I let go after kissing her once more and head to my room, stripping out of my suit on the way. It may be my imagination, but I swear I get a whiff of Sasha’s overpowering perfume on my clothes, so I toss them in a heap on the floor and kick them into a corner. That may be the last time I ever wear that particular suit.
My reflection in the bathroom mirror stops me cold. I stare hard at myself, asking what the hell I’ve done. It’s a question I’ve asked several times over the last few weeks, but now, it’s time for me to make a plan.
Shit is about to get real. The way Sasha looked at me keeps replaying in my mind. Guilt flows through my body for keeping this from Bizzy. She may be upset, but she loves me. And if this changes her feelings, I’ll love her enough for the both of us.
I make the decision to tell her tonight. When everyone leaves, I’ll sit her down and explain every single dirty detail. Then I’ll hold her tight, apologizing until my voice is gone. She can cry, scream, and fight me all she wants.
The one thing she can’t do is leave.
I crawl into bed naked, waiting for her to join me and feel the pounding in my head start to disappear. The tension in my shoulders and back eases at the smell of Bizzy all over the bed. The mixture of limes, citrus, and coconuts from her body lotion and shampoo engulfs me.
The next thing I know, my eyes flutter open to see her looking at me with a sweet smile, running a hand through my hair. My whole body wakes up at the sight of her leaning over, the scoop neck of her dress falling enough to expose her silky blue bra. Instantly, I’m hard, wondering if she’s wearing a matching set.
Without warning, my arms tag her, and I twist us so she’s trapped against me. Her giggle fills the room until my mouth finds hers and I nibble on her bottom lip.
“Someone’s feeling better,” she mumbles, her hand now massaging my scalp.
“You’re overdressed.” I skim my fingers down her side until I reach the hem of the dress, feeling the smooth skin of her thigh. My hips jerk, pressing my erection into her through the sheet.
“Shaw,” she breathes out faintly.
“Hmmm?” I continue to inch her dress up, ready to remove all the clothing between us.
“We can’t. Your brothers are already here.”
“That’s their problem for being early. They can wait,” I growl, licking along her collarbone. “You’ll have to be quiet.”
“Shaw…” She tries weakly to push me away.
“Say my name like that again.”
“Baby, we really can’t. They’re not early; you’re late. I let you sleep as long as I could.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been asleep for hours.”
“I thought you were joining me. Why didn’t you wake me?”
“Because you were peaceful and I knew you needed your rest. I’ve never known you to be a napper, so I figured it was a bad headache.”
“I’ll never take a nap again if it means I miss the chance to spend the afternoon inside you. Nothing is worth missing that.”
“Honey, you realize they’re not staying all night, right?”
“The minute they leave, I’m peeling you out of this dress.”
“Noted.” She leans up, giving me a quick kiss, and rolls away, leaving me to fall back on the bed alone.
“What am I supposed to do about this?” I grip my throbbing dick, pumping a few times to try and ease the ache.
“You can take care of it in the shower.”
I catch the gleam in her eye, which causes my cock to twitch in my palm. “Did you just suggest I jack off in the shower?”
“I think it’s hot. And you can tell me about each and every stroke tonight while we finish what you started.” She winks at me seductively and struts away, shutting the door without another word.
“Fuck.” I limp to the bathroom, knowing this is not going away without some sort of release.
An hour later, I’m counting the minutes, wondering how much longer these people are going to invade my home.
“You going to at least pretend you’re glad we’re here?” Nick jabs his elbow into my stomach.
“Sorry, man.” I rub the spot and try not to grimace. I think he forgets his own strength sometimes. “I’m glad you’re here. It’s been a rough day. Actually, a rough week.”
“Problems at work?” Mathis questions.
“Nothing I can’t handle. It’s always hard taking over new clients in the middle of their season, but Darren and Joe are easy. It’s getting through their contracts and endorsement deals. Now, if Joe goes to the World Series, we’ve discussed his contract extension. It’s all fine.”
