by Sudha Murty
‘Mridula, what do you want?’
Mridula was taken aback. She was unable to pinpoint what she wanted. Even though she had everything, she felt inadequate.
Dr Rao continued, ‘In most marriages, women don’t know what they want and men don’t try to understand. The reverse is also true. Hence, spouses start blaming each other. I want to tell you a story.
‘A long time ago, there was a handsome prince. He was defeated in a war and an emperor took away his land. The emperor wanted to kill the young prince but when he looked at his youth and intelligence, he changed his mind. The emperor said, “I’ll give you a year to answer one question. If you answer it properly, I’ll give you your freedom and your kingdom. Otherwise, you’ll be executed.”
‘The prince asked, “What’s the question?”
‘“What does a woman want from a man?”
‘The prince travelled to different kingdoms and asked many people but could not find the answer. Eventually, he learnt that there was an old witch who might be able to help him. When he approached her, she said, “I’ll give you the answer, but my fee is high.”
‘“Please tell me.”
‘“You must marry me.”
‘The prince had no option and he agreed. The witch then said, “Every woman wants to change her life but no man understands how. He showers his wife with gifts that he likes but not with what she wants.”
‘When the emperor heard the answer, he was happy and the prince got his kingdom back. But now, he had to marry the old and ugly witch. On their wedding night, he was scared to sit next to her, but to his surprise, there was a beautiful maiden waiting for him. She smiled and said, “My prince, I appreciate your patience and word of honour. I have great power and I can remain beautiful either through the night or during the day. Which would you prefer?”
‘The prince was lost in thought. If she looked beautiful during the day, everyone would appreciate her, but at night, she would become a witch and it would be difficult for him to handle. And if she looked beautiful at night, it would be awkward to have an ugly queen during the day.
‘But by now, the prince knew what a woman wanted. So he said, “You can choose whichever you want.”
‘And the witch decided to stay beautiful all the time.’
After sharing this story, Dr Rao said, ‘Mridula, in a male-dominated society like ours, all the important decisions are made by a man, including choices about what his wife wants. Every woman values her freedom to choose—much more than her husband’s money or position. When I look at your life, you’ve been brought up in a progressive family but then you got married into a family with a different culture and economic status. That’s also one of the reasons for your problems.’
Incidents flashed before Mridula’s eyes.
Once, Sanjay had told her, ‘Mridula, I ordered a new car for you because I really like it.’
‘My car is only three years old and I like it just fine. I don’t want to change it right now.’
‘No, you don’t understand. The car is old now and doesn’t suit our status.’
Mridula had not known what to say.
Another day, Sanjay had said, ‘I saw an advertisement for the new Siemens phone and told Rosemary to order one for our house.’
‘Why? We don’t need it. We barely make any calls. Sishir isn’t here to use it either.’
‘No, I want the latest technology in our house.’
At that time, Mridula had lost her patience and snapped, ‘Is our house a laboratory that you want to keep getting new things and experimenting with them?’
‘You can think whatever you want. This is my home and my decision is final.’
Mridula sighed and looked at Dr Rao. Though Mridula had not disclosed her husband’s identity, Dr Rao was aware of who he was. But he kept this to himself.
During another session, Mridula told Dr Rao, ‘Doctor, I respect my brother’s wife, Vatsala, but she’s not friendly. My sister-in-law, Lakshmi, also doesn’t respect me. What’s wrong with me?’
‘There’s nothing wrong with you, Mridula. In India, when you marry a person, you also marry his family. By default, people expect you to adjust to the husband’s family. When a girl becomes a daughter-in-law, she’s subjected to unnecessary criticism, irrespective of her good qualities. But look on the positive side. Your mother-in-law doesn’t trouble you. Your husband isn’t having an extramarital affair and your son doesn’t have any bad habits. You should be grateful for that. Yes, your husband has cheated you financially. But there are men who cheat in ways that are much more hurtful. If you were a little practical and street-smart, things wouldn’t have been so bad.’
‘Do you think that Lakshmi could have been easily cheated like me?’
‘I don’t know Lakshmi and I can’t answer that. Usually, people who are sensitive need more time to understand the real world. People who’ve been brought up in a tough atmosphere adjust fast.’
‘But Sanjay never helped Lakshmi without my knowledge before.’
‘Because Lakshmi was doing better than both of you financially.’
‘Doctor, is money so important in life?’
Dr Rao replied, ‘Yes, money is important. It’s a change-triggering catalyst. Money brings power, status and confidence.’
‘Why do people change with money?’
‘Mridula, only philosophers can answer that question. But what I can tell you is that money brings out the best and the worst in people. It’s a magnifying glass. When a person becomes rich, his inner desires are free to come to the forefront. If a selfish man becomes rich, he spends money on himself, but if a generous person becomes wealthy, he shares it with others. It’s difficult to find people who aren’t touched by money.’
‘Doctor, what should I do when I get depressed?’
‘Don’t sit idle at home. Do whatever you like. Exercise is essential. But the most important thing to do is to share your anxiety with others. And remember that depression is curable. It just takes time.’
‘With everything that’s happened, I don’t know how to behave with Sanjay. What should I do?’
