...hi."
"Shannon." He repeated my name softly. "What's wrong?"
"I need your spinning skills."
He chuckled, and it brought a small smile to my lips. "So, you admit my talents, then?"
"Never." I leaned against the iron railing surrounding the flowerbeds in front of the club. "I'm merely trying to build up your fragile ego."
"I appreciate it. What's my task for today?"
I sighed. "I'm at this baby shower for my brother's girlfriend."
"And you wish you were pregnant with your brother's child?"
I laughed. "No."
"Good. I was going to have to refer you to a specialist if that was the problem."
"So you admit there are limits to your greatness?"
"I just don't want to get sued. I don't have insurance for counseling on those kinds of issues."
"Ah. Smart businessman." I took a deep breath and noticed the flowers behind me smelled sort of nice.
"So, what's the problem?"
I chewed my lower lip.
"Shannon?"
"I don't know how to explain it." I kicked a chunk of grass growing up between the cobblestones on the sidewalk.
"Does it have anything to do with your parents pretending you're dead so you don't embarrass them?"
"Something like that." I gave the grass another good thwack, but it ignored me and continued its happy existence. "I just feel like such a loser, you know? Everyone here is a professional, and they're shutting me out. I could burst into flames and disintegrate, and they wouldn't even notice." Stupid tears welled up in my eyes, and I levered myself off the gate to walk down the street. There was no need for anyone from the party to see me like this.
"Stop letting them treat you like that." His voice was soft though, gentle.
"How?" I rubbed my temple and wished my headache would go away.
"Don't sit in the corner. Don't let them ignore you. Speak up. Add your opinion. Let them see your charming self."
"I'm not charming."
I felt his grin. "You can be if you want to be. You're also funny and interesting, and they'd be shocked if you actually let your personality out." He paused. "Let them see how beautiful the real you is."
His words flowed over me like the warm hug I knew he'd give me if he were there. I took a deep breath and felt some of my panic subside. Van. He made me feel like I mattered, every single time. "So, I should just go in there and pretend they like me?"
"Yep."
"Just like that."
"Yep."
I took a deep breath. "I'm not sure I can do it."
"What about the interns?"
"What about them?" I sat down on the steps of a nearby condo and wondered what it would be like to live on this street. Two million dollars for a studio.
"Some of them look down at you, right?"
Like Jessamee? "You could say that."
"And you ignore that. You're funny, outgoing, and you rule the world. You demand respect from the interns, and you get it."
Huh. I hadn't thought about it that way.
"How is this any different?"
"Because this involves my family."
Van snorted. "Treat them like you treat your interns. It can't hurt to at least give it a try, can it?"
"I guess not." I could always have my little fantasies about them like I did at work—my cathartic release of socially unacceptable responses that kept me sane. I pictured my mom at gunpoint, being forced to wear dirty jeans, old tennis shoes, and a baggy tee shirt to work. Imagine how horrified she'd be? Damn, that would be funny. I giggled.
"I heard that giggle," Van said. "Go do it, and call me later. Let me know how it goes."
"Okay." I stood up, feeling stronger. I could totally do this.
"I'll be going out soon, but call anyway, okay?"
I nodded. "Van?"
"Yes?"
"Thanks."
"No problem. I'm glad you called. Good luck."
Still smiling, I hung up. I spent the entire way back thinking about Van and how good he made me feel. By the time I walked back in, I was relaxed, amused, and ready to make him proud.
Chapter Thirty-Four
When I walked into the Firway Club thirty seconds later and saw the tight group of women, I nearly turned and ran right back out. Then I imagined all of those beautiful women with horrible dye jobs, and I smiled at the thought of them being human and flawed. I grabbed my basket of baby-shower games, pulled a chair up, and forced my way between two women who worked with April. "Okay, time for games."
The entire group fell silent and stared at me. I pictured Jessamee's head on everyone's neck, and knew I could dominate. "The boys will be coming later, so this is part one."
I held up a questionnaire. "I have a list of questions for April. Then, when Travis comes later, we'll ask him the same questions and compare answers. We'll see how compatible they will be in setting rules in the household." I handed out pens and paper to everyone. "I'll ask the first few questions, and then everyone will have to write down a question and ask it. The more embarrassing the better."
I ignored the shocked look on my mom's face, and read the first question. "April, when you and Travis want to get intimate, will you lock your bedroom door so your kids don't walk in, or will you wait for times when they are all out of the house?"
Her friends shrieked with laughter (yes, my chest swelled with pride), and April's mouth dropped open. My mom looked like she was going to pass out, but how did she think April had gotten pregnant?
Emma grinned—that had been her question.
