Things have to give if it’s going to work out a second time.
I’m sure you had to adapt.
It’s hard to keep my mind on giving a congenial interview. I adapted to living in a sterile condo without my family. But did anything else really change?
Natalie remained at my beck and call.
And now?
I’m home more. That’s something. It’s a start.
And I told Natalie to be straightforward with me.
But… how much has really given?
The cameraman is ready and Hailey launches into her regular interview. I field questions about what I do, my role in the community, and my plans for the future. Part of me is still working over her earlier questions.
I’m expanding, and if I don’t watch out, I’m going to circle back to square one and become eligible again.
* * *
Natalie
What time is Simon’s interview?
I send my mom a reply. Tonight at 5.
My parents will make sure they watch it. I doubt Simon’s parents know a thing about his upcoming news appearance. Simon wouldn’t tell them. I’m surprised he did that eligible bachelors article but he likely didn’t think about parental fallout. Since the article referenced him not being married to me anymore, they might’ve enjoyed it. Only, Fargo news is not prestigious enough to register on their radar.
I put the phone down and flip a pancake. I’ve had a craving for them all day.
Abby leans over the counter to see the griddle. “Can you make Mickey Mouse?”
“That’s Dad’s thing.” He has the patience, fitting the role of fun parent much better than me. I get bogged down in the minutia and he lives for the minute.
“What’s my thing?”
I pop my head up at his voice. “You’re home early. I didn’t hear you come in.”
He catches both girls in a hug and they rush off just as fast. He crooks a brow at their dismissal. “Mom gave them each a new pack of Lego Friends to play with this week.”
“Right.” His suit coat is nowhere to be seen and his tie is long gone. He unbuttons his cuffs and rolls his sleeves up. “I was just thinking about these today. Want me to do my special thing?”
“Yes, but we’re out of whipped cream. Chocolate chips will have to do.” I dig in the corner cupboard, saying over my shoulder, “I’m making supper early so we can watch your interview.”
He pours a ring of batter, then two more at the top. His brows are drawn and I don’t think it’s from the concentration of making mouse shaped pancakes. “We should talk to the girls first—about us.”
I clutch the chocolate chips in my hands. “Is something wrong? Is it the interview?”
“No. I don’t think so, but she was asking about you and us and I couldn’t dismiss you completely.” He aims a scowl my way. “She assumed you were a nanny.”
I snort out a laugh. When Abby was first born, we couldn’t afford a date night, much less a sitter. The irony is that now we could hire a nanny, but I want to either delay my career until my kids are grown, or work it around their lives.
“Thank you for setting the record straight. So what’d you say?”
His jaw flexes. “I never really answered her question about whether we’re back together, but I don’t know what they’re going to air or what angle she’s going to take, and since how we deal with the girls is important to you, I cut out early.”
He rushed home to save our secret from getting outed on the local news before the kids knew? If I hadn’t fallen so hard for him already, that would’ve done it.
“I guess we’ll be telling them while we’re sticky with syrup.”
“You don’t mind?”
I set the chocolate chips by the spatula and risk burning the pancakes to slide my hand up his hard upper arm to his muscled shoulder until I cup his face. “Not when you came home early to make pancakes for them because you were worried about how it’d affect us.”
The corner of his mouth tips up and he leans down for a quick kiss. It’s the riskiest we’ve been with the girls awake, since that first time in the laundry room.
Once dinner’s ready, I call them down. They dive into their chairs at the table and dig in right away, chattering about the Legos and the food. Simon looks to me to begin the conversation.
“Dad and I wanted to talk to you two about something.”
“What?” Abby asks around a mouthful.
Simon jumps in. “Mom and I are… we’d like to… we want…” His pained expression makes me giggle. Maddy and Abby look between us.
“We’re trying again.” My explanation does nothing for them. They look just as confused as before. “We’re kind of… back together.”
Maddy’s eyes brighten. “You’re getting married again! Ooh, can I wear a big white dress and throw flowers?”
My mouth opens but I have nothing to say. Another wedding is so far down on my list of possibilities that it’s a nonexistent thought.
Abby pumps her fist. “I want to wear a dress too. Can we invite Kia and—”
“Abby.” Simon chuckles nervously. “We haven’t gotten as far as a wedding. We’re just trying to make it work again. Your mom and I care for each other. A lot. We always have.” His gaze is on me, its weight nearly tangible. “You’ve noticed that I’m staying here now. That’s a start.”
“You’re moving into the guest room?” Abby asks.
My cheeks warm as I answer. “He’s moving back into the bedroom, with me.”
Simon’s steady gaze says so much, but carefully reveals nothing to the kids about how often he’s been in the bedroom with me already.
Maddy wrinkles her nose. “No wedding?”
I haven’t thought that far ahead. Does that mean I think this is doomed? Or does it just mean that in my heart, I’ve always been married to this man?
Simon clears his throat. “Mom and I already had a wedding. But when we get to that point, we’ll plan… something.”
When we get to that point. He has no doubt. Do I?
