Saviour

by Lesley Jones

  “Oh no Lauren, what a shame, are you okay, are you coping?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine; it was me that left him actually”

  “Right, well, I always thought you looked very happy together, but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, but I am sorry Lauren, it’s always sad when a marriage breaks down, but I’m sure you have your reasons” Okay, time for a subject change

  “Actually I could get someone up here now, a builder I mean, if you know what it is you want doing” Gabe on the other hand, could work beside me anytime!

  “Could you, on a Saturday lunch time?”

  “Yeah, no worries just let me make a call”

  I call Gabe and ask if he can come and have a look at a potential job opportunity, I explain that it would be a very small job compared to what his company is used to doing but it’s for a high profile couple so it could be a great bit of networking and free publicity for them. He’s back in ten minutes. I'm out the front when he pulls up and despite the fact he's only been away an hour my belly flips and my heart quickens at the sight of him. He kisses me full on the mouth; I think he missed me too. I lead him upstairs to Karen,

  “Karen Palmer, this is Gabriel Wilde, the construction guy I was telling you about”

  There's silence. I stand there, grinning like an idiot, waiting for that familiar look, the look most women get when they look at him for the first time, second, third time even. I look from Karen to Gabe and back again. My scalp prickles and I feel nauseous, I think my legs are going to give way as the room begins to move around me, it doesn’t spin, it sort of rolls, slowly. My mouth is so dry; I lick my lips as cold, cruel realisation creeps over me. She is giving Gabe a very weak smile, but her eyes are saying something completely different, there is nothing weak about her stare, there is the lust and desire and the oh my God, he’s so hot look but there is something else, something more that I so wasn’t expecting and as I look once more from her to him and I see him look at me with complete and utter panic written all over his face, I know for sure, that it’s a look of recognition! I can feel sweat running down my back, despite feeling icy cold and all I can think is no. Please let me be wrong, please?

  Karen is the first to speak as she whispers.

  “Gabe?”

  “Hey Karen, how have you been?”

  No, no, no, no, no.

  He's fucked her. I don't believe it, he's fucked her, I just know it!

  I hadn't given him any details of my client other than that her name was Karen and that I had done previous work for her so he would have had no idea of what he was walking into. I swallow hard as tears prick my eyes, why am I getting upset? Like he keeps telling me, neither of us can change our pasts. It doesn’t stop it from fucking hurting though.

  I carry on as though their little reunion isn't happening.

  “Karen if you want to show Gabe the work you would like doing, I just need to walk around take some measurements and some photo’s”

  I walk away from them and go into the master bedroom. I lean back against the cold wall and slide down onto my bum and try and catch my breath. I can feel sweat on my top lip. Unfuckinbelievable! She and Steve have been married longer than me so he must have fucked her during her marriage. Ha, a married woman, why am I surprised that there have been other married women before me? Fuck you Gabriel; you really don't do things by half do you?

  I go and wait outside for them to finish out the back. My mind in overdrive thinking about what they’re talking about. What they have done together, in the past. I feel humiliated, upset, and very close to tears.

  Gabe comes through the front door first and I can't look at him when he comes and stands beside me, way too close and most definitely in my personal space. Karen stands in the door way, she looks flushed and her make-up is smudged around her eyes, I can only hope it’s from crying. I really need to get out of here, even if that does mean getting into the Ute with him, something I really do not want to do, I do not want to be anywhere near him right now.

  “I’ll get some samples sorted and call you” I say to her as I get in the Ute. She gives me a halfhearted smile and a nod; she actually looks devastated as she shuts the door. Gabe is in and has the engine started before I've even finished talking. I get in and close the door as he says “Lauren”

  “Just fucking drive”

  “Lauren please just let… ”

  “Drive the fucking car Gabe else I'm getting out and walking”

  “Please jus… ”

  We are out of her drive now and I just lose it

  “Just shut the fuck up Gabe, just for once, please, just shut up, I really don’t want to hear it” I am screaming like a banshee, tears streaming down my face, at least this time they have good reason to be crying.

