Wanted: Wife

by Jones, Gwen

  Wanted: Wife

  GWEN JONES

  Contents

  * * *

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  About the Author

  An Excerpt from The Cupcake Diaries: Sweet On You by Darlene Panzera

  An Excerpt from The Cupcake Diaries: Recipe for Love by Darlene Panzera

  An Excerpt from The Cupcake Diaries: Taste of Romance by Darlene Panzera

  An Excerpt from One True Love by Lori Wilde

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Chapter One

  * * *

  Romance Is Dead, Sister

  ANDY DEVINE WAS the last thing I needed in my life next to a punch in the gut, yet that morning I got both.

  “Hey Jules!” Denny called from the newsroom. “Take a look at this!”

  I grabbed my compact and fixed my lipstick, catching my red-rimmed eyes in the mirror. How could I look at anything when all I could see was scarlet? But I wouldn’t cry, I wouldn’t, sliding Ruby Ruse across my lips, the skyline of Philadelphia reflecting back into my hand. See, Evil had just walked out of this conference room on seven-hundred-dollar Fratelli Rossettis, the sales slip from Boyds still cooling in my wallet.

  “Sorry, Julie, but it’s just a bad time for me,” Richard had purred just moments before, his glossy hair swooping dramatically, his baby blues bleeding Sincerity 2.0, his bespoke suit wafting Clive Christian No. 1. His fingers brushed my neck as he leaned in for the chastest of cheek pecks. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Really, it doesn’t.”

  I groped the table for balance. “You’re telling me this now? With two weeks until our wedding?”

  Richard’s mouth crooked with such a perfect mix of pity and condescension I almost felt sorry for him. “Julie, sometimes it takes nearly falling into the brink before you know what’s best for you.”

  “Now I’m a brink?”

  “No!” His eyes widened. “Of course not. You’re wonderful and beautiful and talented—the top reporter at the station!” He palmed his chest. “But I’m just a struggling agent. You don’t need me dragging you down. And I will, if this deal doesn’t pan out.”

  I slanted him a glance; self-flagellation fit him as well as polyester. “Seriously, Richard? Then why keep telling me your agency has the biggest talent out of Hollywood? That these gamers you just signed are the hottest around?”

  “Julie. Sweetheart.” He clasped my shoulders, his eyes hooded. “Being on top only means you hit the bottom harder.”

  Wait a minute. I slinked away. “Why is being on top great for me but terrible for you?”

  “You just don’t get it, do you?” He shook his head, leaving for the window.

  I looked to my hand, his diamond winking at me with absurd perkiness. Two years we’d been together, sharing the same Rittenhouse Square penthouse, the same bank account. We were each other’s insurance beneficiaries, our lives so imperceptibly tangled it’d take a blowtorch to break them apart.

  “Just what is it I’m supposed to get, Richard? That you don’t want to make that final commitment? That you don’t love me anymore? Or maybe you never did? Maybe we were just mutually handy, equally able to pick up each other’s dry cleaning?” My eyes burned. “But you never thought of me that way, did you? I mean, who could be that shallow? You . . .” I looked up. “Richard?”

  His shoulders were twitching. I went to the window, spinning him around. “Jesus! Are you tweeting?”

  He stared at me, aghast. “I have over 5,000 followers, you know!”

  “With number one standing right here!”

  He had the cheek to finish the tweet before he slipped his phone in his pocket, crossing his arms as he dropped his gaze to look at me. “This is why you’re still traipsing around town chasing midgets instead of murderers. You’re so blinded by minutiae you have no grasp of what’s fundamentally important.”

  “But didn’t you just say what a wonderful reporter I am?”

  He slipped his hand to my shoulder. “In your own little world, you are, but the truth is . . .” He inclined his head. “I’m just too intense for you.”