‘Mridula, your husband’s a nice man. But he has a big ego because of his success. Money makes him feel powerful. He has an inferiority complex and an old value system where men are supposed to be the dominating partner. Unlike you, he’s a complicated person. That’s why he’s never established good communication with you.’
Tears rolled down Mridula’s cheeks. She thought, ‘How did I live with Sanjay for such a long time? Today, he’s given me money and position in society but he doesn’t share my sorrows. I’ve held his hand and walked next to him on the thorny path to success. When a girl gets married, the extent of her happiness depends upon the husband’s commitment and communication with her. A few kind words, a little appreciation and small gifts like flowers can make a girl feel special. But Sanjay just wanted to show that he was the boss.’
Mridula asked, ‘Doctor, what should I do now?’
‘That’s up to you. Your husband thinks about money and his practice all the time. You can’t change him. He’s the one who has to be ready to make a change. Mridula, how do you feel when you look at beggars now?’
‘I feel sad but not so much. Why?’
‘Because beggars are synonymous with people who have nothing. When you came here, you felt empty inside. That’s why you related to beggars. Over these past few months, you’ve regained your confidence and you’re completely fine now. Please don’t expect anything from your husband. The will to change has to come from him.’
‘Thank you, Doctor.’
As Mridula left Dr Rao’s office, she felt light and happy. When she looked at the people around her on the streets, she finally comprehended that everybody had their own problems.
27
Things Fall Apart
A few days later, Mridula wanted to try and talk to Sanjay about her treatment once more. Sanjay did not have time in the mornings so Mridula decided to
talk to him the same night before she changed her mind. The phone rang, disturbing her thoughts. She picked up the extension and before she could say anything, she heard Alex say, ‘Sanjay, I’m glad you picked up the phone. Did Mridula give her approval?’
Sanjay was already on the call. Mridula was about to hang up but she was curious when she heard her name and kept listening. Sanjay replied, ‘No, I don’t want to ask her. I’ve known her for almost twenty-five years. She won’t cooperate with us. In fact, she’ll create problems because she’s an idealist. Instead of her, I want Lakshmi to be the silent director. She doesn’t understand all this anyway. We can just ask her to sign papers whenever we want and, in return, we can give her some money. How are things at your end?’
‘Anita doesn’t want to get involved and my sister, Barbara, is shrewd. So I’ll get Julie on board.’
‘Good. So how should we price the product?’
Mridula kept the phone down. After hearing Sanjay and Alex, she did not want to talk to her husband any more. She did not care about their strategies or about why Lakshmi was being brought on board. If Sanjay kept hiding things from her, how could she continue living in the same house with him?
Had she been like Anita, she would have dedicated her life to serving God.
Had she been like Lakshmi, she would be happy with the money.
Had she been like Rosemary, she would have worked for her financial freedom.
But the truth was that she was like none of them.
She thought, ‘If I continue staying here and in the same atmosphere, then I have a high chance of getting depressed again. I have to live life on my terms if I want to be happy. And that’s not possible with Sanjay around. He ridicules and dominates me and it affects my confidence terribly. I can’t take it any more. I have to do something. But what?’
Finally, it came to her. She knew what she had to do.
A month later, it was Sanjay and Mridula’s wedding anniversary—they had been together for twenty-five years. Sishir called them from England in the morning to wish them.
A grand party was planned at The Leela Palace in the evening. Lakshmi, Rosemary, Shankar and Anil were busy with the arrangements for the event. There were cocktails at 7 p.m. followed by dinner and Mridula and Sanjay were to exchange garlands somewhere in between. Lakshmi wanted every guest to be presented with an expensive return gift. So she purchased silver items from an expensive jeweller’s shop.
Sanjay had made a list of invitees and called senior officers, pharmaceutical directors and other important celebrities and businessmen of Bangalore. When Mridula’s family received the invitation by mail, Bheemanna sent his best wishes through a telegram. Mridula recollected that once Sanjay had become successful, she had tried to return the three lakh rupees that she had taken from her father. Though Krishna and Vatsala wanted to take the money, Bheemanna had got upset and said, ‘You can dump that money in the village lake or tie it to Hanuman’s tail. It’s left to you. I’m not doing any moneylending with my daughter. I can’t accept it.’
So Mridula had used the money to repair the old school building of the village, where she had studied.
Among the people Mridula had invited, Sarla was coming to the party but Anita was not. She called Mridula and said, ‘When we look towards God, he gives us a gift. Whatever he does, he does it to make us better. Accept it with happiness. That’s all I wish for you.’
Mridula appreciated her words.
Ratnamma was busy with her chairman duties at the bank and sent her best wishes through her manager. However, Lakshmi was enthusiastic about the party and could not stop talking about it. She was still under the impression that Mridula was unaware of her financial transactions with Sanjay. She told Mridula, ‘I’ll buy you a white Kanjeevaram sari with a red border and a raw-silk kurta and pyjama for Sanjay. Diamond accessories will go well with the sari but I don’t have that much money to gift it to you. I’ll tell Sanjay to buy it for you.’
