by Exley Avis
“I can’t move,” she said under her breath. “I can’t back away from you and I’m too afraid to step forward. Getting involved with you – ending up in bed with you again – would just take me over the edge.”
I didn’t know what Allie as afraid of. I’d already plunged over the side where she was concerned and the adrenaline rush felt incredible.
“Come to me, Allie,” I said, not too proud to beg. “Let me take care of you. Trust me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because, if I take that step, I know I’ll fall so deeply in love with you there’ll be no way back.”
“Then fall,” I told her, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. “Fall and let me catch you.
Chapter Thirteen
“Then fall,” he told me, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. “Fall and let me catch you.”
I could barely see him through my tears but I didn’t need to. In the space of one weekend, Radford had imprinted himself on me, like an invisible tattoo below the surface of my skin, and only I knew he was there.
Unforgettable. Enduring. Indelible.
Now he was asking me to make our relationship just as permanent and it terrified me.
“It’ll never work,” I said, my heart too afraid to take the risk. “It’s too complicated. Too dangerous.”
“We’re lawyers. We take risks for a living.”
“Calculated risks,” I reminded him. “On behalf of other people and underpinned by sound argument. There’s no precedent for this.”
“What do you expect? A guarantee?” Radford’s full lips pulled together, deepening the creases at the side of his mouth. His short, sharp breaths betrayed his anger and the set of his jaw, his determination. “Your heart doesn’t come with a warranty, Allie. All I know is that mine stopped the day you got on that plane and it didn’t re-start until I saw you standing next to Aiden.”
“You didn’t seem very pleased to see me.”
“That’s because all I wanted to do was pull you into my arms and kiss you until the last six months melted away.” He half smiled. “I still do.”
I caught a glimpse of Radford’s raw honesty and openness that had shared our bed that sexy weekend when we’d shed our clothes and our defences to connect on every level, not just physically. I’d believed in him then and I wanted so much to believe him now, even though I knew I could be putting my entire future in jeopardy again.
Sensing my hesitation, Radford reached for my hand, took it to his lips and kissed each fingertip in turn, reawakening feelings for him that I thought had gone for ever. I closed my eyes, imagining how wonderful it would be to wake up to his kisses every morning, or have his strong arms curled around me as I drifted off to sleep.
It wasn’t difficult. It was so simple. The question was, was Radford worth the risk?
“You’re not playing fair,” I whispered.
“I know. I’m playing for keeps. Which means I’ll do whatever it takes to get a second chance with you.”
“What if it goes wrong?”
“What if it goes right?” Those blue eyes of Radford’s looked deep into my soul and made the most of my indecision. “What if soul-mates truly do exist and we have a fabulously happy life together? Do you really want to close the door on that chance?”
A bedroom door was all I wanted to close at that moment, far away from a smelly café in the East End, and with a very big Do Not Disturb sign on it.
But the minute I got into bed with Radford, I’d be completely lost and there’d be no more time for safety checks.
“I need you Allie,” Radford said, punctuating each word with a kiss across my knuckles. “Stephen said I’d regret not asking you to stay in London, and I did. Every second, of every day, from then until this moment. Come back to me. Please.”
I needed him too, no matter how much I tried to talk my way out of it. The minute I’d laid eyes on him again, it had been inevitable. All I could control now was the speed, not the outcome.
“You have to give me some time to think about it,” I said eventually, although it would probably take half a lifetime to get my head around it.
“Why? Your heart’s telling you this is the right thing to do.”
“I want to talk to my friends. Speak to my boss.” I made up excuses. Delayed.
Radford’s jaw tensed, clamping his lips down on all the arguments that were stacking up behind. “Okay,” he said reluctantly. “But let’s go somewhere more private. I need to talk to you. To hold you again.”
I’d have liked nothing more but shook my head and saw the hope in Radford’s eyes turn into frustration. “I can’t.” I showed him my watch. “I have a client conference straight after lunch and I need to prepare.”
He cursed under his breath. “Later then?”
Again it was no. “I’m meeting people.”
“Cancel.”
“No. I haven’t seen them since before the summer.”
He tried a different tactic, resorting to charm to change my mind and hitting me with that devastatingly sexy smile of his. “Maybe I should come along and meet them too. Make them like me so they’ll talk you round.”
It wasn’t an option. My girlfriends would fall for Radford on sight and I’d never get an unbiased opinion out of them. Radford was mine alone for the time being but, as second best, I took a picture on my phone, unsurprised to find Radford was gorgeously photogenic, even against the backdrop of a greasy spoon café. His face carried the suggestion of a smile, those adorable dimples and an expression that could have meant a hundred things, all of them naughty.
“You’re my dirty little secret again,” I said. laughing at his frustration as I put on my sweater and coat. “And I want to keep it that way for now.”
Realising he was beaten for the time being, Radford reluctantly followed me outside where he tucked his scarf up around my ears again and used it to pull me towards him. His head tilted slightly and his lips parted as he half closed his eyes and moved in to kiss me but I put my hand in the way.