  He does as I say and drives home in silence. I stare out of the window trying to organise my thoughts so they don’t leave my mouth as a garbled incoherent mess, when my capability to speak returns that is. I actually don’t know if I want to laugh or cry and all that's going through my head, over and over is, unfuckinbelievable!

  I go straight to the fridge and pour myself a wine. I pass him out a beer, I would really like to smash it over his fucking head right now. But, but that's really not the done thing is it. Is it?

  “Lauren, please let me explain, it was a long, long time ago”

  I walk away and he follows. I go to the bedroom and take his cigarettes out of his draw and go out onto the veranda to smoke. He takes one from the pack and joins me.

  “You fucked her didn't you?”

  “Please Lauren”

  “Just answer me Gabe DID YOU FUCK HER?” I shout, loudly

  His silence speaks volumes.

  “So what? Should I be worried? Is there still something there? Why was her face flushed and make up smudged, what were you doing out in the back yard?”

  “What? Nothing, talking, she was embarrassed, she cried and fuck Lauren no, you don't need to worry, there's nothing there, for her or any other woman, there's only you, you’re all I want, all I need, I told you earlier, your my life now. I was sixteen for Christ sake, it was nothing”

  “Well judging by the look on her face, it was much more than nothing Gabe, especially in light of the fact that it was such a long time ago. I would say, wouldn't you?”

  I’m pacing up and down the balcony as we speak. Am I making too much of this? It was a long time ago and just pure coincidence that they met up today, it’s not like he sought her out or anything. Am I making excuses for him, like I used to with Jay and his little slaps and put downs, fuck no, I am not going down that path again.

  “It was nothing, it meant nothing, it is nothing to me, she meant nothing, and she means nothing to me. I don't know how to make it any clearer to you”

  I drink my wine and hold my glass out to him, indicating I want more and he had better fucking well go and get it for me. Say no and see what happens, prick. I fucking dare you, is what the loo I give him is saying. He does exactly as he should, and I can’t help but smile, his shoulders are slumped and I watch him give out a deep breath as he turns his back and walks inside. Enough with the punishment, or should I make him suffer some more? I need to hear all of the facts first I think. He comes back with the bottle in a cooler and Bourbon for himself. We both smoke another cigarette in silence. If I wasn’t so fucking angry, this would actually be quite funny, I can imagine Gabe retelling this story and getting big laughs and much respect for it. So am I angry with him for having a past or am I angry at myself for being jealous about it? Two different issues, but he is being punished for both, well for now anyways. He starts to talk.

