Against my better judgment, I finish my third glass of wine and feel it burning in my empty stomach. But I push on, wanting him to know.
“Freshman year of college, I was blackballed from every sorority by the third round. By this time, Nicky was on the warpath. He had enough. He was the football superstar, the campus hotshot, the most sought after guy for all the girls. He made me go out with him and the other players, watching over me with the eye of a big brother. I finally gained some confidence and started acting like a college freshman. The first time I got drunk, I puked for days, but instead of wanting to die, I wanted to keep going. Finally, I felt normal.”
“We’re leaving, NOW!” Shaw motions to the waiter.
In a whirlwind, bags are brought with our food packaged inside, the tab is paid, and I’m being yanked out of my chair to the exit. Shaw doesn’t let go of me, holding me so close I feel the raging anger brewing. He gives the driver instructions to my house in a clipped tone, and I finally find my voice, ready to purge everything.
“I wore a red bikini at Nicky’s signing party.”
“Biz, I remember that bikini. It’s etched in my mind.”
“You know why? Because there were people taking pictures and I wanted her to know I looked okay in red.”
“Fucking fuck… fuck… fuck.”
I keep going. “One time in college, she came into the restaurant I worked. When she saw me, she got this evil glare in her eye. The next thing I know, she’s screaming at me, saying I ruined her order on purpose and demanding I be fired. I was mortified. My manager didn’t listen to her, but the damage was still there.
“Then I busted my ass to get into nursing school. She went on to law school. I haven’t seen her since.”
“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…” he repeats over and over until the driver pulls up to my apartment and turns to face us.
“Mr. Bennett, do you need me to wait for you?”
“No, I’ll be staying the night. And you’re off duty tomorrow, too. Fully paid. By the way, help yourself to these meals. They were never touched.”
He nods at Shaw and gives me a professional smile as Shaw kicks the door open and lifts me out. I fight against him, insisting I can walk as he lets us into my apartment, kicking the door closed.
He handles me like a ragdoll, twirling us to lock the door then stalking to my bedroom, falling on top of me with all his weight.
“I can’t hear anymore.”
“Thought you wanted to know?”
“There’s only so much I can take without flying off the rails. My patience and tolerance with her is already thin, but now, I want to find a way to punish her for every single horrible thing she has done. If I could go back in time, knowing all this, she’d regret the day she decided to fuck with you. I’d make her life a living hell for even breathing in your presence. My gut is twisted with so much disgust in myself.”
“Oh,” is all I can rasp out with his entire body covering mine.
“Lizbeth Hastings, look at me,” he demands, and I shudder at the fire in his eyes.
“After tonight, we leave those demons at the door. She’s not taking any more precious moments from your life. I’m here now, and as old-fashioned as it sounds, I’m going to protect you.”
“She’s having your child, Shaw. The fact alone kills me inside.”
He lays his forehead to mine, and his chest vibrates in anger. One hand comes to my cheek as he takes a few deep breaths.
“I’m at a loss about this. I don’t know how to process it all. I want to make her pay for every tear you’ve shed, every doubt you’ve had, and every bad memory she caused. Hearing your words tonight has fueled a rage in me I’ve never felt before. Knowing that I’m asking you to endure this with me is the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.
“But I’m a son of a bitch, and I’m asking. Stand by me. Don’t let my idiot lapse of judgment cause me to lose you, because I can honestly say, I don’t know if I can survive without you anymore. You are my everything.”
“Shaw—” My head is buzzing from the wine, and I really am struggling to catch my breath with his weight bearing down on me.
He shifts a little, giving me some comfort, but his arms squeeze tighter.
“Tell me what to do here. Do you want me to relinquish all rights?”
Never in all our talks, or even with the shock in knowing he was having a baby with another woman, have I even considered he’d give up the baby. His words are filled with so much agony and insecurity.
He doesn’t mean them; it’s written all over his face. I feel like a selfish bitch for even making him say them out loud.
“Shaw, that has never crossed my mind. You are not that kind of man. You are a man of honor and integrity. What would that say about me? No, baby, I don’t want you to relinquish anything. If you did, I’d leave you without turning back because you’d be a terrible person.”
His eyes search mine, relief washing over his face. “I’ll fight forever, ‘til my last dying breath, to prove to you how special you are to me. No one is ever going to take you away, especially not her. I love you with all my heart.”
“I know you do.” I close my eyes and let his words settle over me. “And I love you, too.”
“What can I do to show you? How can I bring you above this, make you see our future is still ours?”
A familiar need starts to coil inside, reminding me that Shaw not only owns my heart, but also my body. The emotional connection has never faltered, but the physical one has suffered.
“Make love to me, now. Prove to me that you still belong to me.” My foot skates up his leg and around his thigh, drawing him into me.
His eyes grow wide, lust glowing in them.
“Take her out of my mind. I need to have all of you, Shaw, know you’ll be mine. You can’t change what happened in the past, but I’m too far gone to lose you.”
“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re never losing me,” he rumbles, lowering his mouth to mine.
