by Lesley Jones
“Yeah, sorry did that sound as bad to you as it did to me?”
“That actually sounded like the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard to be honest, where did you pluck that one from?”
I am struggling to keep a straight face as I speak, floored again by his honesty.
“I don’t really know, but it was bad, wasn’t it?” He says with a smile
“Well if you’re not going to fall for any of my well-rehearsed, cheesy, chat up lines, which, I have got to say, has dented my confidence considerably, well then, I’ll just be straight up with you Lauren, I don’t want to wait and take it slowly, I don’t want to be just friends I don’t care what other shit you have going on in your life, I do care about getting to know you and what I really want is to take you, hard and fast and then, maybe we will take it slowly”
Oh My Days!!!!
He is deadly serious and not in the least embarrassed admitting this to me. What is this? Every time I think I’ve got him worked out he comes out with something that changes my mind. He runs his hand through his untidy hair and without saying a word, pulls me to him and gives me quite possibly, the best kiss of my entire life. His lips are full and soft and his tongue darts in and out and dances around mine. I reach up and around his neck, grabbing his hair, pushing his mouth harder down on mine. He slides one arm around to the small of my back and forces me to step between his open legs as he leans against the table. His other hand grabs my hair and pulls my head back and forces my mouth open as he slides his tongue in again, I moan into his mouth and as I do, he lets out a delicious sigh, that just touches me, right there, between my legs, he grips my hair tighter, pulling me in as close as I can go without straddling him and wrapping my legs around his waist. Why is it that this kind of hair pulling feels so right and what my husband does to me feels so, so wrong? My moment of total insanity ends abruptly as thoughts of Jason, our children, our life, force their way into my mind. What am I doing? I pull my mouth away but don't break eye contact
“I’m sorry, I can't do this” I mumble
“No” he says “it’s my fault, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that but I just couldn't help myself, fuck Lauren, what are you doing to me?”
My lips feel bruised and tingly, I'm starting to panic, what am I doing? What if there's somebody in here that knows me? Out of nowhere he asks
“Do you smoke?” What, where did that come from?
“Random sort of question after that little moment, isn't it?” I ask, bemused. He gives a small laugh and nods in agreement
“Yeah, been a bit of a random sort of night I s’pose. I don't smoke often but, you've made me feel” he shakes his head and laughs as he speaks. “You’ve made me feel like I'm 15 again, my heads all over the place and I just fancy a smoke” He looks totally honest and sincere as he says this and possibly a little bit, embarrassed? Christ, he probably feels like he’s confessing to his mother. “Do you have any cigarettes on you?” I ask. Trying not to think too much into what he just said. I've made him feel 15 again. Well that's no biggie, he's made me feel like a physco, peado, sex fiend, he’s a child for fucks sake Lauren!!
“Actually yeah, I do, I usually carry a pack, I like a smoke after I have a few beers, but only now and then, I’m not a regular smoker or anything” He smiles slightly sheepishly at me. God, I really have never wanted to have sex with someone so much in my life, if he asked me right now, I would go home with him, what a slut. I would lick and suck and kiss him. Everywhere, all over. No, no I wouldn’t, I’m a married woman, I would do no such thing. I so would. Shush brain, where are these thoughts coming from? Shit, I hope that was only in my head and I haven’t actually said any of it out loud.
"What was that?” he asks with a smile
“No nothing. Nothing. Let’s go poison our lungs”
I motion to the girls where we're going as I know they will flip if they think I'm leaving with him. We have an unwritten rule about this type of thing and none of us are allowed to leave with a bloke, not that we would but you never know, we all do stupid things when drunk, right? I got pregnant, whilst under the influence, so I know first-hand. Jo, being single, is the only exception to this rule and even then is only allowed once we have vetted him and she has to text us with our secret safe word within an hour after leaving to let us know she's okay, it’s Just our own little sisterhood safety trip. You just can't be too careful these days!
