by Exley Avis
“Stay over tonight and I guarantee there’ll be no time for sleep.”
And there rarely was after that. It was the happiest, sexiest, most exciting time of my life.
My minimalist interior gave way to Allie’s books, clothes and countless pairs of shoes. Cushions and throws appeared from nowhere, there were fresh flowers on the table, her toiletries took over the bathroom cabinet and my DVD player always had a chick-flick in it.
Never one to share my apartment, Allie set about organising spectacular parties to introduce her bonkers friends to my rather more staid ones, and the sight of my head of chambers dancing the Macarena with Allie will haunt me to my dying day. She cooked like an angel and our friends fought to be invited to dinner, the evening always ending with Allie and I abandoning the washing up in favour of sex on the worktops.
From being somewhere to lay my head, my apartment became the place I rushed back to at the end of the day and it felt like a home with Allie in it. For the first time since childhood, I had someone taking care of me and doing the little things I never thought to do for myself. The book I’d mentioned appeared next to my bed. When I ran out of aftershave Allie replaced it without me asking. Even though her own workload was crippling some weeks, she’d help me prepare my cases late into the night or at weekends, making me virtually unbeatable in court. I even found her in the laundry one day ironing my shirts.
“There’s no need for you to do that,” I told her, liking the way the steam from the iron flushed her cheeks. “That’s the housekeeper’s job.”
“I know.” She frowned and looked troubled. “Only I can’t bear the thought of another woman touching your clothes.”
“You’re crazy.”
“I know. Crazy for you.”
But just as she looked after me, I loved taking care of her too. It was exactly as Stephen had said: our relationship suddenly stopped being only about sex and passion and turned into me wanting to protect and care for Allie. If she was working late, I’d cook pasta and take it into the office for her. I gave her time and space to see her friends but always met her at the end of the night to see her home safely. I bought her a thicker coat for going out on site with Aiden and made room in my study for an extra desk so she’d have somewhere decent to work from home. I couldn’t do enough for her and, for the first time in my life, I gladly began putting myself second.
Therefore, when Allie came home one night looking pale and exhausted, I rushed to help her off with her coat.
“Are you okay?” I asked, feeling her forehead but there was no sign of a temperature.
“Fine,” she lied. “But I’ve had a really awful day and just want to collapse into bed. Do you mind if we don’t go out?”
I didn’t mind at all and cancelled the table before making her some tea and toast, and carrying them through to our bedroom. She’d snuggled down under the duvet and looked as ashen as the sheets. My lawyer’s instinct kicked in as I lay down beside her.
“Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?” I asked.
“Perfectly.” She managed a weak smile. “Except Aiden’s definitely buying out Zeus Developments. Because I’ve worked with them before, I’m excluded from the negotiations but I’m still terrified of coming face to face with Daniel Greene.”
My hackles rose at the thought of the man. “If he so much as speaks to you, I swear I’ll kill him this time.”
She laughed at my over-reaction and brightened slightly. “No need. I’ve already told my managing partner what Daniel’s like and Aiden will be protection enough – if ever we get hold of him. He says he’s taking time off in America but he’s being very mysterious.”
“Knowing him, he’s probably buying Texas or redeveloping Central Park.”
Nothing would surprise me about Aiden but I was more concerned with Allie than with his disappearance. I went to bed early too, curling myself around her and waiting for her to fall asleep. But she lay awake late into the night and was up early the following day, looking washed out and poorly.
“You need to stay in bed,” I told her, taking her temperature again. “Phone in sick.”
“I can’t.” She applied extra blusher to brighten her cheeks. “Too much work. I’ll be fine once the day gets going.”
But she wasn’t fine. Not for days, even though she tried to hide how ill she felt. The sparkle dropped from her, as did the weight, and her clothes hung off her. Then one morning I heard her throwing up in the bathroom and knew immediately she was pregnant.
Coward that I am, I left for chambers without saying a word, wanting to work out how I felt about impending fatherhood before Allie broke the news. Three days later, she still looked wretched, I hadn’t mentioned my suspicions and she’d completely withdrawn from me.
I couldn’t bear it and tried a hundred different ways to shake her out of her low mood but none of them worked. She stayed late at the office; arriving home too tired to do anything but fall into bed. Where once we’d talked for hours, Allie now stared sightlessly at the television or did paperwork after dinner. Even making love became infrequent and lacking passion.
Every movement, every gesture, every sleepless night told me Allie was struggling and I longed to lift the weight off her shoulders. To tell her I’d take care of her, no matter what.
But I didn’t want to put her under pressure. I guessed she was afraid to tell me the truth and had her own decisions to make about the baby. I loved and wanted her – the baby too – but I also respected Allie’s right to choose. Even though the thought of losing either of them drove me crazy.
I needed to talk it through and called Stephen Mercer to meet for drinks.
“How’s Allie,” he asked as soon as we sat down.
“Pregnant,” came my terse reply.
Stephen’s glass halted on its way to his mouth and he stared at me. “Christ. Not exactly planned, I assume.” He always had been the master of understatement. “How do you feel?”