April collected herself. "Given how often we're home, I'd say we'll have to do the locked door thing and take advantage of the moment. Otherwise we'll be down to once every six months."
The conversation then plunged into a discussion of what kids can to do a couple's sex life, and I grinned. This was going to be all right.
Next question: "How often will you and Travis have sex once you have the baby?"
; Everyone burst into agitated discussion, shouting out answers that ranged from "never" to "There's already a baby, so there's no need for sex anymore!" April conjectured once a week, and the crowd immediately set about correcting her naiveté.
I grinned at Emma, and she smiled back. Van was my guardian angel, and as soon as this party was over, I was going to tell him that. Repeatedly.
By the time the boys arrived, the party was rocking. The conversation had deviated into the mothers telling stories of their pregnancies and births, trying to torture poor April. The laughter was contagious, and I was even caught up in it.
And then I saw Noah, and my world froze.
He was wearing beige slacks and a polo. He was clean-shaven with a hint of a tan—no doubt from the golf course. He was totally hot. He caught my eye over the crowd and nodded at me.
My heart stuttered, but I managed a casual nod in return. Well, that was a good start, wasn't it? He hadn't totally avoided me.
Emma elbowed me, and I followed her glance. Ray was scowling at Noah, and my mom was watching Ray, her eyes sharp. "I don't think we'll have to say anything," Emma whispered. "Go talk to Noah, and that'll be enough to set things off. Your mom is already onto something."
"I can't go talk to Noah," I hissed. "He ditched me, remember?"
"Keep it casual. Make him wonder what you're thinking. Guys are so easy to manipulate." She cocked her eyebrow. "How do you think I got Blaine? By making him wonder whether I liked him. I certainly didn't slobber over him like all the other women do." She nudged me. "Go do it."
I watched Noah lurk in the corner, looking uncomfortable. I thought of our night together, and how I'd liked him for the last twenty years. This was Noah. A good person. He was worth another try, wasn't he? Nothing that risked my pride of course, but I could put out a feeler.
I stood up and clenched my fist. I can do this. I stepped over the pile of baby presents and walked over to him. He watched me approach and didn't look away. Just kept his gaze anchored to my face.
Damn. I really wished I could read minds.
I stopped in front of him. "Hi."
"You look nice."
Knock me down with a two-by-four. "What?"
He touched my hair. "I like your hair down."
My heart started racing, and I took a step back. "I thought we weren't taking this thing forward."
He tightened his lips. "Right. We're not."
I didn't believe him. Not for a second. He was having second thoughts! God, I wished I could call Van and ask him what to do. Then I frowned. Somehow, I didn't think this was something to ask Van about it. I had to figure this one out on my own. "What if my family was on board with us?"
His gaze was locked on my face. "Did you talk to them?"
"No. But I could." I corrected myself. "We could."
He looked at my lips. "What are you doing tonight?"
"Nothing."
"Let's go out."
"Yes." I ordered my hormones to the corner for a time out. "No. I can't do that again. I had an incredible time with you, but I'm not going to put myself out there again until and unless you're willing to see it through." What are you saying? My subconscious was screaming at me to accept his offer, but I dug my fingernails into my palms and refused to concede. There was no way I was going to let him make me feel like that again. I had to stay in control.
He took my hand. "I'm sorry, Shannon. I panicked when Ray got hostile with me."
My hand tightened around his, despite my efforts to the contrary. "It's not enough, Noah. I deserve better."
"I know."
"Hey." Ray stuck his head between us. "What the hell's going on?"
Noah dropped my hand like he'd been burned. "Nothing."
Ray glowered at Noah. "I thought we talked about this."
"We were just chatting. Same as we always do."
Wimp.
My mom appeared on my left side. "What's going on over here?"
I looked at Noah, but he wouldn't meet my gaze anymore. "Nothing, apparently." I took my hand and my pride off to the kitchen and left Noah to fight the battle on his own. I hoped he felt the brunt of my family's anger for once. Wouldn't it be nice for someone else to know what it felt like to be told they are a disappointment?
I glared at the world and marched into the kitchen to check on dessert. That's what I was good at. Managing events. That's where I fit. I wasn't even good enough for a family friend to date. I stopped in the doorway to see April sitting at the table, crying.
Crying.
Oh, shit.
I glanced over my shoulder at the door that had just swung shut behind me. "I'll get Travis."
"No!" Her head snapped up. "Don't!"
"Um...okay." I had no idea what to do. "So, I'll leave you alone then."
"Will you stay for a minute?"
Crap. I had no idea how to deal with a hormonal pregnant woman. Especially one who made me feel completely inferior. Then I thought of her reaction to my embarrassing questions at the party. She was at least partly human.
