by Sudha Murty
Sakamma asked, ‘What should I cook today?’
Nanja said, ‘I need money for petrol.’
Chikki added, ‘The water tank is leaking.’
For a minute, Sanjay was at a loss. Then he said to Nanja and Chikki, ‘Talk to Rosemary and take the money from her.’ He turned to Sakamma and said, ‘Make whatever you feel like.’
‘When will Madam be back?’
‘Maybe in a month.’
Sanjay left for the nursing home. He thought that once he got there, he would get busy and life would go back to normal. But he felt like an orphan. He was worried that if he took a vacation or cancelled any operations, it would affect the reputation of his nursing home.
When he came out of his room in the evening, he saw Rosemary’s husband standing at her desk with a bunch of red roses. He was neatly dressed and clean-shaven and waiting for Rosemary. Sanjay looked down upon Joseph and hardly ever spoke to him; but today he asked, ‘Is it a special occasion, Joseph? You’ve come with a bouquet.’
‘Today is Rosemary’s birthday.’
A minute later, Rosemary came back to her desk and asked Sanjay if she could leave for the day. Sanjay nodded and went back inside his room. From his window, he could see them holding hands and crossing the road. He was surprised that a simple bouquet of flowers had made Rosemary so happy. He had never made Mridula this happy.
Then he checked the cash register. The collection was around six lakh, but he did not feel elated. His phone rang. It was Anita. She asked him, ‘Sanjay, what happened yesterday?’
‘Nothing.’
‘I know that Mridula left you and went back to her village.’
‘Who told you that?’
‘I called up your house, took Mridula’s father’s number in Aladahalli and managed to speak to her.’
Sanjay did not know what to say. Anita continued, ‘I don’t want to tell Mridula to come back. She won’t get any happiness from you. Sanjay, you were lucky to get married to her. You should have been grateful to God. Now that you’ve lost her, all the money you earn from your nursing home is of no use. You may not like what I’m saying, but a true friend should tell the truth even if it hurts. Yes, you have friends in high positions. They’ll be nice to you and smile but they’ll laugh at you behind your back. I’ve known Mridula well for the last twenty-three years. She’s shared all your difficulties. Your mother or sister or son can’t take her place. Sishir will marry and have his own family. After that, a father is just a guest. Regarding your mother, the less said the better. Your sister just looks for a chance to make money off of you. Nobody can match Mridula in terms of simplicity, innocence and affection. I’m sorry that I have taken the liberty to speak so much about your personal issues. But I have to listen to my conscience.’
Before he could reply, she disconnected the phone. Sanjay knew that Anita was straightforward. He kept standing next to the phone like a statue.
After a few minutes, he heard Lakshmi’s voice outside. Finally, she peeped in. She had dyed her hair and was wearing matching jewellery. She looked much younger than him. He signalled her to come in and both Shankar and Lakshmi walked in and sat down. Lakshmi said, ‘Sanjay, you want me to become a director in your new company. So when is the inauguration? Will there be a press release? I’ve already told the women in my ladies’ club. By the way, there weren’t many gifts yesterday evening. Most of them were bouquets …’
Lakshmi did not talk about Mridula or about what had happened last evening. She just wanted to talk business. Sanjay realized that Lakshmi was interested more in her new post than in her brother’s personal life. He said, ‘I don’t know much about it. Alex is working on it. Ask him.’
‘Do you know any good girls for Anil? I want to get him married after I become director.’
Sanjay got a call on his cell phone and walked out of the room, leaving the couple inside. When he finished the call and came back in, he found Shankar scolding his wife, ‘You don’t have any common sense. Why did you tell him to find a girl for Anil? He married that villager and so he’ll probably suggest a village girl for Anil too. Mridula is totally useless. Even though she’s good-looking, she’s dumb. Anybody can look beautiful with make-up. If a girl is ordinary looking, that’s fine with me but she should be the only child of rich parents.’
When Shankar saw Sanjay, he stopped short. Sanjay felt bad about the way they spoke about Mridula. He knew that it was his fault. He used to take her for granted and talk rudely to her in front of them. That was why they also behaved the same way with her.
He went home. The house seemed empty. He worried that every evening would be like this from now on. At first, he had been upset at the way Anita had talked to him. But now at home, he pondered over her words. Even though he talked to Mridula only for a few minutes every night and even though she fought with him, she was still an integral part of his life. He looked around and saw the old clock in the room that had been bought with Mridula’s first salary. She had bought him the old scooter in the garage too.
Though Sakamma served him hot food on his silver plate, he was unable to eat. He saw his wedding picture on the wall. Mridula and he were both smiling in it. He thought about their failed marriage and remembered that she had married him despite his handicap and loved him without expecting much.
There was so much emptiness without her.
28
Growing Pains
Time rushed by for Sishir and Neha who continued to meet regularly. Sishir, who never showed any interest in history and the humanities, was impressed with the way Neha explained these to him.