We stand outside and he lights my cigarette.
“Where do you live?” He asks ... “Why do you want to know? It’s really a moot point as hopefully I won’t be living there much longer”
“I was just wondering if you were local. I have a few properties locally that I rent out and one is empty, it's just off the beach road. Just thought I might be able to help you out on the home front”
“Well, yeah, that sounds fantastic....but, what sort of money would you be looking at rent wise for a place just off the beach road? I think it would be a bit more than I could afford”
A sudden thought crosses my mind... Has he only continued chatting to me because he thinks I could be a prospective tenant? He is, after all a landlord and I am looking for a place to rent. My stomach flips over as I take another puff on my cigarette. Why am I smoking this? It’s just making me feel sick. I look around for a butt box and stub it out
“Well, why don't you take a look and see if you like it, then we can talk about money. It's only just become empty and there are a few jobs that need doing in there so I've told the agents to give me a month before they relist it. If you were interested, I wouldn't need to use the agents and that would save me money, in turn, that would be reflected in the rent”
I suddenly feel overwhelmed by the gravity of what I'm doing, I feel very drunk, a little unsteady on my feet and ever so slightly sick.
“Lauren, you okay?” he asks
“I think I need to go home. I don't feel well”
He has an arm around me in an instant and starts guiding me over to the outside seating area and sits me down.
“Sit here and I'll go and get you some water”.
My head is spinning; I really shouldn't have smoked that cigarette!
Is he for real or is he just a complete bullshit artist, Jo said he was a player, was he playing me? He is at least ten years younger than me and drop dead fucking gorgeous. He obviously has money and the attention of just about every woman in the place... Young, rich, and good looking....... So why the fuck would he be giving me the time of day? Before I have chance to process any of these thoughts he is back with a tall glass of iced water and a worried looking Jemma.
“You okay chick?” she asks rubbing my back. I take the water from him saying “Thank you” as I do and take a couple of big gulps. My stomach is starting to settle but my head is now pounding.
“I’m okay... Just had one cigarette too many and thought I was gonna green out all over the place and embarrass myself. I'm feeling a bit better now though, thanks”
I smile at her saying “Go back inside and I'll join you for a dance in a minute”
“Okay, if you’re sure. But I'm happy to jump in a cab with you if you wanna go home” I shake my head
“Hell no, that's the last place I wanna be right now, besides we still have a couple of more hours to shake our arses” she kisses my cheek and turns to Gabe.
“Look after her; else I will knock you out”
Ha, I love that girl!
“Oh I plan on looking after her, don't worry about that” Gabe winks at me and I have to close my eyes before my head starts to spin again.
He sits down next to me, his arm along the back of the seat, just brushing against my shoulders, his thigh pressed against mine, I am so acutely aware of him, his smell and of that tingle I feel, I try not to look, but I can’t resist. He is wearing a pair of black lace up Converse high tops, his jeans are dark blue, but they’re not denim, they’re more like chino…skinny chino’s, that’s what they are. My eyes travel up his long
legs and I can’t help but linger over the bulge at his crutch, he has a V-neck T-shirt on, in a really thin cotton fabric and it’s a light denim blue colour, and accents those eyes, making them look even bluer. I rest my eyes on the hairs sticking out of the V at his T-shirt, at that little nook at the base of his throat, I blow out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding and move my eyes up to his face. He is a classic Aussie Boy, square jaw, covered in at least two days growth. I wonder how that would feel, brushing up the inside of my legs, phewwww, breathe. He has a deep cleft in his chin, full lips and a perfect straight nose, he really is male model material but not in a pretty way. His shoulders are broad and his arms toned, he has a tribal type tattoo on his left arm, which must carry onto his chest as I can just see a hint of it at the edge of his T. His hair is fairly long, parted in the middle, with a long fringe, which continuously flops forward and which he continuously combs his fingers through, pushing it back, sometimes even when it hasn’t fallen forward, habit I suppose, it’s a dark blond colour but with sun bleached stripes running through it, The best hairdresser in the world couldn’t achieve that natural affect. I finally allow myself to look at those eyes, But his eyes are on me, they have probably watched mine roam over his body. I flush with, embarrassment? He smiles ever so slightly, then leans in for a very gentle kiss on my cheek.
