Hotshot

by Ahren Sanders

  “Then, after I talked to Evie, I became excited. They need me, Shaw. They are ecstatic to have someone work with their staff who has been through the experience these kids are going through. I’m not only a nurse, but also a survivor. We’re going to do a few training sessions where I will explain what I went through to help build empathy and understanding. So, yes, it started out as a way to get away from the madness going on here, but it’s turned into so much more.”

  “Jesus Christ, how can I even refute that? Of course they need you. You’re an incredible nurse, and you love the kids. Mathis is right; they are lucky to have you. But why wouldn’t you discuss this with me?”

  “In hindsight, I should have. I also should have told you alone, not during our monthly dinner. A part of me knew you’d be upset, and I guess I hoped they’d help you calm down. Stupid, huh?”

  “Never in my life have I ever been angry with you. But listening to you tonight, telling us about your decision, my blood started boiling. All I really heard was you were leaving. Nothing else registered. After all we’ve gone through, I couldn’t believe you’d do this.”

  His voice is like gravel, each word chipping away at my heart

  “Are you still angry?”

  “A little, but it’s hard to stay that way when you’re in my arms. After your little speech, I can’t even force you to stay. This is a tremendous career opportunity for you.”

  “It really is.”

  “But we need to discuss the other part of it. The part about you making choices that would take you away from me without giving me a say.”

  “You’re a little overprotective, and I was doing what I thought was best.”

  “You don’t get to do that. I have a grip on my feelings about being a dad. I’ve been reading the book you bought me. It’s an amazing and incredible thing, bringing a life into this world. My hesitation has never been about being a father. My hesitation and regret is how it’s happening. The shame is so great sometimes, I think I’m suffocating. Then I think about what I’m asking you to do. Build a life with my illegitimate child and me, with a woman who made your life hell. A better man would let you go, keep you away from the drama and heartache, but I’m not that man.”

  His admission is like a knife to my gut, and I realize he’s been drowning in this alone. His focus has been spread so thin, and I’ve been worried about my life, not ours. The realization hits me hard, and I try to think of how I can make this easier on him… on us. Maybe my leaving is a really bad idea. Besides, after what happened with Sasha this morning, he’s going to need my support close. Not three states away.

  “Let me see what I can do about canceling.”

  He tightens his hands on my hips and shakes his head. “No, you’ve made an obligation, and I won’t hold you back. I won’t ask you to do that.”

  “I’d do anything for you.”

  He looks up, and I see he wants to say something, but instead, he lays a soft kiss across my lips, moving his hands to my hair. “Promise me you’ll come home. You’ll come here, make this our house. No more apartment. No more holding back. Promise me, the minute you step back into Miami, it will be to this condo where we will move forward.”

  “Okay,” I say breathlessly, wanting that more than anything.

  “I’ll still worry about you. Don’t be surprised if I fly up every weekend.”

  “I’d love that.”

  “And I’ll have Gail arrange for movers and packers and have all your stuff here when you come home.”

  “Okay,” I agree easily, feeling a little guilty about using Gail, but I’m not going to argue.

  He holds me close, breathing deeply as we both stay quiet.

  “I’m so sorry I made you upset,” I speak first.

  “Upset is an understatement. I thought you were going to announce you asked for reassignment to another department. Imagine my surprise.”

  It’s my turn to be shocked. “Why the hell would I do that?”

  “Because of the way Grady’s death affected you. Because of the way each child’s death or diagnosis affects you. Maybe it was wishful thinking that you’d do it for me since I’ve been begging you for a while, even before we got together.”

  “Shaw, you may be a badass, sports agent extraordinaire, but you can’t win this argument. If I ever feel it’s too much, I’ll make the decision.”

  “It’s a moot point now, since I was way off base. But, so you know, if it ever gets too much, we’ll be having this conversation again. I can be very persuasive.”

  I want to argue, but he’s right. He can be very persuasive, and I’d do anything for him.

  I study the agenda Evie hands me and review my housing, schedule, and flip through the patient backgrounds. Nothing seems out of order except my housing.

  “Furnished apartment? I thought I was in an extended stay hotel?”

  “With your late decision to join, we had to make different arrangements. It’s a very nice place, and it’s within walking distance to the hospital. Not to mention, you’ll have a car service if needed.”

  “I was going to drive, but that’s nice to know.”

  “So you and Claire are required to behave. No shenanigans.”

  I giggle and hide my head. The day Claire found out I was going, she begged to go, too. Her assignment starts a week after mine, and she’s already planning our “Welcome to Charlotte” party.

  “Bizzy, I can’t tell you how proud I am of you and what you’ll bring to the staff in Charlotte, but are you sure you want to do this?”

  Evie knows… Evie knows everything. She was with Nicky and his parents when they received the news he was clear. She was also with me and my parents when I received the same news. She welcomed me with open arms when I transferred floors, and she’s known since I was fourteen about my crush on Shaw.

  “Yes, I’m actually excited.”

  “You were exceptional during Grady’s funeral. His parents are still bragging about you to the administration. You ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call me.”