  There comes a point where the absurdity of the situation overrides any anger. I shrugged him off. “Let me get this straight. You make your living off of man-children blowing imaginary body parts off of imaginary bodies. You can’t start your day unless you purge, hang by your ankles, and rub some $150-an-ounce buttermilk concoction into your Botox-inflicted face. Most of the time you can’t walk five feet without feeding that electronic extension of your over-inflated ego. My goodness, Richard. I guess you must be right. Because if all that doesn’t scream alpha dog, I don’t know what.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Now you’re just being petty.”

  I wanted to slap him. “And you’re dumping me!”

  “Shh.” Richard pulled me aside, tucking in a bit of hair that slipped from my combs. “Julie, what’s the rush to get married anyway? You’re thirty-five, I’m thirty-seven, we have plenty of time. And plenty of time to continue this conversation later. I’m leaving to meet with the MacKenzies in just a little while.”

  The gamers? “You were just out in Seattle!”

  “I know, but there’s still some rough patches to work out.”

  “So send Jarrod.”

  “Jarrod isn’t me. This is the biggest deal I’ve ever repped, and I’m not sending an amateur to blow it.” He checked his Breguet. “Damn—I gotta go. The MacKenzies are Mariners freaks so we’re meeting at the stadium. As it is I’m running late, and the show—” He shook his head tightly. “I mean the game starts at seven-thirty.

  My eyes widened. And so did my understanding. “You mean the opera.”

  He blinked. “No, I’m going to a baseball game.”

  “No, you’re going to her.” Funny he should’ve mentioned baseball. Because I sure could’ve used a Louisville Slugger right then. His ring would have to suffice. “You bastard. You’re still seeing that diva.” I threw it at him. “Why don’t you give this to her?”

  “Don’t be nuts,” he said, snatching it, mid-air. “Annika Eden’s just a client.”

  “Who’s always coincidently around whenever you’re going to the coast.” Apparently this was my comeuppance for stealing him away from the opera singer two years earlier. Fact was, that tarty Carmen nearly shoved him at me, and now she wanted him back? At that moment I was feeling very Don José—though, lacking a dagger, I used whatever I had. “I want your crap out of the apartment before I get home,” I said. “I never want to see a highlighted hair of yours again.”

  He laughed. “You want me out of my own place?”

  “It’s mine as much as yours. Your father said it was our wedding present.”

  “But there doesn’t look like there’s going to be a wedding now, is there?”

  He finally got me to gasp. Ten minutes ago I was two weeks away from hooking up with him for life, and now I seemed lost on some distant planet. I stared at him, hardly believing what I was about to say. “Then you’re really breaking up with me?”

  He came closer, eyes leaking market-tested sincerity. “Julie, truly, don’
t do this. By tomorrow you’ll see it’s better this way. Now, Curtis showed me a row in Society Hill last week that’d be perfect for you. Five minute walk from the station.”

  “Last week? You already had me dumped last week?” My God, the city gossips were going to have a field day. “How many people already know?”

  “Stop it. Why are you making this so hard?”

  “Then why don’t you make it real easy?” I shoved past him. “Drop dead.”

  He grabbed my arm. “Am I going to have to call my lawyers?”

  I shrugged him off. “Are you threatening me?”

  “Will it be necessary?”

  I snapped my compact closed—then threw it across the room. Ooh! I thought, burying my face in my hands. How did I not see that that soprano succubus still commanded a performance out of him? I took out my BlackBerry and Googled Seattle Opera, and sure enough, there was Annika Eden as Adina in L’elisir d’amore, opening over the weekend.

  I was such an idiot.

  “Jules? You okay?”

  I turned to Denny, my cameraman, standing in the doorway. “This ought to please you immensely. The wedding’s off.” My God, it hurt even to say it.

  He closed the door and pulled me into his sinewy embrace. “The bastard. All those preparations. And that dress! You want I should pound him?”

  I buried my face into his neck, his halo of blond curls muffling my rather colorful cursing. Every girl should have a gay man like Denny in their life. Who else would malign the waste of an $8,500 gown as well as offer to do damage to the offender? “No, thanks, sweetie. I do appreciate the thought, though.”

  “Hm.” He gave me a squeeze then held me out, his runner’s musculature such a contrast to Richard’s yoga-and-colonic-toned sleekness. “So, are you done with him this time? Tell me the truth.”