I clear my mind and let him make love to me, knowing we both need to feel this closeness.
“If you walk into Maria’s house with that look on your face, she and Seth are going to know right away something’s wrong.” I reach over and pry one of Shaw’s hands off the steering wheel and lace his fingers in mine.
“Something is wrong,” he snaps at me then squeezes my hand in an apologetic gesture. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“Thank you for coming with me. It means a lot.”
“Hey.” I slide forward and catch his eye. “I’m here for you, meaning the good and the bad.”
“You’re the only ray of light in my life right now.”
We ride the next few miles in silence, my mind trying to come up with something to say. Even after last night, all our heartfelt words of love, and hours of reconnecting with our bodies, I woke up this morning with Shaw hovering over me. His eyes held the same desperate look from the last week, pleading with me to stay with him.
When he stops the car in front of his parents’ house, I remove my seatbelt and crawl into his lap, cupping his face in my hands.
“I’ll be your ray of light. I’ll help you through this. There’s going to be some rough patches, but we’ll get through them.”
I lean in to kiss him gently, running my lips along his and slipping my tongue in with the faintest of touches. He grabs my ass, trying to wedge me deeper, but I back away, shaking my head. “Let’s get through lunch, then this afternoon, we’ll go to the beach. Try to let all of this go for a few hours and do nothing.”
He nods and opens his door, stepping out with me still in his arms. I struggle to get down, but he doesn’t let go, taking us up the walkway and straight into his parents’ house.
“Let me go!” I smack harder and freeze when I hear the sound of Maria giggling behind me.
“Shaw, Bizzy.” Seth doesn’t hide his own amusement.
; Shaw’s hands loosen enough for me to slide down his body, but he holds me close.
“Hi.” I give a small wave, heat creeping up my cheeks.
“Come here!” Maria holds her arms out for a hug. She squeezes me tight then turns us, leaving the men to follow us to their living room. I move to sit down next to Shaw, but she tugs me down to her on the sofa, forcing Shaw to sit across the room.
“Tell me everything. What’s been happening?” She looks between Shaw and me, and I start with small talk, filling her in on work and my parents since the last time we saw each other.
Shaw tells them about work, mentioning a few trips coming up for a few of his clients. He’d already mentioned to me about switching my shifts around to go to a World Series game with him. Actually, he insisted on it in one of our never ending ‘talk it out’ sessions where he declared he wasn’t leaving me alone for two days. Nicky and Mathis are also coming, so I tried to decline, but he refused to go without me. He even had Joe send me a text explaining he wanted me to come watch him play.
Sneaky bastard, but it worked.
Maria asks me to help her in the kitchen, and Shaw shoots me a look, telling me it’s time. His face pales as worry lines form around his eyes. I get up and go to him, sitting on the arm of the chair and leaning into his side.
Wrapping me in his arms, he pulls me to his lap and cages me in. The air in the room changes as a look of confusion crosses Maria’s face.
“Actually, I need to talk to you two.” Shaw takes a shaky breath.
Seth goes to sit next to Maria, reaching for her hand. “Son, what’s going on?” he encourages him to continue.
“I’ve fucked up. Royally fucked up.”
Panic flashes across their faces.
Instead of facing them, he faces me, and I can tell he’s trying to find the words. There’s so much emotion in his expression, I finally see the turmoil he was feeling all those weeks, hiding this from me. He’s spilling his guts to me with his eyes, and I lean in, finding my own words to help him.
“Shaw is having a baby with another woman,” I tell them in a weak voice. “He had sex with a woman shortly before we got together, and the woman is pregnant. Paternity tests prove he’s the father.”
The only sound in the room is Shaw’s deep breathing until a small cry slips from Maria. We both look at her, shock registering on her face. Seth drops his chin to his chest, shielding his own disappointment.
No one speaks, the silence becoming uncomfortable. Shaw finally clears his throat, “I’m working with Caldwell Banks on the specifics of how to proceed legally, but I’m committed to my responsibility.”
“Well, of course you are. That’s the kind of man you are.” Maria snaps out of her fog.
“How’d this happen?” Seth leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees, and pins Shaw with his eyes.
“It happened as most stupid stories go—too much alcohol, not enough sense. Add an aggressive woman who had been interested in me for a while.”
“We’ve been discussing safe sex with you since you were thirteen years old,” Seth points out angrily.
“This is actually a result of safe sex gone wrong. Nothing you can say to me I haven’t already said to myself. Hell, I have the safe sex conversation with all my clients, treating them like adolescent boys. Now, look at me. This isn’t setting a good example.”
“What do we know about this woman? Is she a decent person? Is there a way she’s after your money? What about her family?” Maria spouts question after question, her eyes bulging.
“Shit, this is worse than I thought,” Shaw says under his breath. “Actually, no, she’s not a decent person. She’s mean and calculating, and she wants more from me than I’m willing to give. She’s a local, a few years younger than me, went to school with Nick and Bizzy, but I didn’t know about her. There’s a good chance she’d like to get her hands on my money, but she comes from money herself.”
“Who is she?”