  My eyes and nose start to sting, because this woman has shaped my life. I became a nurse because of her. Among other things…

  “I will. I’ll call.”

  She hands me a small envelope. When I open it, I gasp. It’s filled with pictures of me and Nicky all those years ago. Good, bad, and ugly.

  “Where’d you get these?”

  “I’ve kept them. If you look through, you’ll see some of all the families, including you and Shaw. I think they’re important for you to take with you.”

  “They’re priceless.” I hold them to my chest and once again fight back the emotions bubbling up.

  “Go on and get out of here. I’ll see you in a few weeks when I’m in Charlotte.”

  She waves me off but not before I catch the glistening in her eyes.

  I clean out my locker and toss my backpack over my shoulder. Claire pouts at me as she passes, giving me a quick kick to the shin. She wants to leave with me tomorrow. Bet she’ll be less aggravated when she finds out we are staying in a furnished apartment instead.

  I round the corner and stop dead. Sasha Crane is leaning against the nurse’s station, her hands resting on her rounding stomach and staring down the patient hallway.

  Shit! The elevators and stairwell are behind her. There’s no way to escape without passing her. Plus, I really need to get to the staff computer before I leave. Seeing her in her designer suit and sky high heels, with her long hair flowing over her shoulders, makes me feel self-conscious in my teddy bear scrubs, but I force that out of my mind. Thinking about the things she said to Shaw and the hell she’s putting him through sets my blood boiling.

  There’s no doubt she’s here to try and intimidate me—again. But that’s not happening today, or ever again. I swallow down the anger bubbling up and walk straight to the desk, rounding the corner and logging into the computer.

  I feel her death glare b
ut don’t look up.

  “You always wanted what I had.”

  I ignore her statement and type furiously, sending a quick goodbye message to my co-workers.

  “Don’t ignore me, Lizbeth Hastings.”

  I glance up and give her my sweetest smile. “Are you here to see a patient?”

  “Hell no! I’m here to tell you to keep your money-grubbing hands to yourself and leave Ren alone.”

  “Well, if you’re not here to see a patient, are you lost?”

  “Stop playing coy. It’s time you and I had a talk.”

  “That’s not possible. I’ve been advised not to speak to you without a witness present. If you’d like to talk, I’d suggest having your lawyer call Caldwell, and it can be arranged.”

  “That’s bullshit! Boyfriends, friends, sorority—you wanted what I had. This time, you have gone too far. I’ll deal with you being friendly with Nick, but I will never allow my child to be around you.”

  I can’t stop the laugh that escapes, which only pisses her off more. As if her sixth sense has kicked in, Claire is at my side in an instant. I didn’t see her coming, but I’ve never been so glad for her in my life.

  “What’s going on here?” she asks coldly.

  “Sasha Crane has a knack for showing up to places of employment without notice and without being invited. To sum it up, she’s here to tell me to stay away from Shaw, and I explained I’ve been advised not to speak with her without a witness.”

  “I’ll be the fucking witness. Or I can call security. Your decision.”

  “I’d like for you to be here for what I have to say. Somehow, things seem to get misconstrued when Sasha repeats them.” I raise an eyebrow to Sasha, enjoying her face heating up. This is starting to get fun.

  “First of all, I think it’s funny you think you have a choice of me being friendly with Nicky. You don’t dictate anything in my life, especially my relationships. Any of them. As for being around your child, that’s for you and Shaw to work out. He’s always had the best interest of your child in mind.”

  “You think I don’t see what you’re doing? Using his kindness and pity? That’s what it is—pity. Everyone’s always pitied you. Since we were teenagers, you wanted to be like me. Your clothes, your hair… I saw it when everyone else looked the other way because you were sick. But that’s over. It’s one thing to try and steal my boyfriend in high school, but it’s another to try and steal the father of my baby. Ren will be the laughing stock of his friends, his business associates, and his entire community if he shows his face with you. Is that what you want? To ruin him? To tie him to you purely because you’re jealous of me?”

  Claire hisses beside me, and I fight to stay still. Her words hurt, but that’s what she wants. To see me slink into a wallflower and skirt away with my tail between my legs.

  She’s going to fail, because I’m no longer that girl. I’m now a woman with a career and a man who’s even better than I always dreamed. I stare deeply into her eyes and see her own jealousy swirling. She’s scared. For once in my life, I have the upper hand. And she knows it.

  As much as I want to lay into her, tease her about my relationship with him, let her know I am moving in and we are continuing our life together, I refrain. Instead, I finish my email. Claire is stone still except for her hand that’s trembling on the phone receiver, ready to call security. I give her a look that lets her know I’m okay and turn back to Sasha.

  “I’m not going to do this. You’ve wasted your time coming here.”

  It’s on the tip of my tongue to say more, but I stop myself. She’s strung so tight, I fear for the baby. The last thing Shaw needs is me to get into a verbal smack-down with his baby mama and her blame me for the stress.

  I kiss Claire on the cheek and whisper I’ll call her later then head to for the stairs.

  Her words ring in my ears, but I stay strong until I get into my car. Then I scream every nasty thing I want to say to her until I’m hoarse. It feels good to let it out, but I wish I could yell these things to her face.

