by Alexa Davis
The whole room filled with a thick silence as we all remained in that awkward moment. In all honesty, I was more than happy for Olivia to come with us, but it wasn’t really up to me. She had to make that choice.
“But it’s a family thing, isn’t it? And I’m the nanny. I’m not really needed for a family vacation.”
Justine clung to her as if she couldn’t stand the idea of going anywhere without her. That was the first moment that I really saw the deep bond between them. It wasn’t just a usual nanny and kid relationship; there was some real love there. Whether she could see it herself or not, Olivia was becoming a part of the family.
“I want you to come,” Justine whined. “Please don’t let me down. I want you to be with us.”
Olivia gave me a bit of a hopeless look, but I happily shrugged at her. “Hey, this is Justine’s trip.”
“So, does that mean she can come?” Justine looked on top of the world. “Oh, Olivia, come.”
Upon my agreement, Olivia didn’t have anything else to argue. “Okay, yeah sure. I can come.”
She pushed herself upright and came over to me. Justine shot me a smug look as Olivia did because she had got her own way. Still, it wasn’t like it used to be, there wasn’t so much of a brattiness to it, just a satisfied smile. It made me laugh to myself because there was a connection there between my daughter and me. One that hadn’t ever been there before. That was thanks to Olivia and her incredible presence. If she didn’t come into our lives, then things would still be painful and uncomfortable. Justine and I needed her, more than both of us knew.
“Are you sure about this?” she hissed quietly to me. “Because I don’t think I can really afford it and I don’t want you to pay for me because that isn’t fair. I can just tell Justine that I can’t…”
Her words trailed off as she saw a dark look in my eyes. This wasn’t going to be me and her having a sexy weekend away, but now that we were, hopefully, a little more comfortable with the idea of hooking up, maybe it could feature a little bit. Since she wasn’t completely shutting the idea down, I had to think that maybe she was a little bit into it too. My heart raced with excitement at the thought.
“I will go and make arrangements now,” I told her quietly. “It’s going to be one hell of a trip, isn’t it?”
“Hmm, yeah.” Was it just me or did her face look blissful for a second then? “Okay, sure. If you’re sure, then I’m okay with it too.” A smile spread across her lips. “Hawaii, should be truly awesome, right?”
I left the room and walked into my office with a smug smile on my face. Hawaii with Justine and Olivia. Almost like a little family vacation. It was going to be very interesting. Coming back from Japan early had surprisingly turned out incredible for me. I didn’t expect any of this to happen, but now I was over the moon.
I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Holden’s number. I paced the room while I waited for him to answer. He usually napped after we got home from traveling, but maybe I had a chance.
“Hey there,” he answered sleepily. “What’s going on, Mark?”
“I just want to talk to you about going away…”
“Ah, shit! Things went really bad with the nanny? You might have to fire her now.”
“No, no,” I smirked to myself again. “Things went really well actually; this doesn’t have anything to do with that. I want to go on vacation with Justine and potentially Olivia as well. It’s a therapist thing.”
“Oh, right.” I knew that would get to Holden. Therapists and talking to people scared him in a ridiculous way. “Yeah, sure, you do what you got to do. The business is absolutely fine as it is. You can take time off.”
“Is there anything coming up that I need to work around? I know I could just check the schedule on my cell, but I haven’t been amazing at updating it recently, so I don’t want to screw up…”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed. You have been a little distracted lately… I guess it’s the nanny, right?”
I didn’t have any answer to that, so I just didn’t give one. “So, is there anything or not?”
“Nah, nothing that I can’t handle alone. I’ll be just fine. Don’t you worry about that. You just have a good time doing whatever the hell it is you’re doing at the moment.” He chuckled. “It sounds pretty crazy, but whatever. If it makes you happy, then so be it. You just carry on…”
“Thank you; I’ll keep you up to date with whatever plans I sort out, okay?”
“Yep, awesome. See ya later. Now you have to leave me alone for a while because I need sleep.”
“I know you do, and I’m sorry that I interrupted. It won’t happen again, honest.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he mumbled back. “Speak to you soon.”
I hung up the phone and smiled to myself, happy that everything was working out. Then I grabbed my laptop, and I turned it on, ready to book all the tickets right away. While we were all pumped about the idea, I figured it was best to sort it out now, or the idea might trail off, and we wouldn’t end up going.
I needed to go to Hawaii; we all did. I had a funny feeling that it would solidify whatever was to come next for all of us. Plus, getting Olivia away from real life and spending more time in the little bubble that we existed in would be awesome. Every time I got a release with her, it didn’t sate me enough. I needed more every single time. Perhaps a weekend or however long we could be away would help me with that.
Or maybe it would make me worse; by the time we got back, we would be even more obsessed with one another. Who the hell knew?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Olivia
Tuesday
What the hell is wrong with me? I thought to myself as I paused outside of Mark’s bedroom again. This moment was reminiscent of the night before when I crept to this exact spot in the middle of the night, and I stood with my hand poised, ready to knock. I knew where that knock would lead, he was so close that I could almost taste it, but at the last moment, I stopped myself. When Mark instigated it, I was almost blameless; what else could I do but cave to the incredible way that he made me feel? But if I made the first move… it would change things.