  “We had quite a privileged upbringing, the best private schools, overseas holidays; we had a lot of material things but no Mum to love us. My Dad was devastated when she died. We all were. She was five months pregnant with Stella, my little sister, when they found a tumour on my Mums’ spine. She refused treatment until after Stell was born” He gulps on his drink as hi
s voice waivers and I feel so bad for being such a bitch, he continues “By then it was too late. It had spread to her bones and her lymph glands. It took her eighteen months to die. By then it had spread to her lungs and her brain. I knew she was dying but I was four for fucks sake. I had no concept of the finality of death; I didn't get what forever meant. It was harder on my brothers; they were older and had more idea about what was going on. Anyway, when she finally died, my Dad threw himself into work. He had inherited the business from my Mums’ Dad. He worked for my pop and married the boss’s daughter. Grandma and Pop had no sons so my Dad took over running things. When Mum died, he just wanted to make it into even more of a success, in her honour I suppose. Any way, he did exactly that, turning it into what it is today. For us boys it meant as soon as we turned thirteen, fourteen we were all expected to do our bit and it wasn't to be done in the office. We were all set to work with the tradies, weekends, school holidays, we were at work. When I was sixteen I was labouring for one of the bricklaying contractors that worked for us. They were renovating an old place in Glen Ira for some television personality. Anyway, there I was sixteen years old, working on a house reno’ during a Melbourne summer, so not wearing a lot. Karen Palmer, who was the wife of the client, was at the property quite a bit. There was lots of publicity at the time that Steve Palmer was shagging around, I was there on my own one Saturday morning having a clear up ready for the painters to start on the Monday, and she turns up, is was a shocker, about 30 degrees by 9o'clock so she calls me in and makes me a cold drink and we get chatting, an hour later she makes me another drink. I'm all done by 12 and as I say goodbye she asks if I wanna have a shower as I had told her earlier I was going straight to the beach to meet some mates. I'm hot, sweaty and dusty so I say yeah thanks, I'm in the shower and she gets in and joins me, without saying a word she gives me a blow job and gets out again. Over the course of the summer she doesn't leave me alone. We meet up any time we can. I'm 16 and getting to bang my brains out, seriously, she's up for anything, anywhere, so I'm happy to oblige. Summer ends, I go back to school and for me that's the end of it but she starts turning up outside the school, I walk out with a girl one night and she goes fucking mental and hits me when I get in the car so that's my lot, I don't need that shit. Over the next few months she bombards me, letters, phone calls, turning up at places she knows I will be. She just won't take no for an answer, in the end I threaten to tell her husband and my dad if she doesn't leave off.” He drags his hand through his hair and shakes his head at the memory. “It does the trick and I've never seen her since, till I walked in that house earlier” He squeezes his eyes shut, is he trying to recall the image or shake it from his brain, I must of looked so pathetic standing there, all smug about showing off my new hot man, boy, lover. And she had already been there, long before me, well that’ll teach me. And then he does the old mind reading thing again.

  “The look on your face Lauren, it only took you a split second of looking from me to her and you knew, no one else would have guessed that, but you did and I feel ashamed for what you went through back there, I can only imagine how much that must have hurt. I could see it in the look on your face, I never want to be responsible for that look again, and I am so sorry that happened baby, I wish I had never set eyes on the woman but I can't change things, it happened and when I very least expected it to, my past has come back to bite me on the arse and I'm sorry that you had to be involved, I would do anything for that not to be the case. Anything but it is what it is and I can’t change it, I’m a fuck up Lauren, it was wrong, what I did, was wrong, I knew she was married” Again he rakes his hand through his hair with one hand and leans onto the balcony with the other “I don’t want to lose you over this Lauren but I’m glad you know, I wish you had found out differently but I’m glad you know, I don’t want there to be secrets between us, total honesty Lauren, always”

  I say nothing, digesting, absorbing all that he's just told me. I've had nearly naked sixteen year old boys in my house, I know firsthand how hot they can be and how cheeky and charming, the things they say to try and impress, what's the term my boys use? Flanter. Flirty Banter, equals Flanter. Teenage boys, they say things, they push their luck, but for fucks suck I've never acted on it. Her children are similar ages to mine; her son must be just a few years younger than Gabe, that's just wrong, so wrong. I know Gabe was wrong for having an affair with a married woman but if he’s telling the truth, which I think he is, she was an older, married woman and she pursued him, he’s not blameless but he’s not entirely to blame either; all said and done, what happened today isn’t Gabe’s fault, it’s not Karen’s fault and I can't change what happened in the past; today was unfortunate but its old news, so, where to now, how do we move on? I don't want to be jealous. But I am, I can't help it, he's hot and fucking gorgeous, and I hate other women looking at him as much as I love it, it would be different if I could say ‘Fuck of bitch, he’s mine’ but I can’t, because I don’t know yet that he is. I want to trust him. I do trust him, I think. But I do not trust other women. I find him irresistible and I am pretty sure every other woman with a pulse does too!

  “I don't want you working there” Is all I can think of saying.

  “Lauren, I wouldn't be working there, I don't know what you think I do but most of my work is done either from the office or I am moving from site to site, I don’t do the hands on stuff anymore” He raises his eyebrows and smirks a little as he says this, yeah I get it, hands on, you’re a funny fucker Wilde and yes you have just totally turned me on, just with words, again. My skin burns.