I’m not sure and it’s an answer I feel I should know. But it’s barely been a month. We’ve only been divorced for almost eight months now, apart for ten, but it’ll take more than a few weeks to repair what happened between us.
The girls go off about what they’d want a wedding to be like. Simon catches my eyes and shrugs. “That was easier than expected.”
I smile. I don’t know what I was expecting. The girls would think a conversation about which Disney princess is their favorite is more critical than me and Simon getting back together. Because in their eyes, we already are.
I let out a quiet breath and cut one of my boring round pancakes.
“Are you okay with me moving back into the bedroom?” he asks low enough that the girls can’t hear.
“Of course.” I’m not. I want him in there, but it’s a monumental step. My parents know, Rachel knows, and now the girls. Depending on how the news skews the interview, the Fargo viewing area might know too. I’m sure all our neighbors have come to the conclusion since his vehicle’s been here almost every night for weeks.
And that doesn’t bother me like I thought it would. But not having that barrier between us—different bedrooms—that’s a big change.
Am I okay with it?
“What about the condo?”
Yeah. That. I ponder the subject a moment. I don’t care about the condo as much as the bedroom. It was nothing but a separate bedroom for him, just across town.
“I’d like to sell it,” he says.
He’s so confident. But that’s always been the dynamic between us. I’m the pessimist and he’s the eternal optimist.
“I think that’s a good idea.”
His lopsided smile helps erase my doubts. I watch him lean over the table to help Maddy slice her pancake, not caring if he gets syrup on the front of his trousers. He came home early because of this, because he cared what I thought.
If I truly have my husband back
, then yes, I’m more than okay having him next to me when I wake up.
He sits back down. “I think we should go fishing.”
“What?” My question is drowned out by the girls squealing.
“I took Friday off. Told Helena to work from home. You said the girls don’t have activities this week, so I thought maybe we could go camping.”
“Where? With what?” We’ve never gone camping. I did with my parents when I was a kid. I don’t see Phyllis and Trent Gainesworth as campers unless it’s managing to rent a cabin in Aspen just to say they did.
“One of my clients is loaning us his cabin by Detroit Lakes. It’s small, but it’ll be enough for us to get away and fish a little.”
“Do you know how to fish?” I don’t mean to be insulting, but… fishing? It’s one of those things we talked about wanting to do regularly but if we ever had time off together, we’d work on the yard or go to a park.
“Dad can fish,” Abby proudly announces.
Simon grins. “You remember the stories of Uncle Liam and me when we went to summer camp?”
Maddy furiously nods, her curls bouncing.
Summer camp. That makes sense. Not because they were sent for their own enjoyment and personal growth, but so their parents didn’t have to parent.
“It’s been a few years, but we can learn together,” he assures them.
We watch his interview. Nothing scandalous was revealed. They concentrated on his work and what he offers to the community. The whole time he’s on-screen, the girls are delighted and I can’t take my eyes off him, anticipation building after our talk at the table.
Not only did he come home early, but we’re taking a short vacation. I don’t know how relaxing it’ll be but I don’t care. I’m looking forward to having my husband to myself, whether it’s tonight in bed, or out in the woods all weekend.
Chapter 18
Natalie
“You even know how to build a campfire, Daddy?” Maddy’s eyes brim with awe. The sun is setting and Simon’s squatting by the fire pit, turning the propane.
“This isn’t quite the same, but it’ll still cook s’mores,” he says as he clicks the button that’ll fire it up.
His client’s small cabin isn’t what either of us expected. I thought it’d be rustic and when Simon said it was described as small, I expected all of us to share a room. We’d sleep on cots or maybe bunk beds with the girls.
But Simon’s clients aren’t broke and if they buy a cabin, it’s a home away from home, a two-story place that’s fancier than the two-bedroom house we rented right out of college. Rocks decorate the front face of the building, and it’s made of logs, but it’s decadent with more than the comforts of home, like the hot tub on the back deck and the fire pit with log furniture in the back yard.
We were even instructed not to worry about the kitchen or bedding. The cleaning service comes every Monday in the summer.
If this is camping, then I’m onboard. But I kind of liked the anticipation of roughing it, even if it was only a smaller cabin. We bought a backup tent just in case.
But if Simon’s determined not to let work rule his life, then we’ll have plenty of time to camp for real later. Maybe even later this summer. He wouldn’t even have to take an extra day off for it.
When I look away from the flames, I find him watching me, his eyes hooded.
It’s broad daylight and our kids are around, but that man can put my mind in a naughty place with one look. “It’d be fun to do more of this. Except, you know…” I gesture to the covered hot tub. “Without the amenities.”
His intense gaze eases and he chuckles. “It’s really nice here, isn’t it?”
“I think the girls are going to get the wrong impression of camping.” I turn to look over the lake that’s at the edge of the yard. The owners even have their own dock with a beach that’s shallow enough to swim in and deep enough to cast in. “And fishing.”