“Come home with me Lauren? I really do want you”
Jesus, I want to say yes but I’m a good girl, I haven’t had a one night stand since I was 19 and I… Why am I even debating this in my head?
“You know you want to” He whispers right in my ear; my body feels like liquid, like its running off the seat and pooling on the floor at his feet. I tilt my head back and take in a deep breath.
“No Gabe, I’m sorry” You have no idea how sorry “Don’t get me wrong, I do feel, whatever it is that’s going on here but I won’t go home with you, if you want me enough, you will wait until I have got my domestic situation under control, if you don’t. Well, so be it” His eyes travel over my face, he frowns and shrugs his shoulders and I think he’s going to tell me to forget it.
“I’ll wait. But you do know, this will happen, this …” He gestures between the two of us “Whatever it is, between us, is too strong, there is something there that I have never felt before and I just can’t walk away from it and I won’t leave it, I can’t. Meet me tomorrow and I will show you the place I have to rent, I have a few things to do first thing but I can meet you there at 11 if you like?”
“Okay” I pull my phone out of my back pocket, unlock it and open my contacts and hand it to him. I am too vain to admit that I cannot read the screen without my glasses on.
“Put your number and the address in and if you don’t hear from me, I will meet you there tomorrow at 11”
He types away and then hands my phone back with a smile on his face. I look at him and frown, what’s that look for I wonder?
We go back inside and after ten minutes I feel well enough to have a dance and of course a sing, especially as the band are banging out a version of Dexys Midnight Runners ‘Geno’ What a song, another favourite and unfortunately for the rest of the bar, one that I just happen to know all the words to.
For the next half hour I forget all of my troubles and dance like a maniac. Although, I am sort of keeping half an eye on Gabriel at the same time and my stomach lurches each time I look at him, because he is looking right back at me. While I cut my best dance moves, he is deep in conversation with two blokes and I wonder if they might possibly be his brothers, they look alike but the other blokes look slightly older. The girl who was talking to him at the bar appears at his side and says something, he looks straight back over in my direction before turning back to her, and with whatever he says, she walks away. Ha good. See yaaa biatch. Why I should care who he talks to I don’t know but it would seem that I do. I watch as the other blokes seem to collapse into fits of laughter, while Gabe shakes his head at them, he looks back at me, smiling and shaking his head and shrugs, I smile back but have no idea at what
I have switched to water but Lu comes back from the bar with another round of shots for us all
“You’ll be the death of me” I say as I knock mine back
“Well death by cock suckin cowboys has got to be better than being beaten to death by your husband” Whoa, that’s harsh, even by Jo’s standards. Trust her to say it how it is....
“Joanne! That was uncalled for” Jemma, as always, has my back
“Sorry, but it needs saying, I can’t help but feel angry with you Lauren, we’re your friends, you didn’t need to put up with this shit alone, you should have told us your husband was beating you on a regular basis, we would have got you out of there sooner. Why don’t you just not go home tonight, come and stay at mine?”
Lulu and Jemma are staring over my shoulder. I panic as my first thought is that Jay has walked in. I spin around and Gabriel is standing right next to me. Fuck, how much has he heard? The last thing I want is him knowing what I have going on, I don't know if I trust him yet and I definitely don’t want his sympathy, the last thing I want, is anyone’s sympathy. It's been one of my biggest issues in telling anyone about what my husband does to me, I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I am not going to be a victim in all of this, I need to become proactive, and the only way I know to do that, is to leave him. Victims are the ones that stay and suffer. The ones that just endure the violence. That's not going to be me, I am leaving, and never again will I take any kind of crap from a man. Poor Gabe, he picked the wrong night to try and be nice to me, I hadn’t realised how much anger I have hidden under all the other emotions, mainly aimed at myself but right now I'm pissed off about what he might have heard. I search his eyes, his face for a clue. If he has heard anything he’s not giving it away.