Mridula may have believed her a year ago but today, she was indifferent and did not say anything.
Sanjay was also excited about the party. He thought that Mridula was fine now and had come out of her problem. He asked her, ‘Mridula, what do you want? Tell me. Do you want to go on a trip to Europe or do you want jewellery?’
He did not know that he could not give her back the faith she had lost in him.
It was evening and everybody was at The Leela Palace waiting for the couple to arrive. Twenty-five years ago, the simple and shy Mridula had been married to Sanjay in a simple ceremony at her house at Aladahalli. Ironically, her silver wedding anniversary was to be celebrated with more glamour than the original wedding.
At home, Sanjay was wearing his new Armani suit, specially purchased for the evening. He was ready and waiting for Mridula in the hallway. Mridula was inside her room busy doing something. Sanjay got upset because it was getting late. He called out to her loudly: ‘Mridula, what are you doing in there? We’re getting late. Everyone is waiting for us.’
Mridula came out in a white cotton sari with a glow of peace on her face. She said, ‘I was packing my things. I’ve been transferred.’
‘To where?’
‘Aladahalli.’
Sanjay was surprised, but said at once, ‘I know the Education minister. I’ll get it cancelled.’
‘Please don’t. I asked for it.’
‘But you never told me!’
‘It wasn’t important to you.’
‘When will you be back?’
‘Probably never.’
‘Where will you stay there and what will you do?’
‘I have bought Champakka’s house. I should thank your mother who persuaded me to save some of my salary every month. I bought the house with my money.’
‘Aren’t you staying with your father?’
There was neither anger nor disappointment in Mridula’s voice. She said, ‘No, I’ve spent twenty-five of my most important years with you, and yet, I never felt like I belonged to you or your family. I’m still an outsider. My father’s house now belongs to Vatsala and I don’t want to be a burden on my brother and her. Sishir is independent and you can take care of him better than I can. My duty towards both of you is over. I’ve fulfilled all my duties as a wife, mother and daughter-in-law. Now, I want to live for myself. I have my job, my school and my village. You don’t have to worry about me any longer. You and Sishir can visit me whenever you want.’
The clock on the wall struck six-thirty, the auspicious time. Mridula did not wait for Sanjay’s response. She walked out of the house, found an autorickshaw, kept her small bag inside the auto and, without even looking back once, she left.
Sanjay was left standing in the veranda staring after her. He could not imagine in his wildest dreams that Mridula could leave him and go. He had taken Mridula for granted. Had she been like Sarla or Lakshmi, he would have been more careful in dealing with her. But Mridula had taken a tough decision and left without blaming anyone.
He did not know what to do.
He walked back into the house and sat down on the sofa. The phone was ringing. He ignored it. For the first time, he felt like he had lost something valuable. He believed that he could buy anything and anyone with money. But today, even with all his riches, he felt like a beggar.
Finally, the phone stopped ringing. After some time, he heard a car pull into the driveway. He did not get up to see who it was. The house was dark. Lakshmi came in and switched on the lights. Then she saw her brother sitting on a sofa—looking dazed and confused. In the bright lights, she could see Sanjay’s pale face.
‘Why are you sitting like this, Sanjay? I called you several times but there was no reply. Are you all right? Where’s Mridula?’
Sanjay buried his face in his hands and said, ‘Oh, Mridula, Mridula.’
Lakshmi walked around the house searching for her sister-in-law. Finally, she came back and stood in front of her brother and asked, ‘What’s going on? Where’s Mridula?’
‘She’s gone.’
‘What do you mean? Where and when did she go?’
Sanjay did not reply.
‘What time will she be back?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Are you unwell or are you pulling my leg?’
Suddenly, Sanjay remembered the party. He collected himself and said, ‘Lakshmi, go back to the party and tell everyone that Mridula has had a fracture. Wait, I’ll come with you and let them know. Tell them to have their dinner and leave.’
‘But why did she leave? And when?’
Sanjay did not answer despite Lakshmi’s repeated questions.
Sanjay and Lakshmi drove to The Leela Palace. It was filled with people. Sanjay forced himself to smile and apologized to everyone: ‘Thank you for your patience. I’m extremely sorry for having made you wait. Mridula has had a fracture and I had to rush to attend to her. Please have dinner and enjoy yourselves.’ Sanjay instructed Rosemary and Shankar to manage everything and left the party.
When he came back home, he felt really upset with Mridula. He was mad at the way she had embarrassed him in public. He decided that he would not call her back. He thought, ‘I haven’t harmed her in any way. There’s no reason for her to leave. She’s the wife of a famous gynaecologist in Bangalore. How dare she disobey me? Let her realize who I am. Then she herself will come back to me. It’s not easy for an Indian woman to live alone. Meanwhile, Sakamma, Chikki and Nanja are capable enough to look after the house.’
He changed his clothes and went off to sleep.
Suddenly he got up and looked at the clock. It was 2 a.m. Sanjay was not a light sleeper. But today, he could not sleep properly. His mind kept flashing back to the day he had met Mridula, how he had courted her and how life had been with her then.
When he woke up in the morning, Sakamma, Chikki and Nanja were waiting for his orders.