  “I will send someone out to price the job up and a project manager to run things, I am interested in getting the work because her husbands a celebrity and it gets our name out there but I don't have to have any direct contact with her for that to happen”

  I'm hot, in a too much sun kind of way, not a sex kind of way, well yeah, a sex kind of way too, the hands on thing got that going, but I am also extremely pissed off, with him, with her, with myself. Today started off so beautifully and now I just feel ... bla. It's like every day there's something and we've only been together a week. A week, what a week, a complete roller coaster of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. My world has been turned on its head and for some reason; don't ask me why, I suddenly wonder how Jason is doing.

  If I'm feeling shit despite having Gabe by my side... Although right now I’m really not sure if he's a help or a hindrance to my emotional state....if I have Gabe and still feel like this and Jay has no one, how must he be feeling? My world is so totally fucked up.

  I walk through the house, go down to the pool, take off all my clothes and jump in. I stay under the water until my lungs burn and feel like they will burst; when I surface Gabe is on the side about to jump in.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” He shouts at me, he has an almost frantic look on his face.

  “It’s freezing in there Lauren, the solar’s not been on, grow the fuck up and get out”

  I really can't be bothered to answer him, I'm drained, exhausted, my brain needs to have a rest from thinking so I just go under again.

  I swim up and down until I feel considerably calmer. I'm still pissed off but not as much as I was. As I calm, I remember I'm naked, I want to get out but I don't want to give him an eyeful, he doesn't deserve it, well he might but I'm feeling petulant and don't want him to. Gabe’s lying up the wrong way on a sun lounger watching me, the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth now, he’s obviously calmer now too. My clothes are lying in a pile right in front of him, there's no way I'm getting out and standing there naked. He's lying on his belly, with his hands under his chin. He knows I'm fucked so I call out

  “Would you please get me a towel?”

  The fucker shakes his head. Okay so don’t, I'll just keep swimming. There are clouds beginning to gather in the sky now and the wind is getting up. A cool change is forecast for tonight and I can feel it in the air. I swim up and down a couple of more t
imes,

  “Are you not getting cold Lauren and tired?” He asks with the hint of a smile on his face, he knows I’m probably cold, my lips are probably blue, both pairs.

  “No, I'm fine”

  “Would you like me to get you a towel?”

  “No thanks, you can poke your towel up your arse. When you go in, I'll get out” he smiles and shakes his head,

  “I’m going nowhere baby; I could lay here and watch you all night” Bastard!

  I have no idea what the time is when I eventually step out of the pool, freezing cold, wrinkled... more so than usual and probably a nice shade of blue, trying to look as if I hadn't given it a second thought, I walk up the steps of the pool, past Gabe and into the house, stark naked. I am freezing, so head straight into the shower, my skin tingles as the almost scolding water hits it but as I rinse the conditioner out of my hair, it’s a different kind of tingle, and I know he is there, even before he starts to rub shower gel into my shoulders, I am too drained to respond and I just stand with my arms at my sides and let him wash me from head to toe, in complete silence. He turns off the water and wraps me in a towel and dries me, he guides me over to the sink where he uses a face wipe to remove the last traces of my makeup. He squirts my body lotion into his hand and rubs that in all over me, I’m actually quite turned on, but I still don’t react, I am enjoying this far too much and do not want it to end. He puts cream on my face, deodorant under my arms and then drags the comb through my hair. He has put a towel around his waist and I can see his erection twitching through it and can’t help but smile. He catches me and looks down at himself and smiles too, looking back up to my eyes as he whips the towel away and wiggles his eyebrows, I shake my head, roll my eyes and I sigh as I look at him, he is such a boy sometimes. He leads me by the hand to the bed, pushing me back on it.

  “Now that your little show of defiance is over, let’s play. Where are your toys Lauren?”