  I swiped at my eyes—why couldn’t I cry?—checking my face in the compact Denny had so thoughtfully retrieved. “I’m done with men period.” I kneaded my temple, feeling a headache coming on. “Oh, Denny, why is it every man I hook up with is a lying, self-indulgent infant? Where have all the real men gone?”

  “Allowing for your interpretation?” He shrugged. “Unless it’s the kind that burps and farts and mixes stripes and plaids, I don’t know either.”

  “They’re a lost race.” Christ, my head hurt. “I need some coffee.”

  “What you really need is a diversion. Come and see what Terri’s got for us.”

  WPHA Channel 8 News was the highest-rated local news show in the Delaware Valley, which included my hometown of Philadelphia and its suburbs, the state of Delaware, and all of Southern New Jersey, which roughly meant anything south and east of Trenton. Most of the reporters had a beat, a geographical locale they covered, but not me. My specialty was the offbeat stories featured either at the end of the newscast, or tucked between the 5:30 and 6:00 PM slots, the quirky stuff that kept my finger on the pulse of the local nut base. There wasn’t a free drink or a meal I couldn’t get in this town, though it could be a real pain in the arse just to take a run down Kelly Drive. Julie Knott’s Random Access made sure my email inbox was a veritable cornucopia of all that was one electron short of a refrigerator magnet.

  “Julie! Denny! Over here!” Terri, the fifty-ish assignments editor and everyone’s favorite mom-figure, waved to us from the other side of the newsroom. We snaked through the desks to find her hunched over a bright yellow, slightly smudged flyer.

  “Take a gander at this,” she said, smoothing it. “I had to take a detour on the way to work this morning. Saw this on a utility pole.”

  “Don’t you live in the Pine Barrens?” Denny said, referring to the scrubby woods that covered a big chunk of South Jersey. “Out in the sticks?”

  “Right on the edge,” she said. “But this detour took me into it. Look.”

  ANDY DEVINE SEEKS A WIFE

  LANDED, FINANCIALLY-SECURE 40 YR OLD MALE

  LOOKING FOR HEALTHY, ATHLETIC FEMALE

  FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY.

  MUST SUBMIT TO FULL DISCLOSURE AND BE

  WILLING

  TO WORK HARD.

  GENEROUS MONETARY COMPENSATION

  IF TERMS OF CONTRACT ARE NOT MET.

  INTERVIEWS WILL BE HELD AT THE IRON BOG

  FIREHOUSE

  MAIN STREET, IRON BOG

  FRIDAY 27 AUGUST 1:00- 4:00 PM

  PLEASE BRING ID

  “Can you believe it?” Denny said. “It’s positively medieval.”

  “I searched all the local sources, Googled him, even checked Twitter and Facebook,” said Terri. “Nothing’s out there on this guy. I have no idea how long the flyer’s been hanging on that pole”—she fingered it—“but it doesn’t look too weathered.”

  “Weird,” Denny said. “You’d think someone would’ve picked up on it fast.”

  Terri sniffed. “If you were a single gal with ten bucks in your pocket, would you tell anyone?”

  “Yeah,” I said, dropping to a chair, “to run in the opposite direction.”

  She winced. “Oh no, what’d that bastard do now?”

  “Richard bailed,” Denny said. “The wedding’s off.”

  Terri sniffed, ever pragmatic. “Why am I not surprised?” She tapped the flyer. “The hell with that jerk, work’s what you need. This has to be the most bizarre yet, so jump back on that horse.”

  “Especially since he’s looking for a broodmare,” said Denny. “Hey, why does his name sound familiar?”

  “Because it’s the same as the character actor,” Terri said. “Ever see that old John Wayne movie, Stagecoach? Well, Andy Devine was the guy driving it.”

  “Oh, that Andy Devine. Tall, chubby, real squeaky voice.” Denny glanced at Terri. “Think they’re related?”

  I was feeling nothing but unkind. “Or maybe he looks like him?”

