Deal

by Shey Stahl

  And by comforting I mean for you to suck my dick.

  “Fuck off,” she replied putting her palm in his face and pushing me away. “You’re lucky I don’t kick your ass right now for spilling that beer on me earlier.”

  She was so mean to me.

  “Ma-an,” I groaned, folding my arms over my chest and sticking out my bottom lip again hoping she might take pity on me if I look wounded.

  “Well, maybe you should think before you speak with your dick next time,” Callie was clearly annoyed with me.

  “Ouch,” I clutched my chest. “That really hurts.” I moved toward her again making her think I was coming in for a hug, smiling I think she knew what I was up to so I worked quickly retrieving the beer from her hand and chugged it.

  I like getting her pissed at me because then she gets drunk and she might give me a shot. And by shot, I mean I might get laid.

  “You fucking jerk!”

  I winked at her. “I’ll get you a new one.”

  To anyone else, it was like I was just teasing Callie but really, I was pulling out everything I had that night. Not only was it Christmas and I loved this girl but I hadn’t had sex in weeks. Rare for me. Really fucking rare.

  When we sat down to dinner, she wouldn’t even sit by me. Made me sit next to Granny B, which was fine because if there was one other woman I loved with all of my heart, it was Granny B. She kept me in fucking stitches with her outrageousness.

  “I once spread whip cream—”

  “Granny B!” Judy scolded her. “Don’t talk like that at the table.” Earlier today Judy had been telling us that Granny B was now in her third nursing home. She kept getting kicked out for inappropriate behavior. The incidences mostly occurred in the dining lounge or when she was offering up sex to the male staff, and on one occasion, the female aid in her room.

  “I was going to say pie.” Granny B smiled reaching for her flask in her bra. Callie, who was seated on the other side of her, started laughing.

  “Sure you were.” Sam replied, never looking up from his food. I don’t think he wanted to see Evan and Ami touching or his only daughter drunk at the dinner table on Christmas.

  Judy reached across the table to retrieve the flask.

  “Can’t a girl have a good time?”

  “Your doctor said no.”

  “Fuck that doctor.”

  “You offered to, remember?”

  She smiled, her eyes twinkling. “I would have blown his mind.”

  Granny B touched my arm turning away from her daughter as if she said nothing at all. “Leo, I’ve been on the naughty list.”

  “Oh yeah?” I can barely talk without laughing.

  “Yep. You may not believe this but I’m in my sexual prime right now. This…” she gestured toward her body and quite possibly the ultimate ugliest Christmas sweater ever, “is something you’d never forget.”

  I laughed it off but just as I was eating my mashed potatoes she started twirling her own mashed potatoes around her plate with her finger and then licked it. She’s fucking eighty-six years old but I couldn’t stop laughing.

  “Granny B!” Mase shouted from beside me. “Stop touching my leg with your foot.”

  “What?” she winked at me never making eye contact with her grandson. “I was trying to touch Leo.”

  “Well, stop it.” Evan grumbled.

  “I like football players.” She said turning back to her food.

  I leaned into her shoulder, smiling. “I play hockey, Granny B.”

  Her eyes found mine. “Even better. I like a man with good stick control. Blow. Your. Mind.”

  Evan leaned into me, still glaring at his grandma and trying to hear what she was saying. Only he couldn’t because Caitlin was drunk and she was a lot like Mase when she’s drunk. Loud. “What’s she talking about now?”

  “Hockey.”

  This was the reason I spent the holidays with the Masen family. Entertainment that you couldn’t buy a ticket to watch. Completely free laughs.

  I looked over at Callie who was now talking to Granny B. “If you don’t take him for a spin tonight, I might.”

  Callie gaped at her, but smiled after a second. “I’ll keep that in mind, Granny B.”

  When everyone had went to bed, or passed out, Callie and I stayed up drinking in the family room with just the lights of the tree illuminating our surroundings. I sat down beside her bumping my knee with hers. “I got something for you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because.” I shrugged.