Luckily for me, he wasn’t in that room right now or I would have quite happily jumped into bed with him again. I could almost inhale his musky manly scent coming from that room, and it damn near consumed me. If I stayed there any longer, I would have probably ended up doing something incredibly dumb like wrapping myself up in one of his shirts. I was such a cliché. The younger nanny from a small town, addicted to the touch of an older, more experienced, wealthy man who made me feel alive again. It was crazy; I needed to be a little smarter.
And now there was this trip to Hawaii to contend with. How the hell was I going to navigate that one? It was challenging enough to be near Mark in New York. We couldn’t seem to resist slipping into the fantasy world then. How on Earth would we keep away from one another on vacation?
Well, we wouldn’t. That was the message I got from the intense eye contact that we shared during that conversation. It seemed that Mark was more than willing to have a little fun while we were there. Not exactly what I had in mind when I considered getting some space and sending them off on a family vacation, but I would have to make sure that I gave them that much needed time alone when we were there. Even if Justine begged me like she did last night. They needed to be father and daughter without me. The chance to explore Hawaii didn’t exactly hurt anyway. I hadn’t ever been there, and in all honesty, I wouldn’t get the chance to go again. It was somewhere that I’d always wanted to go, so I couldn’t turn down the chance while it was there.
I thought again about the look in Justine’s eyes when she asked me to go with them. Her desire to have me around was seriously intense. I found it a little overwhelming, especially since I did have other people who wanted me to work with them. Much as that idea was currently on the back burner, it was still there. With everything that was going on, it still might happen that I had to leave. The
last thing I wanted to do was break her heart.
“Thank God I’m getting out of here in a minute,” I muttered to myself while glancing at my watch. All of my emotions were becoming overwhelming. It wasn’t that I would be able to have a frank and honest discussion with Mrs. Stedman over the lunch that she had invited me to but escaping it for a moment and thinking about something else would help. I was on the verge of driving myself crazy with it all! Justine’s needs versus mine and Mark’s desires was an ongoing battle that raged and raced within me. Neither side was close to winning.
I wandered through the apartment, slowly straightening stuff out as I went. Images of Justine and me having a really good time along the way popped into my brain as I moved, sights of her laughing, sleeping, talking to me, telling me all about her new school friend… they all dug deep. I guess I was far too attached to all the family, which wasn’t healthy. Of course, that was an occupational hazard, I would have to be nuts not to know that, but I guess I never really considered how it would feel. In my previous job, there was always a distance between the children and me, mostly because I worked part-time, so this was my first real immersion. And I was in too deep.
Finally, the time came for my escape, and I honestly couldn’t wait to get out. I raced over to the elevator and allowed it to take me away from the mess of my own making. The bubble where nothing felt quite real.
“Oh, come in!” Mrs. Stedman called out excitedly to me as she saw me at the door. “How are you?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” My eyes flickered everywhere as I stepped inside her apartment. I knew quite a bit about Mrs. Stedman now, but it was still nice to learn more of her story. Her décor, the furniture she chose, the pictures hanging on the wall… they all told me a little more about her. “You have a really nice place here.”
“Well.” She shrugged a little bashfully. “It isn’t as big or nice as the one that you live in, but I love it. Me and my husband brought it with his Navy pension, and it’s always felt like home to me.”
“Is this your husband?” I pointed to the picture of a very handsome young man. “He looks lovely.”
“Actually…” She pulled out another picture of a gentleman in a Navy uniform. “This is my husband. That’s my son.” She ran her finger down the image of his face with tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. “He lives in England now, so I don’t ever get to see him. We talk every now and again, but I do miss him.”
“Oh!” Considering everything that I had sacrificed for my own parents, it seemed impossible for someone else to not even come to visit. Sure, it was far, but Mrs. Stedman was his mother! “I didn’t even know you had a boy.”
“No, I suppose I don’t talk about him much.” She looked all misty eyed, off in a dream world. “Because it hurts. I miss him so much. But he has his own family now, others that need him. He can’t be expected to come and see me all the time. Flights are far too expensive, and it isn’t like I’ve managed to get there for years.”
I had to clamp my lips together to stop the annoyance from spilling out. It really wasn’t my place to say; it wasn’t my family! But it made a lot of sense as to why she had become attached to Justine and me. It also showed me that I wasn’t right about her. She wasn’t cranky before, just lonely. Something that I could relate to well.
“Anyway, enough talking about me.” All of a sudden, Mrs. Stedman perked up, but it felt a little forced. I wished there was something that I could do to help her with what seemed to be a very strained family situation, but no immediate solution came to mind. “Let’s go and have some lunch. Would you like a coffee?”
I nodded and took a seat at her very quaint little dining room table. I could tell immediately that this was once a house for two but had since dwindled and become more feminine since her husband had passed away.
“So, are you going to tell me all the gossip then?” she asked me as she handed me a steaming coffee mug. “The chicken isn’t quite done yet so we might as well fill up the time with something.”
There was a definite twinkle in her eye, she was after something, and after the conversation that we’d just had I wanted to give it to her, but I couldn’t think what it was. “Gossip?” I asked curiously. “What gossip?”