“Just one little kiss,” he begged, his breath hot against my skin. “I can’t wait any longer.”
He trailed the tip of his tongue up my middle finger before sucking it into his mouth. My senses collided and exploded, and I almost melted right there on the cold pavement.
“That’s still not playing fair,” I gasped, swaying against him.
“Who said anything about a fair fight? I’m your dirty little secret remember, so I’m prepared to use every dirty trick in the book to get you back. You may as well give in now and kiss me.”
But Radford wasn’t the only one who could be unscrupulous. I had a few underhanded moves of my own and I wasn’t afraid to hit him below the belt.
“I’m not going to kiss you here because, the first time I do, I promise it’ll be so horny, your bones will ignite.”
A sexy groan rumbled deep in his chest. “That could just be an empty threat to buy you some time.”
“Unless you think back to the first time I kissed you in chambers.”
“I often do.”
“And how much you wanted me then.”
“Enough to fuck you right there on the desk.”
“So imagine a kiss like that with a locked door and no idea where it might lead.”
He groaned again and swore under his breath. “Have you any idea what you’re doing to me right now? Please Allie. Come back to my apartment. I’ve had a hard on for days. I can’t think of anything else.”
“No.” Although I’d not been able to think of anything other than Radford’s body either, I pushed him away firmly, putting distance between us. “I’m not going to kiss you until I’m ready and I’m certainly not going to end up in bed with you for a long time.”
“How long?” Panic etched into his expression.
“Who knows? But as soon as you get me naked, it’s game over as far as I’m concerned. Your body’s like an addiction. And once
I taste it again, I know I’ll want you naked every minute we’re alone.”
A slow, sensual smile curved Radford’s unkissed lips. “Don’t let me stop you. We already know how much fun that can be.”
Which was the whole point for me. “My heart stops whenever I think about that weekend at Claridges,” I confessed. “But you’re talking about a relationship now. Falling in love. We need to make certain we’re as great together out of bed, as in it.”
“We will be.” He sounded so certain and I wanted to believe him so much. “If I don’t die of frustration in the meantime.”
“That’s one risk I’m prepared to take. Now find us a cab before I’m sacked again.”
Radford flagged one down on the main road and gave the driver the address of my office. As we pulled away from the kerb he took my hand and held it all the way back to the City, lacing his fingers with mine as though he never intended letting me go.
“How soon can I see you again?” he asked. “Tomorrow?”
“Soon,” I promised. “I’ll call you when I’ve had time to think.”
“Don’t make me wait too long.”
“I won’t. I can’t wait too long for you either.”
Predictably, Radford made the next move. First thing after the weekend he appeared at my office with the boots he’d retrieved from Aiden’s car.
“Special delivery,” he said when I went down to meet him in reception. “And at my hourly rate, I’m probably the most expensive courier in London.”
He gave me a sexy smile that hit somewhere between my eyes and dropped straight down to my pelvic floor, making my heart quicken. A couple of women passing through reception gave him admiring glances and tried to catch his eye, igniting the first flames of jealousy in me.
Perhaps I was already starting to think of him as mine again.
I realised I didn’t want him rushing away immediately. “If I made you a coffee, would we be square?” I asked, laughing when he pretended to think about it.
“Call it a down payment. What else are you offering?”
“I’ll let you see my file.”
“Is that a euphemism?”
“No, it’s a stack of papers relating to Aiden’s abandoned factory site in the East End. Take it or leave it.”
Radford laughed and opted to take it, following me into the lift. “Are there CCTV cameras in here,” he asked, slipping an arm around my waist and pulling me closer.
“Every angle’s covered. And besides…” I put my hand in the centre of his chest, feeling his body warmth through the fine fabric of his shirt, “…there aren’t enough floors in the building for me kiss you the way I want to.”
“I like the sound of that.”
So did I. More than I cared to admit and asked myself how much longer I could resist him.
In the conference room, Radford stripped off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and spread Aiden’s file out across my desk. My fingers burned to stroke the dark hairs shadowing his forearm, or slip in between his shirt buttons to tickle his stomach. As it was early morning, he was freshly shaved and showered, and smelled wonderful, although it would have been a lot of fun to crease his shirt and get him all hot and sweaty again.
Radford’s thigh rested against mine – deliberately, I guessed – and he began asking questions about the papers. I soon realised that, even if our love life foundered, our working relationship would always remain spectacular. Trading legal points with Radford was like an elaborate courtship ritual. The cut and thrust of his arguments a kind of intellectual foreplay and the biggest turn on.
“Do you know what this file needs?” Radford asked eventually, staring at my mouth as if imagining all the places on his body it had been. “It needs you spread naked across the paperwork with a hot barrister between your thighs.”
The same thought had occurred to me more than once over the last hour. “I’m not sure how Aiden would feel about that,” I said, running my hand up the inside of Radford’s leg but stopping well short of the danger zone.
“He’ll understand. He’s a man of the world. I think he’s already guessed there’s something between us.”