  “What is it?”

  “Guess.” My smile made her smile as she watched my face, hers lit up by the soft golden glow of the lights on the tree. Wide brown eyes scanned mine.

  “Just show me.”

  Sighing I reached over to my jacket laying across the back of the couch and pulled out the small box. When I sat back down, I placed it between her legs.

  Immediately she gasped when she opened the black box to find the necklace, her hand over her mouth. When she was a little girl she had this necklace with a sparrow on it that she loved. I guess it was the only thing she had of her mother’s. Anyways, she’d lost it years back and always said eventually she was going to get a new one. So I got her one.

  Our eyes connected in the light of the tree, hers rimmed with tears, mine glossy and bloodshot from the alcohol. I knew then there was more to that look. I have to admit, there was a sense of longing building up in my chest now, a yearning to spend time with this girl who owned my heart, savor her presence, and learn more about her. Things she wouldn’t tell just anyone. There was also another craving. I couldn’t help but think with my other head, and the way she looked tonight, radiant and soft, I wanted her. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that.

  “Can we go outside?” She asked wiping away tears.

  Instead of saying anything, I stood and moved forward leading her outside. It was fucking freezing out there, a steady snowfall creating the ultimate Christmas images of lights and a soft blanket of white powder below our feet.

  The snow crunched beneath our feet as we walked the empty and quiet street and made a circle around the block in the bitter cold, my ears burning in the subzero temperature. We didn’t say anything because, frankly, I was so fucking cold I didn’t think my lips would move.

  Every house we passed by had their Christmas lights on, some families still awake, others already asleep. It made me wonder how my mom was doing and if she was happy tonight.

  And then I thought about Callie and how our situations were completely opposite. She had a dad. I didn’t. I had a mother. She didn’t.

  In more ways than we knew, we were alike.

  “You okay?” I finally asked when we were approaching the house again praying to God she wanted to go back inside because I was pretty sure that hypothermia had taken over my nether regions as well as a little bit of frost bite to make this night even more memorable.

  Callie hadn’t talked about Dave in months. Maybe it was that it was Christmas or that she was just sad. I might never know the answer as to why she started crying that night. But for once, I was there for her. Or I guess you could say she finally let me be there for her in emotionally rather than just physically.

  I know something was bothering her and that fake smile she’d had all night was fading. “Come on, what’s up?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Don’t lie.”

  “Leo… it’s just that… I’ve been thinking a lot about shit and it’s not easy.”

  “About Dave?”

  “Yeah. I was stupid for so long.” She stared at the snow, as if maybe it held the answer, never looking at me. It seemed to me she needed to talk and I wasn’t about to interrupt that. “I look at Evan and Ami and I can’t stop thinking about what happened to her. She looks good. She’s healing so why can’t I get over what happened to me?”

  “Callie—”

  She doesn’t let me say anything. “Why did I constantly put myself in that situa
tion time after time when I knew what he was doing?”

  Did she want me to answer now?

  I wasn’t sure so I kept quiet and let her vent.

  I knew a lot more about Callie than most of the other guys she fucked around with. Mostly because I listened. Something others didn’t care about. They were there for one thing. Not me. Well I wanted that one thing. I wanted to fuck her as much as the next guy but I also cared for her. She had a rough life so far. You’d never think it looking at her, so put together, good job, pampered, but she did. Being raised by a guy like Ed Pratt couldn’t have been easy. He’s a fucking tool.

  As we walked, every so often our shoulders would bump into one another.

  “You talked to Dave, didn’t you?”

  I nodded not knowing how she’d take it. “I did. I had to know why.”

  Her voice was strained from her shivering. “And he said?”

  My brow scrunched, worried this would make her feel worse than she already did. I’m dirty but I have a heart and it belongs to her. Though I’d never tell her that. “Do you really want to hear this?”