My answer seems to satisfy them, and they both start talking about Nick’s game on Sunday.
“Oh my gosh! Stop now!” Claire screeches, turning all our attention to her.
“I’m serious!” Bizzy walks behind her, setting a platter on the table.
“We have to tell Nicky! He’s going to die!” Claire continues to scream.
“Tell me what?” Nick joins them.
“Come on, everyone. Dinner time.” Bizzy ignores them and motions us to the table.
I sit at the end with Bizzy on one side and Nick on the other. Claire bounces in her seat, her lips pursed to the point they’ve turned white.
“What exactly has you so chirpy?” I ask her, pouring wine into Bizzy’s glass.
“Biz has the best story to share. You and Mathis may not understand, but Nicky is going to appreciate every detail. Every single humiliating detail.”
“Claire, you are terrible! This is really sad.”
“Now, you have to tell me… Remember, it’s in our code.” Nick refers to their stupid childhood pact.
“Okay, well, I had an appointment today, and it was very interesting.”
“You had an appointment?” I look at her, confused. “What for?”
“It was just a gynecologist appointment, nothing unusual.” She takes a sip of wine and sits back, and Claire turns her whole body to face her.
“Not sure what could be so interesting, but don’t keep me hanging.” Nick starts eating, looking at her expectantly.
“I’ve been going to the same group for a long time and know almost everyone in the office. Since they’re in the offices attached to the hospital, we see each other sometimes in passing, especially the OB side…”
Bells start ringing in my head, and sweat breaks out on my neck.
It can’t be… Please, don’t let her say it… Holy Fucking God, PLEASE NO!
“…she didn’t see me, but I saw her. She’s still as nasty and evil as ever. Nothing’s changed. When I was done, I stopped by the nurse’s office to say hello to a few people. Sasha was the topic of conversation. She’s pregnant!”
“Poor fucking bastard. Who’d willingly ever hit that shit? I get she’s somewhat attractive, but she’s a cunt.” Nick shakes his head.
My mouth fuses shut, refusing to open and stop the train wreck happening in front of me. I know what Bizzy is about to say, but still pray I’m wrong.
“Apparently, he really is a poor bastard. She’s still as hateful and self-righteous as ever. It seems the whole office tries to avoid her, and the doctor has recommended several other practicing OBs within the hospital. She refuses to leave, saying she’ll only have the best.
“The nurse taking her vitals did a blood draw. Sasha winced and explained she had given some blood earlier in the day, saying it was for specialized genetic testing—which is obviously a lie because the doctor would want to be a part of any decisions regarding testing and probably offer to do it in their office. When she asked if the father would be joining her for today’s appointment, Sasha became flustered, making excuses he was trying to make it but has a very important meeting. I tried to stop myself from eavesdropping, but I couldn’t!” Bizzy starts to giggle and takes another sip of her wine.
“So then, another woman walked in. I didn’t know
her, but she was only too happy to jump in on the conversation. She said Sasha came in two weeks ago, demanding an ultrasound, saying she needed pictures and measurements. They tried to explain it was still very early in the pregnancy, but she insisted. While the sonographer was preparing the table, Sasha took a call and started going crazy again. She was yelling at the person on the other end of the line, not caring she had someone else in the room.”
“What did she say?” Nick’s looking at Bizzy with a smug smile, obviously enjoying the story.
I, on the other hand, am trying to swallow the bile rising in my throat.
“Something along the lines of, ‘This baby is his whether he wants to admit it or not. You tell his fuckhead of a lawyer we’ll do the paternity test, but then we’re doing this my way. He forgets I know him and his family well. The last thing they want is any kind of scandal. I’ll blow the lid off his precious life if he doesn’t start cooperating.’”
“Sounds like the dad is in for a lifetime of misery and hate with that bitch.”