Simon leaves the pit to stand next to me and drapes his arm around my waist. The girls frolic around the fire pit. “My client apologized for not having the pontoon out here for us to use, but he said there’s a canoe in the shed. I told him not to worry. It’ll be all I can do to remember how to use a fishing pole again.”
“After the girls see you start a fire, fish, and use a canoe, you’re going to have to wear a superhero cape at home.”
“S’mores over a propane fire doesn’t count as a rugged survival skill.”
It won’t matter to the girls. And, watching him work the fire pit and explain to the kids what he’s doing, it doesn’t matter to me either. This is Simon in his element. His real legacy. He thinks it’s his work, but it’s his family, it’s living and experiencing life.
“I’ll go get the hot dogs, otherwise they’ll fill up on dessert.”
He doesn’t release me immediately and drops his voice low. “Now that we know we have separate bedrooms, do I get dessert tonight?”
“If we can wear them out so they go to sleep in their own bedroom instead of being too scared to sleep in a different house.” I turn into him and brush my hand down his chest. “But… do you really want to meet your client next and think about how we banged in his bed?”
He winces. “Good point. That’d be more awkward than getting busted by parents.”
I smile all the way to the house. Abstaining for the weekend isn’t going to be easy, but it’s not like this is a hotel. In the house, I gather all the supplies in the cabin while Simon and the girls lay out my dad’s fishing gear on the porch.
We manage to make it through cooking the hot dogs over the fire without losing any inside the pit. The girls polish off a dog a piece. Next is s’mores. I gladly sit back and let Simon take the lead. I’d get too uptight with the girls around an open flame, but nothing about it seems to bother him. They follow his instructions and all three of them prepare a s’more for me first.
Simon’s eyes twinkle as they hand it over on a plate. “Our way to show we appreciate you for making all this happen.”
I accept the plate. The sincerity in his voice wraps around my heart. “It wasn’t just me.”
“I wouldn’t have any of this if it wasn’t for you.” He squats next to me as the girls load up another skewer with a marshmallow. His fingers dance up my bare legs, causing a full-body shiver. “It’s not just buying the groceries and packing, but all of it. We needed this.”
We need this, but he needs it even more. There were more than a few times that I correlated how hard his brother worked and his death with Simon. It was terrifying. It still is. But we’re here now.
“So, we might be looking for our own lake cabin?”
He scans around the heavily treed property to the magnificent house, his fingers tracing up and down my leg. “I can definitely see the appeal, but I think we can downsize a little.”
“Just a little.” This cabin and the property likely cost as much as our house.
“The fire pit is nice.”
“And the hot tub.”
“We can get a hot tub.” He flattens his hand on my leg and does the impossible—makes me forget about the melting chocolate on my plate. He used to be so preoccupied with the demands of his job that he didn’t do this. But he’s been touching me like it’ll never be enough. “We can get a hot tub that I can actually do stuff to you in.”
“You don’t want to come in your client’s hot tub?”
Simon exaggerates a shudder. “I’d never be able to look him in the eye again.”
My laughter rings out and the girls give us curious glances before giving their attention back to their roasting marshmallows. My gaze caresses over his strong features and the humor shining in his eyes. He asked me to be honest about the negative stuff, but I have to be straightforward about the positive. He should know that too. “This last week, this last month, it’s been so nice to have you around, for the girls to have their dad teach them stuff, like cooking over a fire and tomorrow you’ll teach them how to fish. Those ar
e things they’ll never forget and can pass down to their own kids.”
His smile fades as he turns serious. “I’ve always wanted this for my family. I wanted to pass on my skills to the kids, to explore the world together. Stuff I never had with my parents growing up. Like, showing affection.”
“I still worry that you’ll try to do everything.” I swallow hard before I say what I want to next. But he has to know my fear. “And I worry you’ll end up like Liam.”
Surprise ripples over his face, followed by grief. He takes a moment to think about it and nods. He encloses his hand over my free one. “I know what’s at stake now. I won’t risk us again, Natalie.”
“Dad,” Abby calls. “Aren’t you going to have one?”
“I’ll be right there,” he says over his shoulder. “Duty calls.” His gaze skims the lake. “I should’ve asked your dad for a fishing review before we left town.”
I laugh. “Dad’s idea of fishing was letting the rod sit in the water while he visited with friends and I ate sunflower seeds and drank pop. We never caught anything.”
“Then I’m one fish ahead of you.” He moves back to the s’mores supplies and digs out his own graham crackers and chocolate. The girls surround him and he lets them prepare his as he coaches them. They drink in everything he says. Simon can do no wrong in their eyes.
I used to be the same way, and I think I’m slowly getting back there.
* * *
Simon
“And then what does it say?” I ask Natalie as she holds the phone over my half-cleaned and gutted largemouth bass.
“I think the video will show you what to do better.” She hits play and I watch, poised with a fillet knife over our supper.
“Eww.” Maddy wrinkles her nose but doesn’t look away from the person on-screen cleaning a fish.
I mimic whatever they’re doing because it’s been fifteen years since I’ve cleaned a fish and even then, I was more of a spectator.
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