“Oh, I don’t know. How about the “you and Mark” gossip.” She took a sip of her drink, keeping her eyes wide and innocent looking. “Such as how good he is in bed? Now that is something I definitely want to know!”
My blood ran cold. Hinting that there might be something between us like she did last time was one thing, but outright asking me was another. Had I somehow missed something? Maybe everyone knew? Perhaps Mark was getting a great deal of pleasure about telling everyone what was going on between us. “Erm, I…”
“Oh, stop panicking, you!” Mrs. Stedman burst out into laughter. “I have an intuition for these things. I can just pick up on it. I suppose it must be my age or something. So, are you going to tell me or not?”
My mouth opened, I willed some words to come out, but I didn’t get very far. “Erm, nught, I…”
“Oh, wow! That good he leaves you speechless, huh?” She winked at me. “Then why are you so worried about talking about it? It’s nothing to be ashamed of; my goodness, you go get some, why don’t you?”
“But he…” My voice was raspy, almost a whisper. “He’s my boss. It’s wrong, isn’t it?”
“Why is it wrong? Because you work for him? What difference does that make?”
As I lowered my coffee cup onto the table, I couldn’t help noticing that my hand was shaking like crazy. I hadn’t been expecting this third degree, and I had to admit that it threw me. “It’s wrong. Immoral.”
“Oh, my goodness!” she cackled at me. “Who on earth follows that sort of rule? If we did, none of us would ever fall in love, would we? No one meets people in a straightforward way.” I gave her a look, wondering if there was more to this story, which thankfully there was. “I was engaged to someone else when I met my husband.” I gasped, I couldn’t help it. “I know, I know, and of course, it was more of a scandal in those days. Being engaged actually meant something, which it doesn’t anymore. But the man who I had agreed to marry wasn’t right for me. My father liked him; he pretty much chose him for me, so I went along with it. I assumed that it was the right thing to do. But the moment I saw my Barry, everything changed. I saw him, and I just knew.”
I considered that statement for a moment. “But it wasn’t like that for Mark and me. I don’t even think it is now. We argue, we disagree on a lot of things. Just because there’s sexual chemistry…”
“The sexual chemistry is where it begins,” she assures me. “It isn’t where it ends, but that’s where it starts. And you argue because you care. Plus, you must not forget about the thin line between love and hate.”
I flickered my eyes downwards, unable to fully accept what she was saying to me. It all sounded very good, but I knew that it was still a dangerous road to go down. “But, what about Justine? I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Oh, wow. Justine wants you guys to fall in love, I’m sure of it. I’ve seen the way that she looks at you, and I’m sure that she would be more than happy to have you around forever.” Upon seeing my panicked face at the second mention of the L word, Mrs. Stedman backtracked a little bit. “But even if it isn’t that, you should still enjoy one another’s company because you seem to make one another happy. When you get to my age, you quickly learn that life is too short and the only things that you regret are the ones you don’t do.”
Those profound words hit me; I could feel them working their way around me and affecting me deeply. I had seen that life was too short as well. Maybe this was something that was just supposed to happen…
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mark
Wednesday
“Right,” I muttered to myself as I filed the last bits of paperwork into my well-structured system. “Done.”
I nodded to myself, knowing that at least Holden was ri
ght about one thing. We had things running so well that the business could pretty much manage itself by this point. Under the guidance of the managers, it was just fine. We did too much really. We’d worked for years, and now, if we wanted to, we could take a step back.
Not so long ago even the concept of taking a step back wouldn’t have entered my mind, not even as an abstract thought, but this was a new era for me and my life. Everything was different. Instead of seeing a deep void of nothingness when I thought about my life without the company, colors, ideas, and happiness came into my brain instead. It was still a little scary; I couldn’t do a complete one-eighty that rapidly, but the seed was there. Soon it would bloom if I allowed it to do so and the flowers could grow. It didn’t leave me cold, anyway.
“Hey,” Holden said as he peered his head around my office door. “Do you have a minute?”
“Of course, I do!” My face broke out into a grin. “After all the rants you’ve listened to! What’s going on?”
He took a seat and gave me a bit of a sheepish look. I didn’t know how to take it; he didn’t look like himself at all. He had a definite expression of guilt. Before he spoke, I tried my hardest to work out what that might be related to, but nothing instantly came to mind. Holden never did anything to cause trouble to anyone.
“You’re going to Hawaii tomorrow, aren’t you?” I nodded numbly. Maybe he was here to tell me that the company couldn’t cope without me after all. There was a chance that I was going to learn of some failings and I wasn’t sure I wanted that at all. “Yeah, I thought so. So, before you go I wanted to talk to you about Tokyo…”
“You’re going back?” I demanded. “But I thought that we were all set there. I assumed the business was done.”
“Oh, no. It is.” He nodded slowly, looking at me expectantly. “This isn’t a business trip. It’s personal.”
“Oh.” The penny didn’t drop, but I remembered his strange behavior just before we came home. With everything going on in my life I had almost forgotten to be curious about it. “I see. Erm… personal, how?”