The last bit of strength I have falters, and my fingers go limp, dropping the fork to my plate and causing a huge banging. All four heads swing to me, and beads of sweat pour down my face and neck. Heat threatens to suffocate me. I make the critical mistake of looking at Mathis first and see the comprehension in his eyes. We hold our stare-down until I hear glass shattering and turn to see Bizzy’s wine glass in shards on her plate, the wine spilling everywhere.
Her eyes are wide and glassy, pleading with me. I can’t do anything but stare, trying to find words… any words.
The air in the room goes still as everyone’s eyes dart between Bizzy and me, realization dawning on her beautiful face as it starts to crumble.
“The distractions, the over the top affection, the headaches?” It’s a question only I understand. She’s piecing the last few weeks together.
My voice won’t cooperate, failing me.
“It’s yours?”
“This has got to be a mistake, a huge fucking mistake,” Nick thunders, slamming his fist on the table. “How in the motherfucking world could this even happen? We hate that bitch!”
Shame crashes into me as I continue to stare, my eyes begging with her.
“No, no, no…” She lets out a broken sob, her body starting to tremble.
I sit mute, still unable to speak. But the silence is her answer. She leaps up. In a flash, she’s snatched her purse off the counter and is out my front door.
“I’m so sorry,” is all that creaks out before I watch the door slam, crushing my heart.
Chapter 16
Bizzy
I slink into the nurse’s lounge and walk on autopilot to the back, heading for the private shower. Once I’m naked and sure I’m alone, my legs give out, dropping me to the floor where I sit cross-legged, letting the warm water wash away my tears. I cry for the hundredth time in two days, wondering when my tear ducts will dry up.
No food, little liquid, and little sleep take over, and I lean against the wall, going through the motions of cleaning myself.
Long after my skin is pruned, I stand, forcing myself to dry and dress for the meeting Nurse Evie called today. It’s mandatory every nurse on the floor attend, and I don’t want to look like a walking zombie.
Fat. Fucking. Chance.
Claire meets me in the lounge, handing me my favorite coffee, and I attempt a smile, which turns out more like a grimace.
She leads me to the back of the meeting room and goes about braiding my hair. When she’s done, she slides her hand into mine and tugs me to lean on her.
This is the only way she knows to take care of me. I haven’t spoken much since fleeing Shaw’s place on Friday night. Once I ran out, she was hot on my heels, telling me to hold it together until she got us away. I let her drive us through downtown Miami, screaming at anyone in her way until we arrived at a penthouse complex. Even through the walk to the elevator, the ride, and her quiet whispers to the doorman, nothing hit me. When she led me into a plush condo, I fell onto the sofa.
And didn’t get up…
She laid with me all night, bringing blankets, pillows, and bottles of water while I wailed. She tried to make sense of something both of us knew was horrible. I finally passed out, her hugging me close and promising to make it better.
The next day, I woke, sore and heartbroken, finally taking in the lavishness of the place. It was incredibly fancy. More fancy than the suite Shaw had gotten us in Tampa. I tried to be quiet as tears ran down my face, but she woke and explained it was one of her parents’ properties, and we were off the grid. I was safe to break down.
Shaw wouldn’t find us.
Her apartment, my apartment, Nick’s apartment, they were all places Shaw would search, but here we were fine. Both of us had to be at work that night, so she made some calls, and within a few hours, we had fresh clothes, including scrubs.
When we got to work, I forced myself to pull it together— smiling, laughing, and trying my best to keep my kids’ spirits up.
My tears dried until my shift was over and I saw Mathis, in street clothes, talking to Evie. This was his day off, so he was probably waiting on me. I wasn’t ready to see him, but I also wasn’t ready to go home.
So I snuck downstairs to the regular pediatric unit and offered to help out. No one thought twice until Claire came down, raging, and insisted I come with her. Everyone’s eyes bulged as I fought her, dragging me away.