“Sasha Crane.”
I brace, watching the recognition wash over Maria’s face. She obviously remembers the name from my high school troubles.
“I see,” is all she says.
More silence passes as the temperature in the room drops with the announcement hanging in the air. I move off Shaw’s lap, feeling the need to leave the family alone for a few minutes.
“Where are you going?” He clutches onto my wrist.
“I’m going to the kitchen. You need some time with your parents,” I say softly.
“You don’t need to leave, Bizzy. You’re a part of this family. I think we’re in shock,” Seth tells me.
“No, really, I’ll be in the kitchen,” I try again.
“How do you feel about this, Lizbeth?”
Oh shit, Maria rarely uses my formal name. Usually, it’s reserved for times of joy, but now, it’s more authoritative, reminding me of my own mom. I glance at her and see a touch of sadness, but I also see the ferocity of a woman I’ve known for many years.
I square my shoulders and give her the truth. “To say I’m hurt is an understatement. I didn’t take the news well. I wasn’t sure I could handle it. My very first thoughts were that our relationship was over. I still have my reservations.”
Shaw leaps to his feet, but I move quickly, throwing a hand at him to stop. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see his mouth opening to argue, but I don’t dare look at him.
“The reality is it happened when Shaw and I weren’t together. He’s apologized more than one man should have to in his lifetime. He’s held me close and listened to me cry and pour my fears into words. Then he dried my tears and didn’t let go. I may be naïve to think we can make this work, but I’m not ready to let go of him. I love him; I’ve always loved him. He says he loves me—”
“Fiercely,” he cuts me off. “I love you, fiercely.”
“So we’re going to take this day by day. Regardless of my thoughts on Sasha Crane, I’m standing by his side. It’s not always going to be easy, but I think, eventually, the wound will heal.”
“I need some time to process this,” Maria says sadly, wiping a tear from her eye.
“Mom, I’ve never been so ashamed of my actions.” Shaw goes to her and squats, taking her hands in his. “But I’m going to do this the right way.”
“Of course you are, but I can’t believe you’re having a baby.”
Hearing her say it slays into me, and I clench my arms around my waist to keep from bending over in pain. Shaw is too focused on his mom to notice, but Seth comes to me immediately.
“Sweet, sweet Bizzy.” He kisses my forehead as tears sting my eyes.
“I’ll be okay.”
“You aren’t okay, but I’m always here if you need me. We’ll all get through this.”
I nod and lay my head on his shoulder, like so many times in the past. The strength and unity I had in the car seems to disappear. Seeing Seth and Maria’s reaction made this more real than even telling my mom. They are going to be grandparents. Shaw is going to be a dad.
Where does this leave me? For the first time, I realize we may not all get through this… together.
Chapter 19
Shaw
I give my name to the receptionist, and she points me to a door, indicating I should come through. Another woman meets me and offers to take me directly to Sasha, her peppiness grating on my last nerve. Instead, I ask that she lead me to the billing department.
Her smile fades, but she directs me to a small waiting room and says someone will be right with me. I sit and look around at pictures of smiling babies everywhere, some with doting parents holding them close.
Fuck. I close my eyes to avoid the happy families all around me.
How the hell did I get here?
It seems like a lifetime, but finally, a woman walks in and asks me to come with her. I don’t make eye contact with anyone as we go through a long hall and enter an office where another woman waits
for me with a professional smile.
“Mr. Bennett, please come in.”
I sit in the chair across from her desk and take out my wallet. “I’d like for you to keep my card on file for any incidentals, copays, or extra services Miss Crane requests. Anything this baby needs should be charged here.”
Her eyes dart between me and her computer screen. “Sasha’s insurance covers most prenatal appointments, and it looks like there are a few deductibles that will kick in for the actual birth.”
“Use this.” I tap my finger against the card.
“Okay.” She takes it and runs it through a machine then hands it back. “I’ll make a note in the computer.”
“Thank you. Now, I need to know how to get a copy of all the medical records pertaining to the prenatal appointments and Miss Crane’s progress.”
“Oh, that’s no problem. She has portal access to every blood test, result, sonogram, and upcoming appointment. It’ll be easy for her to give you.”
“Does she have to approve?” I ask coldly.
Her expression changes as she nods.
“Sasha and I are not together. I’d like to be kept abreast of all activity with my child. How do I gain that?”
She shifts uncomfortably and avoids eye contact. “I wasn’t aware of this situation. She will need to give you permission to obtain her records.”
“What about my baby’s?”
“She will still need to give permission.”
“Okay, what if we have a court order? Legal documentation? A warrant?”
“Yes, we will have to work with certain legal documentation.”
“Okay. Thanks.” I stand, knowing exactly what Caldwell will need if Sasha refuses. “Now, can someone show me to Miss Crane’s room?”
“Of course.” She gets up and leads me to a waiting room without another word.
That little meeting should feed the gossip mill for a while.
Yet, another woman comes and asks me to follow her. When we get to the door, she knocks lightly and gives me a huge smile, telling me they’ve been waiting for me.
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