  “Well, if he looked like John Wayne,” Terri said, “would he be shilling himself at the firehouse?”

  “Maybe he’s so hot he’ll need to hose ’em back,” Denny said.

  Terri snickered. “The divine Devine.”

  “He’d have to be,” I said. “What sane woman would actually marry someone like this?” I sniffed. “Not that sane and marry should occupy the same sentence.”

  Denny leaned in. “So happy you’re not bitter. You must have missed the line about ‘generous monetary compensation.’”

  “Like citronella to skeeters,” Terri said. “In this economy he’s gonna need a fire hose.”

  “I’m getting my gear,” Denny said. “If we hurry we can just make it.”

  Suddenly I felt trapped in one of my own stories. But, as crazy as the whole thing seemed, this Andy Devine was still a man wanting to get married, and how cruel was that? Yet, after so many fits and starts, after so much self-delusion, I should’ve been surprised if Richard actually went through with it. Though he always seemed one for grand romantic gestures—flower-filled carriage rides, schooner cruises on the Delaware, even proposing to me via the Jumbotron at Citizen’s Bank Park—they were always when someone was watching. It was the smaller moments, the early mornings, the hard days nights, that always left him stymied.

  I felt Terri’s hand on my shoulder. “Forget about Richard, Julie. He never did deserve you. Trust me, there’s somebody still out there that will, and until he finds you, there’s the work. That’s exactly what you need right now.”

  “The work . . .” I said absently. “The work,” like a mantra.

  “It’s your one constant.” She came around to face me. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

  “No, you’re right.” Dammit, she was. “Like Tara to Scarlett.”

  Soon we were crossing the Walt Whitman Bridge out of Philly and into New Jersey. Though apparently, I had fed the GPS an address a little too low tech for high tech.

  I slid the GPS back into the holder. “It keeps saying ‘incomplete.’”

  “I never liked those things anyway,” said Denny, coming up on Route 73. He pointed toward the glo
ve box. “Get the map. What was the name of that town again?”

  “Iron Bog,” I said, smoothing it across my lap. “Terri said to take 70 into Medford, then to the Red Lion Circle and from there we look for Route 582.”

  We passed from city to suburban sprawl to farmland and, quite suddenly, into what is euphemistically known in these parts as the Pines. Covering a quarter of the state to the south, it could be tough to explain to someone from outside the region. Most people think of New Jersey as this cheek-to-jowl succession of refineries, housing and garbage dumps, bordered with crumbling cities on one side and casinos on the other. But that’s a New York City view. From Philadelphia, we see the lower half of the state much differently. If the Jersey Shore is the great cleansing breath we take to clear our citified lungs, the Pine Barrens, the wide, mysterious woods we cross to get to it, is the balm that clears our mind first.

  Soon we were in the thick of it: deciduous maples and locusts gave way to scrub oak and pitch pine, the shorter, lankier trees which opened up the forest and cooled the hot August air. A bend in the road led us past a cedar marsh, the scent reminding me of my grandmother’s winter coat. I rolled down the window as we lost all sight of houses and habitation, breezes off a big lake chilling us before the woods swallowed us again.

  I thought of when my parents would take my brother and me to the Shore as kids, and they’d tell us scary stories about the Jersey Devil, the part-man, part-goat, horse-headed horror that terrorized the Pines. But I couldn’t imagine such a monster right then, with my arm out the window, riding in the current. As I fixed on the trees flicking past, the sandy forest floor littered with needles and laurel and fern, I knew all my demons were right there beside me.

  “Iron Bog, two miles,” Denny said, glancing at a sign. A few minutes later we rolled into downtown.

  Iron Bog didn’t appear much more than a crossroads, with a general store, a gas station, a post office, Town Hall, and a shiny little place called The Cranberry Café. With geraniums here and there along white picket fences, it seemed the crusty-old Pine Barrens village had taken on a bit of a polish, like the cursory perking-up a house gets when company’s coming. And five hundred or so feet later I’d know why. That’s where the Iron Bog Volunteer Firehouse was, and from the looks of it, the company had arrived.