I laughed grimly. “Ask me an easy question and we’ll work up to the difficult ones.” The thing was, I had absolutely no idea how I felt. Over the past three days I’d gone through every emotion from panic to excitement and back to panic again. “Numb. Scared. Delighted. But ask me again in five minutes and I might tell you something different.”
“What are you going to do?”
The effortless answer to this question had come to me a week ago when I’d heard Allie crying in her sleep and had pulled her into my arms to comfort her. “I’m going to propose.”
“What?” Stephen gulped down his wine and choked loudly. “Are you sure?”
“Never been more certain of anything in my life.”
“But you’ve known her less than twelve months. Been dating less than six. These days people don’t need to get married because there’s a baby on the way.”
I knew that. I’d already had this argument with myself countless times over the past week but it didn’t alter my decision. “Every time I see her she takes my breath away. She’s clever, funny, beautiful, loving. So perfect, I can’t believe she’s real most days and I can’t imagine life without her. She’s turned my empty apartment into a home, filled it with friends and laughter, and given me the kind of life I never knew existed. I don’t want that to end. I already know I want to build my life around her. What’s the point in waiting?”
Stephen blew out a long, slow breath. “London Bridge really is falling down. The capital’s most eligible bachelor handing in his little black book and getting married.”
“You think I’m making a mistake?” Stephen’s opinion wouldn’t change my mind but I’d have liked his blessing.
“Does she make you happy?”
“So happy it scares me. A year ago I didn’t even know she existed. Now I couldn’t exist without her.”
“And the baby?”
“Terrifies me.”
“Don’t worry. We’re all terrified.” With one daughter already and another child on the way, Stephen spoke from experie
nce. “Sally was the one who really wanted kids and I just went along with it. But it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. You won’t regret it. Trust me.”
I rushed to put him straight, afraid my friend would judge me. “I don’t regret it.” How could I regret this new life Allie and I had created from love? I felt a lot of things but remorse wasn’t one of them. “Truth is, I’m terrified Allie will resent me for making her pregnant.”
Stephen stared in disbelief. “For an intelligent man, you’re a raging fool sometimes. Why would she resent you?”
“Because she’s brilliant at her job. Her career means everything to her and she’s already lost it once because of me. Now I’ve got her pregnant just as she’s making a name for herself in the firm.”
“Lots of our female partners have children, I doubt it’ll affect her prospects. She won’t blame you.”
“Then why is she so withdrawn and staying late at the office?” I finally gave voice to my greatest fear and the words felt leaden in my throat. “She’ll either resent me for getting her pregnant, or she’ll decide not to have the baby and hate herself for making the choice. Either way, I risk losing her.”
“You’re overreacting.” Stephen gave me the kind of look he reserved for his less intelligent clients and took a deep breath. “You haven’t actually spoken to Allie about any of this, have you?”
He’d guessed right. I still hadn’t dared. “She hasn’t even told me she’s pregnant. I’ve just put two and two together.”
“And quite possibly come up with five.” Stephen refilled our glasses and looked like he was about to hand out the kind of advice clients don’t usually want to hear. “You’re an idiot, Radford. You’re having this conversation with the wrong person. You need to go home now and talk to Allie.”
“I know. But I wanted to get it straight in my own mind first. I recall a similar chat before you proposed to Sally.”
Stephen rolled his eyes at the memory and couldn’t resist a secret smile at the thought of his wife. “If an old married man gave you some relationship advice, will you take it this time?” he asked, pausing while I nodded because he knew I wouldn’t dare ignore him again. “I’ve never seen you this happy. Any woman who can curb Radford Byrne’s wandering eye has to be someone special. For what my opinion’s worth, Allie loves you – probably a lot more than you deserve – and I’d even risk saying she’s perfect for you.”
“So you think I should marry her?”
“Let her slip through your fingers a second time and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. You’ll never find anyone else who comes close.”
Stephen had suggested making a visit to Garrard’s jewellers before my proposal. “There’s no better insurance than a five carat diamond,” he’d told me as we’d left the wine bar. “Even the most reluctant bride’s swayed by some outrageous bling.”
Whilst I was happy to heed some of his advice, I knew Allie better and visited an ironmonger’s instead. A little less conventional but I hoped Allie would appreciate my romantic gesture.
I’d called her at work and said I wanted to take her to dinner at our favourite Italian restaurant on the South Bank. I arrived home slightly late to find her already wearing the red dress that looked so sexy on her, even though it now seemed a size too large.
“You look great,” I said, glad to see a sparkle in her eyes again. I kissed her hello and she melted into my arms as if she hadn’t seen me for a week. “I’ve missed you,” I said against her warm neck.
“I know. I’m sorry.” She slipped her arms under my jacket and pulled me close, her hands hot through my shirt. “I’ve had a lot on my mind but I’ll make it up to you tonight. Promise.” To show she meant it, she guided my hand down under the hem of her dress. “And unlike you, I keep my promises.” My fingers reached her bare thighs and her equally naked arse and I let out a low breath of excitement. “You promised to buy me some new, red knickers.” she reminded me. “But you didn’t so I’m forced to go out without them.”