“Hey” I say, still searching his face but I can barely focus. That is to be my last drink of the night.
He smiles and it would seem his smile has a direct line to my clit.
“You sure you won’t change your mind and come home with me? The offer’s still there” He heard. He’s asking out of sympathy.
“Don’t Gabe; don’t ask me that, not out of pity”
He steers me by my elbow, out of earshot of the girls
“Look Lauren, I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with you and your husband but I don’t pity you, why would I? I’m sorry your marriage is over but quite frankly, for me, that’s a good thing, I want you, I want you to come home with me so that I can show you just how much I want you. But I also fully respect your decision not to cheat on your husband whilst still living under the same roof and I’m sorry for keep asking, actually, no I’m not but I do understand. Meet me tomorrow, we will find you somewhere to live and then neither of us will have cause to feel guilty” He didn’t hear. He doesn’t know. Good, that’s good. I’m so drunk.
“So, there is an ulterior motive to helping me find somewhere to live, it’s not just out of the goodness of your heart, you just want me away from my husband so I won’t feel guilty about fucking you, that way you won’t feel guilty about making me feel guilty?”
He rakes his hand through his hair and looks down at me; I watch as a nerve tics in his jaw as he just stares at me for a few seconds, he shakes his head,
“Lauren, I want you away from your husband, because you told me you’re leaving him and need somewhere to live, all the rest is inconsequential, to a degree. Yes I want you but I also have a place you may or may not want to live. Meet me in the morning, when you’re sober and we will go from there”
He tilts my chin up and looks down at me, even in my heels he is over a foot taller than me, he must be at least six three, six four. That’s really tall when you’re only five feet two inches tall/small?
He kisses me very, very softly on my mouth, not letting go of my chin. My arms go up and around his neck, his arms move around my back and he pulls me in and presses me tightly against him, our kiss grows deeper and I pull on his hair, hi
s taste, his smell, everything about him feels like it was made especially for me, to fit me and I know that sometime in the very near future, I will have sex with this man, and I can’t wait. He breaks away first and rests his chin on top of my head for a minute, then he whispers into my ear
“Fuck Lauren, what are you doing to me? I want you like you wouldn’t know, I really need to go before I drag you out of here by force” Mmmmm force, I like force, when it’s between consenting adults of course.
“That look isn’t helping my resolve Lauren, I meant bad force, not kinky force but I will store that thought away for the future, I’m going, I will see you in the morning, Ciao Bella” How did he know that? How did he know what I was thinking? He kisses my forehead and is gone. I actually feel a stab of physical pain at his departure and miss him instantly! Grow up Lauren, my brain is screaming at me. Grow up, what are you thinking? He is so not what you need in your life right now.
I look over to my girlfriends, they are all looking back at me.
“What are you thinking Lauren?” Shit, I must have made such a show of myself. “Go home with him for fucks sake, he’s hot and he obviously wants you, go and let him fuck your brains out, and then go home to Jay smelling of another man, a real man”
Ahhh Jo if only you knew how tenuously my grip is hanging on to my morals right now. I shake my head at them all and blow out a big breath.
‘Better Be Home Soon’ is being sung, another favourite. Who am I kidding, every song is my favourite when I've had a drink! But we do love this song, It's our anthem, it’s what we always sing at the end of a drunken night together, and the song we play down the phone if ever one of us is missing from a night out. When we start singing this, our husbands know it’s time to take us home, that’s the way it has been in the past at least. Well not anymore, from now on, I won't go home 'till I'm ready. Which was probably a couple of hours ago.