  The whole drive to the marina, the same thought keeps replaying in my mind.

  What has happened to me? How did my life get this out of control?

  Chapter 24

  Shaw

  Bizzy- First session went amazing! Everyone was nice, and when it was over, I got so many compliments. This is a top rate crew! A few of us are going out for a drink. Love you, talk to you soon.

  I read the text twice, smiling at her excitement. I’m not surprised; I knew she’d nail it. She’s perfect for this. Two weeks of preparation, hours of phone calls going over her presentation, and one last minute freak out, but she’s done it. Undoubtedly winning over the admiration and trust of everyone on the floor.

  My computer alerts me that I need to be at the doctor’s office in an hour. I sigh and pick up a contract for a new athletic brand that wants four of my clients to advertise. It’s a huge deal, and I can demand more money in negotiations than ever before. But I can’t find the thrill.

  I want her here.

  In the two weeks since Bizzy left, I’ve gone back to my workaholic ways and am only sleeping at home for a few hours at night. The condo is too empty without her. Gail is about to crawl out of her skin in irritation. I’ve been a cranky bastard.

  Our weekend alone on the boat seems like months ago, not weeks. I needed more time. More time to show her how much she means to me. Once she told me about her run-in with Sasha, I couldn’t hold her close enough. I watched her attentively for any signs of regret or uncertainty, but there were none. She was more relaxed and at ease than in the last several months. Playful, loving, kind, gentle, her entire attitude was back to the old Bizzy. The one I knew before I fucked up our lives.

  My chest aches as I eye the bottle of scotch and wish I could drink the entire thing. I’ll need it to deal with Sasha, but it’s not my style to show up to a business engagement drunk.

  That’s what this has become in my mind, a business engagement. It sounds cold, heartless, and bastardly, but it is what it is. The only consolation is the baby.

  I pick up the baby book Bizzy bought and make a few notes with questions for the doctor. This is my attempt at having civilized conversations with Sasha to learn exactly what’s happening with both of them.

  Today, we may actually get to find out the sex… which scares me to death. I think back to Bizzy’s question and remember the conversation on the boat.

  “Shaw, have you really thought about if you want a boy or a girl?” She nuzzles close, her arms lying on my chest.

  “Yes, I’ve thought about it a lot. I want a boy.”

  She stills and tension fills her body.

  “It’s not about ego or namesake. It’s because I can handle a boy, I can guide him, educate him, and teach him right from wrong. I’ll be gentle, but he’ll be raised the way I was. That’s all I know to do.”

  “What if it’s a girl?”

  “I’m scared shitless. I know nothing about girls, and her mother will fill her mind with superficial and meaningless things. Not to mention, how she will teach her to be toward other girls. From her past discretions, I’m scared Sasha will be a terrible influence on a daughter.”

  “It’s so sad.”

  “Bizzy, hear me when I say this. I mean it to the bottom of my soul. If this was us we were talking about, I’d pray for a little girl, because you will be the best influence I could ever ask for in my daughter. I’d want her to be exactly like you. When you and I start our family, we won’t stop having kids until I have that little girl.”

  “Shaw—”

  “No,” I stop her. “It’s going to happen. Have faith.”

  She snuggles into me and kisses my chest. “Okay, Shaw, I’ll have faith.”

  Why I didn’t propose in that second is beyond me. It was perfect.

  My cell phone rings, and I see it’s Perry. “You calling to brag, or to tell me tonight’s going to be
better?”

  I refer to his performance last night on the ice. He was on fire, scoring two goals.

  “You bet your ass I’m going to fucking kill them. Last night was a warm up.”

  “There’s the cocky attitude all the ladies love.” I laugh with him.

  “Yeah, speaking of ladies, that’s why I’m calling.”

  “Tell me this isn’t going to become a PR nightmare.”

  “This isn’t about me. This is about you.”

  All laughter stops, and a chill shoots up my spine. “What about me?”

  “You and Bizzy break up? I ask, because I respect the hell out of you. Is Bizzy fair game?”

  “Hell fucking no! Why would you even say that?”

  “Chill, I’m only asking because a few of the players came to a bar for a low-key dinner. Imagine my surprise when she walked up and hugged me. Guys are fighting left and right to get to her.”

  Crenshaw Bennett, the sports agent, wants to scream at him for leaving the hotel hours before a game and remind him he needs to be in the zone. Crenshaw Bennett, the boyfriend, wants to know exactly what is happening in this bar in Charlotte.

  Guess which one wins out?

  “I will kill any fucker who touches her. You need to relay that message.”

  He chuckles and I no longer find his cockiness appealing. “I’m serious, Perry.”

  “Okay, man, I’ll take care of it. But she’s with some hot chicks. You going to rip my head off if I offer them tickets to the game tonight or Sunday?”

  “No, she’d probably love to go.”

  “What’s so different about her? Something’s changed since we met. Not just her looks, but her whole attitude.”

  I’ve put her through hell is the first thing that comes to mind.

  “Her looks aren’t that different at all. But did she tell you what she’s doing there?”