She laid me on a cot, situating herself beside me, and held me close, doing the only thing she knew to do as my heart was breaking. We laid there until it was time for our shift, her sleeping, me replaying the events over and over in my mind.
Shaw’s anguished expression…
His face drained of color…
The fear in his eyes…
Then the silence, undeniable silence…
Shaw’s going to be a dad…
Claire pushes against my side, bringing me back to the meeting. I sit up and look around, locking eyes with Mathis, who is staring at me intently. His expression is blank, but I see the heat behind the gaze. He’s sending me a message that says, we’re going to talk. I wouldn’t be surprised if Shaw and Nicky are waiting at the nurse’s station when this meeting ends.
Pushing the thought aside, I make myself pay attention.
“So as we help them establish a protocol, we’ve been asked to provide employees willing to do travel assignments. Our employees know how we make things happen with our unit. They want the same. If you are interested, come talk to me. We will go through a process to make sure your shifts are taken care of. This is time sensitive, so let me know soon.”
She takes a few questions, but I lean into Claire’s ear, not understanding. “What just happened?”
“From what I understand, we bought a hospital in Charlotte. They need help everywhere, Pediatric Oncology included. Any nurse willing to travel and help train is being asked to talk to her.”
Evie talks a little more, going over some patient charts and a few special appearances coming up on the wing. When the meeting is over, I remain seated, waiting for Mathis. Claire stays with me, slipping my phone in my hand as he approaches.
“Hey.” He squats down and places his hands on my knees. “Are you doing okay?”
“No,” I answer honestly, willing myself not to cry.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but he’s worse than you. And Nick’s been climbing the walls.”
“I’ll give Nicky a call. I just got this back.” I tap on my phone screen. “It’s been off since—”
“We know. Claire’s been keeping me updated.”
I swing my head to her, and she shrugs unapologetically. “I had to let them know you weren’t dead in a ditch,” she goes on to explain.
“Bizzy, I can’t even imagine what’s going through your head. We all love you. Talk to me, talk to Nick, and I beg you, talk to Shaw.” Mathis speaks in his soothing d
octor voice.
Usually, I love this voice, but using it on me seems condescending. Instead of lashing out, I take a few deep breaths, reminding myself this isn’t his fault.
“I’ll call him when I can hold a conversation without breaking down. It’s going to take time.”
“I understand, and I promise to try and stay neutral, but you need to know, he didn’t want this. Sasha means nothing to him. Without sounding crass, he has to live the rest of his life with this mistake.”
“The baby really is his, isn’t it?” Saying it out loud sears my throat.
“He believes so, and he’s trying to do the right thing here. Demanding the paternity test was the first of many steps. After you ran out on Friday night, he explained everything. I know you’re hurting, but he’s killing himself over this.”
“I’ll be fine after a few days. The shock is wearing off. It’s probably time I go home, get some sleep, sort my head, and come up with what I want to say.”
They share a look, and I get an uncomfortable vibe. “What?”
“Shaw went to your house on Friday night. He’s sworn to stay until you come home and talk to him. The only time he left was to come up here during your shift.”
“He’s been here?”
“Yeah, he’s been in the main waiting room, hoping you’d call. He wanted to be close.”
My heart and stomach both twist at the thought of him sleeping in the uncomfortable chairs. Instead of responding, I turn on my phone and watch the notifications pop up. So many voicemails, text messages, and emails I don’t dare try to go through them yet.
Exhaustion finally sinks in, and I feel the effects of spending the last thirty-eight hours here.
“I’m going home,” I announce, getting up.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Claire eyes me worriedly.
“No, I’m going to sleep. Really sleep. I’m going to clear my head and think rationally. My heart has had enough time to control my emotions. It’s time my brain kicks in.”
“Call me later, okay? I’ll worry about you.”
“Me too.” Mathis stands and leans in to hug me, kissing my cheek. “Give him a chance to explain.”
Hotshot Page 14