I made a mental note to break my word more often. “How am I supposed to get through dinner knowing that?”
She squeezed my balls playfully and rubbed her palm along my already stiffening cock. “That’s your problem. Keeping my hands off you for the next three hours is mine.”
I changed in five seconds flat and we took the lift down to the ground floor. As soon as the doors closed, she slammed me up against the wall and kissed me just the way I liked it – hot, aggressive and refusing to take no for an answer. Had I not had something more important on my mind, I might have pressed the Penthouse button and headed straight back upstairs. But the conversation I needed to have with Allie couldn’t be put off a moment longer.
At eight in he evening, the Millennium footbridge joining St Paul’s to the South Bank was virtually empty; the commuter rush having died down an hour ago. It was my favourite time on the bridge – with the lights coming up over London, staining the Thames orange and gold, and the cathedral dome glowing against the darkening sky.
Half way across, we stopped and looked east along the river to Tower Bridge in the distance. To our right stood Shakespeare’s wood and thatch Globe Theatre in stark contrast to the ultra-modern Shard piercing the night sky. London was old and new. History and future. Enduring and yet reinventing itself over and over.
I wished as much for my relationship with Allie.
The evening breeze blew away the last of the day’s stresses and a feeling of deep contentment settled upon me. Sensing it, Allie slipped her hand into mine and rested her head on my shoulder.
“How could they ever think I’d be happy in Rome?” she sighed. “This is too much to leave behind.”
“Am I included in that?”
She looked up at me with those clear, green eyes of hers and I knew, without doubt, I was. “You’re everything to me, Radford. I could no more leave you than step off the edge of the world.”
I kissed her and felt her smile against my lips. “Have you any idea how much I love you?” I asked.
“I think so. But please don’t stop reminding me.”
I fished in my pocket and pulled out the padlock I’d bought that lunchtime at the ironmongers. I handed it to Allie with an indelible pen. “Put our initials on it,” I said.
Laughing, Allie wrote our names on the lock and drew a heart around them. With a flourish, she added an arrow and the date. “I saw this on the Ponte Milvio in Rome. Hundreds and hundreds of lovers’ padlocks attached to the bridge. I thought how wonderful it must be to love someone that much.”
“I love you that much,” I told her, clipping the padlock around one of the railings. “And a lot more besides.”
The padlock idea hadn’t caught on in London yet and ours was amongst the first to be left. I liked that this symbol of our love was so visible to anyone on the bridge. I handed Allie the key. She threw it into the river; a bright flash of brass before it disappeared under the steely surface.
“We have to stay together for ever now,” I told her. “It’s the law.”
“We better had then,” she agreed. “I’d hate for two lawyers to do anything illegal.”
“Especially when your name’s Lawless. You’d look guilty from the start.”
She slipped her arms around my neck and trailed her fingertips up across my cheek. Her beautiful, green eyes regarded me with so much love I felt humbled but I was more than ready to take on the responsibility for her heart’s safekeeping.
“I love you,” I told her again. “A year ago I hadn’t even heard your name and now it’s my favourite word in all the world.”
She sighed deeply and looked more relaxed than she had in a long while. “I don’t deserve you being so nice to me when I’ve been so awful recently. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to apologise for,” I told her. “But I’ve been worried about you.”
“I know. And I’m sorry for that too.”
“You’ve been so distant I began thinking you were
going to leave me.”
Her eyes flashed alarm and she rushed to reassure me. “I know what it’s like to live without you and I swear I wouldn’t choose that life again.”
It was exactly what I wanted to hear and, before she could say anything else, I launched into the most important closing argument I’d ever made, my heart pounding.
“Since the age of fourteen, I’ve spent every waking minute looking for someone to sleep with. But then I met you, and realised it was far more important to have someone wonderful to wake up to.”
“What we have together is more wonderful than I could ever have imagined.”
She smiled and melted against me but, instead of softness, I detected tension in her body. I sensed her secrets were forming behind her lips and held her tighter, silently letting her know I’d always love her and keep her safe.
“I have something to tell you, Radford,” she said eventually, her voice hesitant.
“No need.” Breaking all my own rules, I rushed to reassure her, not giving her chance to speak. “I know everything.”
She did a double take. “Who told you?”
“No one. I worked it out for myself. And I want to say that everything will be fine. I’ll look after you – both of you.”
“Both…?”
“You’ve changed my life, Allegra Lawless and I never want to let you go.” Taking her completely by surprise, I dropped down onto one knee. I held her hand, never thinking that a confirmed flirt like me would ever find himself proposing where the whole world could see. Oblivious to the passers-by who’d stopped to watch, I continued.
“I want to marry you and give our baby a name,” I said. “We can sell my apartment, buy a family house, get a nanny so you can go back to work if you want. I’ll be there to support you every step of the way – and every day in the future. I love you – love both of you. I want to be the most adoring husband and best father I can be. So would you do me the very great honour of becoming my wife?”
Allie looked down at me, her face ashen and her hand frozen in mine. I swear she’d stopped breathing but then, so had I.