“Pity this room has glass walls then. Because right now, I really, really want to kiss you.”
“I dare you.”
Radford pulled my hand up and over his groin. His cock bulged and hardened under my fingers while my pussy tightened and tingled.
“Go on. You know you want to,” he urged. “Just one.”
But I wasn’t prepared to give in that easily and got up from the desk. The familiar excitement had begun bubbling all around my lower body and boiling up into my nipples which hardened against my lacy bra – a bra Radford had been trying to catch a glimpse of all morning.
“I can’t think straight with you in the room,” I said, trying to sound cross but wanting to pull him across the desk with his tie and kiss him to within an inch of his life.
“So have dinner with me tonight.”
“I can’t.” Yet again I had plans. “It’s a girlfriend’s birthday. We have theatre tickets.”
“Meet me for drinks afterwards.”
“Impossible. I’m living with her while my flat’s still rented out. She’ll have to travel back out to Islington alone.”
“Beforehand then.” Radford was nothing, if not persistent, but I doubted women refused him very often. “I’ll pick you up here at five-thirty. Come back to my apartment, change, have a glass of wine and I guarantee to drop you in Leicester Square before curtain up.”
“I don’t know.” I was sorely tempted but I could see how things could quite easily get out of hand once I was alone with Radford, leaving my friends standing outside the theatre.
“I won’t make a move on you. I promise,” he said, reading my mind. “But I’d really love to show you my apartment and have just half an hour alone with you.”
There was no way one of London’s top barristers was going to leave without getting his own way, so I gave in but attached conditions. “A glass of wine and that’s it?”
“There may be nibbles too.”
“What kind of nibbles?”
“Not the kind I’d like.” He grinned. “I’d say nuts but it might scare you off.”
He stared me down, a sexy smile playing at the corner of his mouth and my bones turned to water. I’d seen the look a hundred times; usually when he was lying beneath me and begging for sexual favours. I didn’t read anything different into his expression that afternoon.
“Anything more than a stuffed olive and I’m out of there,” I warned, hoping I could stick to my guns. My willpower always took a nose dive whenever Radford Byrne walked into the room.
Despite my misgivings, I found myself spending the entire day looking forward to Radford’s reappearance. He arrived late – not so late as to be rude but keeping me waiting long enough to make me think he might not show up. Disappointment was just setting in when he finally arrived and apologised beautifully.
“My hearing overran,” he explained. “Eventually I had to get to my feet and tell the judge I had a hot woman and a cold bottle of champagne waiting for me.”
“Did he fall for it?”
“No. But I’m hoping you will.” His eyebrows flicked up suggestively and he helped me on with my coat.
Once we were outside, Radford surprised me by taking my hand and holding it tightly during the short walk to his apartment. The stunning low-rise block sat right next to the Millennium footbridge linking St Paul’s cathedral with the South Bank of the Thames. Predictably, Radford owned the penthouse.
He opened the front door and I immediately stopped short; brought to a halt by the expanse of white marble, huge windows and a fourteen-seater dining table that looked lost in one corner of the vast room.
“This is spectacular,” I gasped.
I’d imagined Radford living somewhere contemporary and spacious but nothing prepared me for the apartment’s stunning interior nor its expansive views over darkened
London.
“I hoped you like it,” he said, opening the door onto a balcony that led to a terrace high above the shadowy river.
The cold, winter wind caught me off balance until Radford’s arms came around me, pulling me back against him as I took in the breathtaking view down the Thames.
“I’m so jealous,” I said, “when all I have is a tiny flat in Clerkenwell.”
Feeling me shivering, Radford lead me back inside, out of the cold. “They say Elizabeth Bennett fell in love with Mr Darcy once she saw where he lived.”
I laughed. “So this is your Pemberley?” Although there was a distinct lack of open-plan living space in Jane Austen’s novels.
“Not quite.” Radford liked the idea though. “Aiden designed and built it for me five years ago. As you might guess, he doesn’t do Georgian.” He helped me off with my coat. “Let me show you the rest of the place.”
A glass staircase led up to bedrooms, a study and a gym on the mezzanine level although Radford’s bedroom led off the main living area. He dropped my bag down onto the crisp, white bed linen that had featured so prominently in my fantasies. The room was minimalist and masculine, and came complete with the biggest bed I’d ever seen, plus a private sun terrace.
“For nude sunbathing,” Radford told me roguishly, before flicking a switch to bring down blinds so I could change. “I wouldn’t want to shock the neighbours.”
I imagined the number of seductions that had taken place on the terrace, or in the hot tub, and jealousy rose again.
“A real bachelor pad,” I thought out loud. “I suppose women just fall into bed with you after seeing all this.”
“They don’t,” Radford said quickly. “See this, I mean. I never bring women back here.”
“Why not?” Most men would capitalise on a penthouse overlooking the river. Not that Radford needed any help.
“Because, as you once reminded me, I like to get up, put my clothes on and leave the next morning. I wouldn’t want the awkwardness of women outstaying their welcome here. The apartment’s mine and I don’t share it with many people.”