Neha and Sishir both joined the Indian Youth Club and found that there were three more people there from Bangalore—Ramesh, Usha and Raghu. All of them spoke Kannada too. Among the five, only Sishir owned a car. Everyone except Neha became dependent on him. Circumstances made Sishir a leader and he loved it. He was the one who took decisions about where to go, where to dine and what to do. At times, the others did not like his choice but it was easy and comfortable for them to be with him. They only had to pay for their share of the food; Sishir took care of the rest.
Neha did not like this. So she did not join the group sometimes. But Sishir would insist: ‘Come on, Neha. It’s good for you.’
Neha knew that this was not true but did not want to be impolite because he had helped her so much. One day, Sishir decided that they should go punting in the river, which was a usual practice for most students.
While the five were punting, they started talking about their future. Ramesh was studying law and said, ‘I want to marry a lawyer. Then we can set up a good law firm.’
Usha said, ‘I want to marry a rich man so that I don’t have to work. I can read, travel and enjoy life.’
Raghu said, ‘I want my wife to be beautiful like a model, and modern in her outlook.’
When Sishir’s turn came, he said, ‘I want a girl who won’t argue with me and who’ll adjust to any situation. A woman defines the culture and environment at home. But she should be modern outside the house. She must be intelligent and understand how I think and act accordingly.’
Everyone laughed at him. They said, ‘Then you need to marry four girls.’
‘Why? Is it that difficult to find a girl like that? I’m sure that there are plenty of girls who would love to live that way. Finding a good husband is also an achievement.’
Everyone laughed again. Now, it was Neha’s turn. She said, ‘I want a man who respects me as a woman. We must give each other the freedom to grow together and individually, as people. Money doesn’t matter to me. His job doesn’t matter either.’
‘Oh, Neha, you’re thinking of an imaginary man who doesn’t exist,’ said Usha.
A few months went by and Neha continued to keep her distance from Sishir. She maintained their friendship, however. Though Sishir was used to girls falling for him and hanging on to his every word, Neha stood out because of her coolness. That attracted Sishir more and he really liked her.
He wanted to ask Neha out on a date. They moved in a group most of the time and he had never invited her to dinner alone. He phoned Neha and said, ‘Will you join me for a movie tonight followed by dinner? It’ll be a date.’
There was no response. He said, ‘Neha, I’m waiting for you to say something.’
After a pause, Neha replied, ‘Sorry, I can’t come.’
‘Why? Do you have a prior commitment? Are you meeting someone else?’
‘No, I don’t have other plans. I just don’t want to come.’
‘Come on, Neha. It’ll be a good change for you. I’ll see you at the theatre at 6 p.m.’
Sishir disconnected the phone. At home, when he insisted a little bit, his mother eventually agreed. He was sure that Neha would also give in.
He went to the theatre but she did not turn up in time. He waited for half an hour and felt bad that she had not come. He called her. Neha picked up and said, ‘I’m not coming. That means that I’m really not coming.’
Sishir was livid. He decided to go back to the theatre and see the movie by himself. Though the movie was playing on the screen, his mind was not at rest. ‘How can anyone say no to me?’ he thought. ‘I’m handsome, rich, intelligent and have achieved a lot. My father’s a big man. He owns a nursing home. We have great prestige in society. What else does a girl want?’ He could not believe his ears. He had never heard the word ‘no’ in his life. He had got everything he wanted through his hard work, intelligence and money and, at times, through his aggressiveness. Had he called Dolly, she would have sailed the seven seas to be here with him.
‘An ordinary girl from Chitradurga, a nobody who is anonymous in any crowd, will never get a boy better than me. If she says “no”, she’s either impractical or foolish. Maybe she’s not destined for a good life,’ he thought.
Sishir thought of Neeta and the other girls in his college who were much better than Neha in terms of looks and position in society. They would have begged him to ask them for a date. His anger knew no bounds. His palpitations rose. His palms started sweating. He forced himself to calm down and thought, ‘Why do I care about this girl from Chitradurga? She’s not equal to me in any way. Why am I attracted to her? I didn’t propose marriage to her. I only invited her for a date.’
Sishir came out of the theatre midway through the movie, cancelled his dinner reservation and went back to his room.
The next day, he still wanted to know the reason behind Neha’s refusal. He went to Neha’s college and waited for lunchtime. Soon, he located her having lunch and sat down with his own lunch at her table. In an angry voice, he asked, ‘May I know why you didn’t come yesterday?’
‘Sishir, you don’t need to know why. You can’t insist in such matters.’
‘That means you have someone else in mind? If so, why didn’t you tell me earlier?’ He became jealous.
‘No, there’s no one else. You’re a good friend and a good person. However, I thought about it and took the decision. I’m aware of the consequences. I may not get someone as rich, famous and handsome as you but that’s fine by me. That’s not my ambition. I don’t want to date you.’
‘Still, I want to know the reason,’ Sishir insisted. ‘At least I’ll be happy knowing the truth.’
‘Sishir, telling the truth is not a big deal but it depends on how people take it. Some people react badly, some people accept it easily and correct themselves, while others take it emotionally and break down. If you have the capacity to digest it without bitterness, then I’ll tell you.’
‘I’ll digest it. But I want the truth.’