  “I think I need to.”

  “He said you deserved it.”

  “He’s probably right.”

  I groaned, unable to hear anymore. “No, he’s not.”

  “I feel guilty. So fucking guilty because I put myself in that situation with Dave. I let him get that rough and I didn’t stand up for myself knowing damn well it wasn’t okay. I should… never should someone treat you like that and think it’s okay. But I feel worse myself because I didn’t say anything.”

  I said what I needed to say to Dave and I probably wouldn’t talk to him again. I’m not one to dwell on the past or things I can’t change. It didn’t stop the fact that I wanted to kill him right then for making Callie think she wasn’t good enough.

  “I… it wasn’t that I was being easy. I hate that women say I’m this way because I have daddy issues. I would never come out and say that’s why because I think it’s a fucking bullshit line. But the more I think about it, the more it comes down to that. I lost my virginity to Wes Taylor when I was sixteen in the locker room with two other guys watching. I never felt guilty about that. What I felt guilty about was that my father knew what happened and said nothing to me. Nothing!”

  I watched the ground as I walked and it started eating at me that I wanted to know what he did.

  “What did he do?”

  “He, well… it started out fine but he just got rough.”

  “And by rough?”

  “I…” now she was the one hesitating to tell the truth. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

  I nodded.

  “He hit my face and pulled my hair.”

  “Jerk.” I was putting it lightly, trying to draw some humor into the night for her sake but I wasn’t sure how she would take that. Believe me, I was fucking livid at what he’d done. But it wasn’t going to help anything tonight.

  She seemed reflective, almost disappointed in herself and I didn’t want her feeling that way. “What he did wasn’t right, you know that, don’t you?”

  “I know. I don’t want that life anymore. I feel like I have no one to rely on and that sucks.” And then I think she felt like she needed to explain. “I wasn’t with anyone because they forced me to be. I wanted it too. Just for the wrong reasons.”

  I understood that.

  “I don’t think that’s true.”

  “What?”

  I bumped her shoulder with mine. “That you have no one to rely on. You have me, and Mase, and Ami.”

  Callie smiled, knowing she has friends who love her.

  “I can’t… I haven’t been with anyone since I found out. I can’t because what if that happens again? I feel like I can’t just be with anyone anymore. And for a while I didn’t think I was that great of a person. I’m a slut.”

  “No—”

  She stopped me. “Yes, I am, Leo. I’ve slept with the majority of the Chicago Blackhawks and maybe a good portion of the Boston Bruins.”

  I didn’t want the hear that. But I could never look at her that way or look down upon her for who she fucked. I hate that stereotypical theory that men just want pussy and only because it’s a man is it okay for it to be just that. A sexual attraction. For a girl to do that, everyone thinks there’s gotta be a reason as to why she’s like that. She can’t just want dick all the time. If she wanted to lick a different stick each night, who the fuck really cares?

  Men do. They slap the chick with the slut word.

  I’ve never thought of Callie that way. Ever. Sure, she’s been around but above all that, she’s my friend.

  I’m not sure who slept with Callie first…me, Remy or Evan but we all had. I’m certain I rocked her world better than them though. Fucking certain.

  She’s not easy. That’s not why any of us have slept with her. She puts super models to shame, she’s beautiful and her body, goddamn. Still, that’s not entirely why I was fucking her. But what most didn’t know, I love Callie Pratt. There. I said it. I fucking love this girl and I wish I had the balls to tell her.

  Instead, I keep my mouth shut and fuck her when she lets me.

  I’ve tried to date her, take her out and show her she’s special but she doesn’t do dates. In any event, I wanted this girl to trust me.

  “You can trust me.” I said, watching her reaction to my words.

  “I know.”

  “I never thought of you as a slut. Ever.”

  “That’s nice.” She said, amusement finally in her tone.

  “You’re welcome.”

  She stopped walking when we got back around to the driveway and reached in her pocket. “I got something for you too. For Christmas.”