I inched my way across the kitchen and sat down across from her. "Can I get you some water or something?"
She shook her head and blew her nose into a beautiful linen napkin.
"Okay." I looked around the kitchen and tried to think of something to say. "So, the party is going well."
A fresh wail erupted. I looked toward the door, hoping someone would hear the noise and rush in to save the animal that was being tortured.
No one arrived. I was on my own.
I reached out and patted her arm. "Um...something wrong at work?"
She dragged her head off her arms and looked at me. Yikes. Someone needed to be told about waterproof mascara.
"Why won't he marry me?"
Okay, it's totally cliché, but my mouth actually dropped open. "Travis?"
"Of course Travis. Who else?"
I decided to forgive the sarcasm, given the nature of our discussion. "I thought you guys didn't want to get married."
"Shannon!" Another wail of anguish. Real anguish. Not fake. My heart tightened at the realization that her pain was real, carved deep into her heart. "I'm going to have a baby and not be married to its father! I love Travis, and he doesn't want to marry me!"
Oh, God. My brother was a prick. I handed her a paper towel and decided I hated my brother. "You asked him to get married?"
"Of course!" April blew her nose on the paper towel, missing my subtle wiping under my eyes. She was like a raccoon who'd been punched in the eye. "He isn't ready to commit."
I couldn't believe it. I had been so sure it had been a mutual, happy decision. How could he be treating April like this? I didn't understand. "He won't marry you, but he's ready to be a father?"
"No!" She burst into fresh tears. "He doesn't even want the baby. But he loves me, so he's sticking around. I keep thinking that when I have the baby, he'll fall in love with it. But what if he doesn't? What if I end up being thirty-three with no husband and an absentee father for my baby? And what if Travis leaves me?" She grabbed my hand, tears streaming down her face. "I love Travis, and I don't want to lose him!"
Well, damn. And I thought my life sucked. I was suddenly so glad I'd had the party at the Firway Club, and made such an effort to make it nice for her. "Do you think talking to him will help? Does he understand how much this means to you?"
"If he doesn't, he's got his head up his ass."
I smiled. "Well, it is Travis we're talking about."
April shook her head and looked at me. "What am I going to do, Shannon? Your mom gives me these looks like I'm a total embarrassment to the family because of this whole baby thing. I know that's why she asked you to do the shower. Do you see any of her friends here? None of them. Because she's embarrassed."
Holy cow. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "April, my mom adores you. She'd trade me for you in a heartbeat."
"Yeah, sure, before I got pregnant."
The least she could have done w
as deny it.
April looked at me. "But now I'm like you."
So nice to know my ostracism was obvious to everyone, but at the same time, I felt immensely sorry for April. I knew how much my mother's judgment could hurt, and now April was facing the same thing.
No one deserved that, especially not a woman who was pregnant with the baby of a man who didn't want the baby and didn't want to marry her. God, how horrible was that? "Listen, April, maybe you need to sit down with Travis and really talk to him. Maybe he thinks you don't want to get married. I always assumed you were so into your career that you didn't want to get married or have kids. Maybe he's afraid of making you feel trapped and losing you." I was kind of making stuff up, but it sounded good. And she should fight for him, so that at least she would always know she tried.
April wiped her eyes—thank heavens—and sniffled. "Well, I didn't want to get married or have kids, but now that I'm pregnant, I've changed my mind." She looked at the black mascara all over the napkin, then started scrubbing frantically at her face.
"So, you need to make that very clear to Travis."
"I did."
"Then tell him again." I thought of Van, and his advice to just deal with it or move on. "Tell him that he has to marry you. Period."
April shook her head. "You're so naïve, Shannon. I don't want to force someone into marrying me."
Naïve? How was I naïve? I was trying to be helpful. "Travis is probably scared and he needs a kick in the pants." Hmm...who did that sound like? Anyone seen Noah lately? "And don't worry about my mom. Her approval is overrated anyway."
April finished wiping her face and looked at me. "I thought you hated the fact that your mom and dad are embarrassed about your career. I thought you really wanted their approval."
I frowned. That little notion was getting bandied about with increasing frequency these days. Perhaps it was time to do a little self-evaluation. But now was not the time to admit weakness. "So, what are you going to do?"
"Cry."
I almost laughed. Who would have thought that April would be reduced to a sniveling lump of patheticness? If I didn't feel so bad for her, I'd be enjoying it. As it was, it merely served as more reasons for me to hate my parents and their stupid standards, which they'd obviously passed onto their sons. "Well, may I suggest that when you finish crying, you take a stop in the ladies' room to tidy up?"
One More Kiss (A Too Many Men Romantic Comedy / Chick Lit Novel) Page 21