‘The truth is that we’re different. Your upbringing is different. More than that, your attitude towards life is different. Despite modern education, your mindset has not changed. You expect a woman to remain a subordinate. She should adjust under every circumstance. Her compromising nature is considered a virtue. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to be a doormat. Marriage is not the final destination for me. There are other ways that a woman can live her life.’
‘What do you mean my attitude to life is different?’
‘The attitude that money can buy everything may be appropriate in today’s society. But the fact is that money can’t really buy everything. Life is more than money. It’s about having concern for one another. That gives a person more satisfaction and happiness. There are three types of men in this world. The majority of them belong to the first category where a man leads and thinks he’s superior and makes his wife follow him. He’s happy to look after her as long as she remains subordinate to him. He assumes that she’s not as exposed to life as he is or as intelligent as he is. He makes decisions on her behalf. Most women accept this as a way of life and people who don’t accept it or rebel against it have to suffer in society.
‘The second category is of men who allow women to excel. They adjust their life according to the woman in their life and respect her as an individual rather than a wife. But there are very few people in this category.
‘The third category is of men who treat their women as true and equal partners in life and walk side by side with them. I don’t want the first category of men at all …’
Sishir interrupted her, ‘Are you saying that I ill-treat women and call them inferior? How dare you talk to me like that?’
‘Sishir, take it easy. I didn’t say anything like that. But your attitude shows that the woman has to make all the adjustments. It worries me. It’s better to know each other before a relationship than regret it later. Because of that, my family has suffered a lot already.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I haven’t shared my personal life with you. My sister Neerja got married to her classmate whom she had known for a long time. We all felt that though he was a good-looking young boy, he and his family were very dominating. My parents gave her a warning but Neerja just ignored it. She said at the time that he was only an acquaintance. Acquaintance led to love and love led to marriage. Ultimately, she suffered a lot. Her husband was nice to everyone outside the home but he dominated every aspect of her life—choosing a job, buying a house, having a baby. She could never be herself. She was suffocating every day and couldn’t take it any more. Then they separated and divorced. She advised me, “Love is blind and that’s why I never understood his true nature. Had I kept my mind cool and looked at him objectively, I would’ve made a better decision.” Going through a divorce is hell, particularly for a girl in our society. He got remarried within a year but Neerja still doesn’t look at other boys. She’s so scared. Once bitten, twice shy. If two people feel incompatible in the beginning of a relationship, neither friendship nor marriage will change that. It’s better to be unmarried than to go through this process. That’s why I said that I want an equal partnership the day we went punting. Ask your conscience. Do you really respect women in the true sense? Do you consider them equal partners? Your own leadership dictates that others should follow. True leadership is when you take everybody’s opinion and needs into account and then make a judgement that is best for all. A true leader leads with affection and not power. Your conscience is your best judge.’
Neha left the table quietly without waiting for Sishir’s answer.
Sishir was very upset about the whole episode. It took a while for him to calm down. He continued sitting at the table. He thought, ‘The most interaction I’ve had with a woman is with my mother. But how much have I shared with her? I idolize my father and the way he treats his wife is an indication that I’ll also treat a woman like that. Amma says that role models don’t exist outside the family. It’s the parents who become role models. She’s right.’
He knew that unlike other girls, Neha was not trying to hook him. For that matter, she was not even aware of who he was when she had met him for the first time. She was an honest and transparent girl—just like his mother. He wondered, ‘What authority does my mother have in any household decisions except in the kitchen? She doesn’t have freedom anywhere. Everywhere, my
father makes the decisions and my mother has to follow them. If she doesn’t do so, the decision is still made and it brings her pain. But no one ever tells my father about my mother’s sufferings or his mistakes. Though she has sacrificed so much, today she’s still a nonentity.’
Suddenly, he understood what Neha was talking about. It jolted him. That meant that his mother must have gone through tremendous pain in an effort to stay with his father. Neha being a modern girl realized that good men did exist but Mridula was not even aware of it. Sishir did not want to lose Neha. She was honest, caring and bold. She would make a perfectly balanced partner for him—but only if he changed for the better and for his own sake. Change may not be easy but it was not impossible. If he did not change, he would lose the benefit he may have got from a happy married life.
His mind kept oscillating between Neha and Mridula. His mother used to say, ‘Sishir, things are different today. Girls are independent now. Their expectations from a partner are high. Boys have to change to adjust with girls now. Traditionally, only the woman was expected to adjust and change. But the modern world demands that boys change too. You can’t treat your wife the way you treat me. No modern girl will be happy only with money. Care, partnership and responsibility are the key ingredients of a modern marriage.’
He thought, ‘My mother has undergone so much silently—she has a right to be happy.’ He suddenly felt homesick—like a small child. He wanted to hug his mother and his eyes filled with tears, thinking of her difficulties. For the first time, Sishir saw his mother from an altered perspective. He took out his cell phone and called home. He wanted to speak to her.
The phone rang. Sanjay picked it up. Sishir said, ‘Hi, Dad. I want to talk to Amma. How were your anniversary celebrations?’
Sanjay said softly and tearfully, ‘The party didn’t happen.’
‘But why?’
‘Because your mother left and went to Aladahalli.’