  “Oh yeah?” I looked down to see what she was holding.

  Her fist closed but when she held my hand with her left hand and pressed the cool metal into my palm, I smiled. It was heavy.

  She laughed seeming nervous. “I’m not sure if it’s a paperweight or what but I had them put your number on it.”

  I was kind of speechless that she got me something in the first place. There in my palm was a solid metal black hockey puck with the number eight engraved on it in silver. My number.

  My stare met hers. “You get one for Remy and Mase?”

  “No, I didn’t.” Her lip caught between her teeth. “And don’t be all weird about it. Don’t tell them.”

  I tucked the puck inside my jacket and touched the side of her face with my hand, my thumb brushing over her bottom lip before sliding both my hands over her jaw line to cup her face.

  “Leo—”

  “I should have been there for you.”

  “You were.” She said, seeming to ease my guilt.

  My breath blew out over her face, steam rolling between us from our breathing. I wasn’t sure what she’d do but then her warm lips touched mine hesitant, going easily with the moment. I did the same and pressed my body into hers wrapping my arms around her back over her jacket and then moved us so she was leaning against the side of the car, hoping my body was providing warmth to hers.

  We followed each other’s guidance, holding back tongue until the moment when she tentatively touched hers to mine. That’s when our mouths collided, hungry, passionate, yearning for more, but still, cautious. I couldn’t just attack her and I think she didn’t want to attack me. Not after what she just confessed to me.

  I couldn’t take it further. Not tonight. My blood burned with the information, angry that I hadn’t put an end to it when Mase first told me Dave roughed Callie up. I should have said something. I should have stuck up for her knowing what was happening.

  I didn’t though and it haunts me. Maybe that’s part of the reason I went to see Dave. Could have been. Actually, it probably was.

  I wanted him to admit to me that she meant nothing to him. Maybe it would have made me feel better because you don’t do shit like that if you care for someone, right?

  So I pull
ed back despite wanting this to go further. It wasn’t easy, believe me. I ended up taking her inside and we laid on the couch near the tree.

  “Just let me hold you.” I whispered pressing one last kiss to her lips and then moving behind her so I could do just that. “I won’t try anything. Promise.”

  Callie smiled and turned over moving closer so her back was against my chest.

  “I should have been there for you.” My lips grazed her ear from behind as I whispered into the darkness of the room.

  She said nothing but reached over and wrapped my hands around her tighter. Maybe this was me being there for in the way that I could, right then.

  Do you know what happens when you lose the last two games and it’s New Year’s Eve?

  You get drunk.

  A bunch of us from the team met at Evan’s condo where he was throwing a party. Mase wanted to make sure Ami was experiencing the holidays the right way and that meant a huge party to ring in the new year. Not only that, Ami had just turned nineteen and couldn’t go out to the bars. Served us well. We always got into trouble at the bars anyway. This way I could crawl home if needed.

  Mase and Ami were barely present. They disappeared around ten and were gone for an hour. Even when they returned, their hands were never far from one another.

  “Dude.” I shoved his shoulder when he came to stand next to me. “You proposing or something. You’re like a fuckin’ bitch in heat.”

  “No. I’m not proposing.” He smiled turning to face me. “We’re just… it’s all new to us and I fuckin’ love that girl.” Mase was drunk so the next part was only said because of that and I wanted to stop him and let him know his girl was standing behind him, but I didn’t. I’m a fucker like that. “And she sucks dick like you wouldn’t believe.”

  I pointed behind him and clapped my other hand over his shoulder. “She heard that, bud.”

  His eyes went wide, face pale, as he turned to face her.

  Ami immediately started laughing. No way she was mad at him. Ami took that shit well.

  It was nearing midnight, just minutes to go, when Callie approached, her smile tentative as she texted someone. When she got to us, she set her phone down on the counter. “Dance with me, Orting.”